美國法律人神平等，上帝照樣成被告

在中國，法律的概念可能帶著"犯什麽別犯罪、要什麽不要被人告"的威嚴，但在美國，"法律麵前人人平等"，法律除了尊嚴外，各類訴訟案例經常千奇百怪，讓人忍俊不禁。這不，就算是上帝也一樣被人告。

Ernie Chambers是內布拉斯加的州參議員，是位有著35年立法經曆的老議員。這位立法老人深知法院的大門應該對所有人敞開，但近來有些參議員們時不時要提法律議案，企圖用法律來禁止一些特別類型的訴訟案發生。對此，Chambers老先生動了"肝火"，認為這違反美國法律宗旨，於是他啟用妙招: 告上帝，以此證明美國法律容許任何人告任何人，包括上帝 -- 我連無處不在無所不能的上帝都告，看你還怎麽限製其他人訴訟。

美國人對上帝懷著虔誠敬愛，但也時常拿他老人家開涮。

在這起案例中，Chambers是原告，上帝是被告。首先該案認可上帝有著各種名稱、別名、頭銜、以及尊號(God, Lord, Mighty Power, Almighty, Creator, Father, Jehovah, King of kings, ... you name it)，也承認上帝無處不在(omnipresent)。但該案原告要求法院出台法令，命令上帝停止一切有害行為，不再製造恐怖威脅。

美國人的扯淡也沒個完，要法院命令上帝，法院比上帝還能耐?  "恐怖"是現如今美國的時髦詞，連上帝都被懷疑成"恐怖"分子了?  看來政治上的"活學活用"並非中國人的專利。

接著原告還跟玩真的似的，要考慮本案的特殊性，同意免除被告親自出庭(waive personal service)。理由是既然上帝無處不在，他就能夠對本案了如指掌，出不出庭一個樣。

出庭可免，但羅列上帝罪狀一條也不能少。美國是個"one nation, under God"，星條旗下美利堅合眾國宣言，人人都這麽說。上帝派耶穌來拯救人類，美國是"天子之國"，受到上帝的特殊眷顧，怎麽Chambers老頭兒還敢對上帝"大不敬"，真是大膽賊人一個。不僅犯"大不敬"，而且還罄竹難書般地列舉上帝恐嚇人類的斑斑劣跡，好像無所不能的上帝，恐嚇起人來也是無所不能。列數的罪狀五花八門，像戲詞一樣精彩，也是學習英文詞匯的好材料:

fearsome floods = 讓人膽怯的洪水,
egregious earthquakes = 危害巨大的地震,
horrendous hurricanes = 肆意發威的颶風,
terrifying tornadoes = 令人懼怕的龍卷風,
pestilential plagues = 死神纏繞的瘟疫,
ferocious famines = 慘不忍睹的饑餓,
devastating droughts = 嚴重的幹旱,
genocidal wars = 殺戮人類的戰爭,
birth defects = 無辜胎兒的出生畸形

等等等等，中文一時還真難有這麽多新鮮詞兒用來描述這些上帝製造的各個門類的大災大難(calamitous catastrophes)。跟繞口令似的把人類所經受過的災難盡數扣在上帝老兒頭上。

Chambers沒完沒了數落上帝，不僅用這些災難恐嚇人類，而且沒有同情心也不見有絲毫悔改。原告甚至聲言，災難發生時上帝還會嘲笑人類。

按原告所訴，上帝的行為嚴重危害了人類，包括他所屬選區內的子民。既然涉及到他選區子民的利益，他的職責所在就不能不管。因此，他要為民鼓與呼。Chambers要替民請願，便一本狀紙將上帝參到法庭。

鑒於事態的嚴重性，原告要求法庭盡速舉行聽證，然後頒布法令，永久禁止上帝從事上述那些對人類的有害活動、停止對人類恐嚇威脅。

這案子聽起來是夠邪呼的，可美國大法平等為本，也不能立某條某款禁止人們控告上帝不是!  既然沒有禁止告上帝，那自然就會有人"大膽妄為"。現在，Chambers在當地法院對上帝發難，看起來是a point that should be well taken by court。但難題留在了法院，有人遞訴狀法院就得受理，Chambers的訴訟還真有點有理有節，除非有理由能夠合法正當地拒絕立案。

Chambers有Chambers的理，法院也有法院的道，要不這美國法律笑談就難以為續了。美國法律既有威也有笑話，但更多的是繁文縟節。在內布拉斯加州法的某處犄角旮旯裏，規定被告必需要有合法地址。然而上帝沒有合法地址，也就是說，上帝在內布拉斯加州無法成為被告。既然Chambers的案子沒了被告，自然也就無法立案。

"告上帝"在"美國法律之最"中也能算上一條。下麵附Chambers告上帝和法院不予立案的兩條新聞，其中的英文詞匯和法理用語花樣不少。

(告上帝新聞)
OMAHA, Neb -- State Sen. Ernie Chambers is suing God. He said on Monday that it is to prove a point about frivolous lawsuits.

Chambers said senators periodically have offered bills prohibiting the filing of certain types of suits. He said his main objection is that the constitution requires that the doors to the courthouse be open to all.

"Thus anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody -- even God," Chambers said.

Chambers lawsuit, which was filed on Friday in Douglas County Court, seeks a permanent injunction ordering God to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats.

The lawsuit admits God goes by all sorts of alias, names, titles and designations and it also recognizes the fact that the defendant is omnipresent.

In the lawsuit, Chambers said he's tried to contact God numerous times.

"Plaintiff, despite reasonable efforts to effectuate personal service upon defendant 'Come out, come out, wherever you are,' has been unable to do so,'" Chambers said.

The suit also requests that the court, given the peculiar circumstances of this case, waive personal service. It said that being omniscient, the plaintiff assumes God will have actual knowledge of the action.

The lawsuit accuses God "of making and continuing to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons, including constituents of Plaintiff who Plaintiff has the duty to represent." It says God has caused "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects and the like."

The suit also says God has caused "calamitous catastrophes resulting in the wide-spread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants including innocent babes, infants, children, the aged and infirm without mercy or distinction."

Chambers also says God "has manifested neither compassion nor remorse, proclaiming that defendant will laugh" when calamity comes.

Chambers asks for the court to grant him a summary judgment. He said as an alternative, he wants the judge to set a date for a hearing as expeditiously as possible and enter a permanent injunction enjoining God from engaging in the types of deleterious actions and the making of terroristic threats described in the lawsuit.

(法院不予立案新聞)
LINCOLN, Neb. - A judge has thrown out a Nebraska legislator's lawsuit against God, saying the Almighty wasn't properly served due to his unlisted home address.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers filed the lawsuit last year seeking a permanent injunction against God. He said God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

Chambers has said he filed the lawsuit to make the point that everyone should have access to the courts regardless of whether they are rich or poor.

On Tuesday, however, Douglas County District Court Judge Marlon Polk ruled that under state law a plaintiff must have access to the defendant for a lawsuit to move forward.

"Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice," Polk wrote.

Chambers, who graduated from law school but never took the bar exam, thinks he's found a hole in the judge's ruling.

"The court itself acknowledges the existence of God," Chambers said Wednesday. "A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God's omniscience."

Therefore, Chambers said, "Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit."

Chambers has 30 days to decide whether to appeal. He said he hasn't decided yet.

Chambers, who has served a record 38 years in the Nebraska Legislature, is not returning next year because of term limits. He skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians.