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Chapter iii. — An odd accident which befel Mr Allworthy at his return home. The decent behaviour of Mrs Deborah Wilkins, with some proper animadversions on bastards. I have told my reader, in the preceding chapter, that Mr Allworthy inherited a large fortune; that he had a good heart, and no family. Hence, doubtless, it will be concluded by many that he lived like an honest man, owed no one a shilling, took nothing but what was his own, kept a good house, entertained his neighbours with a hearty welcome at his table, and was charitable to the poor, i.e. to those who had rather beg than work, by giving them the offals from it; that he died immensely rich and built an hospital. And true it is that he did many of these things; but had he done nothing more I should have left him to have recorded his own merit on some fair freestone over the door of that hospital. Matters of a much more extraordinary kind are to be the subject of this history, or I should grossly mis-spend my time in writing so voluminous a work; and you, my sagacious friend, might with equal profit and pleasure travel through some pages which certain droll authors have been facetiously pleased to call The History of England. Mr Allworthy had been absent a full quarter of a year in London, on some very particular business, though I know not what it was; but judge of its importance by its having detained him so long from home, whence he had not been absent a month at a time during the space of many years. He came to his house very late in the evening, and after a short supper with his sister, retired much fatigued to his chamber. Here, having spent some minutes on his knees—a custom which he never broke through on any account—he was preparing to step into bed, when, upon opening the cloathes, to his great surprize he beheld an infant, wrapt up in some coarse linen, in a sweet and profound sleep, between his sheets. He stood some time lost in astonishment at this sight; but, as good nature had always the ascendant in his mind, he soon began to be touched with sentiments of compassion for the little wretch before him. He then rang his bell, and ordered an elderly woman-servant to rise immediately, and come to him; and in the meantime was so eager in contemplating the beauty of innocence, appearing in those lively colours with which infancy and sleep always display it, that his thoughts were too much engaged to reflect that he was in his shirt when the matron came in. She had indeed given her master sufficient time to dress himself; for out of respect to him, and regard to decency, she had spent many minutes in adjusting her hair at the looking-glass, notwithstanding all the hurry in which she had been summoned by the servant, and though her master, for aught she knew, lay expiring in an apoplexy, or in some other fit. It will not be wondered at that a creature who had so strict a regard to decency in her own person, should be shocked at the least deviation from it in another. She therefore no sooner opened the door, and saw her master standing by the bedside in his shirt, with a candle in his hand, than she started back in a most terrible fright, and might perhaps have swooned away, had he not now recollected his being undrest, and put an end to her terrors by desiring her to stay without the door till he had thrown some cloathes over his back, and was become incapable of shocking the pure eyes of Mrs Deborah Wilkins, who, though in the fifty-second year of her age, vowed she had never beheld a man without his coat. Sneerers and prophane wits may perhaps laugh at her first fright; yet my graver reader, when he considers the time of night, the summons from her bed, and the situation in which she found her master, will highly justify and applaud her conduct, unless the prudence which must be supposed to attend maidens at that period of life at which Mrs Deborah had arrived, should a little lessen his admiration. |
第3回——萬德全先生回家時意外遇到的一件怪事。衛黛菠大媽的正派作風，以及她對私生子恰當的冷嘲熱諷。
上回我給各位說到，萬德全先生繼承了一大筆財富，他心地善良，鰥居獨處。因此，毫無疑問許多人會得出這樣的結論：萬德全忠厚誠實，對旁人分文不欠；非他所有，雖一毫而不取；他所住房屋華美，真心誠意待人，時常在家中招待鄰裏街坊，同時他憐貧惜窮（就是那些寧可討吃要飯也不願工作的貧窮之人），把餐桌上的剩飯送給他們；以至於人們斷言說，他去世時留下一大筆錢，並蓋了一家醫院。 他確實做過許多諸如此類的事情，但如果僅此而已的話，讓他把自己的功德刻在那家醫院大門上某塊漂亮的易切石上也就可以了。但是這部個人史的主旨是某些更為異乎尋常的怪事，否則我累牘連篇地寫這樣一部作品，那就是在嚴重浪費我的時間了。某些詼諧作家不分場合愛開玩笑，心悅誠服地把這部書中的某些章回戲稱為《英格蘭史記》。而您作為我的良友，在翻閱這些章回時，也許可以獲得同樣的收益和樂趣。 萬德全先生離開家在倫敦呆了整整一個季度，盡管我並不了解具體因為何事，但一定是為了某件非常特殊的事情。而在過去多年，他每次離家在外都不會呆超過一個月。此次離家在外這麽久，由此可斷定事情有多麽重要。他回到家已是深夜，和妹妹一起草草用了晚餐，渾身感到精疲力竭，便回到了自己的臥室。然後他雙膝跪地祈禱了幾分鍾——這是他多年來雷打不動的一個習慣——他正準備著上床，掀開床單時，非常驚訝地看到裏麵竟然躺著個嬰兒，全身用粗麻布包裹，在兩層床單之間正沉沉酣睡著。看到如此情景，萬德全茫然不知所措，驚訝地呆呆站了一會兒；但是，由於他生性善良，很快便開始對麵前這個小東西萌生了憐憫之情。於是他按響了鈴，吩咐立刻叫醒一位老媽子到他臥室來一趟；同時，他迫不及待仔細端詳著這個嬰兒的天真爛漫之美，而這種美常常出現在那些栩栩如生的色彩之中，就是嬰兒睡著時透過這些色彩一直展示出來的美。他思緒萬千，注意力太過集中，以至於老媽子來到他的臥室時，他竟沒意識到自己身上隻穿著內衣呢。盡管當時仆人招呼老媽子快去見主人，並告訴她說，主人像是犯了羊癲瘋或者其他某種風症似的，正躺在床上，眼看著就要一命歸天了。但是在她到來之前，確實給主人留了足夠的時間完全可以將他自己的衣服穿戴整齊。因為出於對主人的尊重以及自己生活作風正派的考慮，老媽子在出發之前花了很長一段時間在化妝鏡前將自己的頭發捯飭了又捯飭。
一個對自己的生活作風要求如此嚴格之人，在看到別人身上有絲毫偏差本該感到大為震驚，這並不足為奇。因此，當老媽子一打開主人臥室的門，看到男主人身穿內衣，手舉蠟燭，站在床邊，她嚇了一大跳，身子直往後退。要不是男主人當時想起自己還沒穿戴整齊，請衛黛菠大媽在門外等一下，以便他好往自己肩上披幾件衣服，免得讓衛黛菠大媽那雙揉不得沙子純真無邪的眼睛受到驚嚇，她也許會當場暈倒在地。盡管衛黛菠大媽已經步入五十二歲的年紀，但她發誓說之前還從未見過不穿外套的男人。對於她人生中第一次受到這樣的驚嚇，那些喜歡冷嘲熱諷之人，以及不把神靈放在眼裏愛開玩笑之人也許會對她的這種反應不以為然。然而要是成熟穩重的讀者想想看，當時正值深更半夜、把老媽子從床上叫起來，以及她看到主人時所處的情形，就會高度肯定並讚揚她的這種行為。到了這把年紀的老姑娘就應該謹慎行事，否則讀者對衛黛菠大媽的欽佩程度就會多多少少打點折扣。 |
