對家暴說不
抵製暴力 尋求自救 康複身心 重建家園
正文
原著：Beauty Fades, Dumb Is Forever: The Making of a Happy Woman
作者: Judy Sheindlin (a.k.a.“Judge Judy”)
譯者(Self-Help)簡評：作者本人就是美國家庭法法庭的法官，所以人稱Judge Judy，她有個電視秀相當有名。這本書不同於心理學專家那種循循善誘的風格，作者通過自身生活和多年法庭辦案的經曆，對生活中走了彎路的女人頗有點當頭棒喝的味道-看看英文題目就知道了,"容顏易逝，愚昧永存"。作者語言直爽幽默，也勇於自我批評，使讀者能夠捧腹之餘體會到作者的一片苦心，並從中汲取知識和力量, 從而正視自己生活中的困惑和迷茫。
AMAZON上的讀者評論：
1. 根據她在紐約做家庭法法官25年的經驗，法官朱蒂說她看到聽到了成千上萬的女人太多太多的借口，而目的就是獲得或者留住一個男人。她說，現在是女人為自己負責的時候了，而且她們要主動去承擔這個責任。
2. 這本書也適合男人（比如本人）閱讀。為什麽這麽說？因為，我相信衡量一個真正的男人不僅要看他的人品和價值觀，也要看他是否願意學習和挖掘生活中的新（舊）事物，提高自己關愛他人的能力。
3. 每個母親都應該給自己的女兒們讀這本書。法官朱蒂朱蒂教導我們對待生活要有幽默感，她也教導我們在職場上別讓男人不把我們當回事。
4. 正如我們在她的電視節目和法庭上所見到的那樣，法官朱蒂的這本書呈現出的是她一貫的“誰也別跟我犯混”的風格，灑脫, 客觀。
這本書絕對是女性必讀，不管你是在長大成人，做妻子和母親，為事業拚搏，還是已經功成名就。書中之瑰寶。
5. 這位瘦瘦小小的女法官朱蒂從來不擔心別人說她大嘴巴。她的常識性建議都來自於經驗。她懊悔當初為了搬到紐約結婚而同意退出華盛頓特區的一家法學院，她說她現在知道當初應該讓未婚夫為了她的事業而搬家。她從一個頂尖法學院的尖子生變成了一個不怎麽樣的學校裏的普通生。
她建議年輕女性不要象她當初那樣，把自己的教育和事業看得比丈夫的輕。
法官朱蒂說，好的教育和事業就是女人的“離婚保險”:萬一離婚，畢竟多半是媽媽們要承擔起撫養孩子的重任。
6. 我終於發現了一本能夠認可的書。法官朱蒂是一個實實在在的人，她不跟人玩遊戲。朱蒂具有速“讀”別人的能力，誰也別想糊弄她。她聰明，機智，而且具備一種幾近絕種的天賦：常識！
7. 令(頭腦開放而且聰明的)男人也忍俊不禁的一本書。雖然這本書看起來完全是針對女性而寫，但法官朱蒂所討論的基本原則也適用於自尊比較低的男人。嘿，多少年來女人們已經在閱讀以男人為主題的書籍，並且悄然把那些“他”轉化為了“她”，難道不該換個位置了嗎？
8. 尊重這個詞早被人忘到腦後去了！法官朱蒂的書告訴女人，我們可以追求自己的夢想。我覺得她非常公正。有時候真相是殘酷的，而當頭棒喝是能夠喚醒人們的唯一辦法。
9. 這是法官朱蒂給那些遭遇婚姻擱淺的女人們的自救手冊。她告訴女人們要站起來為自己撐腰，要有骨氣，要為自己而戰，要表現出自信。書中穿插了她本人婚姻，事業和電視節目中發生的小故事。
10. 發現這本書的時候我正在經曆離婚的煎熬，而它幫我找到了恢複自我的正確方向。對每個迷失了自我的女人，這是一本優秀的讀物。
11. 我正在為了是否結束一場四年的戀愛關係而猶豫不絕，而法官朱蒂的這本書恰恰是我需要讀的！她以聰明而幽默的筆觸，通過自己的故事，向讀者提供了直接了當的建議，沒有半句廢話。讀完這本書，我感覺終於有力量做出了那個自己一直害怕的決定。所有的女人都應該讀讀這本書，而我會讓它一直陪伴我到久遠的將來！謝謝你，法官朱蒂！
12. 作為一名男性讀者，我發現這本書實在提出了一些很棒的觀點，特別是有關年輕的女人以及他們在選擇伴侶時所犯的愚蠢的錯誤。在她的電視節目中，基本上每隔一天就能看到有女人為了信用卡賬單的事狀告前男友。我還聽說過男人打老婆（女友），出軌，以及其它各種虐待女人的故事。
我真奇怪為什麽那些不值一提的家夥們還總能找到別的女人，而世界上的好男人卻孤獨地渡過每個周末。我自己就有這樣的經曆。我28歲就自己買了房子，從來都不好意思跟女人開口要錢或信用卡（她們基本上連點時間都不給我），更不要說跟女人動粗。開著摩托，留著長發，外加一副吊兒郎當的態度（注釋：連份工作都保不住）,這些德性好象使很多女人覺得特“激動人心”。
這個問題我認為最經典：“你為什麽要跟那個禽獸不如的虐待狂或不忠實的狗東西在一起？”“因為我愛他！”上帝啊，救救我們吧！雖然很多女人會同情地同意“男人是狗”，法官朱蒂用殘酷的直率告訴她們：“聰明點吧！收起眼淚快快長大吧！”
謝謝你法官朱蒂，為你的誠實，而許多人還在拒絕麵對現實。
原文如下, 選自：
http://www.amazon.com/Beauty-Fades-Dumb-Forever-Making/product-reviews/006092991X/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1
1. .....Drawn from her experience as a Family Court Judge in New York City for over 25 years, Judge Judy says she has seen and heard enough of the thousands of excuses that women (in particular) make in order to get or keep their men, and that it is about time that women take responsibility for themselves, and, by themselves.
