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姐姐的作業:Coming to America

(2006-08-30 10:34:12) 下一個

Coming to America

by 姐姐

1. Why did they come?

They came to escape persecution and to have a better life. They came for more money, also to escape the danger of the wars and natural disaters.  They also came for good fortune in their new lives.

[Excellent!]


2. What did they bring?

They brought food, dreams, and hope. Then made a better sail. They brought family and friends, strength and courage, and clothes to keep them warm. They brought languages, one toy, some food, and passports. They brought leather sacks and mattresses, too.

[Good!]


3. What was the ocean trip like?


It is like a very scary vision! On board, you have to pay to go. Lots of people have died! When you get to Ellis Island, you will have a happy life.

[Give more detail about the ocean voyage. More detail!]


4. What happened at Ellis Island?

It happened to test you, and (to see) if you are sick, they mark you with a chalk, of an X.

[Yes! Watch. Neatness!]


5. Other facts


Some people who died on the ocean trip were put in a trunk. When they saw a land, they dropped the trunk into the ocean, and they burried the trunk.

[No comments].


席評:這是姐姐在小學二年級天才班下半年的一篇課堂練習。題目和問句都是老師給的,大概是在閱讀了一篇文章之後,讓小學生在課堂上自己寫的。中括號之內,是老師的評語。

可以看出,這個階段的姐姐,在寫作上還有很多的欠缺:

1、動詞的時態,常常是忘記了過去時,可是老師隻是隨手給改了,並沒有當作是一個問題給特別的指出來。

2、句子之間的連接詞,用了太多的and,老師也隻是給改過來,重新給斷句,沒有當做是錯誤。

3、在第三段落,需要描寫的更詳細。我們一般的家長,平時比較注重語法,但不重視文章的內容。可是對這一點,人家老師就特別的給指了出來。
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