1 請假 A Holiday from School
Tommy hated school and was always looking for excuses not to go.
If he sneezed, he asked his mother to write a note saying he had a cold.
If he had a headache, he asked his mother to take him to the doctor during school hours.
He spent more time at home than he did at school.
On the days that he did go to school, he looked for excuses to come home early.
One morning he came home when the lessons were only half finished.
His father was surprised.
"You've come home early," he said. "Is the school closed today?"
"No, Dad, " Tommy said - "It's open. I came home early.
"How did you do that?" his father asked him. "What did you say to the teacher?"
"I told her that I had a new baby brother and that I had to come home and help you."
"But your mother has had twins," his father said, "a boy and a girl. You've got a baby brother and a baby sister."
"Yes, I know, Dad, “Tommy said. "I'm saving up my baby sister for next week."
湯姆討厭上學，總是找借口不去上學。
如果他打噴嚏，他就叫他媽媽寫個紙條說他感冒了。
如果他頭痛，他就叫他媽媽在上課時間帶他去看病。
他呆在家裏的時間比在學校的時間要多。
在他的確去上學的日子裏，他就找借口早點回家。
一天早上他上了一半課就從學校回來了。
他爸爸很驚訝。
“你回來很早，”他爸爸問，“今天學校放學了嗎？”
“沒有，爸爸，”湯姆說，“還沒放學。我提前回來了。”
“你怎麽會提前回來了？”爸爸問，“你對老師說什麽了？”
“我告訴她我有了一個小弟弟，我得回家幫你。”
“但是你媽媽生了一對雙胞胎，”爸爸說，“一個男孩，一個女孩。你有一個小弟弟和一個小妹妹。”
“是的，我知道，爸爸，”湯姆說，“我要等下個星期再說我有個小妹妹了。”
2 聰明的兒子 Intelligent Son
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter, the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly."
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
一天,父親讓8歲的兒子替他發封信.兒子跑了,父親才想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。
兒子回來後,父親問他:"你把信丟進郵筒了嗎?"
"當然。"
"你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?"
"我當然看見信封上什麽也沒寫。"
"那你為什麽不拿回來呢？"
"我還以為你不寫地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰呢!"
3 我飯後從不工作 I Never Work after Supper
A penny-pinching farmer didn’t want his hired hand to stop working. One morning, he told the farmhand, “It’s such a nuisance to come in from the field, wash up for lunch and take time to eat. Why don’t we save time and eat lunch now?”
The hired man agreed. The farm’s wife brought in some cold meat and fried potatoes, and the two men ate again.
When they had finished, the cheap farmer said, “While we’re still at the table, let’s have supper too.” They were now served steak, boiled potatoes and mixed vegetables, and they ate once more.
“Now that the meals are out of the way,” the farmer announced, “we can go out and work all day without interruption.”
“Oh, no,” the farmhand answered. “I never work after supper.”
一位農場主非常吝嗇，不想讓他雇傭的幫手停下來休息。一天早上，他對幫手說：“從地裏回來，又要洗手吃飯，又花時間，真是太不方便了。我們何不省點時間，現在就吃午飯呢？”
雇員同意了。農場主的妻子端進來一些冷肉和油炸土豆。於是，兩個人又開始吃起來。
吃完後，吝嗇鬼說：“既然我們還在桌子邊，讓我們連晚飯也吃了吧。”這次上桌的有排骨、煮土豆和雜燴青菜。於是兩個人又吃起來。
“現在三頓飯都吃過了，”農場主宣稱道，“我們便可以出去一整天不停地幹活了。”
“哦，不，”那幫手回答說，“晚飯後我從不工作。”
4 誰最懶 Who Is the Laziest
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶？
湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父親：啊，不對，你知道！想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，隻是看人家做功課？
湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
5 上班遲到 Late for work
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
一個家夥上班遲到了。老板嚷道：“你應該8:30已經在這裏了！”他回答說：“為什麽？8:30發生什麽了？”
6 感到難過 Feel sorry
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why.
我為不喝酒不吸毒的人感到難過。因為有一天，他們會在醫院的病床上，奄奄一息，他們卻不知道為什麽會這樣。
(from internet)
