8 死不瞑目 Die with Eyes Open

盧岩的回憶錄，1996-1998年（26-28歲）Luyan's Memoirs, 1996-1998 (26-28 years old)

本章目錄 Contents of This Chapter：8.1說我是他兒子 Saying I'm His Son；8.2 死不瞑目 Die with Eyes Open；8.3 劉團長的計劃 Troupe Leader Liu’s plan；8.4 大驚失色 I was Shocked；8.5 室友幫我分析 Roommate Helps Me Analyze；8.6 鄭重的告別Solemn Farewell；8.7 出故事的人 The Person Who Produces Stories；8.8 鬧鬼了It’s Haunted；8.9 給色狼戴上墨鏡 Putting Sunglasses on the Pervert；8.10 科學家的特質 Traits of a Scientist.

 

8.1 說我是他兒子 Said I'm His Son.

一天，在東大的公園裏我遇見了黃老師，我們談到了劉健君。黃老師說，自從我和她分手後，她們家就一直因為我打架。劉健君有男朋友了，打架就暫停；劉健君沒有男朋友了，她爸她媽就輪流和她打架。

我感覺奇怪，問：“他們怎麽還輪班跟女兒打架呢？”

One day, I met Teacher Huang in the park in Northeastern University, and we talked about Eve Liu. Teacher Huang said that ever since I broke up with her, their family had been fighting over me. When Eve Liu had a boyfriend, the fights were suspended; when Eve Liu didn't have a boyfriend, her parents took turns fighting with her.

I felt strange and asked, “Why do they still fight with their daughter in shifts?”

黃老師說：“她隻身一人在美國，她爸媽怕把寶貝女兒憋屈著。那她一個人在國外，父母都和她打架，她不就更無依無靠了。”

我說：“是這麽回事兒！他們打架為什麽總說我？”

黃老師說：“她爸媽都喜歡你。她爸說你是他兒子，我聽他說過好幾次了。”

Teacher Huang said, “She's all alone in the U.S. Her parents are afraid of suffocating their precious daughter. Then she's all alone in a foreign country and her parents are fighting with her, so she's not even more unsupported.”

I said, “That's what happened! Why do they always talk about me when they fight?”

Teacher Wong said, “Her parents like you. Her dad says you're his son; I've heard him say that several times.”

 

我感覺沒道理，說：“我們就這點兒關係，怎麽我成了他的兒子呢？”

黃老師回答：“這你不知道。她爸媽總和我通電話，有事兒沒事兒的，我們就在電話裏嘮嗑。這半年來，大部分時間我們都在嘮你。這麽說吧，平均每周兩次，我們嘮你嘮到後半夜兩點鍾。”

I felt it didn't make sense and said, “That's all relationships we have, how come I became his son?”

Teacher Huang replied, “You don't know. Her parents always talk to me on the phone, and when there's something to do or nothing to do, we chatter on the phone. For the past six months, most of the time we've been nagging you. Let's put it this way, on average, twice a week, we nag you until two o'clock in the middle of the night.”

我感覺荒唐，就說：“我們沒多少來往，你們哪來那麽多的話題？”

黃老師說：“唉！老頭子老太太就在家想，什麽時候想起什麽來了，就給我打電話。而且，每次我們通話，他們就問，盧岩忙什麽呢? 你又遇見他沒？像這我今天遇見你。那老頭子就問，他在看見你之前在幹什麽，你們說過什麽話，說話時是什麽表情。說完話之後他又去幹什麽了，什麽表情。”

I felt ridiculous, so I said: "We don't have much contact, how can you come up with so many topics?"

Teacher Huang said: "Oh! The old man and the old lady were just thinking at home. Whenever they remembered something, they called me. Moreover, every time we talked, they asked, what is Luyan busy with? Have you met him again? Like this, I met you today. The old man will ask, what was he doing before he saw you, what words you said, and what was his expression when he said it. What did he do after he said that, and what was his expression."

 

我感覺不可思議說：“這麽細！那也不對呀！我們沒見過麵，他怎麽想象我！也沒有具體的目標形象啊！” 

黃老師說：“啊！你沒見過他們；他們見過你。他們特意來這兒看過你；我安排的。我知道你的活動規律。我們等在一邊看你。看見你的時候，那個開心呐！她爸指著你對我說， ‘你看！這就是我兒子！’ 這老兩口笑得，都直不起腰來了！”

I felt incredible and said: "It's so detailed! That's not right! We have never met; how could he imagine me! There is no specific target image!"

Teacher Huang said: "Ah! You haven't seen them; they have seen you. They came here specially to see you; I arranged it. I know your activity pattern. We waited there to see you. When he saw you, so happy! Her dad pointed at you and said to me, 'Look! This is my son!' The old couple laughed so hard that they couldn't even straighten their backs!"

我問：“什麽時候？”

黃老師說：“你可不知道呢！這老公姆倆看見你時才高興呢！板不住地看，板不住地樂（參見7.12《百變神通》）。老頭子一邊樂一邊說：這就是我兒子。”

I asked: "When?"

Teacher Huang said: "You don't know! These old couple were so happy when they saw you! They couldn't stop looking at you, and they couldn't stop laughing. The old man said, "That's my son (cf. section 7.12 “Hundred Godly Transformations”)."

 

我說：“哎呀！這老頭兒盼女婿盼出病來了。”

黃老師說：“這我還不明白嗎！不過老頭子沒病，就是喜歡你。當時我就看出來了，老頭子真是從心底裏高興。你說劉健君參加托福GRE考試，得了全額獎學金去美國讀博士，這是高興事兒不？”

I said: "Oops! This old man is sick from looking forward to his son-in-law."

Teacher Huang said: "Certainly I understood! But the old man is not sick, he just likes you! I could tell at the time that the old man was happy from the bottom of his heart. What say you? Eve Liu took TOEFL and GRE exams, got full scholarship to the United States to study for her PHD, is this laughable affair or not?"

我回答：“那對誰家都是祖墳冒青煙（參見2.7《裸體婚禮》）的大好事兒！不隻是錢的問題，這事兒本身就是人生的榮譽呀！”

黃老師說：“正是！我跟著她爸二十幾年了，像是對我親爸爸似的，我就看出來了：老頭子對劉健君那事兒，也高興，但不是從心底裏往外高興。”

I replied, “That is “turquoise smoke rising from the ancestral tomb” (cf. v. 2.7, Naked Wedding) for anyone's family! It's not just about the money; the affair itself is an honor in life!”

Teacher Huang said: "Exactly! I have been with her father for more than 20 years, as if he were my biological father. I can tell: the old man is also happy about Eve Liu’s achievement, but he is not happy from the bottom of his heart.”

 

我問：“怎麽會呢！那是什麽原因？”

黃老師說：“我也琢磨來著，沒琢磨明白！自從劉健君二十多歲開始找對象談戀愛了，老頭子就這樣了，總像是有心事兒似的。人家不跟我說，我也沒法兒問。”

I asked: "How! Then what's the reason?"

