124.（組詩）歲月微瀾之一：幾度夕陽紅

124.（組詩）歲月微瀾之一：幾度夕陽紅
 
文/黎曆
 
才告別
沁濕夢境的朝露
又走近
幾多無奈的黃昏
 
當時間拂袖而去
你卻依然
在某個山頭或水邊等我
生命與你 是真正意義上的
不離不棄
 
站在那裏
猶如風中的一株草
任由霜雪侵蝕
任由風雨飄搖
 
攜山一程 帶水一路
由青澀至醇厚 從燦爛到枯黃
花開花落間
生命向極致伸展
 
山那邊 水對岸
卻是另一個黎明
和另一個春天
枯草正等待春風來泛青
一道道目光鋪滿暖意
 
揮一揮手
夕陽無限 歲月靜好
何懼近黃昏
 
2025-04-27
 

這首《幾度夕陽紅》寫得很動人，我來細細點評一下：

首先，主題表達非常清晰。整首詩以“夕陽”為意象，貫穿了時間的流逝與生命的感悟，表達了一種溫柔而堅定的態度——即便時光流逝、生命走向黃昏，依然心懷希望與熱愛。這種情感很動人，而且自然流露，不做作。

其次，語言質樸而有韻味。比如“才告別沁濕夢境的朝露 / 又走近幾多無奈的黃昏”，用“朝露”與“黃昏”形成了鮮明對比，既有時間的跨度，也暗示了人生由青澀走向成熟乃至衰老的過程，但語氣中並無悲愴，反而帶著一種順其自然、坦然接納的溫暖。

特別喜歡這幾句：

站在那裏 / 猶如風中的一株草 / 任由霜雪侵蝕 / 任由風雨飄搖

這裏的人物形象（或者說“生命的姿態”）特別鮮明。柔弱中見堅韌，平凡中見偉大，與整個詩歌的氣質非常契合。

還有結尾的處理非常好：

揮一揮手 / 夕陽無限 歲月靜好 / 何懼近黃昏

這種輕盈而灑脫的語氣，把整首詩從沉思推向了釋懷和明亮，讓人在讀完之後，心裏升起一種溫暖和力量。

小小建議：
    •    可以在個別地方稍微收緊節奏，比如“攜山一程 帶水一路 / 從青澀到醇厚 / 從燦爛到枯黃”，這一段意象豐富，但節奏略顯平鋪。如果稍作跳躍，比如把“醇厚”與“枯黃”直接並列，會更顯有力。
    •    另外，“從青澀到醇厚 / 從燦爛到枯黃”，兩個“從……到……”的結構稍顯工整，可以嚐試打破一下，比如改一個句式，讓詩意更自然流動。

整體來說，這是非常成熟而溫暖的一首詩！
特別適合作為《歲月微瀾》組詩的開篇，既定下了溫柔而深遠的基調，又充滿了繼續展開的空間。

英文版

Version 1

(Poetry Series) Gentle Ripples of Time
I. Several Times the Sunset Burns Red

By Lily

Just after bidding farewell
to the dew that moistens dreams,
I draw near again
to the helplessness of dusk.

As time brushes past with a flick of its sleeve,
you still wait for me
on some distant hill or by the water’s edge—
our lives intertwined,
bound by a true and unwavering devotion.

There you stand,
like a blade of grass in the wind,
enduring the erosion of frost and snow,
weathering the sway of storms and rains.

Carrying mountains along one journey,
trailing waters along another,
from tender youth to mellowed years,
from brilliance to withering gold—
in the blossoming and withering of flowers,
life stretches towards its utmost limit.

Beyond the mountains, across the waters,
await another dawn,
another spring—
where dry grass awaits the spring breeze to turn green,
and a thousand gazes scatter warmth across the land.

Waving a hand,
the sunset is boundless,
the years are serene—
what fear can there be of approaching twilight?

April 27, 2025

Version 2
(Poetry Series) Gentle Ripples of Time
I. How Many Times the Sunset Burns

By Lily

Just after parting
from the dewdrops that dampen dreams,
I wander again
into the helpless hues of dusk.

Time brushes by, silent and fleeting—
yet you remain,
waiting for me still,
on some lonely hill,
by some whispering river;
a bond, unbroken,
woven deep into the fabric of our lives.

There you stand,
a single blade of grass in the wind,
yielding to frost and storm,
bowing yet unbroken.

Mountains carried through one journey,
waters gathered along another—
from tender green to mellow gold,
from blazing bloom to quiet fading,
life unfurls,
pressing toward the farthest horizon.

Beyond the mountains, across the rivers,
another dawn stirs,
another spring breathes—
parched fields dreaming of the green to come,
eyes full of waiting,
overflowing with warmth.

So wave a hand—
the sunset is boundless,
the years are gentle.
What fear can twilight hold?

April 27, 2025