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大夫談關於減肥和健身(ZT)

(2009-06-05 11:14:45) 下一個

看到一好玩的,不轉不行。嚴重聲明,純屬好笑,不代表本人多年來從事營養研究之學術觀點。

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around themiddle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO, What a Ride” AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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閱讀 ()評論 (12)
評論
閑人忙人 回複 悄悄話 回複PP.的評論:真是感動,這麽久了,還惦記著我!趕緊貼一小閑的最新段子以示感謝。還是忙,希望下半年能好點。祝你和家人新年快樂,開心多多變!
PP. 回複 悄悄話 我也來冒個泡泡,快過節了,忙得告一段落了沒有?
閑人忙人 回複 悄悄話 回複阿小餅、小泥山的評論:謝謝惦記!感動。。。現在進入超忙期,恐怕有好長一陣不能常來了,有空我會去大家常去的幾個點看大家的(看著就覺著心安),冒泡可能就會少了。小閑一如既往地健康、快樂!祝大家暑期愉快!
阿小餅 回複 悄悄話 有時候我會想起你,也想你家閨女。。。。你冒個泡泡啊。。。
衝浪潛水員 回複 悄悄話 哈哈哈哈!
這個大夫是蒙古的?
小泥山 回複 悄悄話 忙啥呢,好久不見你了!
閑人忙人 回複 悄悄話 回複yueyuan的評論:哈哈,看來月圓MM也是個想得開、活得快樂的人,連公式都總結出來了,讚一個!
yueyuan 回複 悄悄話 太逗了, 太逗了!
不過這種人生態度深和我意呀 :)。
想吃吃,想喝喝,想玩玩,想呆呆著,高興就好。

活的質量= 享受*時間,享受不到,時間再長又有何益?
我是幸運兒 回複 悄悄話 哈哈哈,太逗了 :))

閑人忙人 回複 悄悄話 哈哈,這個基本上就是我哥的人生觀。他說,不讓吃這,不讓喝那,要活那麽長幹什麽!看來持這種觀點的人不少啊!
阿小餅 回複 悄悄話 基本上就是該吃吃,該喝喝,不用鍛煉。。。哈哈哈
餅姐姐 回複 悄悄話 這個我記得在哪裏看見過,再看一次也好看:))
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