砸不對的地方你多包涵，咱們再商議。

very touching. As a mom, I can totally relate.

roller coast-->roller coaster
Angelina Joliet-->Jolie

Angelina Joliet delivered a Oscar-caliber performance, who totally disappeared into the role she was playing, a heart breaking（broken） mom whose son got kidnapped, but she never gave up her hope and had the guts to take on the whole corrupted LAPD to finally get the truth surfaced.

這個句子who從句跟在performance不太好，我自己可能會把它分成兩句。現在的結構有點亂。but she是不是換成but who好一些，來定語從句修飾a heart-broken mom？

Although it was a false alarm, I believe no mom would like to go through this kind of false alarm one more time in her life。其他mom不一定有過這樣經曆，所以刪掉one more time.

I was working from home that day, debugging a sticky issue on a remote server, which had the central time zone in the system. I must have lost the track of time

The moment I realized it, it was already half an hour past the pick up time. 

I rushed to the school while cursing all the way along。 不太確定，覺得沒有along讀著順點兒。

on the campus 還是on campus不太確定。

only got the answer machine-->answering

I called all emergency contacts I listed for the school.--> all the

所有跟帖： 

• 非常精準呀, 你說的都很好, 沒一塊廢磚,語感很棒, 大謝! -lilac09- ♀ (493 bytes) () 07/24/2011 postreply 16:45:40

• 我還是覺得那個who跟在performance之後不好。 -非文學青年- ♀ (661 bytes) () 07/24/2011 postreply 22:01:03

• 短句好，長的頭暈 -selfselfself- ♂ (347 bytes) () 07/24/2011 postreply 22:44:40

• Good rewriting~ -lilac09- ♀ (579 bytes) () 07/25/2011 postreply 07:19:43

• I think yours conveys what I am trying to express. Much better t -lilac09- ♀ (0 bytes) () 07/25/2011 postreply 07:13:29