redstoneINV
INV-ABC
愛與愛情
青春期的孩子們，情竇初開。愛情是什麽樣子？如何維護？為何分手？這種他們從未體驗過的情感，讓他們迷惑而又興奮。這篇文章，讓他們初識愛情的模樣。
We've all experienced love. We've loved (and been loved by) parents, brothers, sisters, friends, even pets. But romantic love is different. It's an intense, new feeling unlike any of these other ways of loving.
我們都嚐過愛的滋味。我們愛自己的父母、兄弟、姐妹、朋友甚至寵物，也得到了他們的愛。但是愛情與此不同。這是一種強烈而全新的情感，與其他的愛大不相同。
Why Do We Fall in Love?
我們為什會墜入愛河？
Loving and being loved adds richness to our lives. When people feel close to others they are happier and even healthier. Love helps us feel important, understood, and secure.
愛與被愛，都會讓我們的生命更加豐富多彩。與他人變得親近，會使我們更加快樂甚至更為健康。愛讓我們覺得自己非常重要、被人理解並擁有安全感。
But each kind of love has its own distinctive feel. The kind of love we feel for a parent is different from our love for a baby brother or best friend. And the kind of love we feel in romantic relationships is its own unique type of love.
但每一種愛都給予我們獨特的感受。對父母的愛，就不同於對小弟弟或朋友的愛。在戀愛中我們體會到的，又是一種獨特的愛。
Our ability to feel romantic love develops during adolescence. Teens all over the world notice passionate feelings of attraction. Even in cultures where people are not allowed to act on or express these feelings, they're still there. It's a natural part of growing up to develop romantic feelings and sexual attractions to others. These new feelings can be exciting — or even confusing at first.
青春期裏，我們對愛情的感知能力與日俱增。十幾歲的孩子意識到自己開始被異性吸引，世界各地皆是如此。即使在有些國家，他們不被允許做出回應或表達這種感受，吸引力依然存在。對異性產生好感或性吸引力，是成長中很自然的一部分。這些新的感受讓人興奮——也許在開始時還會有些困惑。
The Magical Ingredients of Love Relationships
愛情的神奇成分
Love is such a powerful human emotion that experts are constantly studying it. They've discovered that love has three main qualities:
愛情是人類一種十分強烈的情感，引得專家持續研究。他們發現，愛情有三大要素：
Attraction is the "chemistry" part of love. It's all about the physical — even sexual — interest that two people have in each other. Attraction is responsible for the desire we feel to kiss and hold the object of our affection. Attraction is also what's behind the flushed, nervous-but-excited way we feel when that person is near.
吸引是愛情的“化學”成分。異性對彼此身體甚至性的興趣都來源於此。我們想要親吻或擁抱愛人，也是因為彼此吸引。當愛人走近時，我們會臉紅、緊張而又興奮，也是吸引在作祟。
Closeness is the bond that develops when we share thoughts and feelings that we don't share with anyone else. When you have this feeling of closeness with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you feel supported, cared for, understood, and accepted for who you are. Trust is a big part of this.
我們與愛人交流那些不輕易與人分享的思想和感情時，親密感便產生了。當你與男(女)朋友在一起有親密感時，你會感到被人鼓勵著、關心著，有人理解，有人接受你本來的樣子。信任是親密感的主要部分。
Commitment is the promise or decision to stick by the other person through the ups and downs of the relationship.
充滿波折的感情生活中，堅守彼此的約定或者決定，稱之為承諾。
These three qualities of love can be combined in different ways to make different kinds of relationships. For example, closeness without attraction is the kind of love we feel for best friends. We share secrets and personal stuff with them, we support them, and they stand by us. But we are not romantically interested in them.
愛情的這三個要素兩兩組合，就構成了其他關係。例如，親密但並不彼此吸引，是對朋友的愛。朋友間分享秘密和其他的個人瑣事，彼此鼓勵，相互支持，但不會產生浪漫的感覺。
Attraction without closeness is more like a crush or infatuation. You're attracted to someone physically but don't know the person well enough yet to feel the closeness that comes from sharing personal experiences and feelings.