2. This book can be read by the male species (such as myself) as well. Why? Because, I believe that a true man can be measured not only by his character and his values, but also by his willingness to learn and discover new (or old) things in life to increase his caring capacity.
3. Every mother should give this to their young daughters to read. Judge Judy teaches that you must have a sense of humor in life. She also teaches to not let yourself be trampled on in the work force by your male counterparts.
4. Judge Judy talks about this subject with her usual "I'm not going to take any crap off of anybody" approach that we see all the time on her show, in her courtroom and dispenses it freely and objectively.
This is a definite must for any woman who is at any situation in life. Growing up, being a wife and mother, juggling a career, being a success, etc. A gem of a read.
5. The little lady judge with the big loud mouth pulls no punches. Her commonsense advice comes from experience. She rues the day she agreed to quit a Washington D.C. law school so that she could move back to New York and marry; if she had to do it over, she says she now knows it would have been better to ask her fiance to move for her career. She went from being the top student at a leading law school to being just another ordinary student in a lesser one.
She advises young women not to do like she did, treating their own education and career less seriously than their husband's.
Getting an education that qualifies women for well-paying careers, the judge writes, is "divorce insurance". After all, mothers are the ones who probably will have to support their children should they be divorced.
6. I finally found a book with which I can identify! Judge Judy is a no-nonsense woman, no games here. She has the ability to "read" people quickly and they don't pull anything over on her. She is intelligent, witty, with a rare talent these days, COMMON SENSE!
7. Funny reading, even for (open-minded, smart) guys: Although the book is squarely targeted at women, the principles Judge Judy discusses could apply to men of low self-esteem also (hey, women have been reading and internally switching the pronouns in male-centric books for years; why not turn the tables?).
8. The word respect has long been forgotten! Her writing teaches women that it's okay to develop who you really are. I find her fair. Sometimes the truth hurts, and the only way to get through to the people on the show is to call them on their actions.
9. Judge Judy's self-help guide for women who find themselves on the short end of the happiness stick. Judy tells women to stand up for themselves, grow a spine, choose their battles, and exude self-confidence. Interspersed are Judy's snippets about her marriage, career as a court judge, and her TV show.
10. I was going through a divorce and this was just the right book to put me back on track towards recovery. It is an excellent book for every women who has lost her identity.
11.I am in the midst of deciding whether or not to end a four year relationship, and Judge Judy's book was exactly what I needed to read! She gives straight forward, no-nonsense advice in a clever and often humorous account of her life and experiences. When I finished reading her book, I felt empowered to finally make the decision I have been so afraid of. This is a book that all women should read, and one I will be rereading far into the future!! Thank you Judge Judy!
12. As a male reader of Judge Judy's work, this book really comes out with some excellent points, especially when the judge eloquently talks about young women and the stupid choices they make in the selection of a mate. On her own show, just about every other day, some woman is suing an ex-lover over a credit card bill. I also hear of stories of men who beat up their lovers, cheat on them, and abuse them in countless other ways.
It amazes me to see such losers continually find other lovers, while the nice guys in this world sit home alone on Saturday Night. I myself experienced this. I bought my own house at 28 years old, and was too proud to ever ask a woman for money (not that they would have, many rarely even gave me the time of day!) or a credit card. Owning a Harley-Davidson, long hair, and a rebellious attitude(read: can't keep a job) seem to be attributes that many women find "exciting."
Here's one I really think is a classic: "Why do you stay with that abusive monster" or "cheating dog?" "Because I love him!" GOD help us! While many other women would sympathize and agree that "men are dogs", Judy is brutally honest by saying, "Smarten Up! quit crying and grow up already!" Thank you Judge Judy for being honest while so many people live in such denial.
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BTW，我在大學和城市的公共圖書館都見到過這本書。
再次強調一下，它不是一本心理學方麵的書，而是充滿了被大眾忽略的常識（COMMON SENSE）。真正需要心理指導的讀者，建議去找一些心理學方麵的讀物。
我個人認為，本博客裏已經推薦的“心理疆界”和“好女孩綜合症”，解答了我們中國女人通常遇到的一些問題，非常值得一讀。