寧靜在說話（第八章：關係）

第八章：關係

Relationships

 

How quick we are to form an opinion of a person, to come to
a conclusion about them. It is satisfying to the egoic mind to label another
human being, to give them a conceptual identity, to pronounce righteous
judgment upon them. 

我們是多麽容易就對別人有了看法，並且對他們做出論斷。小我最樂意去做的事就是往別人身上貼標簽，給別人一個概念化的身份，還宣稱這是公正的評斷。

 

Every human being has been conditioned to think and behave
in certain ways – conditioned genetically as well as by their childhood
experiences and their cultural environment. 

人的思考與行為在某些方麵都是被製約的，被遺傳基因、童年經驗以及文化環境所製約。

 

That is not who they are, but that is who they appear to
be. When you pronounce judgment upon someone, you confuse those conditioned
mind patterns with who they are. To do that is in itself a deeply conditioned
and unconscious pattern. You give them a conceptual identity, and that false
identity becomes a prison not only for the other person but also for yourself. 

但那並不是人們真正的樣子，隻是他們表麵看起來如此。所以，當你對別人發出評斷時，你是將別人受製約的心智表現與真正的他混淆了。你這麽做的本身，也是種被嚴重製約、無覺識的心智模式。你加諸別人一個概念化的身份，這個虛假的身份變成了牢籠，不僅囚禁了他們，也囚禁了你自己。

 

To let go of judgment does not mean that you don’t see what
they do. It means that you recognize their behavior as a form of conditioning,
and you see it and accept it as that. You don’t construct an identity out of it
for that person.

不去評斷別人，並不是不再看他人的所作所為，而是你明白他們的行為都隻是受製約的表現，你看見了，也如實地接受，並且不再從這些行為表現去為對方建構一個虛假的身份。

 

That liberates you as well as the other person from
identification with conditioning, with form, with mind. The ego then no longer
runs your relationships.

這會讓你和對方都得到解放，從此不再認同於外相、心智與受製約的反應，於是你的小我也就無法再主導你的人際關係了。

 

As long as the ego runs your life, most of your thoughts,
emotions, and actions arise from desire and fear. In relationships you then
either want or fear something from the other person. 

隻要是小我在主導你的生命，你絕大部分的想法、情緒與行動都會出自欲望與恐懼；於是在人際關係裏，你要不就是想從別人身上得到些什麽，要不就是害怕著別人的什麽。

 

What you want from them may be pleasure or material gain,
recognition, praise or attention, or a strengthening of your sense of self
through comparison and through establishing that you are, have, or know more
than they. What you fear is that the opposite may be the case, and they may
diminish your sense of self in some way.

你想從他人身上得到的東西，也許是愉悅，也許是某實質利益，或者是別人的認可、讚美與關注，也可以是自我感的鞏固--透過較量及建立身份地位，透過自己擁有的或懂得的比別人多來鞏固。而你所恐懼的東西，則恰好和上述相反，它們可能會在某方麵貶抑了你的自我感。

 

When you make the present moment the focal point of your
attention–instead of using it as a means to an end–you go beyond the ego and
beyond the unconscious compulsion to use people as a means to an end, the end
being self-enhancement at the cost of others. When you give your fullest
attention to whoever you are interacting with, you take past and future out of the
relationship, except for practical matters. When you are fully present with
everyone you meet, you relinquish the conceptual identity you made for
them–your interpretation of who they are and what they did in the past–and are
able to interact without the egoic movements of desire and fear. Attention,
which is alert stillness, is the key. 

當你不再把當下視為達成目的的工具，而把它變為你注意力的焦點，你便超越了小我，也超越了不由自主想利用他人達到某些目的的衝動，超越了以他人為代價來強壯自我。當你全然專注於任何與你互動的人，你們之間，除了處理實際的問題之外，過去和未來都不存在了。當你全然“臨在”於每個所遇到的人，你將放棄對他們所做的感念化身份識別，那些你認為他們是誰，過去做了什麽事情的概念詮釋。你們之間的互動，也將不再帶著小我的欲望與恐懼。專注，是充滿醒覺的寂照，它是一切的關鍵。

 

How wonderful to go beyond wanting and fearing in your
relationships. Love does not want or fear anything.  

