溫哥華失眠夜
嬉笑怒罵皆成文章
男人篇
男人喜歡女人整個群體，但不喜歡某個女人。女人討厭男人整個群體，卻喜歡某個男人。
While men love women as a group but find it hard to like them individually. Women despise the race of men but like them as individuals.
所以，誰缺了誰都不成！
男人用前半生來養成那些毀掉下半生的嗜好。
A man spends the first half of his life learning the habits that shorten the other half.
（晚年的渾身病痛，原來是為少年的輕狂放縱付出代價呀！）
結婚前，男人會徹夜不眠回味你說過的話。結婚後，你的話還沒說完他已經呼呼大睡。
Before marriage a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage he will fall asleep before you have finished saying it.
未婚男人不完整，已婚男人則徹底完蛋了。
Man is incomplete till he is married, then he is finished.
男人能得到什麽就要什麽。女人偏偏得不到什麽要什麽。知足常樂，欲壑難填。
What man wants all he can get. What woman wants all she can’t get.
六十歲以下的男人通常喜歡電器。六十歲以上的男人通常喜歡酒氣。剛好六十歲的男人呢，一邊噴著酒氣一邊搗騰著電器。
Men under sixty usually like anything electronic. Men over sixty usually like something alcoholic.
拿了“維多利亞的秘密”產品簡介的男人，如果說他是為了讀裏麵的文章，那肯定是在撒謊。
Men who tell you they read the “
年紀越大不見得越成熟。他們隻是格外有錢而已，而這就讓他們顯得格外成熟。
Older men are not more mature. They just have more money, which makes them appear more mature.
女人覺得男人淺薄，有關男人的一切，可以全部寫在一枚大頭針上，還有足夠的空間當電話黃頁。相反，男人覺得有關女人的一切，卻是一言難盡，罄竹難書。
I could write what I know about men on the head of a pin and still have room for yellow pages.
一個男人的藥品櫃可以讓你了解他的一切。看他是不是同時吃偉哥和瀉藥的。
A man’s medicine cabinet will tell you everything you need to know about him.
研究表明，男人通常睡在床的右邊。他們連睡眠都是無出其右的。
Research has shown that men usually sleep on the right side of the bed. Even in their sleep they have to be right.
男人在48歲以前若是個悲觀主義者，那叫老成。48歲以後還是個樂觀主義者的話，那叫無知。就是說，年輕的時候該怎麽瘋就怎麽瘋。年老的時候才當憤青不遲。
The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; a man who is an optimist after 48 knows too little.
男人活得比女人開心。首先，他們結婚的早，其次，他們死的也早。丟下個爛攤子讓女人們收拾去！
Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry late; for another thing, they die early.
我終於相信，讓父親進產房，是戰後嬰兒潮終結的唯一原因。這麽有效的計劃生育措施應該在中國和印度大力推廣。
I finally believe that letting father into the delivery room is the single reason the postwar baby boom ended.
騎士風度就是覺得你娶的女人比你泡的那些好。
Chivalry is the notion that the girl you married is better than the ones you go out with.
他送給女友一幅自己照片的拚圖，這樣她可以慢慢熟悉他的臉孔。
He sent his girl a jigsaw photo of himself so she could get used to his face gradually.
男人如果從未在一張陌生的床上醒來，看到一張永不會再見的臉，那他還是欠缺了點啥。
A man has missed something if he has never woken up in an anonymous bed beside a face he’ll
never see again. 哥們兒，這是一夜情的最佳借口！
