9.6-9.9 迷惑 Muddles

目錄 Catalog：9.6 迷惑 Muddles；9.7 社會環境 Social Environment； 9.8 把工程作壞 Job Rip；9.9 覺思失調 Schizophrenia

9.6 迷惑 Muddles

事例六 Case 6

我們公司有數百個市政的工程項目。我認識很多市政工程監理，他們互相議論我。一次，市政監理甲當著我的麵告訴他的和我不熟的同事：這個盧岩，可不是一般人物。他幹活，幹什麽樣就是什麽樣！你千萬別打電話到他們公司抱怨。”

我和新監理都不明白，問：為什麽？

監理甲說： “他們老板對待他（說我呢）就像對待親兒子似的；有人說，比親兒子還親。”

這我們就更不明白了，繼續問。

Our company has hundreds of municipal engineering projects. I know many municipal engineering supervisors, and they talk about me. Once, Municipal Supervisor A told his colleague who I didn’t know well in front of me: This Lu Yan is not an ordinary person. He works the way he does! You must not call their company to complain. "

The new supervisor and I didn’t understand, so we asked: Why?

Supervisor A said, "Their boss treats him (saying of me) like a son; Some people say that it is closer than a son.”

This, we don't understand even more, continue to ask.

監理甲說： “桫欏幾天看不見他，就想他，在辦公室走來走去，還叨咕：這盧岩上哪去了呢？怎麽幾天不回公司了！他們公司的女秘書知道他是想他了，就勸：要不我打電話，把他叫回來？桫欏就說：那不用！但是他還是鬧心。你說誰對他自己的兒子這樣：幾天見不著，就鬧心成這樣？”

我們都不明白，說：“沒有，現實生活裏，父親對兒子這樣的，少見！”

聽著的人都感覺奇怪，桫欏是意大利人，我盧岩是中國人，問：那他倆見麵什麽樣？

監理甲說： “我剛聽著的時候也不信，可這都是聽他們公司的人說的。他們公司裏也沒人明白，就觀察他們倆；他倆見麵時，和所有的老板和雇員關係一樣，一點兒也不特別，就是互相看看，有時說幾句話。”

Supervisor A said: "Sal Fasullo couldn't see him for a few days, so he thought about him, walked around the office, and muttered: Where is Luyan? Why don't he come back for a few days! The female secretary of their company knew that he missed him, so she advised: How about I call him back? Sal would answer, ‘No need!’ But he was still disturbed. Who do you say to his own son: if he can't see him for a few days, he misses him like that?”

We didn't understand and said, "No, in real life, it's rare for a father to miss his son like that!”

Everyone who listened felt strange, Sal is an Italian, I Luyan is a Chinese, asked: So, what was it like for them to meet?

Supervisor A said: "I didn't believe it when I first heard, but I listened to the people in their company. No one in their company understood it, so they observed both. When they met, like all bosses and employees, they were not special at all, just looking at each other and sometimes saying a few words.”

有人問：“要是誰，打電話到他們公司抱怨盧岩，會怎麽樣？”

監理甲說： “那桫欏肯定立刻打電話到他的老板那裏，整他一身不是。這都有人試驗過多少次了。桫欏就認為這個盧岩，什麽都好，就沒有不好的地方，沒有犯錯的時候。不信，你試試？”

新監理說：“你別扯了！小事看不出來，沒人在乎。真整出事了，把工地整停工了，那我可遭殃了！”

開始時，我聽了，感覺新奇，可是聽得多了，也漸漸地信了。我認為，我工作做得好，公司裏有問題的工程，爛尾工程，甚至已經糾紛到了法庭的工程，我常做；但是，這是把我放進了風險之中（注1），桫欏在利用我的無知。

注9.6-1，我的感知漸漸地脫離了現實，進入了歧途；這些糊塗就產生了覺思失調症，俗稱精神分裂症。

Someone asked, "What if anyone calls their company to complain about Luyan?"

Supervisor A said: "Sal must have called his boss immediately, he is not all over. Many times, people have tried this! Sal thought that this Luyan, everything is good, there is no bad place, there is no time to make mistakes. Don't believe it, you try?”

The new supervisor said, "Don't pull it off! Little affairs can’t see, no one cares. If something really happened, and the construction site was shut down, then I would suffer!”

At first, I heard it and felt novel, after I heard it more and more, gradually believed it. I thought that I do a good job, and I often do problematic projects in the company, unfinished projects, even projects that have been disputed to the court; but this put me at risk (Annotation 1), Sal was exploiting my ignorance.

Note 9.6-1, my perception gradually detached from reality and went astray; these muddles gave rise to mental disorder, commonly known as schizophrenia.