彼此吸引但沒有親密感，是迷戀。你在身體上被異性吸引，但你並不了解對方，也就沒有分享彼此的經曆和感受才能產生的親密感。
Romantic love is when attraction and closeness are combined. Lots of relationships grow out of an initial attraction (a crush or "love at first sight") and develop into closeness. It's also possible for a friendship to move from closeness into attraction as two people realize their relationship is more than "just like" and they have become interested in one another in a romantic way.
彼此吸引與親近感結合，就產生了愛情。很多戀愛關係產生於彼此吸引(迷戀或是一見鍾情)，隨著感情發展而日漸親近。朋友間日久生情也是可能存在的：兩人意識到彼此的關係不僅僅是“喜歡”，由親近而相互吸引、彼此相愛。
For people falling in love for the first time, it can be hard to tell the difference between the intense, new feelings of physical attraction and the deeper closeness that goes with being in love.
對於第一次墜入愛河的人，很難區分彼此的感情是身體上的吸引還是更深一層的親近。
Lasting Love or Fun Fling?
永恒之愛還是一時縱情？
The third ingredient in a love relationship, commitment, is about wanting and deciding to stay together as a couple in the future — despite any changes and challenges that life brings.
愛的第三個要素——承諾，是你想與愛人今後彼此相伴，共同麵對生活中的種種變化與挑戰。
Sometimes couples who fall in love in high school develop committed relationships that last. Many relationships don't last, though. But it's not because teens aren't capable of deep loving.
有些情侶在中學時就確定戀愛關係，彼此忠誠，日久天長。有些感情則沒能得以持續，但這不是因為青少年沒有能力深愛。
We typically have shorter relationships as teens because adolescence is a time when we instinctively seek lots of different experiences and try out different things. It's all part of discovering who we are, what we value, and what we want out of life.
青少年時期，我們的愛情往往短暫，因為青春期追求不同的經曆、嚐試不同的東西是我們的天性。這是我們發現自我、穩定價值觀、懂得自己想要什麽的過程。
Another reason we tend to have shorter relationships in our teens is because the things we want to get out of a romantic relationship change as we get a little older. In our teens — especially for guys — relationships are mainly about physical attraction. But by the time guys reach 20 or so, they rate a person's inner qualities as most important. Teen girls emphasize closeness as most important — although they don't mind if a potential love interest is cute too!
另一個原因是，隨著我們成大，我們期待從愛情中得到的東西也在變化。青少年時期——特別是對男孩子而言——愛情主要在於身體上的吸引。但到20歲左右，男孩子們就會更注重對方的內在品質。十幾歲的女孩子則認為親近更重要——當然她們不會介意戀人再帥一點！
In our teens, relationships are mostly about having fun. Dating can seem like a great way to have someone to go places with and do things with. Dating can also be a way to fit in. If our friends are all dating someone, we might put pressure on ourselves to find a boyfriend or girlfriend too.
十幾歲的年紀，戀愛多數是為了開心。有個男(女)朋友，你去各種地方、做各種事情都會有人陪伴。約會還能讓我們更好地融入朋友圈子。如果朋友們都在戀愛，我們也許會有壓力，想盡快找個男(女)朋友。
For some people dating is even a status thing. It can almost seem like another version of cliques: The pressure to go out with the "right" person in the "right" group can make dating a lot less fun than it should be — and not so much about love!
對有些人來說，約會甚至是一種身份的象征，可以看做朋友圈子的另一個版本。與“對”的人一起出現在“對”的圈子裏，這種壓力讓約會少了許多應有的樂趣——也不再與愛有關！
In our late teens, though, relationships are less about going out to have fun and fitting in. Closeness, sharing, and confiding become more important to both guys and girls. By the time they reach their twenties, most girls and guys value support, closeness, and communication, as well as passion. This is the time when people start thinking about finding someone they can commit to in the long run — a love that will last.
十八、九歲的時候，我們戀愛不再隻是為了開心和融入朋友圈子。彼此親近、分享秘密，對於男孩女孩都變得十分重要。到二十多歲，多數的人都會覺得彼此支持、有親密感和相互交流是與激情同樣重要的。這時，人們開始考慮尋找長期的伴侶——永恒的愛。
What Makes a Good Relationship?
