陪你走完這一程

中午剛剛坐下來吃午飯，ICU就page 我，而且是stat,這種情況往往是有病人突然惡化，我趕緊回到ICU。

沒想到出狀況的竟然是Ms. W，她是80多歲的老太太，嚴重的心衰，在急診code了兩次，奇跡般地活了下來，而且不斷好轉，是我們的magic 老太太。她瘦瘦小小的，很安靜，說話也很禮貌。

我走進房間，老太太完全紫紺了，呼吸也很費力，兩個肺全是囉音，提示著她的心力衰竭又一次加重了。這種情況下，是應該重新氣管插管的，但她是no code，就是不搶救的。我把現在的情況解釋給老太太聽，她奮力地搖頭，雖然帶著氧氣麵罩，但是我能依稀聽出來她說，let me die with peace。我用力握了握她的手，把氧氣調到了最大流量，然後，她就在上帝的手裏了。老太太的先生已經去世了，兒子早已失去了聯係。房間裏隻有我和她，還有她沉重凝滯的呼吸聲。

這時候另外一個病人也突然惡化了，家人要求全力搶救，房間裏熙熙攘攘的醫生護士，呼吸技師，病人家屬，我們一邊交待病情，家屬一邊大聲哭泣。

等到病人穩定下來，我又回到 Ms. W的房間，她已經喪失了意識，隻有間歇的掙紮呼吸，和監護儀上的心電圖，還在記錄著她微弱的生命痕跡。

隔壁房間是繁忙的家屬來回走動，打電話聯係更多的家屬，哭泣聲此起彼伏，而這個房間，隻有她一個人孤零零地走向死亡。我握起她的手，至少讓我，陪她走完人生的最後一程。

最後心跳和呼吸停止了，我關掉了監護儀。她的臉很安詳，我沒有辦法挽回她的生命，但是至少她最後的願望，die with peace，得到了尊重。至少她最後的一程，有人握著她的手，說再見。

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

[流浪的人群]

落花飄零,
死別的痛苦，就像斷了線的風箏，絕望地越來越遠。。。沒經曆過，很難體會那種徹骨的痛。很感動你的溫柔和善良，握著她的手。God bless you!
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

[落花飄零]

謝謝forever young，有空常來。

[Forever_Young/]

落花妹妹，我是偶然的機會才幸運的看到你的博克的。
很真實，有你的歡樂和悲哀，謝謝分享，願你的博克越來越精彩！

[落花飄零]

幸運的番茄頭，謝謝你的留言，麵對生死掙紮，我總有種說不出的憂傷，隨著工作時間越來越長，我也變得越來越能夠內斂自己的感情，這對我，對病人和家屬，都是有好處的。你說的書，我有機會找來看看，謝謝。
heyheyhey,山水清音，謝謝你們的留言，和高興認識你們，有空常來。

[heyheyhey]

found your blog by an accident. fell in love with your stories. not only this one, they are all pretty good. You should be an author insead of a doctor. You will do a much better job in writing though you've been doing well as a doctor....just kidding

[山水清音]

又是一個如此善良心細的好女孩！祝福你！

[lucky_tomatohead]

落花,一直關注你的博客.心情也會一直隨著你、你的病人而起伏。不忍看你每次心痛。

我知道你有可能不信佛。但是我誠懇的推薦你一本書，Brian Weiss 寫的Messages From The Masters.我希望這本書能夠改變一些你的世界觀，人生觀。請你有時間一定要去讀一讀。

希望你每天快樂。

[AppleFlower]

Luo Hua,

Ms. W is very fortunate to have you as her doctor.

[落花飄零]

xux, you are right, it is very hard to make the final decision at that moment, but once made, we should all respect, every one deserves a fairwell with dignity. living in this modern society, even with kids, no one knows what will happen when that final moment comes...

punny，這個月在ICU，經常要麵對這些，雖然外麵陽光燦爛，但是心情總是沉甸甸的。

[punny]

雖然她走的很平靜，但是看了心裏還是很難過

[xux]

This one is very touching. It makes me cry. My husband and I chose not to have kids. One thing we talk about sometimes is, when we die, who will be there, especially for the last one of us to die. People can choose no code, but no one wants to die alone. It is very nice of you to do what you have done.