事例七 Case 7

怪事就發生了，常有人要看我。工地裏，認識我的人還給介紹：“就是他！誰看了，誰琢磨，誰也琢磨不明白！你看！這渾身上下，沒有一點兒特殊的地方！”

然後，那個要看我的人就上下打量我，表情嚴肅不屑：總是讓想看我的人失望！

我感覺又好氣，又好笑：你們怎麽這麽奇怪呢！

Strange affairs happen; people often want to see me. At the construction site, people who knew me introduced me to others: “That's him! Whoever reads, who ponders, no one understands! You see! There is nothing special about this whole body!”

Then, the person who wanted to see me looked me up and down with a serious and disdainful expression: always disappointing those who wanted to see me!

I felt angry and amused: why are you so weird!?

事例八 Case 8

一次，在一個地鐵工程的工地，工地的經理從開始耽誤我的時間，我完成工作就要離開。工地經理突然著急地喊：“哎！哎！你不能走！”

我可感覺奇怪了：“我怎麽還不能離開呢？”

那個經理想了半天，說：“這事我也不明白！我就從頭說。上星期，我在我們工程科裏開會，他們就議論：他們都沒見過你，就想看看你。最後決定，讓我找個活兒，把你叫來；他們來這兒看你！昨天，我還特意對你們公司的主管說：就讓你盧岩來取材料，別人不行！別把人名兒整錯嘍！結果你就來了。他們還沒到。”

Once, at a subway project site, the manager of the construction site delayed me from the beginning, and I was about to leave after finishing the work. The site manager suddenly shouted anxiously: "Hey! Ay! You can't go!”

I wondered: "Why can't I leave yet?"

The manager thought for a long time and said: "I don't understand this either! I'll start from the beginning. Last week, I had a meeting in our engineering department, and they said: They haven't seen you; they want to see you. Finally decided, let me find a job and call you here; They come here to see you! Yesterday, I also specially said to the director of your company: Just let you Luyan come to get the samples, others can't! Don't make a mistake about people's names! So, here you are. They haven't arrived yet.”

我當然感覺奇怪：“他們是誰呀？為什麽要看我？”

那個經理說：“我說的是真話！我真的不明白，但是他們要看你！那看就看看唄！你在這兒等著，我們為你的等待付費！”

我雖然感覺奇怪，順從了。

Of course, I wondered, "Who are they?" Why look at me?”

The manager said: “I'm telling the truth! I don't really understand, but they want to see you! Then look! You wait here; we pay for your waiting!”

Although I felt strange, I obeyed.

案例九 Case 9

一次，在多倫多市政的一個工地，也發生了（事例8）的事。我就問那個多倫多的市政監理，他們為什麽想看我？

這個新市政監理說：“沒人知道！就連想看你的人，老板他自己也不知道！他就說：幾個月沒看見盧岩了！你們誰的工地有事，把他叫來，我去看看他。”

我說：“這事兒，我是真糊塗，一點點的線索都沒有。”

監理說：“我們也是真不知道。我們監理們在辦公室裏，見麵了，沒事問候就說：見著盧岩沒有？盧岩又幹什麽了？人們都想聽。工程處的辦公室裏，到處都是你的報告。”

Once, at a construction site in the city of Toronto, something happened like above Case 8. I asked the Toronto city inspector: “why did they want to see me?”

The new municipal inspector answered: "Nobody knows! Even the person who wants to see you, the boss himself does not know! He said: I haven't seen Luyan for months! Which of you has something to do at the construction site, call him and I'll go see him.”

I said: "I'm really confused about this, don’t have the slightest clue.”

The supervisor said: “We really don't know. We supervisors were in the office, met, and said when there was nothing to greet: Did you see Luyan? What did Luyan do again? People want to hear it. Your reports are everywhere in the Engineering Department offices.”

我聽了更覺得奇怪了：“你們市政雇用的工程質量檢測公司，怎麽地也有三、四家。我們公司裏就有三、四十個技術員。怎麽他們的辦公室裏到處都是我的報告呢？”

監理說：“他們不看別人的報告！就看你的。他們總問：‘有沒有盧岩的報告？’ 那我們有了，就得送。他們接到了，就擺在那兒，結果就成那樣了！人們就這樣兒，誰也不明白到底是為了什麽！”

I listened and felt even more strange: “Our Davroc alone has 40s technicians, and at least, there are three or four engineering quality inspection companies employed by your municipality, why are their offices full of my reports?”

The supervisor said: "They don't read other people's reports! It's up to you. They always asked, ‘Is there any report from Luyan?' Then we have it, we must send it. They received it, put it there, so it turned out like that! People are like this, no one understands what it is for!”