超越欲望與恐懼的人際關係是多麽美好啊！愛，是沒有需求，也無懼於任何事情的。

 

If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of
consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as
she does. With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion, peace. 

如果她的過去就是你的過去，她的痛苦就是你的痛苦，她的覺識層次就是你的覺識層次，你的所思、所為就會完全和她一樣。有了這樣的了解後，寬恕、慈悲與平靜將油然而生。

 

The ego doesn’t like to hear this, because if it cannot be
reactive and righteous anymore, it will lose strength.

小我可不想聽到這些話，因為如果它不再有正當性，無法為反應而反應，小我將會失去力量。

 

When you receive whoever comes into the space of Now as a
noble guest, when you allow each person to be as they are, they begin to
change.  

當你把任何進到“當下”空間的人視為貴客，並且讓他們做他自己，這些人就開始改變了。

 

To know another human being in their essence, you don’t
really need to know anything about them–their past, their history, their story.
We confuse knowing about with a deeper knowing that is non-conceptual. Knowing
about and knowing are totally different modalities. One is concerned with form,
the other with the formless. One operates through thought, the other through
stillness. 

若想從本質上去認識一個人，你不需要知道“關於”他的任何事，例如他的過去，曆史或故事。我們把對某人的事有“相關性的了解”與非概念化的真正認識弄混了，它們是兩種不同的形態，前者著重在有相，後者著重在無相，前者以思考運作，後者則透過寂照運作。

 

Knowing about is helpful for practical purposes. On that
level, we cannot do without it. When it is the predominant modality in
relationships, however, it becomes very limiting, even destructive. Thoughts
and concepts create an artificial barrier, a separation between human beings.
Your interactions are then not rooted in Being, but become mind-based. Without
the conceptual barriers, love is naturally present in all human interactions.

從實際麵來說，對某人有“相關性了解”是很有助益的，且不能沒有它。但如果這種相關性了解變成人際關係中的主要形態，它就變得有局限性，甚至具破壞性了。思考與概念在人與人之間製造了一個人為的障礙，於是人際的互動就不是根植於本體，而是以心智為基礎，隻有去除掉這個概念柵欄，愛就會自然地“臨在”於所有人類的互動中。

 

Most human interactions are confined to the exchange of
words – the realm of thought. It is essential to bring some stillness,
particularly into your close relationships. 

大部分的人類互動都被限製在言語的交流下，也就是限製在思維的範疇裏。因此，把寂照帶進你的人際關係，特別是親密關係中是非常重要的。

 

No relationship can thrive without the sense of
spaciousness that comes with stillness. Meditate or spend silent time in nature
together. When going for a walk or sitting in the car or at home, become
comfortable with being in stillness together. Stillness cannot and need not be
created. Just be receptive to the stillness that is already there, but is
usually obscured by mental noise. 

任何的關係，如果缺乏了伴隨寂照而來的無垠寬廣的感受，便無法成長茁壯。與親友一起在自然中冥想或共度安靜時光，不論是外出散步，或是安坐於車上或家裏，你們都將因為共同“臨在”於寂照之中，而感到輕鬆自在。寂照，是無法也不需去創造的，它本已存在，你隻要好好感受並接納它，不過，它總是被我們的心智雜音所幹擾。

 

If spacious stillness is missing, the relationship will be
dominated by the mind and can easily be taken over by problems and conflict. If
stillness is there, it can contain anything.

如果那無垠的寂照消失了，人際關係就會淪為由心智所掌控，而且輕易地被問題與衝突所接管。如果寂照存在，它將包容所有的一切。

 

True listening is another way of bringing stillness into the
relationship. When you truly listen to someone, the dimension of stillness
arises and becomes an essential part of the relationship. But true listening is
a rare skill. Usually, the greater part of a person’s attention is taken up by
their thinking. At best, they may be evaluating your words or preparing the
next thing to say. Or they may not be listening at all, lost in their own
thoughts.

