The Seven Deadly Cat Sins

今天在Pet magazine上看到這個，挺可愛的，type下來留個記錄

The Seven Deadly Cat Sins
by Deirdre Coleman

Those of use who love and live with cats probably imagin we know our feline companions pretty well. We feed, groom and pamper them adn, for the most part, we do a reasonable job. But, based on my recent research, it would appear that we could do a lot better, and many of us are unwittingly committing cat sins of a very serious nature. My resident Abyssinian, Baci, agreed to compile this list of the Seven Deadly Cat Sins in order that cat-lovers everywhere could strive to better serve their felines.

Greed
I reserve the right to access any room or area, inside or out, at any time of the day or night, as frequently as I please. Closed doors are simply unacceptable. Should I encounter one, I will demand loudly and repeatedly for it to be opened. I frequently feel the need to move from room to room during the pre-dawn hours and while you are watching television. In the absence of a suitable cat-flap, when I need to go outside, I may choose to stand partway through the door while I contemplate the universe. Irrespective of the polar blast or mosquito swarms coming inside, you must continue to hold the door open, awaiting my final decision.

Gluttony
Canines are simple-minded creatures that will eat anything, whether it's in their food bowl, on the floor or in the rubbish. we felines have infinitely more refined palates and our meals must be prepared to the highest standards. Only the best-quality cat food will do. Dish up a low-cost brand and I'll be forced to express my disgust by puking it right back up on the lounge-floor rug. and never serve my dinner straight from the fridge - warm it to 'freshly killed' temperature and I might deign to eat it. If you're late with a meal, I'll be obliged to weave myself around your legs, constantly getting underfoot until you trip over me and apologetically spring into action.

Sloth
It is our God-give right as cats to sleep as long and often as we desire. Some might call us lazy. They are simply jealous, and if they persist in such uncharitable thoughts towards us, they will never reach the karmic heights we have attained. It is extremely bad luck to wake or move a sleeping cat, irrespective of how desperately you need to access the keyboard, newspaper, sleeve, homework or black woollen item of clothing on which we are slumbering. We may be small in size but we know that it is our duty to occupy as much of your king-size bed as we are physically able. We take this task very seriously indeed.

Envy

Under no circumstances should you expect me to welcome a new pet into my home without the utmost of fuss. Should I awake to find that Joey the Budgie, Goldie the Fish or Bruce the Boxer have taken up residence in my house without my prior knowledge, they certainly won't be getting a welcome party or a tour of the grounds. It will mean only one thing - war. And not some bomb-'em-and-be-gone operation. Oh, no. It will be long, sustained and stealthy, and there willb e casualties. Goldie, watch your back, my finned friend. Bruce, prepare for some serious hissing and nose swatting!

Pride
Proof of the sheer stupidity of dogs is the slobbering eagerness with which they'll agree to wear a ridiculous pair of antlers or rabbit ears just to help their owners celebrate a festive occassion. Humans, adults and children alike, be warned - those who attempt to dress us felines up in dolls' outfits or decorations of any kind risk losing some skin. While the uber-indulgent of our kind might temporarily tolerate such undignified garb, the vast majority of felines will either flee in horror at such humiliation or seek their revenge later by using your new lounge suite as a scratching post.

Wrath
So the family's off the the Gold Coast? How lovely! That leaves me...in the cattery! Yes, you'll tell the kids : "Baci's going to the cat hotel to have a lovely holiday with her friends." Blow it out yer ear! Do you have any idea what my life is like whil you're sunbathing and touring Sea World? I have to co-habit with strangers, eat the slop they serve or starve, and then spend the night in lock-down! Just wait till you get back - I'll be puking all over the rug and maybe even on the bed. Don't mistake my purring and leg-rubbing for affection, I'm just gainin gyour trust while I plan my revenge.

Lust
There are times when I like to make myself pretty and go out at night to meet up with teh boys. I'm a hot-looking feline, so it's not surprising therea re so many Romeows hanging around wanting to spend some time with me. And when my hormones start talking, it's pretty hard to fight those natural urges. OK, so we might make a little noise once in a while, but that's certainly no reasonto start hollering at us or trying to put an end to our amorous nocturnal yowling by spraying my guys with the hose - good way to really ruin the mood!