寧靜在說話（第三章：小我）

第三章：小我

The Egoic Self

 

The mind is incessantly looking not only for food for
thought; it is looking for food for its identity, its sense of self. This is
how the ego comes into existence and continuously re-creates itself.  

心智不停地尋找思維的糧食，也不停地尋找自我認同的糧食，“小我”因而誕生，並不斷地再創自己。

 

When you think or speak about yourself, when you say, “I,”
what you usually refer to is “me and my story.” This is the “I” of your likes
and dislikes, fears and desires, the “I” that is never satisfied for long. It
is a mind-made sense of who you are, conditioned by the past and seeking to
find its fulfillment in the future.

當你想到或談到自己，說到“我”這個字時，通常你說的是“我和我的故事”。這個以你自己的好惡、恐懼與欲望為中心的“我”，是永遠無法真正被滿足的。這個由心智所打造所謂的“我”，受到過去的製約，並企求在未來得到滿足。

 

Can you see that this “I” is fleeting, a temporary
formation like a wave pattern on the surface of the water? 

你能明白這個“我”是飛逝的，是一個暫時的構成狀態，就像水麵掀起的波紋嗎？

 

Who is it that sees this? Who is it that is aware of the
fleetingness of your physical and psychological form? I am. This is the deeper
“I” that has nothing to do with past and future.  

那個能看明此事的人是誰？那個能覺察到肉體與心理的存在形式是暫時性的人是誰？是“我本是”，它才是更深處那個與過去或未來無關的“我”。

 

What will be left of all the fearing and wanting associated
with your problematic life situation that every day takes up most of your
attention? A dash–one or two inches long, between the date of birth and date of
death on your gravestone. 

人生充滿困境，它耗去了我們絕大部分的關注，請問除了經常伴隨在困境裏的恐懼與欲望外，你的人生還剩下什麽？一個破折號，一個隻有一、兩英寸長的破折號，刻在你的墓碑上生年與死期之間。

 

To the egoic self, this is a depressing thought. To you, it
is liberating.  

對小我而言，這聽來沮喪，但對你來說，卻是種釋放。

 

When each thought absorbs your attention completely, it
means you identify with the voice in your head. Thought then becomes invested
with a sense of self. This is the ego, the mind-made “me.” That mentally
constructed self feels incomplete and precarious. That’s why fearing and
wanting are its predominant emotions and motivating forces. 

當每個念頭都能完全地抓住你的注意時，便意味著你向腦海中浮現的那個聲音認同了，於是這些念頭將充滿自我感，這就是小我，一個由心智所打造的“我”。這個由心智所建構的自我，感覺上並不完整也不穩定，因此，恐懼與欲望才成了它最主要的情緒與驅動力量。

 

When you recognize that there is a voice in your head that
pretends to be you and never stops speaking, you are awakening out of your
unconscious identification with the stream of thinking. When you notice that
voice, you realize that who you are is not the voice–the thinker–but the one
who is aware of it. 

當你認出腦海中有個聲音假裝是你，叨叨絮絮地說個不停，你便已然從自己無意識下所認同的思緒之流裏醒過來了。當你注意到那聲音，你就會明白真正的你並非那聲音（思考者），而是覺察那聲音的人。

 

Knowing yourself as the awareness behind the voice is
freedom.  

知道你自己就是那隱於聲音之後的覺性，那就是自由。

 

The egoic self is always engaged in seeking. It is seeking
more of this or that to add to itself, to make itself feel more complete. This
explains the ego’s compulsive preoccupation with future. 

小我總是尋尋覓覓著，希望找到更多的這個、那個，來為自己增添份量，讓自己感覺更為完整；也因此，小我總是強迫性地被未來所占滿。

 

Whenever you become aware of yourself “living for the next
moment,” you have already stepped out of that egoic mind pattern, and the
possibility of choosing to give your full attention to this moment arises
simultaneously. 

無論何時，隻要您能察覺到自己正在“為下一刻而活”，你便已跨越了小我心智的模式，同時間，你想把全部注意力投注在當下的可能性也出現了。

 

By giving your full attention to this moment, an
intelligence far greater than the egoic mind enters your life.  

隻要你把全部的注意力投注在此時此刻，一個遠比小我心智更為寬廣宏大的本初智性，便進入了你的生命。

 

When you live through the ego, you always reduce the
present moment to a means to an end. You live for the future, and when you
achieve your goals, they don’t satisfy you, at least not for long. 