如何維護愛情？
When people first experience falling in love, it often starts as attraction. Sexual feelings can also be a part of this attraction. People at this stage might daydream about a crush or a new BF or GF. They may doodle the person's name or think of their special someone while a particular song is playing.
初戀往往是因為彼此吸引，包括性的吸引。在這一階段，人們會幻想著愛上一個人，或是有一個新的男(女)朋友。聽到某一首歌，他們也許就會不經意的寫下這個人的名字或是想起他們。
It sure feels like love. But it's not love yet. It hasn't had time to grow into emotional closeness that's needed for love. Because feelings of attraction and sexual interest are new, and they're directed at a person we want a relationship with, it's not surprising we confuse attraction with love. It's all so intense, exciting, and hard to sort out.
這種感覺跟愛情很像，但它不是愛情。假以時日，它才能具備愛情所需的親密感。青少年從未體驗過異性間的相互吸引，況且這又是源於我們希望交往的對象，所以將它與愛情混淆，一點都不奇怪。這兩種感情都是強烈而令人興奮的，難以區分。
The crazy intensity of the passion and attraction phase fades a bit after a while. Like putting all our energy into winning a race, this kind of passion is exhilarating but far too extreme to keep going forever. If a relationship is destined to last, this is where closeness enters the picture. The early passionate intensity may fade, but a deep affectionate attachment takes its place.
時間一長，強烈的激情與吸引就會有所消退。就像我們竭盡全力贏得一場賽跑，這種激情令人興奮，但卻難以持久。如果這份感情要延續下去，緊密感將會產生。最初的激情也許會消退，但更深層的愛慕將取而代之。
Some of the ways people grow close are:
人們產生親密感的方式有：
Learning to give and receive. A healthy relationship is about both people, not how much one person can get from (or give to) the other.
有付出，有得到。良好的關係需要兩個人共同維護，而不是一個人無盡的索取或者付出。
Revealing feelings. A supportive, caring relationship allows people to reveal details about themselves — their likes and dislikes, dreams and worries, proud moments, disappointments, fears, and weaknesses.
表達自己的感受。相互支持、關心的感情，允許你表達自己的一切——喜歡什麽、討厭什麽，你的夢想與憂慮，你自豪的事情，你的失望、恐懼和弱點。
Listening and supporting. When two people care, they offer support when the other person is feeling vulnerable or afraid. They don't put down or insult their partner, even when they disagree.
傾聽與鼓勵。如果兩個人相互關心，當對方感到脆弱或害怕時，他們會給予支持。相愛的人從不會貶低或是侮辱對方，即使爭吵時也不例外。
Giving, receiving, revealing, and supporting is a back-and-forth process: One person shares a detail, then the other person shares something, then the first person feels safe enough to share a little more. In this way, the relationship gradually builds into a place of openness, trust, and support where each partner knows that the other will be there when times are tough. Both feel liked and accepted for who they are.
給予、收獲、隨心所欲地表達、相互扶持是一個往複的過程：說說自己的情況，對方也會有所分享，這樣前一個人會有安全感，分享更多的東西。長此以往，在這份感情中雙方坦誠以對、彼此信任、相互支持，他們知道，遇到困難時對方一定會陪伴左右。他們彼此喜愛和接受對方本來的樣子。
The passion and attraction the couple felt early on in the relationship isn't lost. It's just different. In healthy, long-term relationships, couples often find that intense passion comes and goes at different times. But the closeness is always there.
情侶們最初感到的激情和吸引並未消失，隻是變得不一樣了。在良好而持久的關係中，情侶們發現激情時而出現、時而消退，但親密感一直存在。
Sometimes, though, a couple loses the closeness. For adults, relationships can sometimes turn into what experts call "empty love." This means that the closeness and attraction they once felt is gone, and they stay together only out of commitment. This is not usually a problem for teens, but there are other reasons why relationships end.