注9.6-2，多倫多市政有上百位監理，為什麽那麽多人在一起都沒發現我哪裏特別？答：我的肉眼通（亦作不眩眼，如圖9.6-2-3，觸目，如圖4，參見第三章）的眼神反射可以激發觀望者內心深處的感情；人的心事各異，他們得到的結論數據發散，找不到共同點。

Note 9.6-2: There are hundreds of supervisors in the Toronto Municipal Administration. Why didn’t they find anything special about me when they were all together? Answer: My Flesh Eye Through (also known as Non-Dazzling Eyes, as shown in Figure 9.6-2-3, Touching Eyes, as shown in Figure 4, cf. chapter 3) can stimulate the deep feelings of the observers; people’s thoughts are different, so the conclusions and data they get diverge, they can’t find common ground.

這我就想啊！這是我做的工程都是爭議的工程！所以，人們都問我幹什麽了！所以，他們那些工程師們都看我的報告！就我這個沒心沒肺的人，都不管設計說明，不顧行業工程規定，亂出主意，瞎指揮。幹好了，沒人說啥，要是有問題了，沒人說我過去有功勞。要是有人說我偽造數據，那我的工程師執照白考了，還沒用上呢，就丟掉了！

來看我的人時常有，有的是工程建築業的老板，有的是他們的家屬，笑嘻嘻的，看了就走。我對此總是迷惑，分析不出任何原因。

在2010年春，我的工程師考試通過了，我要找實習工程師的工作。桫欏同意了三個月後讓我作這個實驗室的實習工程師。

This is what I thought at that time! The projects I do, all are controversial! So, people asked me what I did! So, their engineers read my reports! As far as I, a person with no heart and no limits, did not care about the design instructions, ignored the industry engineering regulations, came up with random ideas, and blindly directed. Well, done, no one said anything, if there were a problem, no one would say that I had credit in the past. If someone says that I falsified data, then my engineer license was taken in vain, was lost before I can use it!

There are often people who come to see me, some are bosses in the engineering and construction industry, some are their families, smiling, watching, and leaving. I am always confused about this and cannot analyze for any reason.

In the spring of 2010, I passed my engineer exam, and I was looking for a job as a trainee engineer. Sal Fasullo agreed to make me a trainee engineer in the lab three months later.

 

9.7 社會環境 Social Environment

2001年移民加拿大後，一次我回國乘飛機經由美國。美國警察來接我，伴隨我上了另一架飛機。回加拿大時在芝加哥轉機，我被扣留在了機場，等待審查結果。等了十幾個小時之後，一個警察來跟我說： “老規矩，你可能都知道了！限你48小時之內離開美國。你在美國期間，我會一直陪著你；吃飯、睡覺、上廁所、去商店，去公園，我都陪著你。”

我對此很生氣。美國警察說：“這你有什麽生氣的！美國和中國的關係不是那麽友好；美國不歡迎你這種人！你來這兒幹什麽？”

我回答：“什麽也不幹，就是轉機、路過！若不是你們把我扣留下來，這時候，我已經在加拿大自己的家裏了！”

他說：“我在計算機屏幕上都看到了，十幾個組織調查了你十幾個小時。你來這裏沒事！？我才不信呢！當然，你不可能告訴我！我隻是按照計算機屏幕告訴我的，例行公事，做我的工作。”

After immigrating to Canada in 2001, I returned home and flew through the United States. The American police came to pick me up and accompanied me to another plane. Transiting in Chicago on my way back to Canada, I was detained at the airport awaiting the results of the review. After waiting for more than a dozen hours, a policeman came to me and said, "You probably know the old rules! You are allowed to leave the U.S. within 48 hours. I will always be with you while you are in the United States; Eat, sleep, go to the toilet, go to the store, go to the park, I will accompany you.”

I was very angry about this. The American police said: "Why are you angry? The relationship between the United States and China is not so friendly; the United States does not welcome people like you! What are you doing here?"

I replied: "Nothing, just transiting, passing by! If you hadn't detained me, I would have been in my own home in Canada by now!"

He said, "I saw it all on the computer screen. More than a dozen organizations have been investigating you for more than a dozen hours. You are fine coming here!? I don't believe it! Of course, you can't tell me! I just follow what the computer screen tells me, routine, do my job."

