在新冠期間，孩子們整天在家，讓許多父母的壓力變得更大。 因此，這就是為什麽兩位了不起的雅典娜姐妹圈天使－達娜和克裏斯汀，今晚開始一個新項目：雅典娜--父母與青少年的連接！！！ 我們好興奮！！
我也有一個正處於青春期的孩子 – 14歲的恬恬。今天她開玩笑地說，自己應該是雅典娜姐妹會的聯合創始人。因為如果她沒有生病，雅典娜姐妹會就不會在2020年3月14日，新冠流行病期間誕生!!
這確是事實。 我們在她的床上一起大笑，腦袋靠在枕頭上，腳趾頭縮在毯子裏。
可是我們的關係並不總是如此親密。
決定性時刻發生在她對我說出的三個字，每個母親都非常害怕聽到這三個字……
那年恬恬快三歲了， 我不記得她做了什麽“不恰當的行為”，但我記得讓她待在自己的房間裏安靜2 分鍾。 作為一名行為心理學家，我當時認為自己做的很好，因為嚴格分析並遵循了教育規則。
結果她聲嘶力竭地尖叫著，我心裏默默地祈禱她能安靜下來。
最後，她做到了。 以 10 秒的冷靜釋放原則，我轉動了一直握在手裏的門把手。 恬恬直愣愣的盯著我的眼睛，哭著說出了三個字：“我恨你！”
作為一個母親，那一刻對我來說就像被判了死刑。那天晚上，我回到自己的房間哭了起來。
在她到來之前的很多年裏，我一直祈禱能有一個孩子，“我願意做任何事，請求你，請求你，讓我做媽媽吧。” 但是所有的祈禱並沒有讓我為這三個字做好準備。 她怎麽會恨我？ 我愛她！
事實上，隨著恬恬長大並開始形成自己的觀點，我很難與她建立聯係。
於是我開始自己的治愈之旅後，才意識到與女兒的關係是我和自己的媽媽關係的反映。隨著這段旅程深入我的內心，才開始意識到一個事實:為了治愈我和媽媽的關係，我必須首先治愈我和自己的關係。
我開始懷疑，恬恬的“我恨你！”有沒有可能？ 僅僅是我內心狀態的反映？
我愛我的女兒，但隻是有條件地愛她。如果她表現得“好”，我會很開心，用愛澆灌她。如果她的行為違背了“良好的標準”，我的愛就會消失，取而代之的是後果和懲罰。
這三個字，“我恨你！”讓我醒來，深入我的靈魂，尋找無條件的愛的意義。
我意識到我不僅在評判我的女兒和我的媽媽，而且我也在不斷地評判我自己。
我不夠好。我不覺得自己是個好媽媽!! 我深深自責。
我不知道如何無條件地、不加評判地愛自己。因此，我也不能無條件地愛我的女兒。
恬恬說的這三個字讓我發現愛是從愛自己開始的。當我們對自己充滿愛時，我們的愛就會流到家人、朋友和世界。
如果我們沒有愛自己，那麽深愛的基礎就不存在了！！
因此，當我興奮地寫信與您分享新的“雅典娜--父母與青少年的連接”項目時，也誠懇地邀請您審視自己，更加愛美麗的自己，這樣您將與您的孩子建立更深層次的連接！
祝您度過一個愉快美好的一天！
傳遞給大家滿滿的愛
偉麗
Now during COVID-19, many parents are stressed out even more with their teenagers being home all day. Understandable. That is why two amazing Athena’s Angels, Dana and Christine, are stepping up to lead a new program starting tonight: Athena’s Parent-Teen Connection!!! And we are so excited!!
I have a teenager at home. Serena is 14. Today she was just joking that she should be the co-founder of Athena Sisterhood because without her getting sick, Athena Sisterhood would not have been born on 3/14/2020, in the midst of COVID!!
True. We laughed together on her bed. Pillows behind our heads and a blanket stretched across our toes.
But our relationship has not always been this close.
The defining moment of our relationship happened when she said three words every mom dreads to hear...
Serena was almost three that year. I don’t remember exactly the “misbehavior”, but I remember putting her in a 2-minute timeout in her room. As a Behavioral Psychologist, I followed the task analysis and thought I was doing a good job.
She was screaming on top of her lungs as I secretly prayed for her to please calm down.
Finally, she did. With a 10-seconds calmness release criteria, I turned the door handle that I was holding. She looked me straight in the eye and cried: “I HATE YOU!”
As a mom, that moment was a near-death sentence to me. Later that night, I went to my room and cried.
For years before her arrival, I prayed to have a baby, “I am willing to do anything. Please, please, let me be a mom.” But all the prayers didn’t prepare me for those three words. How could she hate me? I love her!
The truth was, I had a very difficult time connecting with Serena as she grew older and started to develop her own opinions.
Only after my own healing journey started, did I realize my relationship with my daughter was a reflection of my own relationship with my mom. As the journey went deeper inside me, I began to awaken to the fact that in order to heal my relationship with my mom, I must first heal my relationship with myself.
I started to question, was it possible that Serena’s “I hate you!” was merely the reflection of my inner state?
I love my daughter, but I loved her only conditionally. If she behaved in a certain way that ‘was good’, I was happy and showered her with love. If she behaved against the ‘good standard’, my love was removed, replaced with consequences and punishment.
It took those three words, “I HATE YOU!,” for me to wake up and look deep into my soul and search for the meaning of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
I realized that I not only judged my daughter and my mom, but I also judged myself constantly.
I wasn’t good enough. I DIDN’T FEEL THAT I WAS A GOOD MOM!!! My worst critic was myself.
I didn’t know how to love myself unconditionally, without judgment. So as a result, I couldn’t love my daughter unconditionally either.
Serena’s three words led me to discover that LOVE starts from within. When we feel so full with love for ourselves, our love will radiate out to our family, friends and the world.
If we don’t have inner love, then the foundation of deep love is just not there!!
So as I am writing excitedly to share with you the new “Athena’s Parent-Teen Connection” program, I also invite you to look within, love your beautiful self even more and you will be rewarded with deeper connections with your teen!
Have a Grand and Beautiful day.
Love,
WeiLi ?