Teacher Huang said: "I also pondered over it, but I didn't get it! Since Eve Liu twenty more years old began to look for boyfriend to fall in love, the old man has been like this, always as if there is something on his mind. He does not tell me; I can not ask."

我問：“是因為劉健君處對象一直不順利？”

黃老師低著頭想了想說：“應該是，但我說不準。” 他沉默了一會兒又說：“那時，老公姆倆看著你笑，我也跟著笑哇，但是我心裏可難受了。”

I asked: "Is it because Eve Liu has been unsuccessful in finding a boyfriend?"

Teacher Huang lowered his head and thought for a moment: "It should be, but I can't say." He was silent for a while and said, "At that time, the old couple looked at you and was laughing, I also followed the laugh, but my heart was difficult."

 

我問：“怎麽的呢？”

黃老師說：“那就是我！這幾年一直給劉健君介紹對象來的，就是不成。而且，老頭子為啥喜歡你？”

I asked: “How is that?”

Teacher Huang replied: "That's me! These years have been introduced boyfriends to Eve Liu; besides, why does the old man like you?"

我問：“為啥？”

黃老師說：“老頭子知到關於你的事，還不都是聽我說的。” 

事後，我曾多次回想這次談話，每次都很傷感：都說，可憐天下父母心，這我是真的見到了；劉健君有個好爸爸！

I asked: "Why?"

Teacher Huang said: "Whatever the old man knows about you, he heard them from me! It is me who likes you!”

Afterwards, I thought about this conversation many times, and every time I was very sad: They say that parents in the world are pitiful, and I have really seen it; Eve Liu has a good father!

 

8.1-2 婚姻撮合 Marriage Matchmaking

一天，在宿舍寢室門口的走廊裏遇見了黃老師幾個人。他得知我還沒有對象，說：“在美國，劉健君的課程安排有兩周空閑時間，她要回國探親，還沒有對象。你願意和她談談不？”

我問：“她讀博士得需要多長時間？”

One day, I met Teacher Huang and a few others in the hallway at the entrance of my dormitory. When he learned that I didn’t have a girlfriend, he said, “In the United States, Eve Liu has two weeks of free time due to her course schedule. She is going back to China to visit her family and doesn’t have a boyfriend yet. Are you willing to talk to her?”

I asked, “How long will it take her to get a doctorate?”

黃老師回答：“不清楚，一般需要兩或三年。”

我想，“和她談戀愛，她在美國幹什麽我不知道，但在東北大學，黃老師幾個人幫她看著我兩三年。婚姻不成，我的婚姻就被耽誤了，這我可吃大虧了。”我說：“就兩周，談個半生不熟的就天各一方；那我和她談戀愛，至少得需要兩三年，而且成功的可能性不大。人家在美國見多識廣，看我這個土麅子能看慣麽！我看不合適。”

Teacher Huang replied: "I don't know, it usually takes two or three years."

I thought, “talking love with her, what she is doing in the United States I do not know, but in the Northeastern University, Teacher Huang a few people to help her look at me for two or three years. If the affair does not work out, my marriage would be delayed, which is a big loss for me.” I said: “just two weeks, the love affair would be half green, not ripe yet, then we are far apart. That our marriage affair at least needs two or three years, and the likelihood of success is not great. She in the United States has seen more and sensed broadly, seeing me the country folk wouldn’t be used to! I don't think it's suitable.”

 

黃老師說：“找個好對象是需要很大付出的。”

我說：“聽人說，一般的從戀愛到結婚就需要六個月。我都已經二十六歲了，很一般，就想那樣，沒有太高的期望。”

Teacher Huang said, “It takes a lot of work to find a good match.”

I said, “I've heard people say that the average one takes six months from falling in love to getting married. I'm twenty-six years old and average, so I want that and don't have high expectations.”

黃老師和幫手老師互相說了些什麽，然後對我說：“若不然，你和她以同學聚會的名義見見麵，那也是個找對象的機會。”

我想起我和劉健君第一次見麵時的情景，覺得渾身不自在；再想和劉健君的同學在一起，那我的尷尬肯定少不了，就說：“不想，我們沒必要見麵。”

Teacher Huang and the helper teacher said something to each other, then said to me, “If not, you and her meet in the name of a classmate reunion, that would also be an opportunity to find a date.”

I remembered the first time Eve Liu and I met and felt uncomfortable; the second thought, “if I was going to be with Eve Liu's classmates again, then I would be much embarrassed again.” So, I said, “I don't want to, there's no need for us to meet.”

 

黃老師說：“合適的對象可不好找，你再想想。”

我說：“我想不出有什麽用。我可是個大齡青年；談戀愛是以結婚為目的的。” 

Teacher Huang said, “It's not easy to find a suitable match, so think again.”

I said, “I can't think of any use. I'm an older youth; falling in love is for the purpose of marriage.”

8.1-3 黃老師的哀傷 Teacher Huang's Mourning

一天，我和黃老師在樓前閑聊，談起了劉健君。他對我抱怨她，好像我是她丈夫似的。他還說，他以前是從四川鄉下來的一個義務兵，劉團長對他一手培養提拔到今天沈陽炮兵學院的院長，從沒求過他任何別的事，就隻求他為劉健君介紹對像這一件事（注3）。他手足無措地說，隻有我能幫他。

One day, Teacher Huang and I were chatting in front of the building, and we talked about Eve Liu. He complained to me about her as if I were her husband. He also said that he was a conscripted soldier from a rural area in Sichuan. Troupe Leader Liu personally trained and promoted him to the president of the Shenyang Artillery Academy today. He never asked him for anything else except to introduce a partner to Eve Liu (Note 3). He said helplessly that only I could help him.

我對他的言語感覺不可思議，說：“你怎麽能求我這個？我為了幫個人而娶她，這是什麽事！”

他無可奈何地說：“我知道，我很清楚我不該跟你這麽說；我是真沒辦法了！”

I felt incredulous at his words and said: "How can you beg me for this? I'm marrying her to help a person, that's what's going on!"

He said hopelessly: "I know, I know very well that I ought not to have said that to you; I am really at my wit's end!"

