1 也許這個名字管用 Maybe This Name Works
During the college speech course I taught, I spoke about a Chinese student who, after moving to the United States, decided she wanted an English name to honor her new home. "She chose the name Patience," I told the class, "because she wanted to be reminded to be patient. Every time someone called her name, the message was reinforced." I asked the students what names they would select for themselves. After considering the question, one young man raised his hand and said, "Rich."
我在大學教演講課程時，我談到一位中國學生，她在來到美國後想起一個英文名來紀念她的新家。她選擇了耐心這個名字，我跟課堂上的學生說，因為她想別人提醒她要有耐心。每一次有人喊她名字的時候，這個信息就會被強調一次。我問我的學生他們想給自己取一個什麽樣的名字，他們琢磨了一會，一個男生說“發財”。
2 繼續開我的卡車 Keep Driving My Truck
With several years of Army National Guard duty under his belt, my roommate applied for officer training. But his lifelong dreams were dashed after he failed the eye exam.
"That's too bad," I sympathized. "Does that mean you now have to quit the Guard entirely?"
"No, I get to keep my old job," he said. "Driving trucks."
依仗著在陸軍國家護衛隊服役的幾年經驗，我的室友提交了參加軍官培訓的申請。但他的畢生夢想在視力檢測未通過後破滅。
“太糟了”，我同情地說。“這是不是意味著你完全不能再在護衛隊工作了？”
“這倒不是，我還是幹我的原來的工作”，他說。“開卡車”。
3 我輸了 I Lost
It was at a five o’clock tea. A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness．
“So good of you to come, Mr. Jones, and where is your brother？”
“You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could comeso we tossed up for it.”
“How nice! And so original， too！ And you won？”
“No,” said the young man absently, “I lost.”
五點鍾的一個下午茶，一個年輕人因為遲到向主人致歉。
“您能來可真好，瓊斯先生，您的兄弟呢？”
“您知道我們在辦公室裏有非常忙，我們倆隻能來一個，所以就擲幣來決定由誰來。”
“太有意思了！還那麽有獨創性！那您贏了？”
“不，”年輕人心不在焉地說, “我輸了。”
4 我還贏著呢 I'm still winning
There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up. "Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh! I'm still winning."
有一個年輕漂亮的金發女郎恰好在一個商人到達自動售水機來解渴之前先到了那裏。她打開她的錢包，放入機器50美分，研究了一下機器，按了健怡可樂選擇，取代她放入的錢一瓶健怡可樂掉了出來。然後她在她的錢包再次掏出一塊錢並將其插入到機器中。認真研究了一下機器，她按下可口可樂的按鈕，一瓶可口可樂和50美分的找錢掉了出來。她立即拿出50美分放入機器，研究了一會兒，按下了激浪按鈕。一瓶激浪掉了出來。當她又把手伸進錢包，已耐心等待了好幾分鍾的商人現在開口了。 “對不起小姐，你完了沒有？”她看著他，憤怒地說：“嗨！我還贏著呢。”
5 我可以站在任何一方 I'll Take either Side
A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, "I saw the whole thing. I'll take either side."
一個律師走在街上時看到了一場車禍。他衝了過來，開始分發名片，並說：“我看到了整個事情，我可以為任何一方辯護。”
6 額外的分數 Extra Points
After some years of medical practice, a gynecologist decided it is time for a career change, and so enrolled in a course on auto mechanics. The final exam, which was worth 200 points, consisted of disassembling and reassembling an engine. The doctor passed the test with a score of 300. Puzzled by this, the doctor asked the instructor for an explanation. The instructor said, "Well, you're quite an outstanding student. I gave you 100 points for correctly disassembling the engine and 100 points for correctly reassembling it, and I gave you an extra 100 points for doing it all through the exhaust pipe."
若幹年後的醫療工作後，婦科醫生決定是時候轉行了，於是報名參加了一門汽車修理的課程。期末考試滿分200分，包括拆卸和重新組裝發動機。這位醫生通過測試並得到了300分。帶著不解醫生請求老師解釋。教官說：“嗯，你是一個相當優秀的學生，100分是正確拆卸發動機，100分是重組它，我給你一個額外的100分，是你在排氣管裏完成了這一切。”
(from internet)
