用 your 更能讓讀者看出詩人對蜀相的敬意

The Premier of Shu Kingdom

Where to seek for the temple of the premier?

Outside JinGuan Town with cypresses so lush.

Green grass on steps reflects the color of spring;

Orioles beyond leaves have vain sweet warbling.

Three visits to bother him for tactics in affairs under heaven;

Heart of old courtier on starting the dynasty of two generations. 

這兩句需要聯在一起吧？  平衡一下，把後麵的兩朝搬到前麵來：Two generations of the dynasty were started under  your  whole-hearted assistance   (用your 表達出詩人對蜀相的敬意）

But he died before the army gained victory,

Which makes heroes wet gown fronts with tears.  ？ （襟：lapel, turndown, turndown collar, revers)

所有跟帖： 

• 這樣距離感覺上會被拉近。（搗亂完畢） -sportwoman- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/20/2012 postreply 12:43:11

• 因為篇幅短，感覺是得把重要的字要翻譯出來，譬如“兩朝開濟老臣心”裏“開濟” 和“心" 比較重要譯到位 -sportwoman- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/20/2012 postreply 12:52:41

• 回複：用 your 更能讓讀者看出詩人對蜀相的敬意 -海外逸士- ♂ (232 bytes) () 08/20/2012 postreply 16:59:13

• 多謝海老師指正！用steps 很妥帖。 -sportwoman- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/20/2012 postreply 17:34:37