老兄的精神可嘉，值得大家學習，

效果卻是不好，可能是沒有遇到好老師，或者是沒有找到好的學習方法。

 

我認為你的英文，單詞是英文單詞，句子是合乎語法的句子，可就是讀起來不像英文。比如用詞不當，而且重複使用不當之詞，如in water，clothes, 等。其它我認為的許多不妥之處我就不多說了。當局者迷，旁觀者清吧，當然也包括我本人。

 

你的原文：

She carried the dirty clothes in a basket and went to the nearest stream. She watched other women how to wash clothes. They soaked the clothes in water and took them up and put on a smooth stone above the water. Then they beat the wet clothes with a wooden stick till the dirt on the clothes was squeezed out with water. Then they dipped the clothes in water again and shook them in water to let the dirt go with the current. After a while they took them up and wrung water out of the clothes.

我的改寫如下：

She went down to the nearest stream, carrying dirty clothes in a basket, to learn how other women would do their laundry. They would first soak up their washings in the stream, put them up on a smooth stone and beat away at them with a wooden stick to squeeze out the dirt. Then they would pick one piece and shake and turn it in the current to rinse before taking it up and wringing it dry.

所有跟帖： 

• much better. -灰衣人- ♂ (156 bytes) () 03/24/2011 postreply 13:33:03

• 回複：much better. -selfselfself- ♂ (376 bytes) () 03/24/2011 postreply 14:14:07

• Thanks for your contribution -Verdeboy- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/24/2011 postreply 19:07:44

• 回複：much better. -海外逸士- ♂ (78 bytes) () 03/24/2011 postreply 17:56:27

• There you go.You have made a good point there. -Verdeboy- ♂ (155 bytes) () 03/24/2011 postreply 19:06:17

• 回複：老兄的精神可嘉，值得大家學習， -海外逸士- ♂ (170 bytes) () 03/24/2011 postreply 17:53:03

• 回複：回複：老兄的精神可嘉，值得大家學習， -海外逸士- ♂ (157 bytes) () 03/24/2011 postreply 18:00:30

• learn 在這裏不是學的意思，是find out. -Verdeboy- ♂ (57 bytes) () 03/24/2011 postreply 19:10:49

• 回複：learn 在這裏不是學的意思，是find out. -海外逸士- ♂ (58 bytes) () 03/25/2011 postreply 06:45:17

• 不敢苟同，您的意思不定式隻能用於表述“目的”？ -selfselfself- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/25/2011 postreply 21:05:31

• 別的用法在這裡更談不上。 -海外逸士- ♂ (35 bytes) () 03/26/2011 postreply 06:20:26

• 您的意思“一連串動作”就不能用“不定式”？ -selfselfself- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/26/2011 postreply 06:59:07

• 的確如此。這說明閣下對寫作原則一點不知。 -海外逸士- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/26/2011 postreply 14:52:54

• 哦，寫作都有哪些原則，請逸士明示 -selfselfself- ♂ (189 bytes) () 03/26/2011 postreply 21:17:51

• 這要上課了。我能白上嗎﹖$100一小時。能付嗎﹖ -海外逸士- ♂ (85 bytes) () 03/27/2011 postreply 07:09:23

• “多讀不同STYLE的作家就可知道”--那麽寫的，除了你這個作家，還有誰？ -verdeboy- ♂ (423 bytes) () 03/24/2011 postreply 18:56:34

• 各位發現這裡的STYLE與上本小說有什麼不同嗎﹖ -海外逸士- ♂ (324 bytes) () 03/25/2011 postreply 06:52:08

• 嗬嗬，沒有什麽不同， -Verdeboy- ♂ (1219 bytes) () 03/25/2011 postreply 14:58:56

• 回複：嗬嗬，沒有什麽不同， -海外逸士- ♂ (111 bytes) () 03/25/2011 postreply 17:04:59

• Hi,"Clothes Dipper," -Verdeboy- ♂ (199 bytes) () 03/25/2011 postreply 18:00:59

• 回複：Hi,"Clothes Dipper," -海外逸士- ♂ (123 bytes) () 03/26/2011 postreply 06:18:01

• 謝謝灰衣人和self網友的意見，修改一下。 -verdeboy- ♂ (3169 bytes) () 03/26/2011 postreply 05:41:34

• 改寫的幾個錯誤﹕ -海外逸士- ♂ (681 bytes) () 03/26/2011 postreply 06:38:37