注9.7-1，從2001年到2010年，美國中央情報局對我的關注是引發我覺思失調症的一個因素。我怎麽被列入了美國的不歡迎人物名單？直到2014年，我寫完回憶錄才明白。1996年，一次我和室友，那個來自國務院的警察（參見第7章《東北大學》）談話時，他說： “他們（去砸美國領事館的同學）進沒進美國的那個名單，我不知道，但你是已經進去了。對不起！都是因為我。我這種人一出北京，就會被他們盯得死死的。我來東北大學讀博士，碰巧和你住一個寢室一年多。他們就不這麽認為；他們認為我和你有什麽勾搭，所以你就被列進了美國的那個名單。”

那怎麽還10多個部門一起研究我呢？與我這個國務院警察室友對應的美國國家部門就是美國電影中的那種“X-file” 警察。他們是直接受美國白宮領導的秘密警察，涉及的部門多。

Note 9.7-1, from 2001 to 2010, the CIA’s attention to me was a factor in triggering my schizophrenia. How was I included in the list of unwelcome persons in the United States? I didn’t understand it until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014. In 1996, when I was talking to my roommate, the policeman from the State Council (see Chapter 7 "Northeastern University"), he said: "I don’t know whether they (the students who went to smash the US consulate) are on the US list, but you are already on it. I’m sorry! It’s all because of me. People like me will be closely watched by them once we leave Beijing. I came to Northeastern University to study for a doctorate and happened to live in the same dormitory with you for more than a year. They don’t think so; they think I have something in common with you, so you were included in the US list."

Why are there more than 10 parties investigating me? The US national department corresponding to my State Council police roommate is the "X-file" police in American movies. They are secret agency directly under the leadership of the White House, they involve many departments.

9.7-2 事例Case

例如，一次，加拿大聯邦警察打電話問我：“你在XXX時間，去了YYY地方；你到那裏幹什麽？”

我回答：“那時我在多倫多，那段時間，我就沒離開過多倫多。你可以打電話去我工作的DAVROC 詢問一下；那時我在上班啊！”

加拿大警察說：“美國那幫人（注2）在調查你，要看你的檔案。這件事，我們有困難。不過，我們可以幫你找人權律師，起訴他們。”

我回答：“你們有困難，就讓他們看吧！我沒錢，負擔不起雇用律師的費用。”

事後，我想加拿大警察怎麽說 “那幫美國人” （注2）！他們是誰！？

加拿大聯邦警察多次因為 “美國那幫人” （注2） 打電話給我；我不知道為什麽，誰在監視我。他們的調查進入了我的信譽記錄；我就麻煩了，卻無可奈何。

For example, once, the Canadian federal police called me and asked, "You went to YYY place at XXX time; what were you doing there?"

I answered, "I was in Toronto at that time, and I never left Toronto during that period. You can call DAVROC where I work to ask; I was at work at that time!"

The Canadian police said: "Those American people (Note 2) are investigating you and want to see your file. We have difficulty with this matter. However, we can help you find a human rights lawyer to sue them."

I replied: "If you have difficulties, let them see it! I have no money and cannot afford to hire a lawyer."

Afterwards, I wondered what the Canadian police said about "those Americans" (Note 2)! Who are they!?

The Canadian federal police called me many times because of "those Americans" (Note 2); I didn't know why or who was watching me. Their investigation entered my credit record; I was in trouble, but there was nothing I could do.

注9.7-2，加拿大聯邦警察所說的 “那幫美國人”是什麽人？請允許我先解釋我的那個國務院警察室友是什麽人？一次，他對我說：“你這種人，如果我不告訴你，你一輩子不會知道我是什麽人。我是國務院審查公安部報告的文職人員。我們這種人很多，國務院采用公司製管理，用了個不相關的公司名。我們本質上是國務院的員工，但國務院不準我們隨便使用國務院的名頭。” 類似的，加拿大警察所說的 “那幫美國人”就是用了假名的美國白宮的工作人員。如果加拿大警察告訴了我他們的公司名，反倒是欺騙了我。

Note 9.7-2, who are “those Americans” mentioned by the Canadian federal police? Please allow me to first explain who my State Council police roommate is. Once, he said to me: "If I don't tell you, you will never know who I am. I am a paper-work-checking worker of State Council who reviews reports from the Ministry of Public Security. There are many people like us. The State Council adopts a corporate management system and uses an unrelated company name. We are essentially employees of State Council, but the State Council does not allow us to use the name of the State Council casually." Similarly, the "Those Americans" mentioned by the Canadian police are the staff of White House who used pseudonyms. If the Canadian police told me the name of their company, they would have deceived me.

