花間書齋
成功之門原來虛掩著
《沁園春》長沙英譯
讓你等急了吧？因為周末還要上班，所以遲遲才譯完發過來。你總是在把我往火上烤。古典詩詞，尤其是毛澤東的詩詞，那是詩詞中的桂冠，我最多隻能編編草帽。編草帽的水平你非上我做桂冠，實在強我所難。有句佛語說：無力飲池河，詎言吞大海。說實話，編草帽都整不好，遑論製作桂冠。沒有金剛鑽，別攬瓷器活兒。我本該有自知之明，但由於盛情難卻，不好使你失望，也隻好硬著頭皮出醜了。我翻譯的風格就是大白話，連句尾的押韻都沒有考慮。請別見笑。體例是原詩句緊接你的譯文，我的譯文則標出宋譯字樣。請注意：為了盡量減少字母數量，我采取不少簡縮形式，如d = th, de = the, deir = their, in’ = ing, ‘f = of, ‘d = ed.
宋德利
《沁園春》長沙 1925
《Qinyuanchun》Changsha 1925
毛澤東著
宋德利譯
獨立寒秋，There, I stand a chilly Autumn day, arms-fold.
湘江北去，looking the river (Xiang) flow north-wards,
橘子洲頭。an island in midst of the river, sunlit gold,
宋譯：
Standin’ alone on a chilly autumn day wid arms foldin’
I’m watchin’ de Xiangjiang River flow northwards
From de Orange Isle bath’d in sunlight glowin’ as gold
看萬山紅遍，When you turn you head slow, see, mountains red,
層林盡染；forests painted by stylists or artists who knows
漫江碧透，looking down from the rocks stood, river bluer n' wooden boats
百舸爭流。hundredths of them, up-stream in turbulence, they Go!
宋譯：
Look! mounts upon mounts brightly red
N layers upon layers of forests colorful as paint’d;
On de crystal green river
Many a boat busily.come n go.
鷹擊長空，While eagles high up relaxing, look from their wings below
魚翔淺底，but deep down in the water, you see fishes lazily swim shallow
萬類霜天競自由。Free, only at large, open, natural, universal, U know!
宋譯：
Eagles r soarin’ up to de skies;
Fishes r swimmin’ above de shallow river bank.
All creatures r freely struggllin’under de autumn heavens.
悵寥廓，Oh, from higher in sky, or the water below, only, people puzzle,
問蒼茫大地，On this land, huge kingdoms built
誰主沉浮？to whom they belong? Who rules, order, n' can say No?
宋譯：
Facin’ de broad sceney, I feel puzzled
N ask de earth:
Who decides deir destiny?
攜來百侶曾遊, Enchanting, n' inviting, visitors n' lovers unknown
憶往昔，fronted by old160; memories gold, in stories
崢嶸歲月稠。 unfold and told.
宋譯：
Having brought my frends, I once visited here.
Recalling de past,
I think of many’s de eventful years.
恰同學少年，Our times over the books, bravo,
風華正茂；as if we will grow never old,
書生意氣，romantic, words and wills
揮斥方遒。energy full, we write poetry remarkable
宋譯：
At such a time when quite youn’,
We students were full of vigor;
On our mettle
We were bold n flowin’.
指點江山，On top of the mountains, we left songs, not only jokes,
激揚文字，Words! exciting, and excited as we were,
糞土當年萬戶侯。but those shit old-riches silly and old?
宋譯：
Pointin’ at de river n mounts,
N writing critical essays,
We counted the mighty no more than muck.
曾記否，Shouldn't forget, times highlight bold,
到中流擊水，the fun in mid of water, we swam
浪遏飛舟？in the waves flip and wash away the boat
宋譯：
Still remember
That we once swam in midstream
Wid waves holdin’ back de swift boats?
Have a nice week.
But, a little "but", you have so much beautiful English at hand, why not try some "DIY" work? I, myself, have tried anyway, for good or bad.
Nevertheless, highly appreciate your work.