（十四）剪不斷理還亂
彼特拉克的《歌集》第129首：
愛引導著我，思緒萬千，
翻越重山，因為每條燃燒的路
都攪亂了平靜的生活。
如果孤獨的坡上有小溪或噴泉，
如果兩座丘陵之間有一個幽暗的山穀，
苦惱的心會在那兒平靜下來：
而且，被愛情所邀，
或微笑，或哭泣，或恐懼或安逸：
我的心追隨著她，臉又隨心走
時而沉鬱，時而明朗，
情緒陰晴不定：
所以情場老手見到我這幅模樣
會說：“他被愛火燃燒著，不知所措。”
（Love leads me on, from thought to thought,
from mountain to mountain, since every path blazed
proves opposed to the tranquil life.
If there is a stream or a fountain on a solitary slope,
if a shadowed valley lies between two hills,
the distressed soul calms itself there:
and, as Love invites it to,
now smiles, or weeps, or fears, or feels secure:
and my face that follows the soul where she leads
is turbid and then clear,
and remains only a short time in one mode:
so that a man expert in such a life would say
at the sight of me: 'He is on fire, and uncertain of his state.'）
我在高山上和蠻荒的樹林裏
找到休息處：每個有人煙的地方
是我眼中的凡俗之敵。
每走一步，腦海中就冒出一個
關於她的新念想，將我的痛苦
化成喜悅，因為她：
而且由於，我常常希望
改變這種苦甜交加的生活
我說：“也許愛在拯救你
為了更好的將來：
也許你對另一個人好，對自己卻很殘忍”。
我歎息著，繼續說：
“這是真的嗎？為何會這樣？何時開始的？”
（I find some repose in high mountains
and in savage woods: each inhabited place
is the mortal enemy of my eyes.
At every step a new thought of my lady
is born, which often turns the suffering
I bear to joy, because of her:
and, as often as I wish
to alter my bitter and sweet life,
I say: 'Perhaps Love is saving you
for a better time:
perhaps you are dear to another, hateful to yourself.'
And with this, sighing, I continue:
‘Now can this be true? And how? And when?'）
有時我會停留在高高的鬆樹或山丘
的陰影下，佇立在第一塊石頭上
滿腦子想著她那張可愛的臉。
回過神來，我發現自己的胸口
被悔恨的淚水打濕了：然後我說：“哎，
你來找誰，你與誰分開了呢！”
隻要我能堅持
把散漫的思緒集中在第一個想法上，
凝視著她，忘了我自己，
我覺得愛離我如此之近
我的靈魂甚至對自己的錯誤感到滿意：
我在很多地方見過她，她如此可愛，
我所要求的不會比上次的錯誤更多。
（Sometimes I stop where a high pine tree or a hill
provides shade, and on the first stone
I trace in my mind her lovely face.
When I come to myself, I find my chest
wet with pity: and then I say: 'Ah, alas,
what are you come to, and what are you parted from!'
But as long as I can keep
my wandering mind fixed on that first thought,
and gaze at her, and forget myself,
I feel Love so close to me
that my soul is satisfied with its own error:
I see her in many places and so lovely,
that I ask no more than that my error last.）
許多次我在這裏見到栩栩如生的她
（現在，誰會相信我呢？）在清澈的水裏
在綠草地，在山毛櫸樹幹上，
在潔白的雲朵裏，形象如此多變，勒達
肯定會說她的女兒黯然失色了，
和星星一樣，太陽被其光線遮擋：
我走過的地方越原始
經過的海岸越荒涼，
腦海裏描繪的她就越美麗。
當真實打消了
那個甜蜜的錯誤，我仍然坐在那兒全身發涼，
如同一塊活石上的死石，
以一個思考、哭泣和寫作的男人形象出現。
Many times I have seen here vividly
(now, who will believe me?) in clear water
and on green grass, and in a beech trunk,
and in a white cloud, so made that Leda
would surely have said her daughter was eclipsed,
like a star the sun obscures with its rays:
and the wilder the place I find
and the more deserted the shore,
the more beautifully my thoughts depict her.
Then when the truth dispels
that sweet error, I still sit there chilled,
the same, a dead stone on living stone,
in the shape of a man who thinks and weeps and writes.
我感到一種強烈的渴望將我引到
最高和最有用的山峰
其他山脈的陰影無法落到這裏：
我在那兒開始用眼睛衡量
我的痛苦，哭泣著，釋放
凝結在心中的愁雲
當我思考著並看到
我與她可愛的臉之間的距離，
總是那麽近，又那麽遙遠
然後我輕聲哭泣：
“哎，你知道什麽！也許在某個地方
她正在為你的缺席而歎氣”。
這個想法讓靈魂釋懷。
（I feel a sole intense desire draw me
where the shadow of no other mountain falls,
towards the highest and most helpful peak:
from there I begin to measure out my suffering
with my eyes, and, weeping, to release
the sorrowful cloud that condenses in my heart,
when I think and see,
what distance parts me from her lovely face,
which is always so near to me, and so far.
Then softly I weep to myself:
'Alas, what do you know! Perhaps somewhere
now she is sighing for your absence.'
And the soul takes breath at this thought.）
歌，在山上飄揚
那裏的天空更加寧靜和快樂，
你會在奔騰的溪流旁再次看到我，
那裏有芬芳的月桂樹
連微風都帶著香。
那兒有我的心，那顆被她偷走的心：
在這裏你隻能看到我的幽靈。
（Song, beyond the mountain,
there where the sky is more serene and joyful,
you will see me once more by a running stream,
where the breeze is fragrant
with fresh and perfumed laurel.
There is my heart, and she who steals it from me:
here you can only see my ghost. ）
詩歌中的月桂象征著純潔。彼特拉克引用了希臘神話中勒達的故事，承認他的百轉千回的思念中夾雜著很多性幻想。勒達是斯巴達王之妻，宙斯變身天鵝與勒達調情。勒達生下兩枚鵝蛋，一個鵝蛋裂開，裏麵出來海倫的哥哥卡斯托耳與波呂丟刻斯，另一個鵝蛋裂開，出來海倫和克呂泰涅斯特拉。意大利龐貝古城挖掘出來的壁畫裏就有“勒達與天鵝”（Leda and the Swan）題材，表達出人類對性愛的渴望與追求。彼特拉克見到勞拉“在清澈的水裏，在綠草地，在山毛櫸樹幹上，在潔白的雲朵裏，形象如此多變”，連勒達都大為驚歎，他於此含蓄地表示了自己對有著一頭金發的勞拉的肉體的渴望。1348年勞拉離世時，詩人痛苦萬分。後來，在《給後人的信》中，詩人寫道：“我年輕時，我曾一直和那無法抵抗的，但是純潔的，我唯一的愛，鬥爭。如果不是她的早逝，我會繼續鬥爭下去，（鬥爭）痛苦，但是對我有益的。鬥爭把那團火熄滅。我常常希望我能說我完全自由於肉體的欲望了，但是我知道，那樣我是在說謊。”
（達芬奇的《勒達與天鵝》）
作者謙虛地認為收集在《歌集》中的愛情詩是他一生捋不清的混亂思想與情感的寫照，所以稱其為“支離破碎的俗語詩”。可世間最刻骨銘心的相思，不都是“剪不斷理還亂”的嗎？