隻要你活在小我之中，便總會將當下此刻矮化為達成目標的工具。你為了未來而活，然而即使你達成了目標，它們卻依然無法滿足你，至少撐不了太久。

 

When you give more attention to the doing than to the
future result that you want to achieve through it, you break the old egoic
conditioning. Your doing then becomes not only a great deal more effective, but
infinitely more fulfilling and joyful.

當你專注於手上的事情，而不是花心思去想它未來可以達到怎樣的成果，你便已擺脫了舊有的小我製約模式。於是，手上的這件工作，不但會進行的更有效率，還會帶給你極大的滿足與喜悅。 

 

Almost every ego contains at least an element of what we
might call “victim identity.” Some people have such a strong victim image of
themselves that it becomes the central core of their ego. Resentment and
grievances form an essential part of their sense of self. 

幾乎所有的小我，至少都包含了一個所謂“自居受害者”的成分。有些人對於自己抱著極為強烈的受害者形象，這形象變成了他們小我的核心，憤恨與牢騷成了他們自我感的主要成分。

 

Even if your grievances are completely “justified,” you
have constructed an identity for yourself that is much like a prison whose bars
are made of thought forms. See what you are doing to yourself, or rather what
your mind is doing to you. Feel the emotional attachment you have to your
victim story and become aware of the compulsion to think or talk about it. Be
there as the witnessing presence of your inner state. You don’t have to do
anything. With the awareness comes transformation and freedom.  

即使你的牢騷不滿聽來完全“合理”，你已在為自己建築一個牢籠般的身份，你種種的念頭就是這牢籠的柵欄。與其說“看看你把自己怎麽了！”還不如說“看看你的心智把你怎麽了！”試著去感受自己在情緒上對於受害者故事的執著，試著在自己強迫性地想到它、談論它時，開始去覺察它，有如現場目擊證人般地覺察著你的內在狀態，你不需要有任何作為，因為覺性會帶來轉化與自由。

 

Complaining and reactivity are favorite mind patterns
through which the ego strengthens itself. For many people, a large part of
their mental-emotional activity consists of complaining and reacting against
this or that. By doing this, you make others or a situation “wrong” and
yourself “right.” Through being “right,” you feel superior, and through feeling
superior, you strengthen your sense of self. In reality, of course, you are
only strengthening the illusion of ego. 

抱怨與唱反調，是小我最常用來鞏固自身的心智模式。對多數人來說，他們經常有的情緒行為就是抱怨與反抗這個或那個。他們用這樣的動作，來標舉出別人或某一情況是“錯”的，以彰顯自己是“對”的，並因為自己是“對”的，而感覺高人一等，從而加強了自我感。實際上，這隻是徒然強化小我的假象罷了。

 

Can you observe those patterns within yourself and
recognize the complaining voice in your head for what it is?  

你能觀察自己內在的這些心智模式嗎？你能認清腦海中浮現的種種抱怨之聲究竟是什麽嗎？

 

The egoic sense of self needs conflict because its sense of
a separate identity gets strengthened in fighting against this or that, and in
demonstrating that this is “me” and that is not “me." 

小我的自我感需要衝突，因為透過對抗，以及強調“這是我”與“這不是我”的分別，小我得以強化自己的個別性身份。

 

Not infrequently, tribes, nations, and religions derive a
strengthened sense of collective identity from having enemies. Who would the
“believer” be without the “unbeliever”? 

部落、國家與宗教之間，藉由敵人的存在，形成一鞏固的集體認同，這樣的情形並非罕見。試問如果沒有“非信徒”，又怎能標舉出“信徒”呢？

 

In your dealings with people, can you detect subtle
feelings of either superiority or inferiority toward them? You are looking at
the ego, which lives through comparison. 

與人相處時，你能覺察自己內在的微妙感受嗎？它可能是優越感，或者是自卑感。你看見的正是“小我”，它藉由比較而生存。

 

Envy is a by-product of the ego, which feels diminished if
something good happens to someone else, or someone has more, knows more, or can
do more than you. The ego’s identity depends on comparison and feeds on more.
It will grasp at anything. If all else fails, you can strengthen your
fictitious sense of self through seeing yourself as more unfairly treated by
life or more ill than someone else.

