You have already done a wonderful job. You expressed exactly what I want to say about language learning – “content always outweighs form”, only in a better way. It seems that I went a bit overboard on nitpicking your writing yesterday. Bummer~ Am I also making a fuss over the superficial stuff exactly as you’ve accused in the article? Sorry about that.:)
Actually, I was on call yesterday. It was a quiet day, not much work. Guess I had too much time to bide. "Next time, remember to bring a magazine." Register a mental note for myself. :)
To be frank, I hadn’t so carefully read through an article for a long time that I got a little carried away by this read proof thing. But believe me, my intention was good. I was not trying to embarrass you or something cuz I would end up getting myself embarrassed if I did that.
Besides a couple of grammatical errors, most of the things I listed there are not grammar related because firstly you are almost a grammar-mistake-proof gal (that I envy a lot :)) and secondly I feel that the writing bar should be set very high for a sophisticated writer like you. At this stage, it’s not about if this sentence is right or wrong. It is about “ can you make it more concise?” or “can you express it smoother and better?”
Take the first sentence for example. Before you revised it by using “, which” to separate the clause from “new generation”, it took me more than 3 seconds to sort it out although basically there are no grammatical errors :)
Original one
In order to make the point that the new generation that was born into the digital age and grows up with computer, Internet and social media is very different from those of us who have “learned” or “adapted to” the new technology,
Your revised one:
In order to make the point that the new generation， which was born into the digital age and grows up with computer, Internet and social media,
Your hubby's suggestion makes the sentence much clearer and it looks so effortless. My rewriting may not be good due to my limited English knowledge but I can tell the original one is a little confusing or bumpy since you get “two that clauses” so closely up there.
BTW, It is very hard to handle clause within clause well. I tend to write very entangled sentences. It took me quite some time to realize that kind of complexity is not cool. Still old habits die hard for me.
Once again, due to my limitation, I think I will stick to grammar related issues from now on during my reviewing. Instead of forcing my own interpretation or ideas upon others, I will try my best to respect your (and also classmates') original meaning and sentence structures unless they are obviously out of place. That is the reason I am so lousy at translation because I always add my own stuff into it.
Last but not the least, I will cross out the “split my sides” from my idiom list since it is outdated.
No hard feelings. Thanks again.