9.7-3 車禍Car Accident

2010年4月的一天，我開車在路上，忽然發現刹車不工作，踩到底了才有一點兒作用。我小心翼翼地把車開到了我習慣去的汽車維修店，去換機油。我把車鑰匙交給他們時，卻把刹車失靈的事忘記了。

車維修完了，我去取鑰匙時，本來那個結賬的服務員是個歐洲的白人小姑娘，她突然被召喚進去了，換了個說漢語的華裔人來為我結賬。他拿著我的鑰匙，四處看了看，伸頭到我臉的附近，用漢語小聲說： “盧先生，你的車閘我們已經替你緊過了，你的車現在安全了。” 我答應著，沒在意，但當我走到門口時，全身出汗了。人人都知道：車閘出事有兩種可能的原因，一是來自事故，二是人為的。我的車近幾個月都沒事故，是有人在故意害我！

在回家的路上，我一直想誰在害我？一、兩個小時內，幾次出汗。隨後，我的生活和工作中就出現了奇奇怪怪的事（注3）。

注9.7-3，我受到了嚴重的驚嚇，身心處於高度的恐懼和懷疑之中；腎上腺激素等分泌維持著這種身心狀態，多星期時間不能被降下來，致使我的心理容納空間變小了，思想多走入極端。

One day in April 2010, I was driving on the road, suddenly noticed that the brakes were not working, and it only had a little effect when I stepped to the end. I carefully drove the car to the auto repair shop I used to go to change the oil. When I handed them the car key, I forgot about the brake failure.

When I went to get the keys after the car was repaired, the waiter who was originally checking out was a little white girl from Europe, but she was suddenly summoned in and replaced with a Chinese-speaking Chinese to check out for me. He took my key, looked around, reached near my face, and whispered in Chinese: “Mr. Luyan, we have tightened your brakes for you, and your car is safe now.” I answered without attention, but when I walked to the door, I was sweating all over. Everyone knows that there are two possible reasons for a brake accident, one is from an accident and the other is man-made. My car hasn't had an accident in recent months, someone is deliberately harming me!

On the way home, I kept thinking who was harming me? Sweating several times in one or two hours. Then strange things happened in my life and work (note 3).

Note 9.7-3, I was severely frightened, physically, and mentally in a high state of fear and doubt; adrenal hormones etc. secretions maintained this bodily and mentally drowsy state, could not be lowered for weeks, resulting in a smaller space for my mental behaviors, thinks were rampaging extremely.

9.7-4 事例 Case

2010年4月，我去RBC銀行申請買房貸款。銀行的貸款經紀人看了我的信譽記錄後，忽然說： “哎呀！你是國際人物，我們不知道你是誰，不和你這種人做生意！”

我立刻懵了：“什麽國際人物！？我的信譽記錄裏哪條表明了：我是國際人物？”

從2002年起，我一直都有警察監視我的困惑；直至2014年寫完回憶錄，明白了此中的緣由。

In April 2010, I went to RBC Bank to apply for a mortgage. After looking at my credit record, the bank's loan broker suddenly said: "Oh! You are an international figure (Note 4), we don't know who you are, don't do business with people like you!"

I was immediately confused: "What international figure!? Which line in my credit record shows that I am an international figure?"

Since 2002, I have been confused by the police monitoring me; until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014, I understood the reason.

 

9.8 把工程作壞 Job Rip

一天，在多倫多的Yonge St and Finch Ave工地，那個技術員突然請假離開了，我接替了他。這是個鋪設2公裏長公路表層瀝青路麵的工程。我的工作是檢測瀝青混凝土的壓實密度。

鋪瀝青路麵壓實的工作有三道工序：一是鋪設瀝青混凝土機器剛剛攤平混凝土，壓路機立刻碾壓，震碎混凝土中的結塊兒；二是10或15分鍾後，壓路機第二次壓實，達到目標密實度的底線；三是混凝土的溫度比較低了，作最後的路表平整工作，使路麵美觀，有一些壓實的功能。我的工作是在第二次壓實時作密度測試，確保壓實工作能達到工程質量的要求。

One day, at the Yonge St and Finch Ave site in Toronto, the technician suddenly took time off work， I took his place. This is a project to lay the surface asphalt of a 2-kilometre-long road. My job is to detect the compaction density of asphalt concrete.

There are three processes in the compaction of asphalt pavement: First, the asphalt concrete laying machine has just flattened the concrete, and the road roller immediately crushes and breaks the agglomerates in the concrete; Second, after 10 or 15 minutes, the roller compacts for the second time to reach the bottom line of the target compactness; Third, the temperature of the concrete is relatively low, and the final road surface leveling work is done to make the road surface beautiful and have some compaction functions. My job is to do density tests in the second compaction time to ensure that the compaction work meets the requirements of engineering quality.