真正的傾聽，是另一個將寂照帶入人際關係的方法。當你真正在傾聽別人說話時，寂照的層麵將會自然生起，變成了人際關係中很重要的部分。但是，真正的傾聽是種少見的技能，人們大部分的注意力，通常都被自己的想法所占滿了。好一點的，也隻是在衡量你說的話，準備下一句要說什麽，當然，他們更可能完全沒在聽，迷失在自己的念頭裏。

 

True listening goes far beyond auditory perception. It is
the arising of alert attention, a space of presence in which the words are
being received. The words now become secondary. They may be meaningful or they
may not make sense. Far more important than what you are listening to is the
act of listening itself, the space of conscious presence that arises as you listen.
That space is a unifying field of awareness in which you meet the other person
without the separative barriers created by conceptual thinking. And now the
other person is no longer “other.” In that space, you are joined together as
one awareness, one consciousness.  

真正的傾聽，遠遠超越了聽覺的感知。真正傾聽是警醒的專注力在生起，並形成一個“臨在”空間接受話語，這時語詞變得次要，它們也許有意義，也許完全沒道理，重要的是傾聽本身這個行為，與當你傾聽時，所生起的那個“臨在”空間，而不是你聽到對方說些什麽。這空間是覺識成為一體的地方，在這空間裏，概念性思維所形成的柵欄不再阻隔人與人之間的相遇，他人不再是“他”人了，你們在這裏結合為一體的覺性、一體的意識。

 

Do you experience frequent and repetitive drama in your
close relationships? Do relatively insignificant disagreements often trigger
violent arguments and emotional pain? 

在親密關係當中，是否經常上演重複的戲碼？是否經常因為芝麻綠豆的小事，引發激烈的爭論與情緒上的痛苦？

 

At the root of it lie the basic egoic patterns: the need to
be right, and, of course, for someone else to be wrong, that is to say
identification with mental positions. There is also the ego's need to be
periodically in conflict with something or someone in order to strengthen its
sense of separation between me and the other, without which it cannot
survive.  

這一切皆根源於基本的小我模式：我是“對”的，當然，還必須有個犯錯的他人。換句話說，就是認同於心智的立場。此外，還有個小我的基本需求是，要周期性的與某人或某事有所衝突，藉以強調“人”、“我”之間是有區別的。少了這些衝突，小我就無法存在。

 

In addition, there is the accumulated emotional pain from
the past that you and each human being carries within, both from your personal
past as well as the collective pain of humanity that goes back a long, long time.
This pain body is an energy field within you that sporadically takes you over
because it needs to experience more emotional pain for itself to feed on and
replenish itself. It will try to control your thinking and make it deeply
negative. It loves your negative thoughts since it resonates with every
frequency and so can feed on them. It will also provoke negative emotional
reactions in people close to you, especially your partner, in order to feed on
the ensuing drama and emotional pain.

此外，每個人心中都帶著從過去到現在所累積下來的情緒傷痛，它們來自你個人的過去，也來自人類久遠以來的集體痛苦。此--“痛苦之身”是你內在的一個能量場，它不時地來占有你，因為它靠感受更多的痛苦來喂養與填滿自己。“痛苦之身”企圖控製你的思考，讓你的想法變得極端負麵，它愛你的負麵想法，因為頻率相同，它能賴以為食。它還會在你所親近的人們身上煽起負麵的情緒反應，尤其是你的伴侶，藉以喂養接下來的戲碼與情緒痛苦。

 

How can you free yourself from this deep-seated unconscious
identification with pain that creates so much misery in life?  

你要如何擺脫這在你生命中製造了無數不幸，根深蒂固的、對痛苦的無覺識認同感？

 

Become aware of it. Realize that it is not who you are and
recognize it for what it is, past pain. Witness it as it happens in your
partner or in yourself. When your unconscious identification with it is broken,
when you are able to observe it in yourself, you don't feed it anymore and it
will gradually lose its energy charge. 

覺察那痛苦，明白那痛苦並非真正的你，並且認清它的真麵目：過去的痛苦。當痛苦發生於你的伴侶或自己身上時，看著它。當你不再無意識地認同於它，當你能夠於內在觀察它，你就不再喂養它了，而它也將逐漸失去了能量的補充。

 

Human interaction can be hell. Or it can be a great
spiritual practice. 

人類彼此的互動，可以是煉獄，也可以成為偉大的靈性修行。

 

When you look upon another human being and feel great love
towards them, or when you contemplate beauty in nature and something within you
responds deeply to it, close your eyes for a moment and feel the essence of
that love or that beauty within you, inseparable from who you are, your true
nature. The outer form is a temporary reflection of what you are within, in
your essence. That is why love and beauty can never leave you, although all
outer forms will.  

