批評Beijing Girl1的背後

這周在文學城上花了一兩個小時，值得記錄一下。現在越來越難寫點東西了。

應該是周三早上吧，讀了Beijing Girl1 (BJG)的《用愛送癡呆症男人, 走向歸途》一文。剛開始以為是BJG自己寫的，覺得構思不錯，讀到最後才發現是新書介紹。有幾處讀下來“礙眼”，事後證明礙眼處都是妖。

原本不準備評論的，多看了幾頁網絡評論，不少女士在給BJG打氣，我也擔心自己看走眼啊。有必要為幾周前的抵製呼籲多付出點努力了。如果BJG不是另有目的，而純粹是一個文學愛好者，值得這樣每天挨著罵還傻傻地寫嗎？也許我可以澄清一下呢。人就不能有目的，一有目的就把自己陷進去了。

幾個回合下來，我更相信那篇博文是某個英文書評的翻譯改寫稿，因為我讀到幾個書評有類似的英文描述。這也是我為何最後留言說譯著、轉載最好還是注明為好。說到底，我內心裏有什麽小九九呢？那就是，我想看看為什麽BJG為何不停地寫了刪（封）。我沒有答案，且待觀察。

網絡世界，我把我的內心透給你看！蒙田生活到現代，不知是否如我？

順便為各位讀者推薦一位文學城的牛人：姚順。那文字功夫，鑒賞力，目前他是我見過的第二人。

以下是我的留言，紅色為我的自白。

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暫不當您是大外宣，僅從寫作的角度提點批評：
（1）Arnold 是Uber司機嗎？“這次出行他們沒有叫他們慣常的 Uber 司機把他們送到肯尼迪機場。 他們不想和別人閑聊他們的行程。”兩句話中間似乎應該是分號才合中文文法。

我怎麽知道問是不是Uber司機？因為小說原文Arnold好像沒有說他是Uber司機。BJG後來在上述兩句話間改成逗號，加上“因為”就對了。我怎麽專挑這句講？因為讀起來不通順。

（2）博文第二段，抄襲wiki.

我怎麽知道是抄襲？因為原文這段有繁體字。

（3）“‘這是給你的’（for you）”，是(to you), 中文應該譯作“祝你健康”更合意。

這是給你的，這句話在這裏就莫名其妙，加上英文的for you更“其妙”。查原文是Here's to you。我後麵的“祝你健康”的建議有些武斷。“七月牡丹”的翻譯更貼切。

（4）“伴隨自殺”的原文是accompanied suicide，譯作“陪伴自殺”才合意。

“伴隨自殺”聞所未聞，聽起來像現在比較邪惡的網絡教唆犯罪。一查，才知英文的原文。

寫書評是一個不錯的主意，但每天一篇甚至幾篇的頻率，不可能寫好。我不是質疑您的能力，多就不會好，好就不能多，任何人都是這樣。再牛也隻能比別人好一點點，太過即是妖。您說是不是這個理？

苦口婆心，但幾個回合的討論下來，人家就是我行我素。到頭來還是隻能怪自己自以為是了。

全篇書評，如果不是大部分從別人的書評翻譯過來的話，整體構思不錯，有懸念。如果能寫上自己的評論，會更好。但我們不能苛求。謝謝介紹！

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下麵是原著英文節選，來自https://www.bookbrowse.com/excerpts/index.cfm/book_number/4409/page_number/2/in-love

In our Swissair pods, Brian and I toast each other, and we say, Here's to you, a little hesitantly, instead of what we usually say, Cent'anni ("May we have a hundred years," a very Italian toast). There is no Cent'anni for us; we won't make it to our thirteenth wedding anniversary.

......

For the trip to JFK, we didn't use Arnold, the guy who always drives our car to the airport and returns it to our driveway. Arnold's been driving us, and our kids and grandkids, for six years, and he has shared with us all about his love of motorcycles, his sobriety, and his wife's health issues, to balance, I think, all the information he has about us, whether he's wanted it or not. I could not bear to lie to Arnold about where we are going and I cannot bear to tell him the truth and I could not come up with a half-truth (the favorite technique of serious liars) about why we are going to Zurich in late January. For the skiing? For the ice fishing? For the Chagall windows in Fraumünster Church? I was afraid that Arnold would watch us sympathetically in the rearview mirror, and I could not bear it, for Brian's pride and my general soft-boiledness, and just as I could not bear any harshness at all, I didn't think I could take kindness, either. I wanted absolutely nothing, a blanket of indifference, and that was exactly what we got from the driver of our local limo service. He spoke once in the two-and-a-half-hour drive. Perfect.

原著文字真不錯，有讓人一直讀下去的吸引力。