工作開始後，我測試了，然後告訴了開壓路機的人，合格了。過了一會兒，那人開著壓路機繼續壓。我過去測了一下密度，告訴他，這密度已經超過了要求的密度，你不要再壓了，那人離開了。可隨後那人說他去洗手間，卻在我的後麵繼續壓實已經合格了的路麵。我又走回去告訴他，他又離開了；可他一邊離開，一邊用震動壓實。我注意到了他的壓路工作有密度高低的格式（注，開壓路機的人在故意破壞工程質量）。

工作休息時，我來到了他們休息的地方。建築公司的技術員開始告訴那個開壓路機的人如何繼續他的壓路工作。他們就這麽當著我的麵搞破壞工作。這事我隻在上中學時的曆史書上看見過：故意把路壓壞。我立刻意識到了，我正身處於有組織的犯罪團夥正在犯罪的過程中；我的世界變得昏暗了。我不知道誰和誰在搞惡性競爭，但我遇上了，就是倒黴！

After the work began, I tested it, and then told the person who operated the roller that it passed. After a while, the operator drove the roller and continued to press. I went over, measured the density, told him that the density had exceeded the required density, you don't press anymore, the man left. But then the man said he went to the bathroom, but behind me continued to compact the already qualified pavement. I walked back to tell him, he left again. But on his way leaving, he compacted with vibration. I noticed that his roller work had a high-and low-density format (Annotation, the roller operator was deliberately destroying the quality of the work).

During the break from work, I came to the place where they rested. The technician of the construction company began to tell the roller operator how to continue his compaction work. They just sabotage in my face. I only saw this in the history books of middle school: deliberately crushing the road to ruin the work. I realized immediately that I was in an organized crime gang that was committing crimes; my world has darkened. I don't know who is engaged in vicious competition with whom, but I ran into it, it was bad luck!

隨後，我去和施工隊的領隊談話，向他抱怨。他板著臉，沒說一句話。這時，我感覺真是活見鬼了，這工地的人都是強盜。市政監理也不在。整條路麵被壓得密度高高低低，如同馬賽克。我手中所有的測量數據都變成了假數據。我從頭開測，得到真實數據，保護自己。等我完成我自己的工作，天已經黑了。我就把報告如實交上去了。

我晚上回家認為有人跟蹤我，監視我，認為有人竊聽我的電話。

Afterwards, I went to talk to the leader of the construction team and complained to him. He kept a straight face and didn't say a word. At this time, I felt devastating, and the people at this construction site all were robbers, thieves. The municipal supervisor was also not there. The entire road surface is pressed to high and low, like a mosaic. All the measurements in my hands turned into fake data. I started the test from scratch, got real data, and protected myself. By the time I finished my own work, it was dark already. I handed in the report truthfully.

I came home at night thinking that someone was following me, watching me, thinking that someone was tapping my phone.

9.8-2

第二天上班，市政出事了。同事們都不理我了。桫欏去市政開會了。市政同時請了三家質量檢測公司進行測試；測量的結果密度都是高低不均。他們緊急召開工程師會議，決議是所使用的瀝青混凝土是個新配方，質量不穩定。結果，多倫多市政取消了這份價值三千萬元瀝青混凝土訂單。

這種事情發生了；我認為我們公司Davroc也有責任。那時，我相信如果改變我們的報告表格紙，添兩個新欄目，讓技術人員記錄壓路機的類型，重量，再對瀝青澆築程序做些粗略描述，那麽那些壞人就不會再選擇Davroc來做他們的下一個“把工程做壞”的項目了。

我去Barrie以前同事的家裏去取他們公司的表格，途中感覺有人跟蹤我。第二天去到桫欏的辦公室，他不聽我說話，說：“我這買賣做了幾十年了，做得挺好！聽你的，還不定整出來什麽麻煩呢！”

The next day at work, something happened to the municipality. My colleagues ignored me. Sal Fasullo went to a municipal meeting. The municipality also invited three quality inspection companies to conduct tests; The resulting densities are also high and low, uneven. They urgently convened a meeting of engineers and decided that the asphalt concrete used was a new formula and of unstable quality. As a result, the City of Toronto cancelled the $30 million asphalt concrete order.

This kind of affair happened; I think our company Davroc is responsible also. At that time, I believe if change our report paper form, put on two new blocks which technician should record compaction machine’s type, weight, and rough description of asphalt placing progress, then those bad people wouldn’t choose Davroc to do their next “Job Rip” project anymore.

I went to Barrie's former colleague's home to pick up their company form, and on the way, I felt someone was following me. When I went to Sal Fasullo's office the next day, he didn't listen to me and said: “I've been doing this business for decades, and it's doing a pretty good job! Listen to you, maybe there will be any trouble!”

