請幫忙修改我的回信我會告知結果的

I am not working now, leaving my last position with Company A couple weeks ago. I want to come back to B company, where I have worked for 7 years. 

The company recruiter and the hiring manager have concerns that I am over qualifed for the position. They have asked me a letter to adress it and why they should hire me. Please help me to address it: how to make the sale and sound professional.Also,I have long term committment. 

My e-mail:

If you compare my qualifications with the job requirements, you and the hiring manager would agree that that I am almost a perfect match for this position. I have the right skill sets, analytical skills, presentation skills, and multi-tasking skills. Also, I have years of experience in xxx industry. In addition, I am a good team player. Last, I have proven track records with B company.

I understand that this job doesn’tt require xxx. I understand your comment regarding the over qualification. I would like to share why I am applying for this position:

1. My last position was xxx when I worked for B Company, same job grade as this one.

2. I would like to come back to work for B company. I have targeted B Company as the place where I want to spend my career, which is congenial and better structured.

3. I always look for an opportunity to work for xxx department, which especially utilize my strengths, analytical skill and multi-tasking skill. My last position was xxx. With the increased regulatory scrutiny, I don’t find the xxx work as interesting as I once did. This position has nothing/little to do with regulatory stuff. I think the job I am applying for now is very interesting, finding ways to improve the bottom line.

4. I want to do a sector switch. My past experience was mainly for Commercial business. Baby Boomers are about to create a record population explosion in Medicare, I believe which is a fast growing field for the next 30 years.

5. It is a telecommuting position. So I don’t need to relocate.

If I may say, I wouldn’t call it over qualified. I would call it a good deal.

所有跟帖: 

要改的地方太多了,我時間有限,試改一下第一段。。。 -我邊走邊問- 給 我邊走邊問 發送悄悄話 我邊走邊問 的博客首頁 (2262 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 08:41:07

用詞方麵還可以再細點,讓別人給你指點一下,這裏有的是高手,熱心人。。。 -我邊走邊問- 給 我邊走邊問 發送悄悄話 我邊走邊問 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 08:52:56

多謝指點,希望其他高人和熱心人幫忙看一看,書到用時方恨少 -展望2012- 給 展望2012 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 09:11:10

這樣的回信,顯然是沒有正確的指導思想 -胡說之- 給 胡說之 發送悄悄話 胡說之 的博客首頁 (773 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 09:10:09

修改了回複,請大家務必知道修改 -展望2012- 給 展望2012 發送悄悄話 (1408 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 09:45:58

After reading "Being over qualified is a very subjective", -wave_forest- 給 wave_forest 發送悄悄話 wave_forest 的博客首頁 (68 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 09:55:36

That's right. More proofread is absolutely needed, wording, stru -胡說之- 給 胡說之 發送悄悄話 胡說之 的博客首頁 (810 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 10:16:44

回複:修改了回複,請大家務必知道修改 -灰衣人- 給 灰衣人 發送悄悄話 灰衣人 的博客首頁 (3830 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 10:44:52

要想一妹兒看著好,今晚一定來聽胡指導。 -美國老土- 給 美國老土 發送悄悄話 美國老土 的博客首頁 (516 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 10:45:53

姐姐你聽我說 -大寫2- 給 大寫2 發送悄悄話 (551 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 11:19:47

說的多好 -胡說之- 給 胡說之 發送悄悄話 胡說之 的博客首頁 (55 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 12:10:45

給我們職壇四大文藝青年長臉。要求置頂。 -眼冒金星- 給 眼冒金星 發送悄悄話 眼冒金星 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 13:10:11

多謝大家回複修改,歡迎繼續提寶貴意見,計劃明天回複,今晚再琢磨 -展望2012- 給 展望2012 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 11/09/2011 postreply 13:51:48

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