六年前的這個月，一個為期十天的沉浸式S舞蹈課程，讓我重新連接上了自己的身體。就在我即將跳舞的那一刻，得到了公司的噩耗，那是一個傾注了我16年心血的事業。但在同一天，我真正感受到了姐妹情誼的支撐力。
當叫到名字時，我穿著12 公分黑色過膝長靴，來到房間中央，跪了下來，像孩子一樣張開了雙臂等待夢醒時分。舞蹈室的天花板上的燈光很暗，兩盞角落裏的燈投射出了暖暖的紅色光芒。
隨著那首歌響起，但我無法動彈，隻覺得光滑冰冷的地板貼住了有著溫度的手臂。那天早些時候，和姐妹們一起練習的時候，快樂的氣息一直湧到了我的臉頰；此時此刻，好像有一個黑洞在肚子中間把我吸到了地球的核心，重重得把我緊緊地往下拉，無論如何努力，肌肉都無法發力。
頭頂上彷佛有一個巨大的黑色圓盤壓著我，把所有的快樂都衝到了地上，身體裏什麽也沒有了。肩膀耷拉下來，眼淚在大腿上形成了一灘水窪。房間似乎消失了，隻有我，一個孤獨的靈魂躺在地板上，穿著黑色聚乙烯皮靴和閃閃的亮片連衣裙。抱著頭，我把臉埋在又黑又長的頭發裏，開始抽泣，彷佛陷入了無比黑暗的虛空裏，正一步步地沉入無底洞中。
老師溫柔的手指輕輕觸碰著我的肩胛骨，她的手指摸著我很涼，但我能感覺到她內心的溫暖，她低聲說:“如果不想跳，也沒關係。”
“你說什麽! 放棄不是我的選擇！” 沒有回應，但內心在呐喊。
雙手撐起了大腿，再一寸一寸把脊椎骨挺起來，腳後跟踩下去，大腿肌肉彷佛在燃燒，身體又恢複了力量。歌聲在我昂首挺胸站起來的那一刻結束了，感覺像一場千年的旅行，用盡了全身力氣才站起來。
透過淚水，睜開眼睛，看到了19位同學，連成了半月形，守護著我，當我坐下來哭泣的時候她們守護著這個空間，她們的眼睛裏充滿了愛與共情，讓我感到身體變得柔軟而踏實。透過那溫暖的光線，我感受到了姐妹間的神聖力量。
感謝上帝，在那痛苦的十天裏，當我的世界以無法理解的速度崩潰時，我正在姐妹們愛的懷抱裏。她們向我展示了姐妹情誼的力量，激勵我為其他女性創造同樣的力量。正是這樣的姐妹情誼支撐著我，愛著我，幫助我重建了一個更快樂、更美好的生活。正是這樣的姐妹情誼，我才有足夠的勇氣每周分享博客。
謝謝你們，我的姐妹們！我愛你們！
傳遞給大家滿滿的愛
偉麗
Exactly six years ago from this month, I was attending a 10-day S factor immersion class to reconnect with my feminine body. Right before it was my turn to dance, I received devastating news about my company to which I had devoted 16 years of my life to serve children with disabilities. On that day, I got a glimpse of the power of a loving sisterhood:
My name was called. In my 7 inches, thigh-high black boots, I walked to the center of the room, knelt down, extended my arms into a child’s pose and exhaled.
The ceiling light was dim. A couple of corner lamps cast a warm, reddish hue in the dance studio.
My song started to play but I couldn’t move. I felt the cold surface of the shiny wood pressing up against my bare arms which were radiating heat. Earlier that morning, I had been filled with crisp, bubbling joy all the way up to my cheeks from dancing with my sisters in class. But at that moment, I felt as if there was a black hole at the center of my belly sucking me down into the core of the planet. The gravity pulled me down so firmly, no matter what I tried, none of my muscles fired.
A big dark disc above my head was pressing down through my body and flushing all of the joy down into the ground. I had no more left in my body. My shoulders were drooping. Tears were forming a puddle on my lap. I felt the room had disappeared. There was only me, a lonely little soul on the floor, in her black vinyl leather boots and sparkly midnight sequin dress. I grabbed the top of my head, buried my face in the long blackness of hair and started to sob. I was in a dark void and was sinking to the bottomless pit in pieces.
I felt the gentle fingertips of my teacher in the delicate space between my shoulder blades. Her fingers were cool to the touch, but I could feel the warmth of her heart as she whispered to me, “It's okay if you don't want to dance.”
“What the fuck are you talking about! As if quitting is an option!” I didn’t respond but screamed inside.
I braced my hands on my thighs as inch by inch, I rolled my spine up. I dug down in my heels and felt the burning of muscles in my thighs and the return of strength to my body. My song ended at the exact time when I finally stood tall with my head held high. It felt like a journey of a thousand years. It took every ounce of me to just stand up.
Through the tears, I opened my eyes to see all 19 of my classmates, forming a half-moon shape, protecting me as I sat and wept and held space for me. Their eyes were full of love and compassion and I felt my body soften and become grounded. Through the warm light, I felt the sacred support of a sisterhood. That was the very first time I ever cried outside my bedroom in America, in the 22 years I had been here, exactly half of my life.
traumatic 10 days when my world was shattering at a speed that I couldn’t comprehend. They showed me the power of sisterhood and inspired me to create the same for other women. It was this sisterhood that held me and loved me and helped me to rebuild a life that is even more grand and beautiful. It is through this sisterhood, that I have gained enough courage to write this blog every week.
I thank Divine for placing me in the loving arms of my sisters during those
Thank you, my sisters. I love you.
Love,
WeiLi