9.8-3

隨後的工作中和生活中，許多奇怪的事發生了。我的身體，包括頭和臉已經被多天的緊張、恐懼、懷疑產生的不適、和沉重的感覺充滿了。路上總是感覺有人跟蹤我，電話被竊聽，家裏被人安裝了竊聽器，攝像鏡頭。我此時的內心世界，（覺思失調的世界裏），桫欏派人暗中保護我，可他也怕我去報警。那時，我認為，資本家之間的惡性競爭中，如果某些人的心理承受不住了，就可能出事故，比如某人被暗殺。而我，根本就不知道在他們的鬥爭中，自己處於什麽位置，以及是否有危險。

Later days, many strange things happened. My body, including my head and face, was filled with days of tension, fear, discomfort from doubt, and heavy feelings. On the road, I always felt that someone was following me, my phone was tapped, someone was installing a bugging device and a video camera in my home. In my inner world at this time, (in my world of schizophrenia), Sal Fasullo sent someone to secretly protect me, but he was also afraid that I would call the police. At that time, I thought that in the vicious competition between capitalists, if some people's psychology could not bear it, there could be accidents, such as someone being assassinated. And I have no idea where I stand in their struggle and whether there is danger.

注9.8-1，本節之前的第1章《娃娃婚約》，述說了我一歲時受到了劉團長的驚嚇，患了嬰幼兒神經發育失調症。7.3節和劉健君《相親》時受到了她的刺激。8.4節《大驚失色》受到了劉健君的父親劉團長的威脅，我再次受到了驚嚇，創傷嚴重。那一年多的時間裏，我的精神病潛伏症發育迅速，以至於在8.7節《出故事的人》中，就有了發作的跡象。本小節述說了我的精神病發育成熟了，爆發的經過。精神病的發病程度屬於 “嚴重” ；但這時我還不知道自己病了。

讀者可能會有疑問，一歲時的事和此時的病相關嗎？答：這種病一般都可以追溯到幼年。

Note 9.8-1, before this section, chapter 1 “Child Marriage Contract” describes how I was frightened by Troupe Leader Liu when I was one year old and suffered from infant neurodevelopmental disorders. In section 7.3 “Blind Date with Eve Liu”, I was stimulated by her. Section 8.4 “I was Shocked”, I was threatened by Eve Liu’s father, Troupe Leader Liu, shocked again and severely traumatized. Over that year, my psychotic latent disorder developed so rapidly that there were signs of schizophrenia in Section 8.7 “The Person Initiates Stories”. This section describes how my psychosis matured and aroused. The degree of psychosis is “severe”; But I didn't know I was sick at that time.

Readers may wonder, is the incident at the age of one related to the disease at this time? Answer: The disease can generally be traced back to early childhood.

 

9.9 覺思失調 Schizophrenia

在我心裏，不知道桫欏是作什麽買賣的！我以前就懷疑過，暗地裏問，有的市政監理說：他就是個精明的生意人。也有人說，加拿大的建築業就是他們意大利人的，你們Davroc測試實驗室可不好惹，說什麽的都有。

一件件奇怪的事不斷地發生。那時，我認為自己卷入了資本家的行業內惡性競爭。敵對方是一夥兒叫“大佛印（Dufferin）” 的壞人和劉健君。大佛印是北約克（North York）的一群臭名昭著的壞小子，背後有一些財團支持。而劉健君即利用Davroc也利用大佛印，背後搗亂，就是 “琢磨” 我。 “琢磨” 我這件事源於4.5節的《真人醫學實驗的報紙新聞》，她繼承了她爸爸的靈魂轉世實驗的事業。

從上麵破壞路麵的事之後，不到兩周時間，我就處於恐懼，懷疑，全身昏沉的感覺（注1），已經處於天昏地暗，晝夜難辨的狀態（注1）。我認為自己隻是個打工的，掙點兒工資養家糊口，不應該卷進他們的大買賣，整不好，不一定什麽時候被驅逐出建築行業或被送進監獄。我從Davroc辭職了。

注9.9-1，這些描述實際是長時間處於高度恐懼、迷惑、和懷疑引起的不舒適的感覺。

In my heart, I don't know what Sal Fasullo does! I had doubted it before, and asked secretly, and some municipal supervisors said that he was a shrewd businessman. Some people also say that Canada's construction industry is their Italian, and your Davroc testing laboratory is not easy to mess with, many kinds of saying.

Strange affairs kept happening. At that time, I thought that I was involved in vicious competition in the capitalist industries. The components are Dufferin Gang and Eve Liu. Dufferin Gang is a group of notorious bad boys in North York with some consortium behind them. And Eve Liu used both Davroc and Dufferin to make me trouble, that is to “polish” me. The “polishing” of me stemmed from section 4.5, “Newspaper News of Real Human Medical Experiments”, in which she inherited her father's career of soul reincarnation experiment.

In less than two weeks after the “Job Rip” above, I was in a state of highly fearful doubtful and drowsiness, was already in a state of indistinguishable day and night (note 1). I thought I'm just a regular worker, earning a little salary to support family, shouldn't be involved in their big deals，not necessary to take the risk of being expelled from construction industry or sent to prison. I resigned from Davroc.