 

注8.1-3，死不瞑目詛咒的下法是一輩子對被詛咒的人做好事而隻求他辦一件事。此時黃老師已經預料到了下一節（8.2節）的事，劉團長正在用死不瞑目詛咒黃老師，劉建君和我盧岩。 他也是此真人醫學實驗的主導委員之一。黃老師看到了劉團長因為此實驗，而身受多種疾病的折磨，如圖8.1.2-1，2，3，4所示。圖1至6源自古墨西哥（參見第18章《墨西哥法典》）。圖1至4中的主人公是墨西哥法典中的上帝（太陽神），左翼蜂鳥。圖4中，左翼蜂鳥正在犧牲他的女兒和兒子，金童和玉女，如圖5和6所示。類似的，本章中的8.4節是劉團長詛咒我們的最後關鍵一步，然後我和劉建君的命運就被定型了（如圖5，6），無法更改了。

Note 8.1-3, the way to cast the curse of "Die with Eyes Open" is to do good things to the cursed person for the rest of your life and only ask him to do one thing in return. At this time, Teacher Huang had already anticipated the next section (section 8.2), Troupe Leader Liu was cursing Teacher Huang, Eve Liu and me with "Die with Eyes Open". He was also one of the leading committee members of this real human medical experiment. Teacher Huang saw that Troupe Leader Liu was suffering from many diseases because of this experiment, as shown in Figures 8.1.2-1, 2, 3, and 4. Figures 1 to 6 are from ancient Mexico (see Chapter 18 "Mexican Codex"). The protagonists in Figures 1 to 4 are God (sun god) in the Mexican Codex, Huitzilopochtli. In Figure 4, Huitzilopochtli is sacrificing his daughter and son, the golden boy and the jade girl, as shown in Figures 5 and 6. Similarly, Section 8.4 in this chapter is the last key step for Troupe Leader Liu to curse us, and then the fate of Eve Liu and me was determined (as shown in Figures 5 and 6) and could not be changed.

 

8.2 死不瞑目 Die with Eyes Open

1996年秋的一天中午，風很大。在去食堂的路上，我看見黃老師像幽靈一樣向食堂走，盯著眼前幾米遠的地方，麵無表情，就跑過去逗他開心，大聲問： “怎麽這麽不開心呢？”

One afternoon in the fall of 1996, it was very windy. On the way to the cafeteria, I saw Teacher Huang walking towards the cafeteria like a ghost, staring at a place a few meters ahead with no expression on his face. I ran over to cheer him up and asked loudly: "Why are you so unhappy?"

黃老師回過神兒來後說：“還是為了劉健君的事兒。昨天，那爺兒倆當著我的麵就打起來了。老頭子走到她的前麵，指著她的鼻子說，‘劉健君！你不是我的女兒；盧岩是我的兒子’。老頭子又走到我跟前，對我大聲說：‘我都算好了，別人都不行，就盧岩行！如果我不能活著看見劉健君和盧岩結婚，我死不瞑目。你就在盧岩身上下功夫吧（注1）！’”

After coming to his senses, Teacher Huang said, "It was all about Eve Liu. Yesterday, the father and daughter started fighting in front of me. The old man walked up to her, pointed at her nose and said, 'Eve Liu! You are not my daughter; Adam Luyan is my son.' The old man walked up to me again and said loudly, 'I have calculated it all. No one else can do it, but Luyan can! If I can't live to see Eve Liu and Adam Luyan get married, I will die with eyes open. You should focus on Adam Luyan (Note 1)!'"

 

我說：“生氣了，說幾句過頭的話，你何必這麽在意！”

這時我們已經進到了食堂裏，黃老師說：“不是氣話，老頭子是認真的。我跟了他幾十年了。他說的是真心說，還是隨便說說，我四十來歲的人了，還能看不出來！死不瞑目！死不瞑目，你不懂嗎！”

I said, "He was angry and said some excessive words. Why do you care so much?" 

At this time, we had already entered the cafeteria. Teacher Huang shouted at me, "It's not what he said in anger. The old man is serious. I have been with him for decades. Whether he is sincere or just talking casually, I am in my forties. How can I not tell? Die with eyes open! Die with eyes open! Don't you understand!?"

食堂裏的數百人驚奇地看著我們倆，他插隊排進了買飯人的排隊。我像似惹禍了一樣，躲到了一邊排隊的後麵，心想，“我好心逗你笑，你反倒吼我！死不瞑目，你嚇唬誰呢！你說你是我爸爸就是我爸爸呀！你死不瞑目，我才不在乎呢！”

Hundreds of people in the cafeteria looked at us in amazement. He cut in a line and joined the line of people buying food. I ducked to the back of one side line like I seemed to be in trouble, thinking, “I was kind enough to make you laugh, and you yelled at me instead! Die with eyes open! Who are you scaring! It is only yourself said that you are my father, so you behave as my father! You die with eyes open; I don’t care!”

 

注8.2-1，就這樣，我被劉團長從一組男孩兒中被選為了女婿。根據4.5節《真人醫學實驗的新聞》，實驗中有多個男孩兒。女子組的集中訓練營是在中國醫科大學的巴甫洛夫樓（參見7.2《劉建君》），那裏是國際醫學交流中心。

Note 8.2-1, just like that, I was chosen by Team Leader Liu from a group of boys to be his son-in-law. According to Section 4.5 "News of Real-Life Medical Experiments", there were multiple boys in the experiment. The concentrated training camp for the girl's group was in the Pavlov Building of China Medical University (see 7.2 "Eve Liu"), which is the International Medical Exchange Center.

劉團長說，死不瞑目這個詛咒，狠毒至極（參見2.4節《桃花劫的講解》）。下這個詛咒就是一輩子不斷地對被詛咒的人做好事，而隻求他一件事。被詛咒的人知道或者後來知道了下咒人的意願，有能力辦卻沒有兌現。等下咒人一死，被詛咒的人就受不了了，死不了也活不長。劉團長說，這個詛咒就沒有其他的解法，隻有順解，就是按照下咒人的意思去做。

Troupe Leader Liu said that the curse of Die with Eyes Open is extremely vicious (see Section 2.4 "Explanation of Peach Blossom Catastrophe"). Casting this curse means that you do good things to the cursed person for your whole life, and only ask him for one thing. The cursed person knows or later knows the wish of the person who cast the curse can do it but does not fulfill it. Once the curser dies, the cursed person will not be able to bear it and will not live long either. Troupe Leader Liu said that there is no other way to solve this curse, only to follow the wish of the person who cast the curse.

插圖8.2-3是古墨西哥的上帝三人組：左翼蜂鳥，金童墨西哥（又名特拉洛克），和玉女翠玉女。圖中太陽神左翼蜂鳥的大眼睛代表上帝之眼（古墨西哥人作太陽），是由五個眼睛（參見第18章）。他的大耳朵代表天耳通（亦作千裏耳）。

Illustration 8.2-3 shows the trinity of God of ancient Mexico: Huitzilopochtli, Gold Boy Mexico (also known as Tlaloc), and the Jade Girl Chalchiuhtlicue. The big eyes of the Sun God Huitzilopochtli in the picture represent the Eye of God (ancient Mexicans called it Sun), which is composed of five eyes (see Chapter 18). His big ears represent the Celestial Ear (also known as Thousand-mile Ear).

 

8.2-2

那年，我父母在沈陽北陵東麵買了房子，那個小開發區已經竣工了。一天，我在進小區的路上看見了幾個民工似的人，站在那裏嘮嗑，警覺了起來。我走過兩個人的旁邊，他們說 “死不瞑目”。 當我走近另兩個人，他們說 “無解”。我不經意地想著 “死不瞑目，無解” ，想不出個所以然。但此時我對此說法不感覺陌生。

That year, my parents bought a house east of Beiling in Shenyang, and the small development zone had been completed. One day, on the way into the community, I saw a few people who looked like migrant workers standing there chatting, I became alert. I walked past two people, and they said, “die with eyes open”. When I approached the other two, they said "no solution". I thought about "die with eyes open, no solution" inadvertently, but I couldn't figure it out. But currently, I didn't feel unfamiliar with this statement.

