您不能將玫瑰叢變成橡樹。
據《商業內幕》報道，為了解釋他從看著兩個女兒長大中獲得的見解，奧巴馬轉向了植物學的隱喻。
“它們是竹子，或者是橡樹，或者是栗子。它們都需要水，陽光和一些薄層色譜，但是它們的生長方式和步伐，何時發芽，何時開花， 因此，我們的女兒也有所不同，而且隨著年齡的增長，她們變得可識別。”他對聽眾說。
就像不同種類的植物需要不同類型的培育一樣，不同類型的人也需要不同地照顧。
“在育兒方麵，這意味著您實際上以相同的方式對每個孩子做完全相同的事情是沒有意義的。要想讓他們獲得相同的結果，就必須有公平性和公平性， 但我們必須與女孩們在某些事情上采取不同的策略，”他繼續說
=======================
Obama's not the only one using gardening metaphors to make this case. So does UC Berkeley developmental psychologist Alison Gopnik in her book The Gardener and the Carpenter. In it, Gopnik argues that many parents view themselves as carpenters, chiseling and sanding away at the raw material of their children to create whatever outcome they want. In this view, enough extracurriculars and SAT prep classes will shape your child into your vision of a successful adult.
But kids aren't raw material, Gopnik points out, referencing the latest research in her field. They're born with their own capacities and characters. You can't turn a rose into an oak tree, anymore than after school theater will turn your little introvert into a spotlight stealer. 奧巴馬並不是唯一一個使用園藝隱喻來證明這一觀點的人。 加州大學伯克利分校的發展心理學家艾莉森·戈普尼克（Alison Gopnik）的著作《園丁和木匠》也是如此。 格普尼克（Gopnik）在其中辯稱，許多父母將自己視為木匠，在孩子的原材料上鑿鑿和打磨，以創造自己想要的結果。 按照這種觀點，足夠的課外活動和SAT備考課程將使您的孩子成為成功成年人的願景。
Gopnik指出，但孩子不是原材料，她參考了該領域的最新研究。 他們天生具有自己的能力和性格。 您不能將玫瑰變成橡樹，就像在學校劇院將您的內向型小家夥變成搶奪者一樣
================
"What I found with my staff is, there's some people where I could be more blunt with, and some people, I have to be a little more, what do the girls call it, 'compliment sandwiches,' trying to wrap it around the criticism where you're like, 'You're wonderful. That was a terrible memo. I love you.' There's a little bit of that."“我發現我的員工是，有些人我可能會變得更加直率，有些人我必須多一點，女孩們把它稱為'讚美三明治'，試圖將其包裹在 批評你的樣子，“你很棒。那是一個糟糕的備忘錄。我愛你。” 有一點點。”
=================================
The latest insights from psychology suggest he's spot on.
Whether you agree or disagree with his politics, you have to give Barack Obama one thing: he certainly seems to have family life figured out. His marriage appears enviable, his personal life drama free, and his daughters look to be on the path to success.
Like all parents, the ex-President and his wife surely made plenty of mistakes with their daughters, but in general he's a guy I'd take parenting advice from. Interestingly, he recently offered some while speaking to data analysis company Splunk.
Not only will it make you better parent, but according to the latest insights from psychology, it will also make you a better leader.
You can't turn a rose bush into an oak tree.
To explain the insight he gained from watching his two daughters grow up, Obama turned to a botanical metaphor, Business Insider reports.
"They're a bamboo or they're an oak or they're a chestnut. They all need water, sunlight, some TLC, but how they grow and what pace, when the branches sprout, when they flower at any given time, it's just different. And so, our daughters were different, and as they got older, they became identifiable," he told the audience.
And just like different varieties of plants need different types of nurturing, different types of people need to be looked after differently too.
"What that meant was, in parenting, the idea that you do the exact same thing with each child the same way actually doesn't make sense. There has to be equity and fairness in terms of wanting them to get to the same outcomes, but we had to take sort of different strategies with our girls on certain things," he continued.
It doesn't seem radical to suggest that each child is unique and you should adjust your approach to accommodate their character and needs. But in today's world of helicopter parents, the point needs to be made not just that kids vary, but that parents can't - and shouldn't try - to shove their children into their particular mold for success.
Obama's not the only one using gardening metaphors to make this case. So does UC Berkeley developmental psychologist Alison Gopnik in her book The Gardener and the Carpenter. In it, Gopnik argues that many parents view themselves as carpenters, chiseling and sanding away at the raw material of their children to create whatever outcome they want. In this view, enough extracurriculars and SAT prep classes will shape your child into your vision of a successful adult.
But kids aren't raw material, Gopnik points out, referencing the latest research in her field. They're born with their own capacities and characters. You can't turn a rose into an oak tree, anymore than after school theater will turn your little introvert into a spotlight stealer.
A better way to view the whole project of parenting, according to Gopnik and apparently Obama, is to think of your child as a plant. Your job is to provide the best conditions to help that particular plant grow and flower. Shower them in love, guide them as best you can, but don't think you can change (or create) who they are. That's just a recipe for misery for everyone involved.
A lesson for leaders as well as parents
All of which suggests that Obama is dispensing pretty good advice to parents here (and also that the former bookworm-in-chief may have read Gopnik's book), but Obama takes the idea a step further, insisting the gardener mentality isn't just best for parents but for bosses too.
This parenting lesson is "actually a good leadership lesson" too, he claimed. "What I found with my staff is, there's some people where I could be more blunt with, and some people, I have to be a little more, what do the girls call it, 'compliment sandwiches,' trying to wrap it around the criticism where you're like, 'You're wonderful. That was a terrible memo. I love you.' There's a little bit of that."
Management experts might disagree with Obama about the effectiveness of the "s**t sandwich" feedback technique specifically, but the larger point holds. Your role as a leader, just like your role as a parent, isn't to shove people into whatever idea of "best practices" you've got in your head. What's "best" often depends on whom you're dealing with.
The best leaders, like the best parents, know they need to cultivate the people they have, rather than try to force them to become something they're not.
