英語小鮮(33): 門捷列夫遺漏的元素

元素周期表(Periodic Table of the Chemical Elements)是由俄國科學家門捷列夫(Dmitri Mendellev)首創於1869年。門教授(聖彼得堡大學)從小就聰明，出生時他是家中17個孩子中的老麽，年輕時攻讀化學，在35歲的年頭上就排出了由63個元素組成的周期表。但化學發展到百年之後的今天，周期表上的元素已列了117個，與之相比，門教授漏了55個元素。

我這純屬賣弄! 英特網它就是好，什麽學問都可以從網上抄來。坦白講，自大學至今我都是搞偽科學的，對科學當然是一竅不通。今天辦公室同事送來一個英文帖子，大意是說還有一個古老的元素早就該列在周期表中但始終被人遺忘。我把這英文帖子抄錄如下，煩請有興趣的化學專業人士幫忙將這元素的名稱以及它的物理化學特征等等翻譯成中文。

Element: Woman
Symbol: ♀
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg, but known to very from 45kg to 225kg

Physical Properties:
1. Body surface normally covered with film of powder and paint
2. Boils at absolutely nothing ━ freezes for no apparent reason
3. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore

Chemical Properties:
1. Reacts well to gold, platinum and all precious stones
2. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning
3. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common Use
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can greatly aid relaxation
3. Can be a very effective cleaning agent

Hazards:
1. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.
2. Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact.

注:  我隻是抄錄，如你不喜歡盡管批判。