英詩漢譯， JohnMilton‘s Sonnet 19 《When I consider how my light is sp

 I made this translation early last year.  I was not quite satisfied by what I did.  It was until recently after I spent some time to modify it got a shape as it appears now.  It is better version and I decide to post it here.  I welcome all critical comments and suggestions.

中國詩歌早期是唱的， 現代詩是為了朗誦的。  我覺得譯詩也應能朗誦。  能不能上口也應是好的翻譯的一個標準。   我在盡量朝這個方向努力。  作為嚐試， 我附一段我自己的朗讀的錄音在下麵。
 

Sonnet 19 (Sonnet XIX) When I consider how my light is spent John Milton  1608–1674   When I consider how my light is spent, Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide, And that one talent which is death to hide Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent To serve therewith my Maker, and present My true account, lest He returning chide, "Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?" I fondly ask; But patience, to prevent That murmur, soon replies "God doth not need Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best Bear His mild yoke, they serve Him best. His state Is kingly: thousands at His bidding speed And post o'er land and ocean without rest; They also serve who only stand and wait."

失明者的內省--約翰。彌爾頓 Gao Xing 譯 當我於這無邊的黑暗 思忖我的光是如何在前半生就已完全耗散， 深知把上帝賜給的那個泰倫特藏起不用即為死罪，[1] 而如今它在我這裏卻得不到體現， 盡管我真心想用它來侍奉我主， 並彰顯 我真實的能力，以免主人歸來責難， “難道上帝會使用一個日工， 卻不讓他承受光明？” 我冒失地問； 但“忍耐”卻阻止我發聲， 並回答說，上帝既不需要人為祂做工， 也不需要他展現其賦稟， 負其輕軛乃是最好的奉獻，[2] 祂的王國在天： 數不清的天使們 領命在陸地上和海洋中奔波往返： 而那些隻是站立等待者也同樣誠虔。 [1] Parable of the talents— Matthew 25:24–30, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parable_of_the_talents_or_minas [2] “Yoke” in Bible Mt 11:28-30 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

 

所有跟帖： 

• Thank for the comments. Could you shed more light? Treat me as -馬下人- ♂ (384 bytes) () 01/06/2015 postreply 08:01:31

• Can you bring an example of a sonnet translation that keeps the -馬下人- ♂ (41 bytes) () 01/06/2015 postreply 17:07:51

• The 3 bars that I set for my translation -馬下人- ♂ (883 bytes) () 01/06/2015 postreply 08:33:50

• 馬下人不僅會譯，還會誦，謝謝分享。 -婉蕠- ♀ (24 bytes) () 01/07/2015 postreply 10:09:38

• Thank you, Wanru. -馬下人- ♂ (0 bytes) () 01/07/2015 postreply 12:01:19