 

注8.2-2，前文關於死不瞑目詛咒的說法是在我三歲之前聽崔鳳龍姨父講的（參見2.4節《桃花劫的講解》）。現代心理學說，三歲及以前的記憶，正常的成年人是回憶不出來的，但那些記憶仍然存在於無意識裏，而且發揮著作用。那記憶是怎樣發揮作用的？例如本段文字中的描述，我對死不瞑目詛咒不感覺陌生。直到2003年，我在一次痛哭之後，突然意識到了此詛咒的下法是一輩子對那人做好事，卻隻求那人辦一件事；而且此狠毒至極的詛咒是無解的。

Note 8.2-2, the above statement about the curse of Die with Eyes Open was told by Uncle Dragon before I was three years old (see Section 2.4 "Explanation of Peach Blossom Catastrophe"). Modern psychology says that normal adults cannot recall memories of three years old and before, but those memories still exist in the unconscious and play a role. How do that memories play a role? For example, the description in this paragraph, I am not unfamiliar with the curse of Die with Eyes Open. It was not until 2003, after crying bitterly, that I suddenly realized that the way to cast the curse is to do good things to that person for a lifetime but only ask that person to do one thing; and there is no solution to this extremely vicious curse.

 

8.2-3

一天，黃老師找我談話：“在美國，劉健君和男朋友分手了。她說人家不誠實。我們就勸她在以前處過的男朋友當中選一個。她同意了。我們就把她以前處過的男朋友都問了一遍。我也問過你，你告訴我你沒有女朋友。然後我們把這些人當中沒有女朋友的列了一個名單讓劉健君選。她說：“就選盧岩吧。”

我問：“他在美國，我在中國，怎麽談？”

One day, Teacher Huang talked to me, "In the United States, Eve Liu broke up with her boyfriend. She said that he was dishonest. We persuaded her to choose one of her previous boyfriends. She agreed. We asked all her previous boyfriends. I also asked you, and you told me that you don't have a girlfriend. Then we made a list of those who didn't have girlfriends and asked Eve Liu to choose. She said, "Just pick Luyan.”

I asked: "He is in the United States, and I am in China, how can we talk?"

 

黃老師說：“這個我們研究了。你們可以通過通信，電話，網絡聊天什麽的來談。”

我想不出來那是怎麽談戀愛，就說：“那談和沒談有區別嗎? 而且將來她很可能願意留在美國。” 我表示不願意做勞而無功的事。

Teacher Huang said: "We have studied this. You can talk through correspondence, phone calls, online chats, etc."

I couldn't figure out how that was a relationship, so I said, "Is there any difference between being in a relationship and not being in a relationship? And she might be willing to stay in the United States in the future." I said I didn't want to do anything that would be futile.

 

8.2-4

一九九六年初冬的一天，我看見黃老師一個人默默地站在走廊盡頭的窗邊，向窗外看。我走過去也向窗外看了看，故意逗笑，把他拉得離窗遠一些，說： “你現在的表情和行為可真嚇人！” 他麵無表情，沒出聲。我問：“劉健君快畢業了吧？” （注，這時我的身心狀態很不好，忘記了今昔是何年。）

黃老師說：“哪有那麽快，至少還得一年多。但是，這博士她還沒讀完呢，又喜歡上了一個博士後的資曆項目。”

One day in early winter of 1996, I saw Teacher Huang standing alone by the window at the end of the corridor, looking out. I walked over and looked out the window, deliberately making him laugh, and pulled him away from the window, saying, "Your expression and behavior are really scary now!" He had no expression on his face and didn't say anything. I asked, "Is Eve Liu about to graduate?" (Note: At this time, my physical and mental state was very bad, and I forgot what year it was.)

Teacher Huang said: "It won't be that fast; it will take at least a year. But she hasn't finished her PhD yet, and she's interested in a postdoctoral qualification program."

我說：“讀書不就是為了工作麽！讀個博士證明一下能力就行了唄！還能讀到天上去。”

黃老師說：“誰說不是呢！人家就喜歡。”

我說：“她讀書也不耽誤結婚，喜歡讀就讀唄！”

I said: "Isn't studying for work? Just get a PhD to prove her ability! She can't study to heaven."

Teacher Huang said: "Who says it's not true? She just likes it."

I said: "It won't hinder her from getting married if she studies. If she likes to study, then she can study!"

 

黃老師說：“她爸有個想法，不過這事兒得先跟你說，還沒跟她說。”

我問：“什麽想法？”

黃老師說：“劉健君可以有陪讀，她爸說如果你願意，可以讓你以她男朋友的身份申請簽證去美國。”

我問：“我們倆沒交往過多長時間，她能同意嗎？”

Teacher Huang said: "Her father has an idea, but he has to tell you first. He hasn't told her yet."

I asked: "What idea?"

Teacher Huang said: "Eve Liu can have a companion. Her father said that if you are willing, you can apply for a visa to the United States as her boyfriend."

I asked: "We haven't been dating for a long time. Will she agree?"

黃老師說：“她能不能同意我們還不知道。這是她爸的主意。她爸讓她辦手續，她能不辦嗎？”

我想，“她讀博士，我打工學英語，考研究生， GRE我還真學不了，考不上。她看我不順眼，那我可難受了！打幾架之後回來了。我們家哪有那個閑錢讓我去美國玩兒一圈。” 我說：“我連她長得什麽樣兒，都記不清了。再說，我現在還真沒想出國。”

Teacher Huang said, "We don't know whether she will agree or not. This is her father's idea. Her father asked her to go through the formalities, how could she not do it?"

I thought, "She is studying for a doctorate, I am working to learn English and take the postgraduate entrance examination. I really can't study for the GRE and can't pass the examination. She doesn't like me, so I feel bad! After a few fights, I came back. How can our family have the spare money for me to travel around the United States?" I said, "I can't even remember what she looks like. Besides, I really don't want to go abroad now."

 

黃老師說：“若不然，我們給你找幾張她以前的相片，給你看看。”

我說：“不用吧！她在美國不方便找男朋友，為什麽不休學一年回國，等結婚了再去繼續讀博士。”

Teacher Huang said, "If not, we can find some old photos of her and show them to you."

I said, "No need! It's not convenient for her to find a boyfriend in the United States. Why doesn't she take a year off and return to China and then continue her doctoral studies after getting married."

黃老師的臉色立刻變了，厲聲說道：“事業更重要！”

我愣了一下說：“有道理！那就慢慢地找吧。我還有點事兒，先走了。” 我轉身忿忿地離開了。

Teacher Huang's face immediately changed, and he said sternly, “Career is more important!”