Note 9.9-1, these descriptions are uncomfortable feelings caused by prolonged periods of highly fear doubt and muddle.

9.9-2

二零一零年五月，我在Mississauga買了房子，在家休息，栽樹，看聖經。我覺著自己幹不了工程師的工作了。

In May 2010, I bought a house in Mississauga and spent my time at home resting, planting trees, and reading the Bible. I felt that I could no longer work as an engineer.

9.9-3

七月，我到LVM Ltd做土建技術員。開始兩個月還好，也是懷疑這懷疑那的。十月，它們派我去負責安省北部的一座小型飛機場翻修項目。這個項目對我來說，有些難度，技術上不熟。機場是二次世界大戰時修的，下麵根本沒有地基，這個社區又沒錢。奇怪的事又發生了，測量的數據和實驗室的數據相差太大，而且測量數據也離散，離散到了我根本沒辦法理解。我懷疑是劉健君在背後更改了實驗的數據。我建議使用從現場用標準的程序作出材料的標準密度，在輔助用現場的觀察來決定施工質量是否合格。LVM和建築公司都同意了，我自己卻沒有任何可參考的實驗室數據，而且這是飛機場建設。

幾周後，我的身心又處於天昏地暗之中了。在我打電話的時候，常有電話竄線，有人在我們通話時，他們在開會，嘮嗑，以這種形式指導我，或者向我傳遞信息。

In July, I went to LVM Ltd as a civil technician. The first two months were fine, but I also doubted this and that. In October, they sent me to lead a small airport renovation project in northern Ontario. This project was a bit difficult and technically unfamiliar to me. The airfield was built during World War II, there is no foundation underneath, and the municipality has no money. Strange thing happened again. The measured data was very different from the laboratory data, and the measured data was also discrete. It was so discrete that I couldn't understand it at all. I suspect that Eve Liu changed the experimental data behind. I suggest using standard procedures to determine the standard density of materials from the site, and then using on-site observations to determine whether the construction quality is qualified. Both LVM and the construction company agreed, but I didn't have any laboratory data to refer to, and this was airport construction.

A few weeks later, my body and mind were in darkness again. When I'm on the phone, there are often lines on the phone, and while we're talking, they're in a meeting, chatting, instructing me in this way, or passing on information to me.

9.9-4

二零一零年十一月，我收到了卡爾加裏環球測試有限公司（Global Testing Ltd）的工作的邀請，做實驗室的經理。我接受了這份工作，逃離了這個翻新飛機場的鬼地方。

不知從什麽時候開始的，我的胃腸就走動不順，有很多瘴氣，我總是多喝水來通順胃腸（注4）。皮膚上也生了些瘡，治不好。

注9.9-4，精神病是情感創傷，胃腸是最能體現情感的器官；不準確地說，胃腸潰瘍和那些皮膚病都是心理疾病的伴生病。

在卡爾加裏，我對公司老板的一些非規範作法非常有意見。我還被常派去工地。冬天施工的弊病很多，他們為了掙錢，堅持要施工，我對此有很多抱怨。沒過多久，我的世界裏，劉健君的人跟我到了卡爾加裏，繼續和我作對。一月末，我回家過年，就沒回去卡爾加裏。

In November 2010, I received a job offer from Global Testing Ltd in Calgary as a laboratory manager. I took the job，escaped the hell of Airport Renovation Site.

I don't know when my stomach and intestines didn't move smoothly, there was a lot of miasmas, and I always drank more water to smooth my stomach and intestines. There are also some sores on my skins, which cannot be cured (note 4).

Note 9.9-4, Psychosis is emotional trauma, the gastrointestinal tract is the organ that best embodies emotions; it is not accurate to say that gastrointestinal ulcers and those skin diseases are companion diseases of mental illness.

In Calgary, I'm very vocal about some of the non-standard practices of company owners. I was also often sent to construction sites. There are many drawbacks of winter construction, I complained a lot about those, but they insist on construction to earn money. Soon in my world, Eve Liu's people followed me to Calgary and continued to fight against me. At the end of January, I came home for the New Year and didn't go back to Calgary.

9.9-5

二零一一年三月，我到多倫多的建材測試有限公司（Construction Testing Ltd）工作；幾周以後被解雇了，因為我時常呆在那裏幾十分鍾，頭腦中空無一物（注5）。

注9.9-5，這是抑鬱的症狀。精神病患者在不同的階段會經曆大部分精神病症狀。

In March 2011, I went to work for Construction Testing Ltd in Toronto. I was fired a few weeks later because I often stay there for dozens of minutes with nothing in my head (note 5).

Note 9.9-5, this is a symptom of depression. Psychotic patients experience most psychotic symptoms at different stages.

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