Glorious Insults

When Insults Had Class (no 4-letter words !!)

 

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle finger.

 

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:  She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

 

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:  "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."  "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

 

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

 

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

 

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

 

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

 

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

 

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

 

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

 

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

 

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

 

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

 

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

 

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

 

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

 

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard

 

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

 

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

 

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

 

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

 

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

 

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

 

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

 

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx