奠

好友芬尼總是說我有種特殊的感受別人情緒的能力，即使那個人盡力地隱藏著自己的情緒波動，我還是能夠直覺地感受到something is wrong。很多時候這種“能力”讓我能夠及時幫助需要幫助的朋友，有時候，卻給我帶來陰影和不安。

上個月有一次跟爸爸媽媽聊天準備行程的時候，感到爸爸在電話上欲言又止，但是我一發現苗頭他就馬上轉移話題了，後來不管我怎麽跟媽媽說，媽媽都一口咬定什麽事情都沒有，是我想多了。我知道自己沒有想多，但是也隻能勉強安慰自己。我最擔心的，自然是爸爸媽媽的健康。

爸爸媽媽星期四到了，全家團圓，心情自然是非常高興。昨天晚飯又吃到了媽媽做的家常菜，春天的夕陽下，其樂融融。

晚飯後，媽媽坐下跟我說，有件事情爸爸媽媽決定到了這裏再告訴你，奶奶沒有了。

在我的大腦還沒有來得及process 這個噩耗的時候，我的淚水已經洶湧而出。爸爸單獨走開了，媽媽坐在我身邊撫摸著我的頭發，慢慢地說著。他們不想讓我一個人在這裏承受悲傷卻又無能為力，於是全家統一瞞著我，等爸爸媽媽來了告訴我，這樣至少和我在一起。

我的奶奶沒有了。

那個每個周六都會給我做午飯然後在樓下喊我名字的奶奶；那個能夠做天下最好吃的醃篤鮮的奶奶，那個給我做楊梅酒的奶奶， 那個不停給我納密密實實鞋底讓我在美國穿的奶奶； 那個我出國的時候，拿著手絹不斷地擦眼淚的奶奶；那個一心等著四世同堂的奶奶，我卻再也看不到了。

爸爸每天陪伴著重病的奶奶，醫生說奶奶日夜顛倒，盡量不要讓她白天睡覺，爸爸就不斷地跟奶奶說話聊天，講笑話；醫生說要用進口藥，爸爸就一支四千塊錢地買；最後奶奶喪失意識了，醫生說要氣管切開了，爸爸終於放棄了。奶奶第二天就走了。2月1 6日。

那個月我在病房，很少上網，偶爾打個電話也是匆匆就掛了，我關心著自己的病人，卻從來沒有想到，在大洋的那一邊，我深愛的親人，已經奄奄彌留。 我的父母，默默經受著生離死別卻不讓自己學醫的女兒擔心悲傷。

[乾坤九擲]

看到你的這篇文章我哭了，作為一個和你同齡的男人，我幾乎從來沒哭過，但是不知道為什麽，隨著年齡的增長，我覺得自己越來越軟弱。
我跟你一樣，也在國外。就在2年前，我的大姨去世了，在我心目當中，大姨就等於是我的姥姥，我從小就是由大姨帶大的。盡管在大姨病危的時候，我回去過，但是那個時候的大姨已經認不出我了。
我不知道我們這樣的人，出國是為了什麽，最後又能得到什麽，也許我們是增長了見識，會比別人多說點外語，也許我們也掙到了一點錢，但是我們失去了很多很多，失去的最多的就是我們跟家人的親情。我最大的遺憾就是我出國的這幾年沒有能夠陪伴在大姨的身邊。她是那麽每天想見到我。
我上麵還有一個姐姐，所以小名叫小二。據後來我媽說，大姨在最後彌留之前，盡管話說不出來了，但是經常伸著兩個手指，估計就是 小二的意思。

不寫了，寫不出來了。

[pupu760]

人是寂寞的吧，遠去的親人讓人格外孤單

[Bali]

落花,我和外婆比和父母更親近.外婆去世的時候家裏也是瞞著我,一直等我幾個月後到了上海才告訴我.雖然知道是好心,說實話,我很不領情.為什麽瞞著我呢? 難道最後一麵沒有學校工作重要嗎? 我覺得中國人這點瞞的習慣很不好,生了絕症的人醫生隻告訴家人不告訴病人等等,我就想不通.這隻是我個人想法,你和你家人的相處方式自然不同. 我們家更氣人的是,居然把我外婆的衣物都處理了,隻給了我外婆的幾件首飾.我更想要的是外婆常穿的帶著她氣味的衣物. 真是氣死了.

[sunshadow]

多多保重。

[縱然平行]

Sorry for your terrible lose, hoping that the words offered from all of us would give you a tad of solace. Clearly, I can understand your struggle of pain, mourning and grief, even a sense of guilt for that you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to your beloved grandma in person. But I guess, sometime it may be better for us to just let it go instead to dwell on it.

Last year at a point time when my grandma’s health condition seemed deteriorating, I was very worried and anxious. The primary reason I returned home last Dec was to make up the time that I was absent when she was in hospital. Like your grandmother , my grandma has also been a significant person cast quite influence during my early childhood and shaped my views towards world. Especially, for the years that my father was out of the country pursuing his degrees and my exhausted mother rushed in, out and between those grinding hospital shifts. It was my grandma who read me bedtime stories, tucked my in the bed, praying for her son safe return ad her grandson a good-night sleep. Many nights through my ajar bedroom door, I’d watch her back producing a long shadow over the soft-lit hallway after she kissed me and walked out my room. With my eyes open I'd listen the sound of her feet fading away from the stair cases in our awfully quite house, I‘d slowly drift away in the dreams of flying out windows over the starlit sky just like Peter Pan to visit my parents in the lab or in the ward….