I froze for a moment and said, “Makes sense! Then take your time to find it. I still have some things to do, so I'll leave first.” I turned around and left angrily.

 

8.2-5

又一次我和黃老師在一起說話。我不同意和劉健君交往。他的態度變了，說：“我們已經得出結論了。劉健君靠她自己找不到丈夫。我們已經決定了，你就是她的丈夫。”

我感覺又詫異又氣憤，說：“她和我的差異本來就很大。現在她在美國，將來變成什麽樣的人，沒人知道。我跟她異地相處，成婚的機率可不大。我都快三十歲的人了，可不做這種沒譜的事兒。”

Once again, I was talking with Teacher Huang. I didn't agree to go out with Eve Liu. His attitude changed and he said, “We've concluded. Eve Liu can't find a husband on her own. We've decided that you are her husband.”

Feeling surprised and angry, I said, "She and I are very different. Now she is in the United States, and no one knows what kind of person she will become in the future. The chances of us getting married are slim as we live in a long-distance relationship. I am almost 30 years old, and I don't want to do such a foolish thing."

黃老師眼露凶光（注，這說明他為此創傷了），說：“做備用的行不行？”

我也氣急了，說道：“我早就是備用的！你以為我不知道，還要告訴我！” 我轉身回房間了，氣憤了一會兒，就忘了。

Teacher Huang's eyes flashed with anger (note, this shows that he was traumatized by this) and he said, "How about a backup?"

I was also furious and said, "I have been a backup for a long time! You think I don't know, and you still need to tell me!" I turned around and went back to my room. I was angry for a while, and then I forgot about it.

 

8.3 劉團長的計劃 Troupe Leader Liu’s plan

一九九七年早春的一天，黃老師說有事要跟我說。我來到了他們的房間。他們倆就開始討論我和劉健君的事。

他的室友對他說：“你沒告訴盧岩，劉健君她爸是什麽高級幹部，家裏有錢，有房子。現在找對象都講究綜合實力，人家有，你為什麽不說？”

One day in the early spring of 1997, Teacher Huang said he had something to tell me. I came to their room. The two of them started talking about Eve Liu and me.

His roommate said to him, “You didn't tell Luyan that Eve Liu's father is some kind of senior cadre, and her family has money and houses. Finding a date nowadays is all about comprehensive strength, she has it, why didn't you say anything?”

黃老師說：“我對他說過幾次，七十年代，她爸就已經是師級幹部了。後來到了什麽級別，我從來沒有興趣問，也不知道。” 他對我說：“她爸身體不好，現在在家呢。退休還是離休？人家沒跟我說過，我也沒問過，我們嘮嗑不嘮這個。她家有多少錢？人家不會告訴我。我不知道，就不能說。” 他又轉向室友說：“房子人家可真不缺，對盧岩有吸引力，但不大。”

Teacher Huang said, "I told him several times that her father was already a division-level cadre in the 1970s. I have never been interested in asking what level he reached later, and I don't know." He said to me, "Her father is in poor health and is now at home. Is he retired or Emerald? He never told me, and I never asked. We don't talk about this. How much money does her family have? They won't tell me. I don't know, so I can't say it." He turned to his roommate and said, "They really don't have a shortage of houses. It is attractive to Luyan, but not much."

 

室友說：“你怎麽知道沒多少影響？”

我說：“她的家境不錯，挺好；比這好再多，沒什麽用了。”

黃老師對他說：“你看怎麽樣！我早就看出來了！這好，我喜歡！如果他倆結婚了，倆人平等。盧岩不會因為家境感覺比劉健君低一等。”

His roommate said, “How do you know there's not much impact?”

I said, “She's from a well-off family, pretty good; any better than that, not much use.”

Teacher Huang said to him, “Look how it is! I saw it a long time ago! It's good, I like it! If the two of them get married, the two are equal. Luyan won't feel inferior to Eve Liu because of his family's comparably poor situation.”

室友問：“盧岩是咋回事？不喜歡錢和權勢？”

黃老師說：“他當然也喜歡有錢有勢，但他更看重人。” 對我說：“她爸爸有個主意，讓我跟你商量商量。”

The roommate asked, "What's wrong with Luyan? Doesn't like money and power?"

Mr. Huang said, “Of course he likes money and power too, but he values people more.” To me, he said, “Her father had an idea and asked me to discuss it with you.”

 

黃老師對我說：“你的情況我們都知道得清清楚楚，我們對你有完全的信心。劉健君在那兒上大學念研究生，我們五六個人就一直在研究她。她的心肝肺，我們是摸得清清楚楚。你們倆配成婚姻，誰也不吃虧，誰也不占便宜。隻是機緣不合，你們倆沒能互相了解。熟悉之後，你們倆總有說不完的話，嘮不完的磕。對此，我們有100%的把握。沒把握的事，我們不做。盧岩，你就差一點，就是你給別人的第一印象不行。就因為這個弱點，你可虧大了。她爸說，我們對你進行些培訓。準備好了之後，老頭子就裝病，讓劉健君從美國回來。她回來後，讓你們倆處一段時間就結婚。”

Teacher Huang said to me, "We all know your situation very well, and we have complete confidence in you. Eve Liu was a graduate student there, and five or six of us have been studying her. We know her heart and liver very well. If you two were to get married, neither of you would suffer a loss, and neither of you would take advantage. It's just that you two didn't get to know each other well due to bad luck. After you got to know each other, you two would always have endless affairs to talk about. We are 100% sure about this. We won't do anything we are not sure about. Luyan, you just lacked a little bit, that is, you didn't give others a good first impression. Because of this weakness, you suffered a great loss. Her father said that we will give you some training. After you are ready, the old man will pretend to be sick and let Eve Liu come back from the United States. After she comes back, let you two get along for a while and then get married."

 

 

 

8.3-2 準備工作 Preparations

我問：“準備什麽？”

黃老師說：“這是我們五六個人研究的結果。你在各方麵的根基都不差，就差接人待物的言談舉止。在這方麵，我們有我們的一套東西，說著他就在屋裏走來走去，表演給我看。他一邊比畫一邊說：‘這套東西劉健君特別喜歡，她就經常練習，就很擅長。我親自來教你。隻是明白不行，這東西需要練習和使用才能掌握。我們送你去個地方，和那些人吃住睡在一起，你很快就能掌握。也許需要一兩個月，我看你成了，拿的出手了，就接你回來。’”

I asked, “What are we preparing for?”

Teacher Huang said, “This is the result of research by five or six of us. You have a good foundation in all aspects, except for your manners and behavior. In this regard, we have our own set of things. He walked around the room and performed for me. He gestured and said, ‘Eve Liu likes this set of things very much. She practices it often and is very good at it. I will teach you in person. It’s not enough to just understand it. This thing needs practice and use to master it. We will send you to a place where you can eat, sleep and live with those people. You will master it quickly. It may take one or two months. When I see that you have done it and can show it off, I will take you back.’”

