Small Talk

來源: hammerheadshark 2012-09-21 23:15:18 [] [舊帖] [給我悄悄話] 本文已被閱讀: 次 (6905 bytes)
本文內容已被 [ hammerheadshark ] 在 2012-09-22 12:08:40 編輯過。如有問題,請報告版主或論壇管理刪除.

I hate small talk.


Because I don’t know how to start one.


But I believe that is something I can learn.


I am a talk douser, someone who always says wrong thing at wrong time.  There was one time, I even triumphed a rather talkative man.


It was in my dentist’s waiting room where half a dozen of people were waiting patiently.  There was one guy who, ever since I stepped into that room, had never stopped talking, who did not even need sporadic responses to rekindle subjects. I was quite amazed to see that all the other people were more or less trying to sit as far away from him as possible. I gingerly chose a seat in front of him, thinking this is a good opportunity for me to learn small talk without too much effort from my side.  Not surprisingly, he was turning this side and that side, his eyes sweeping around the room searching for another possible candidate. I was pretending to watch a TV mounted on the wall, in which, Obama was giving a lecture, but the TV was on mute, the rustling of flipping magazines and creaking of turning chairs were quite unnerving and making the silence in the room eerily awkward.  To encourage that man to start a talk with me, I casted a cursory glance at him and managed a shallow smile.  The man smiled back, pointing his finger to the TV and said, “He (Obama) is very smart. I like him.” I never knew how to follow a conversion and keep it alive.  So, I smiled understandably and remained silent. After several minutes of soliloquising, the man started asking me questions, in an apparent effort to look for new topics.


“What is your take on US election?” he asked.


I didn’t want to look stupid and ignorant, therefore, I carefully formulated my answers, chose right words, mentally checked grammar, tense and, with an accent I learned from MYSJ, said, “I believe in world peace. This world should be put in women’s hands.  I definitely vote for Hilary Clinton.”


“You…” The man looked at me in di*****elief, mouth half open, as if my answer was so profound that he had to mull it over.


Undeterred, the man started another topic, this time, in slow and clear English, “Where are you from?”


Like many other overseas Chinese, I felt my words and behaviours were responsible for how other people would see China. But the problem was I had no idea how he would form an opinion about me, and might extend that to China.  Out of this concern, I said, “I am from Pakistan.”  But my face was rather unconvincing, so I started shaking my head horizontally, accompanying it with a sunny smile.  I should have borrowed my wife’s lipstick to put a red dot in the middle of my forehead.


Now, the man was shocked, and examined my face one more time and ventured, “I think you are Chinese.”


I knew I have stretched it a little bit too far, and then I tried to fix my pervious lie with another lie. “I am a Pakistan Chinese.”  At least, I was one step closer to the truth than my first lie.


“Now, you are in Canada!” He murmured thoughtfully.                          


“I am a Canadian Pakistan Chinese now.” I just realized how difficult it was to lie all the time.


“Oh…” The man was completely speechless.  In a great panic, he yelled toward the inside of the room, “Excuse me, but, is this dentist’s office?”

所有跟帖: 

tern2, time to talk about our grandma. -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (676 bytes) () 09/21/2012 postreply 23:20:33

LOL you are such a wordsmith with a brilliant humor. Love it! -sportwoman- 給 sportwoman 發送悄悄話 sportwoman 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 03:35:28

Thank you, sporty. -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 20:41:58

You have a terrific sense of humor. -珈玥- 給 珈玥 發送悄悄話 珈玥 的博客首頁 (1062 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 06:56:54

Nothing is better than throwing me back a joke! -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (492 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 20:39:09

Very well written, nice work -bmdn- 給 bmdn 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 08:27:36

Thank you,bmdn. -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 20:28:09

lol, very enjoyable! excellent. -非文學青年- 給 非文學青年 發送悄悄話 非文學青年 的博客首頁 (120 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 12:12:46

I came here about a year ago. -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (38 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 20:26:54

oh, I see. I thought that part about MYSJ was more of a joke -非文學青年- 給 非文學青年 發送悄悄話 非文學青年 的博客首頁 (1528 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 20:45:30

Ok,any discussion is welcome. -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (4084 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 21:44:26

my thoughts -非文學青年- 給 非文學青年 發送悄悄話 非文學青年 的博客首頁 (1071 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 22:14:17

I am not saying they not important -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (963 bytes) () 09/23/2012 postreply 05:54:51

As this is for discussion, we can agree to disagree then? -非文學青年- 給 非文學青年 發送悄悄話 非文學青年 的博客首頁 (477 bytes) () 09/23/2012 postreply 07:31:00

怎麽了?你們兩位都是我最敬重的大牛人之二不想看見你們任何一位生氣。 -sportwoman- 給 sportwoman 發送悄悄話 sportwoman 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 09/23/2012 postreply 07:48:39

謝謝。沒有生氣,小蔓,學術討論,嗬嗬。 -非文學青年- 給 非文學青年 發送悄悄話 非文學青年 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 09/23/2012 postreply 07:56:06

I am not offended, nor am I angry. -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (4234 bytes) () 09/23/2012 postreply 15:09:35

what I meant by "看錯人了” was -非文學青年- 給 非文學青年 發送悄悄話 非文學青年 的博客首頁 (2088 bytes) () 09/23/2012 postreply 16:03:20

Tell that native speaker -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (2448 bytes) () 09/23/2012 postreply 16:52:38

let's talk about this offline or discuss it in the future. -非文學青年- 給 非文學青年 發送悄悄話 非文學青年 的博客首頁 (718 bytes) () 09/23/2012 postreply 17:36:42

哈哈哈,you have a big sense of humor! -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 beautifulwind 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 14:22:31

Thank you,have a great weekend. -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 20:24:12

Well written. I like that punch line. -聚曦亭- 給 聚曦亭 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 18:19:58

Thank you,聚曦亭 -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 20:22:02

hahahaha. this is so funny, making me cry laughing all the -tern2- 給 tern2 發送悄悄話 tern2 的博客首頁 (454 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 19:35:08

Yes, you wrote on my tomb! -hammerheadshark- 給 hammerheadshark 發送悄悄話 (38 bytes) () 09/22/2012 postreply 20:20:45

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