嫉妒是小我的副產品， 如果某些好事降臨到別人身上，或是某人比你擁有更多、知道更多，或是能力更好時，小我便感覺自己被消弱了。小我是透過比較來建立自我的認同，並以比別人“更多”來壯大自己。它不斷地與任何東西、任何事情進行比較，如果都比輸了，便會藉認定自己遭受了“更多”不公平的對待，或比別人有“更多”的不幸，來強化那虛假的自我感。

 

What are the stories, the fictions from which you derive
your sense of self? 

你的自我感來自什麽樣的虛構的情節，它的故事內容究竟是什麽？

 

Built into the very structure of the egoic self is a need
to oppose, resist, and exclude to maintain the sense of separateness on which
its continued survival depends. So there is “me” against the “other,” “us”
against “them." 

小我本身有個十分明顯的特色，就是它需要去反對、抗拒、排外，以維持那人、我有別的分離感，因為這感受，小我得以繼續生存。所以，是“我”在對抗“其他人”，是“我們”在對抗“他們”。

 

The ego needs to be in conflict with something or someone.
That explains why you are looking for peace and joy and love but cannot
tolerate them for very long. You say you want happiness but are addicted to
your unhappiness. 

小我需要和某人、某事維持對立、衝突，這就解釋了為何你總在尋求和平、喜悅與愛，但又無法忍受它們太久。你說你想要快樂，卻又對你的不快樂上了癮。

 

Your unhappiness ultimately arises not from the
circumstances of your life but from the conditioning of your mind. 

你的不快樂不是因為你的生存處境，而是因為你心智的製約反應。

 

Do you carry feelings of guilt about something you did–or
failed to do–in

the past? This much is certain: you acted according to your
level of consciousness or rather unconsciousness at that time. If you had been
more aware, more conscious, you would have acted differently. 

你是否對於自己過去曾經做過或沒能去做的某件事感到內疚？可以確定的是，你在做的當下，是依據當時內在意識的清醒程度，或甚至根本是無意識而這麽行事的。如果你當時更為覺察，更有覺識，你的行事就會有所不同。

 

Guilt is another attempt by the ego to create an identity,
a sense of self. To the ego, it doesn’t matter whether that self is positive or
negative. What you did or failed to do was a manifestation of
unconsciousness–human unconsciousness. The ego, however, personalizes it and
says, “I did that,” and so you carry a mental image of yourself as
“bad." 

內疚是小我建立自我感與自我身份的另一種方式。對小我而言，自我是正麵的抑或是負麵的，根本不重要。你過去所做的或沒能做成的某件事，皆隻是人類集體無覺識狀態的外在顯化。然而，小我卻將它個人化，說：“是我做的。”於是你就認為自己是“不好的”。

 

Throughout history humans have inflicted countless violent,
cruel, and hurtful acts on each other, and continue to do so. Are they all to
be condemned; are they all guilty? Or are those acts simply expressions of
unconsciousness, an evolutionary stage that we are now growing out of? 

縱觀曆史，人類加諸彼此身上的暴虐、殘忍與傷害難以計數，而且還在持續進行中。這些人難道全部該遭受譴責？他們全都有罪嗎？或者，這些行為僅隻是無覺識的表現，僅隻是當今人類都必須成長經曆的一個進化階段？

 

Jesus’ words, “Forgive them for they know not what they
do,” also apply to yourself. 

耶穌說過：“天父啊！原諒他們，因為他們不知道自己在做什麽。”這句話同樣也適用於你自己身上。

 

If you set egoic goals for the purpose of freeing yourself,
enhancing yourself or your sense of importance, even if you achieve them, they
will

not satisfy you. 

假若你為了解放自己、強固自己或增加自己的重要性，而設定小我的目標，即使你達成了這樣的目標，它們終究無法使你得到滿足。

 

Set goals, but know that the arriving is not all that
important. When anything arises out of presence, it means this moment is not a
means to an end: the doing is fulfilling in itself every moment. You are no
longer reducing the Now to a means to an end, which is the egoic consciousness.  

你可以設定目標，但要知道，達成目標並非那麽重要。於“臨在”中不論生起什麽，都說明著“此時此刻”不是前往目的地的工具而已--你的“做”已然在它自身得到滿足，你不會再矮化當下，把它當成達到目標的工具，隻有小我才會這麽認為。

 

"No self, no problem,” said the Buddhist master when
asked to explain the deeper meaning of Buddhism. 

有人請問佛教大師關於佛教更深層的意義時，大師道：“無我，無問題。”