黃老師說：“你回來後，我再介紹幾個我們的朋友給你。他們在這方麵都挺好，舉止有度，言辭有據，善交際，會辦事，在沈陽都混得不錯。咱們在一起吃吃飯，嘮嘮嗑，玩一玩，六、七次之後，你就行了。你在沈陽，就混開了，會辦事，能辦事了。”

我聽得很高興，沒說話。

Teacher Huang said: "After you come back, I will introduce you to a few more of our friends. They are all good in this respect, well-mannered, well-spoken, sociable, and capable of doing affairs. They are doing well in Shenyang. Let's eat together, chat, and play together. After six or seven times, you will be able to do it. You will be able to do things in Shenyang."

I was very happy to hear this and didn't say anything.

黃老師又說：“劉健君的口才不錯，說話層理清晰，有理有據。你在這方麵的素質也挺好，看問題有角度，觀點獨道，有內涵。這我早就發現了。你和她說話吃虧在不了解對方。我們了解她，把她喜歡問的問題，希望聽到的話寫下來，得有幾頁紙。你分析清楚了，再背下來。你倆在一起的時候，她問，你就照著我們給你準備的說，她就遇見高人了。”

Teacher Huang added, "Eve Liu is a good speaker, and her words are clear and well-reasoned. You are also very good in this respect, you have a perspective on the problem, and your views are unique and meaningful. I have discovered this a long time ago. The reason you are at a disadvantage when talking to her is that you don't understand her. We understand her, and we have written down the questions she likes to ask and the words she hopes to hear, which will take up several pages. Analyze it clearly and then memorize it. When the two of you are together, if she asks, you can say what we have prepared for you, then she will have met a master."

黃老師又說：“同時，咱們再把你裝飾一下，讓你在我的雜誌上發表幾篇論文。你得把那幾篇論文弄懂，你們談論起來的時候，你不能不明白。”

Teacher Huang added, "At the same time, we will decorate you and let you publish a few papers in my magazine. You must understand those papers. When you discuss them, you must understand them."

我問：“這劉健君不明白？”

黃老師說：“她一直都是學醫的，上哪兒懂咱們工科的東西。隔行如隔山，她能聽懂我們工科的論文，那還了得！” 

I asked, "Does Eve Liu not understand?"

Teacher Huang said, "She has always studied medicine, how can she understand our engineering stuff? Different fields are like different worlds, how can she understand our engineering papers!"

 

8.3-3 再見麵的安排 Arrangements for the next meeting

黃老師說：“等咱們把這些都準備好了，老頭子就裝病，把劉健君從美國招回來。她回來那天，咱們都到機場去接她。我看準時機，推你走過去。” 他說著，就又給我表演他那套舉止（注，展現出 “三千威儀八萬四千細行”），說：“就這個，劉健君特別喜歡，她就想看她的男朋友這樣，可她沒處看去。你一走，她一看，就暈了（注，就如同在7.3節，她用她的 “五百威儀十萬八千魅力”把我弄暈了）。你這麽想，她從美國回來，見到親戚朋友，當然高興，又有時差。”

Teacher Huang said: "When we have prepared all these, the old man will pretend to be sick and recruit Eve Liu back from the United States. On the day she comes back, we will all go to the airport to pick her up. I will wait for the right moment and push you over." As he said this, he performed his behavior for me again (Note: showing "3,000 majesties and 84,000 enchantments"), saying: "This is it, Eve Liu likes it very much, she just wants to see her boyfriend like this, but she has nowhere to see. When you behave in this way, she will see it and faint (Note, just like in Section 7.3, she stunned me with her "500 majesties and 108,000 charms"). Think about it this way, she came back from the United States and saw her relatives and friends, of course she is happy, and there is jet lag."

 

黃老師又說：“從機場回家的路上，你就和她坐在一起。她問你什麽，你就照著我們給你寫的回答。那話兒，劉健君她就總想聽，連做夢都想聽，可她沒處聽去。你一說，她一聽，就飄起來了。她迷離迷糊地就隻剩樂啦。隨後，她就在天上呆著吧！下來，我們也再把她捧上去！”

Teacher Huang added, "On the way home from the airport, you sit with her. Whatever she asks you, you answer according to the answers we wrote for you. Eve Liu always wants to hear those words, even in her dreams, but she has nowhere to listen. As soon as you say them, she will float up. She is dazed and confused and only has joy. After that, she will stay in the sky! Come down, and we will flatter her up again!"

黃老師說：“到家後，親戚朋友們都來看你們倆。人家跟咱不一樣，交際廣，朋友多。人家來看她了，她得陪著呀！人們都誇你們倆般配，你長得好看。我們都會誇人。到時候，左右的鄰居，我們都告訴嘍，人家父母和妹妹都研究好了，就選盧岩當女婿了，都要順著說。那誰還能說個不般配，不好。劉建軍的同學和朋友，我們也讓她妹妹都告訴嘍：我們家已經研究決定了，讓他們倆趕快結婚；那她的同學朋友還能說啥。”

Teacher Huang said, "After getting home, all relatives and friends will come to see you two. Her family is different from us, her parents are very sociable and have many friends. When they come to see her, she must accompany them! People all praise you two for being a good match and you are beautiful. We all are capable to praise others. By then, we will tell all the neighbors on all sides that her parents and sister have already decided to choose Luyan as their son-in-law. Who can say that you two are not a good match!? We also let her sister tell Eve Liu's classmates and friends: our family has already decided to let them get married quickly; what can her classmates and friends say!?"

 

黃老師說：“就連你們倆晚上出去溜達，我們都安排路過的人回頭看，說：這倆人真是天生的一對兒！”

我說：“我聽著，感覺像是法師作法！” 

Teacher Huang said: "Even when you two go out for a walk at night, we arrange for passers-by to look back and say: These two are a perfect match!" 

I said: "From what I hear, it feels like a juristic teacher making law (i.e., a magician performing a ritual)!"

黃老師說：“什麽法師作法！管用才是真的！就比如你和她在那兒說話，我們發現你說話走樣了。我們就製造個借口把你叫出來，教你怎麽說。不行咱再排練。練好了，你再去跟她嘮，她都發現不了。那時候，你也想辦法折騰她，就不讓她睡覺。咱們這麽一作，劉健君的時差至少要倒五六天。五六天之後，她對你的第一印象形成了。劉健君對你有這麽個第一印象，你在她麵前，一輩子都是個大丈夫。這東西一但成型，就不變。這是因為你本來的素質就挺好。你看怎麽樣？”

Teacher Huang said, "What kind of juristic teacher’s lawmaking (i.e., magician's magic) is this? It's only true if it works! For example, if you are talking to her and we find that you are not speaking in the right way, we will make up an excuse to call you out and teach you how to speak. If you can’t perform well, we will rehearse again. After you have practiced well, she won't notice when you talk to her again. At that time, you can also find ways to torment her and not let her sleep. If we do this, Eve Liu will have at least five or six days of jet lag. After five or six days, her first impression of you will be formed. She will have such a first impression of you that you will be a real man in front of her for the rest of your life. Once this thing is formed, it will not change. This is because your original quality is very good. What do you think?"