當你看著一個人，並感到有極大愛湧向他們，或當你凝視自然的美好，內在與之深深呼應時，請將雙眼閉上片刻，去感受你內在那股愛和美的本質，去感受它們與真正的你或你的本質是如此地密不可分。外在形相是你內在本質的暫時映現，因此，外在形相早晚會消失，而愛與美卻永遠不會離你而去。

 

What is your relationship with the world of objects, the
countless things that surround you, and that you handle everyday. The chair you
sit on, the pen, the car, the cup. Are they to you merely a means to an end or
do you occasionally acknowledge their existence, their being, no matter how
briefly, by noticing them and giving them your attention?  

你與這個物質世界，以及那些每天包圍著你、必須處理的眾多事物，關係如何呢？你坐的那張椅子、那隻筆、那輛車、那隻杯子......它們對你來說，隻是工具嗎？偶爾，無論多麽短暫，你會因為瞥見它們，對它們起了關注，進而認識到它們的存在、它們的本體嗎?

 

When you get attached to objects, when you are using them
to enhance your worth in your own eyes and in the eyes of others, concern about
things can easily take over your whole life. When there is self-identification
with things, you don't appreciate them for what they are because you are
looking for yourself in them. 

當你對於事物產生了執著，當你利用它們提升你在自己與他人眼中的價值，這種對於外在事物的在意，便能輕易地占據你全部的生命。當你的自我認同來自於外在事物，你將不再欣賞這些東西的本然麵貌，因為你隻是在它們身上尋找你自己罷了。

 

When you appreciate an object for what it is, when you
acknowledge its being without mental projection, you cannot not feel grateful
for its existence. You may also sense that it is not really inanimate, that it
only appears so to the senses. Physicist will confirm that on a molecular
level, it is indeed, a pulsating energy field.  

當你欣賞一件物品的本然樣貌，當你不帶任何心智投射的眼光認識它的本體，你無可避免地會感謝它的存在。你也許感覺到它並非真的是無生命，隻是對我們的感官來說是如此。物理學家將證實，從分子層次來看，它實際上是一個正在搏動的能量場。

 

Through selfless appreciation of the realm of things, the
world around you will begin to come alive for you in ways you cannot comprehend
with the mind.  

若從無我的角度欣賞事物的世界，你周遭的一切，將會以你連想去思維都無從思維起的方式，而活了起來。

 

Whenever you meet anyone, no matter how briefly, do you
acknowledge their being by giving them your full attention? Or are you reducing
them to a means to an end, a mere function or role?  

不論遇到任何人，不管相處時間是多麽短暫，你是否都能以完整的關注去認識他們的本體？或者，你隻是把他們當成為達到某種目的的工具、某種功能或角色？

 

What is the quality of your relationship with the cashier
at the supermarket, the parking attendant, the repair man, the “customer”? 

你與超市收銀員、停車場管理員、修理工人或“顧客”的互動關係品質如何？

 

A moment of attention is enough. As you look at them or
listen to them, there is an alert stillness. Perhaps only two or three seconds.
Perhaps longer. That is enough for something more real to emerge than the roles
we usually play and identify with. All roles are part of the conditioned
consciousness that is the human mind. That which emerges through the act of
attention is the unconditioned–who you are in your essence underneath your name
and form. You are no longer acting out a script. You become real. When that
dimension emerges from within you, it also draws it forth from within the other
person.  

隻要片刻的專注便已足夠，就在你凝視或傾聽他們的時候，一種警醒的靜觀寂照生起，也許隻有兩、三秒，也許再久一點，那便足讓某些更為真實的東西顯現出來，它比我們平常所扮演與認同的角色真實。所有的角色，都是被製約的意識，也就是人類心智的一部分；那因為專注而顯現的一切則是不受製約的--是隱藏在你的名字與外在形相之下，你的真正本質。你不再依照人生劇本演出，你變得真實。當這個層麵自你內在浮現出來時，它同時也將其他人的相同內在召喚出來。

 

Ultimately, of course, there is no other and you are always
meeting yourself. 

最後，很自然地，不再有別人了，你總是遇見你自己。