但有時，情侶們也會失去親密感。對於成人，夫妻關係有時會進入專家所謂的“空洞的愛”這一狀態。這意味著曾經的親密感和吸引力都不複存在，他們僅僅是因為承諾而在一起。這種問題在青少年中中通常不存在，但還有其他的原因會導致分手。
Why Do Relationships End?
我們為什麽會分手？
Love is delicate. It needs to be cared for and nurtured if it is to last through time. Just like friendships, relationships can fail if they are not given enough time and attention. This is one reason why some couples might not last — perhaps someone is so busy with school, extracurriculars, and work that he or she has less time for a relationship. Or maybe a relationship ends when people graduate and go to separate colleges or take different career paths.
愛情是脆弱的，要想長久，需要關愛與維護。就像友情一樣，如果不付出足夠的時間與精力，愛情也會漸漸消失。這是一些情侶分手的原因——或許一方忙於學業、課外活動和工作，而沒有為愛情留下足夠的時間。有時，畢業後，兩個人去了不同的學校或是選擇了不同的職業道路，一份愛情也會隨之結束。
For some teens, a couple may grow apart because the things that are important to them change as they mature. Or maybe each person wants different things out of the relationship. Sometimes both people realize the relationship has reached its end; sometimes one person feels this way when the other does not.
對有些青少年來說，分手是因為長大後重視的東西變了，或者是希望從愛情中得到別的東西。有時，兩個人都覺得一份感情該結束了；但有時，這隻是一個人的想法，而對方並不這麽認為。
Moving On
揮別舊愛，繼續前行
Losing love can be painful for anyone. But if it's your first real love and the relationship ends before you want it to, feelings of loss can seem overwhelming. Like the feelings of passion early in the relationship, the newness and rawness of grief and loss can be intense — and devastating. There's a reason why they call it a broken heart.
失去愛，對任何人來說都是痛苦的。而如果這是你第一份真正的愛情，在你不希望結束的時候，對方提出了分手，失戀的痛苦將難以承受。就像戀愛之初的激情一樣，未曾經曆的失戀的痛苦也是強烈的——甚至是悲痛欲絕。這也是為什麽人們常說心碎了。
When a relationship ends, people really need support. Losing a first love isn't something we've been emotionally prepared to cope with. It can help to have close friends and family members to lean on. Unfortunately, lots of people — often adults — expect younger people to bounce back and "just get over it." If your heart is broken, find someone you can talk to who really understands the pain you're going through.
失戀時，人們的確需要安慰。初戀分手，我們常常還沒有準備好如何處理。向最親密的朋友或是家人尋求安慰會有所幫助。不幸的是，很多人——特別是大人們——會希望你隻是“忘記痛苦”、恢複如初。所以如果你真的傷心了，一定找個能理解你現在心情的人傾訴。
It seems hard to believe when you're brokenhearted that you can ever feel better. But gradually these feelings grow less intense. Eventually, people move on to other relationships and experiences.
當你悲痛欲絕時，你會認為自己再也無法擺脫這種痛苦，但漸漸地，這種感覺會淡化。最終，人們會開始新的感情。
Relationships — whether they last 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, or a lifetime — are all opportunities to experience love on its many different levels. We learn both how to love and how to be loved in return.
戀愛——不管是2周、2個月、2年還是持續一生——都是我們體驗不同程度的愛的機會。我們學會愛別人，也學會如何接受別人回饋的愛。
Romance provides us with a chance to discover our own selves as we share with someone new. We learn the things we love about ourselves, the things we'd like to change, and the qualities and values we look for in a partner.
浪漫的愛情讓我們在與別人分享時，也認識了自己。我們發現了喜歡自己什麽，又有哪些地方需要改變，也知道了自己在另一半的身上尋找什麽樣的品質和價值觀。
Loving relationships teach us self-respect as well as respect for others. Love is one of the most fulfilling things we can have in our lives. If romance hasn't found you yet, don't worry — there's plenty of time. And the right person is worth the wait.
愛情教會我們尊重自己也尊重他人。生活中，我們通過很多東西充實完善自我，愛情就是其中之一。如果愛情還沒有降臨，別著急——時間還很充足。合適的人，值得你去等待。