 

我說：“這不是騙人嗎！騙人不好！”

黃老師說：“怎麽是騙人呢！她爸爸媽媽和妹妹騙她幹什麽！我別人都不騙，更不會騙她；世界上的事就是這麽回事！你說騙人，也行！這是她爸爸的主意，別人誰敢騙她呀！全世界人就騙她一個，能不成嗎！你認為她是女神啊！連這她都能識破！這事兒，除非你告訴她，否則她一輩子不會知道，別人誰說這個！你覺得呢？”

I said, "Isn't this cheating? Cheating is not good!"

Teacher Huang said, "How is it cheating? Why would her parents and sister cheat on her? I don't cheat on anyone else, let alone her. That's how affairs are in the world! You say it's cheating, okay! This is her father's idea, who else dares to cheat on her! She is the only one in the world who is cheated, how can it be wrong! You think she is a goddess!? She can even see through this! Unless you tell her, she will never know about this. Who else would say this!? What do you think?"

 

8.3-4 八百年出不來一個The Only Person for 800 Years

我支吾地回答：“事兒是好事兒，有騙人的成分不好。” 這時，我是背對著屋門坐著的，不知什麽時候，門口站著一個人在聽我們說話。他突然大叫：“這還不行！真是八百年出不來一個！” 我被驚嚇得蹦了起來，回頭看。站在門口的人大聲嚷嚷：“你連和平房產局都能混出來，擺弄咱這幫人，還不跟玩兒似的！” 我聽糊塗了，不懂他在說什麽！

I answered hesitantly: "It's a good thing, but it's not good to have deception." At this time, I was sitting with my back to the door. I don't know when a person stood at the door and listened to us. He suddenly shouted: "This is not good! You are truly ‘the only person for 800 Years’!" I jumped up in shock and looked back. The person standing at the door shouted: "You can even fool out (i.e., stand out) the Heping Housekeeping Bureau, messing with us, it is just like a game!" I was confused and didn't understand what he was saying!

黃老師憤怒地對他說：“你說啥呢！” 黃老師的室友示意那人離開。黃老師急衝衝地走到我背後，把門關上了。他走回床邊，問室友：“他是誰？”

Teacher Huang angrily said to him, "What are you talking about!" Teacher Huang's roommate motioned for the man to leave. Teacher Huang hurriedly walked behind me and closed the door. He walked back to the bed and asked his roommate, "Who is he?"

 

室友領會了，回答：“啊！他是鞍山鋼鐵公司來的。” 黃老師說：“你告訴他，以後別到我們屋來！” 說完，他躺到了床上，叨咕：“他還來能耐了！你以為和平房產局的人是好惹的呐！你不動手，人家也不動手；你一動手，看人家不整死你！”

The roommate understood and replied, "Ah! He is from Anshan Iron and Steel Company." Teacher Huang said, "Tell him not to come to our room again!" After that, he lay down on the bed and muttered, "He is still capable! Do you think the people from the Heping Housekeeping Bureau are easy to mess with? If you don't make a move, they won't make a move either. If you make a move, they will beat you to death first!"

室友說：“完了，全完了！說啥也沒用了！盧岩明白了!”

突然，黃老師從床上站了起來，大步繞過我，走到門口把屋門打開了，說：“盧岩不明白！”

My roommate said, "It's over, it's all over! It's useless to say anything! Luyan understands!" 

Suddenly, Teacher Huang stood up from the bed, strode around me, walked to the door, opened it, and said, "Luyan doesn't understand!"

 

室友說：“這，他怎麽可能還不明白呢！”

黃老師說：“盧岩不是這個世界上的人！”

The roommate said, “This, how can he not understand yet!”

Teacher Huang said, “Luyan is not of this world!”

室友說：“你瘋啦！他不是這個世界上的人，那他是哪個世界裏的人？”

我說：“我也感覺挺害怕的！”

The roommate said, “You're crazy! He's not of this world, so what world is he from?”

I said, “I feel pretty scared too!”

黃老師對室友說：“他是幻想世界裏的人！”

室友叨咕：“幻想世界裏的人！” 想了一會兒說：“我明白了，你是說他和劉健君都是幻想世界裏的人。就這幻想世界裏的人在一起有話兒說。嘮嘮的，倆人就幻想到一塊兒去了。”

Teacher Wong says to his roommate, “He's from a fantasy world!”

The roommate chattered, “Someone from the fantasy world!” After thinking for a while, he said, “I see, you mean he and Eve Liu are both people in the fantasy world. People in this fantasy world have something to say together. Chattering and chattering, the two of them fantasize together.”

 

黃老師說：“對！”

室友說：“啊！盧岩是個理想主義的人，他隻在意劉健君，從來就沒在乎咱們。我說你怎麽那麽喜歡他；你怎麽發現他和咱們不一樣的？”

Teacher Huang said: "Yes!"

The roommate said: "Ah! Luyan is an idealist. He only cares about Eve Liu and never cares about us. I wonder why you like him so much; how did you find that he is different from us?"

黃老師說：“我都觀察他一年多了。咱們還在一樓那時候，我就看出來了，他就是個學生，一直和那些學生一起玩。” 他對我說：“咱們繼續說咱們的。”

Teacher Huang said: "I have been observing him for more than a year. When we were still on the first floor, I could see that he was just a student, always playing with those students." He said to me: "Let's continue our conversation.”

 

8.3-5 兩周後結婚 Marriage in Two Weeks

黃老師接著說：“就這樣，你和劉健君相處兩周以後，老頭子就說話了，‘看你們倆那樣兒，讓鄰居看了笑話，趕緊結婚吧！’她知道啥？還不是問這個問那個；她問誰，誰都說結婚是正確的選擇。你們倆就結婚了。”

Teacher Huang continued, "So, after you and Eve Liu had been together for two weeks, the old man would say, 'You two are making laugh of the neighbors, so get married!' What did she know? She kept asking this and that. Whoever she asked said that getting married was the right choice. So, you two got married."

黃老師說：“你畢業後，就到我們學校去吧！我培養你當校長，師級幹部（將軍級別）。現在就定下來！我之後是XXX，他之後是YYY，之後是ZZZ。”

室友說：“ZZZ，那個大個子，怎麽會是他？”

Teacher Huang said, “After you graduate, come to our school! I'll train you to be a principal, a division cadre (general rank). It's settled now! After me it's XXX, after him it's YYY, and after him it's ZZZ.”

The roommate said: "ZZZ, that big guy, how could it be him?"

 

黃老師說：“他是組織部長，有幾個人，挺會辦事。咱們來東大的事都是他辦的。這他們都同意了。盧岩！現在咱就定下來，ZZZ之後就是你。”

我說：“你還有那權力？我哪有能力當校長！”

Teacher Huang said, “He's the Minister of Organization, has a few people who are quite good at doing things. He did all the work for us to come to Northeastern University. This, they all agreed to. Luyan! Let's settle it now, after ZZZ it's you.”

