2004 (9)
2007 (61)
2008 (69)
2009 (98)
2010 (87)
2012 (121)
2013 (49)
2014 (89)
2015 (75)
2016 (54)
2018 (169)
2019 (134)
2020 (257)
2021 (186)
2022 (363)
2023 (456)
有一個朋友最近在收集我以前的文章，找出來這篇，我本來是英文寫的隨筆，但是她問我可不可以翻譯成中文，和更多朋友分享。於是我翻譯了一下。一轉眼十四年過去了，我走到現在，真的要感謝那些善良的醫生護士們對我這個異鄉醫生的特殊關照，不管美國的政治如何紛擾，我知道我在這裏受到的教育和關懷，遠遠比我在上海做住院醫生時候多的多。我對這片土地，永遠有一份感激之情。
Are you ok？7/5/2006 2:20 Am
今天是我第一次值班。昨晚上我就開始緊張得睡不著，所以還沒到下午，就已經開始犯困了。而我真正的值班還都沒開始。
下午四點，值白班的intern把pager給我，我的住院醫生也通知我，急診室已經有兩個病人等著我們去收了。
我趕到ER開始收病人，一路上護士，其他team的醫生都開始page我，好多地方我也吃不準，還要問我的住院醫生。還好他對我一直都蠻耐心的。
對intern來說，第一次值班是一個挑戰。今天輪到我帶上那個催命的pager，大家看到我都會停下來問我一聲，are you OK？我忙得腳不點地，隻能快速點頭說oh yeah！
晚上十點，精神科page我。說他們有個病人要我們會診。我和住院醫生一起過去看病人的時候，內科病房護士叫我去看一個病人。我的住院醫生讓我先去內科病房，她等下過來找我。
精神科是一個很特殊的地方，出於安全考慮，到處都是鎖住的。一個護士帶我出去的路，跟我和住院醫生進來的路不一樣，我跟著exit sign拐了幾個彎，馬上就迷路了。
突然，我後麵的那扇門自動鎖上了，然後我前麵的門也是鎖著的。我被困在一段五米長的走廊上，沒有燈光，沒有手機信號。
我的pager不停地響，我的住院醫生問我在哪裏，病房護士還在找我。我使勁砸門，跟精神病人一樣拚命大喊大叫，但是深夜的走廊裏，不會有人經過。我站在黑暗中，害怕得哭也哭不出來。
我使勁踢門，大喊，彷佛是過了永遠，最後一個護士打開了門。
看到她，我才意識到自己的精神受到了多大的創傷，我使勁抱住她放聲大哭起來。她輕輕拍我的背，過了一會兒，我意識到自己有點誇張了，趕緊擦幹眼淚，對護士道謝，她問我，are you OK?我禮貌地說，yes, thank you。
她送我走回到精神科門口，我找回到內科病房。我的住院醫生已經看完了病房的那個病人開始寫病曆了。我很不好意思，這是我的工作。她抬頭看到我，並沒有問我這麽久我去那裏了。為什麽不回她的pager，隻是輕輕地問了我一聲，are you ok?我點點頭，平靜地說，oh yeah thank you，然後開始寫其他病曆。
我想在那樣的深夜，發生了什麽並不重要，隻要一句I am OK,就行了。
昨天值班，又有病人要看。那個病人坐在活動室裏吃飯，看上去很正常，誰知道一開始說話，就再也止不住了，我不斷地打斷她回到話題，但是都不成功。好不容易我的pager響了，終於脫身去打電話。打完電話要走的時候，那個病人竟然就在電梯口等著我，又是滔滔不絕，結果一個護士過來說can i borrow the doc for a sec,她帶著我偷偷地去了後麵的電梯，這樣就不用經過這個病人了，她通過攝像頭和對講機再三確認了我安全離開了，才鎖上了門。
我感覺我好像一個地下黨，在同誌們的掩護下安全轉移了，嗬嗬。
2:20 Am
Today is my first on call. I could not sleep very well last night because of the anxiety about today's call. So in the afternoon, I really began to feel drowsy, and my day has not even started yet.
4pm sharp, the day call team passed their pager to me, and my resident told me there were two admissions waiting for us already.
We went down to ER beginning the admission. During then, I got paged from nurses, change over docs, etc. I had to ask my resident about most decisions, luckily he has been quite patient with me.
The first on call day for an intern is a real challenge. Today I am the one wearing scrubs and carrying the pager, so everybody frequently asked me, Are you OK? I was really too busy to stop to chat, only a quick Oh Yeah and then kept walking.
10pm, we got a call from psychiatric department, saying they have a patient with multiple medical issues needed to be consulted. While we were talking with the patient, I got another call from the floor, so my resident asked me to go see the patient on the floor and she will meet me there.
Psychiatric ward is a special place, locked everywhere for security reason. I lost my direction when a nurse opened the exit door for me. It was not the way I came in with my resident. I followed the exit sign, but got more confused. Suddenly the door behind me locked down, so did the one in front of me. I was trapped in a 5 meter long hallway, with no phone, no light and I didn't have my cellphone with me.
My pager kept going off, my resident was looking for me, and nurses on the floor needed to talk with me. I kept pounding at the door, screaming like a real psychiatric patient. It's 11pm, and nobody was there. I stood in the dark, too scared to even cry.
I kept screaming for help and kicked at the door, after seems forever, finally a nurse opened the door. Not until I saw her, did I realize how traumatized I was. I hugged her with all my strength and began to cry really hard. She padded my back softly while I just cried and cried. Finally I collected myself, and said thank you, she asked me " Are you OK", I said yes.
When I finally found my way back, my resident already began to do my notes, she didn't ask where I have been, why I didn't answer pager, instead she just looked up at me and asked "Are you OK?" "Oh, yeah, thank you", I replied with a calm tone and took over the notes. She then smiled.
I guess it is not important what happened, it's I am OK really matters.