Enough though my grandma and grandpa are still alive and relatively healthy these days , I know, someday a phone call across the ocean will come to notify me the inevitable. I just secretly wish the days will be postponed as further down the road as possible.

Today at lunch time as I was walking out with my lunch buddies from “Café Sage” on John Street, the early April’s sunny sky was overshadowed with dark clouds, and chilly west wind carried snow flurries swirled aground us. I couldn’t help but think that even the dimension of time itself may be infinite , yet our lives are perhaps not. So cherishing the moments with our love ones becomes imperatively important because sooner or later our time would run out in our own spaces. And unlike in video games, in reality there are no “time portal“ or “wormhole” to transport us back to the time to relive the past again.

I think taking some time off with your love ones may be the sensible way to alleviate the sorrow and possibility to heal the wound a bit faster, so do enjoy the family time with your folks in FL.


Take care, Babe.

P.S Speaking of Orlando, I’d attempt to recommend that EPCOT may be one of suitable place for you and your parents to have some good time together. The attraction there, “Soaring”, is poetically exhilarating , and it is also mild enough for your folks to enjoy as well. If your are lucky you may have a simulated fly along Californian coast line, but the drawback is the waiting time which can be brutally long, though. For you, the interactive Space Advanced Training Lab (the Orange type not the green one) and high-tech Automotive Testing Track can be two fun attractions to challenge your audacity if you brave enough to give them a try. For food, the restaurant, “Chefs de France”, in EPCOT is also not too bad to try authentic French cuisine, Its chefs do come from France. If you are not sure the menu items , order the lamb dish, I found it was pretty good. Make the reservation two days ahead as the hostess can be quite snobbish and discouraging when handling the walking-ins. BTW, if you don’t like my comment please delete it. It is just a “cut and dry”case.

[spacespirit]

和我的父母一樣。有這樣的父母和有過這樣的奶奶已經就是幸福人生了。

[蚊子凶猛]

聖嚴法師的四個它：麵對它，接受它，處理它，放下它

道理很簡單，很簡單的也才是道理，共勉

[流浪的人群]

回複落花飄零的評論:

非常理解你現在陣痛的心情。希望能好好的安慰你，正如你安慰我一樣。語言終是蒼白，握你的手...
記得剛來美留學時，姥姥去世，家裏一直瞞著我，直到我兩年後回國探親。她也是從小陪我,直到我考上大學.
幾天前是媽媽一周年的忌日，心碎的痛苦久久不去,難以入眠. 後來，經常去教會，試圖相信人的永生。以撫慰著刻骨的痛。

"媽媽
我也想給你打電話
如果上帝
有你天上的號碼"

正逢清明，落花，讓我們一起為我們的親人們祈禱吧！

祝你和爸爸媽媽共度美好時光！

[盈袖2006]

feel for you my dear. you have all the good memory, which will be with you forever.

[蚊子凶猛]

和父母去南部放鬆一下，保重

[落花飄零]

謝謝大家。還是覺得心裏不時地一陣悲傷，但是不想讓爸爸媽媽太難過了。馬上要去佛羅裏達了，希望陽光下大家的心情都好起來。

[sinorachel]

以前我不相信人有直覺，但是經曆了兩次，我才知道什莫是血肉相連。第一次，我在美國的時候，有那末幾天心情莫名煩躁，等到了周末給家裏打電話才得知大舅去世了。第二次，我生病了從美國回中國治病，早上8點20幾分在病房裏，老公和我開玩笑，我一下子突然很煩躁，當時我還想要控製莫名其妙的脾氣控製自己的情緒，過了一個多小時，媽媽來告訴我爺爺去世了，正是在不到8點半的時候。那時候我重病在身，白細胞遠遠低於正常人，所以根本沒有辦法去再看爺爺最後一眼，隻有不到半小時的路程，但是我和爺爺從此陰陽永隔了。
生離死別，我們每個人都不得不經曆，每次想起來都會禁不住淚流滿麵。抱抱落花，同哭同悲傷。

[punny]

hug hug，應該剛出了七吧，有爸爸媽媽陪在身邊，會好過一點。

[寂寞的蟋蟀]

落花姐，別難過了。擁抱！

[隨意簡單]

落花，多保重。開心些，陪陪爸爸媽媽，走走，看看，一起享受天倫之樂。

[linda_tan]

恩，我也想我奶奶了 ～～～～～～～

[狼來了!]

HUG,HUG!

奶奶在天堂裏看著你一步步實現自己的夢想的時候，她老人家一定會非常開心。你對奶奶的深情，奶奶一定能感受到。MM節哀！

爸爸媽媽來了真好，這次多陪陪他們。不一定遊山玩水，有時候在家裏多陪他們聊天吃飯散步勝過帶他們到處旅遊。

祝福MM全家！

[mich_eom]

落花,我都看哭了,真不知道說什麽,什麽寬慰的話在這樣的離別前都是無力的.我想我們還能做的就是,好好珍惜還可以去愛的親人.

[蔓穗草]

節哀！
你奶奶看到你家庭幸福，工作順利，身體健康，她在天上會非常欣慰的。好好的生活就是對奶奶最好的懷念。。。

[little.snail]

may your grandma rest in peace...

[流沙隨風]

清明時節雨紛紛
落花飄零欲斷魂
借問酒家何處有
流沙謠指地球村

同奠

[damaof]

強有力的擁抱一下。

[Appleflower]

Luo Hua, I'm sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Unfortunately, that's how it is for those of us in medicine, we're so busy caring for other people's families that we don't have time to look after ours.

[fog_rain_thunder]

pat pat