I said, “You still have that power? How am I capable of being the principal!”

室友豪橫地說：“校長說了不算誰說了算！”

黃老師看了他一眼，對我說：“這事兒你得這麽看！我們逐個安排你幾個關鍵職位，話你一句一句地學，事兒你一件一件地辦。我們再幫你立個功。她爸爸可不是一般人，你別看退休了，還有麵子。一說老校長的女婿，都給麵子。你本身就不差啥，還是研究生畢業，十幾年後當校長，就是功到自然成。”

The roommate said arrogantly, "If the principal doesn't have the final say, who has the final say?"

Teacher Huang glanced at him and said to me, "You have to look at this this way! We will assign you several key positions one by one, you will learn one by one and do one by one. We will help you to get an award. Her father is not an ordinary person. Even though he is retired, he still has face. When people hear the son-in-law of the old principal, everyone gives him face. You are not bad at all. You graduated from graduate school. It will be natural for you to become the principal after more than ten years."

 

我費力地想著，認為是那麽回事兒。

黃老師說：“人都有多大出息呀！四十來歲到師級，就行啦！你和劉健君結婚以後，新婚哪有不好的！都高興！一年以後，孩子一哭，飯鍋糊了！夢就醒啦！啥磕磣好看的，還不都是過日子！你看怎麽樣？”

I thought hard and thought that was the case.

Teacher Huang said: "How much can a person achieve! It's enough to reach the division cadre in your forties! After you and Eve Liu get married, there will be nothing wrong with your newlywed life! You will be happy! A year later, the child will cry, the rice pot burns! The dream will be awakened! What's the matter with the ugly or beautiful appearances? It's all about living! What do you think?"

我回答：“騙人不好。”

黃老師說：“這事不著急，你回去考慮幾天再給我答複。”

I replied: "It's not good to cheat."

Teacher Huang said: "There's no rush for this matter. Go back and think about it for a few days, then give me an answer."

 

8.3-6 室友的反應 Roommate’s Reaction

我回到寢室，室友，那個來自國務院的警察，問我在黃老師的屋子裏嘮的什麽，嘮得那麽歡？

我跟他說了，然後說：“他們全家幫我騙自己的閨女，我有那麽傻嗎！？到頭來，我自己弄個啞巴吃黃連，有苦說不出。”

I returned to my room, and my roommate, the policeman from State Council, asked me what I was talking about in Teacher Huang’s room. Why was I so happy?

I told him, and then said, “Their whole family helped me to deceive their own daughter. Am I that stupid!? In the end, I was left myself with dumb eating goldthread, bitter can’t be spit out.”

 

室友大笑，問：“那個劉健君有什麽毛病嗎？”

我回答：“我沒發現她有毛病。”

My roommate laughed out loud and asked, “What's wrong with that Eve Liu?”

I replied, “I don't find anything wrong with her.”

他說：“還有這事兒！我都沒聽著，不過我覺得他們那個培訓挺好，挺有用。那是什麽地方？我得去問問，我願意自費去培訓。說著，他找黃老師去了。”

He said, “And there's this thing! I didn't even hear about it, but I thought that training they had was pretty good and useful. What's that place? I'll have to ask, I'm willing to pay for the training myself. With that, he went to find Mr. Huang.”

 

8.4 大驚失色 I was Shocked.

隨後，我每天看見我們八舍樓旁邊站著兩排100多二十左右歲的年輕人，看著我們來來往往的人流。我和同學們就猜：這是些什麽人？在幹什麽？看我們像似動物園裏的遊人看動物似的。我總認為：是哪裏在打架。這些人是埋伏在這裏的。

Afterwards, every day I saw two rows of more than 100 young people in their twenties standing next to our dormitory building, watching us coming and going. My classmates and I would guess: Who are these people? What are they doing? They looked at us like visitors to a zoo looking at animals. I always thought: There was a fight somewhere. These people were lying in ambush here.

第四天的晚上，我和室友從食堂買飯回來，發現那些人不見了。我問他：“依你這個國務院的警察來看，他們是什麽人？要幹什麽？” 當我們倆走進八舍的門廳時，驚訝地發現：門廳、兩翼走廊和樓梯間到處站滿了人；那些人衝進樓裏了。一群人正圍著門衛在那爭吵呢。我們進不去，就站在大廳的門口。

On the evening of the fourth day, my roommate and I came back from the cafeteria after buying food and found that those people were gone. I asked him, "As a police officer from State Council, who are they? What are they doing?" When we walked into the lobby of the Eighth Dormitory, we were surprised to find that the lobby, the corridors on both wings, and the stairwell were full of people; those people rushed into the building. A group of people were arguing with the guard. We couldn't get in, so we stood at the door of the lobby.

 

室友說：“你站在這看著，看我這個國務院警察是怎麽調查打架的。” 說著，他擠進了人群，去門衛的地方了。

我看人群的人很密，不能攢空走過去，就等在原地。很快，他回來了，問我：“你猜是怎麽回事兒？”

My roommate said, "Stand here and watch how I, a State Council police officer, investigate a fight." Then he squeezed into the crowd and went to the guard post.

I saw that the crowd was very dense, and I couldn't find space to walk over, so I waited there. Soon, he came back and asked me, "What do you think happened?"

我說：“兩夥人在哪兒打架呢，這幫人要纏住看門的人，不讓他打電話叫警察。”

他尷尬地笑著說：“我怎麽沒發現你還這麽能掩人呢！” 轉回臉又對我說：“我才明白為什麽我們領導總是拒絕我下現場的請求。” 說完，他自己擠進了人群，開始上樓了。

I said, “Two groups are fighting somewhere, and these guys are trying to pester the janitor to keep him from calling the cops.”

He laughed awkwardly and said, “Why didn't I realize you were still so good at pinching people!” Turning his face back to me, he added, “I just realized why our leader always denies my requests to come down to the site.” With that, he squeezed himself into the crowd and started up the stairs.

 

8.4-2 八百年出不來一個 The Only Person for 800 Years

我跟在他的後麵，從坐在樓梯上的人身上跨過去，走得很慢。他在樓上對我喊：“三樓就沒人了，我先自己走了。” 我們的寢室在東翼六樓的東邊盡頭。樓梯間的三、四、五樓都沒人。

當我上到六樓時，吃了一驚，發現走廊入口的地方，一個人坐在地板上，一條腿橫放在走廊過道，瞪著大眼睛看著我。

I followed him, stepping over the man sitting on the stairs, walking slowly. He shouted to me from upstairs, “There's no one on the third floor, so I'll go ahead by myself.” Our dorm room was at the eastern end of the sixth floor of the east wing. The third, fourth, and fifth floors of the stairwell were empty.

When I went up to the sixth floor, I was surprised to find a person sitting on the floor at the entrance of the corridor, with one leg across the corridor, staring at me with big eyes.

我小心翼翼地從他的腿上跨了過去，心想：這麽大眼睛的人可真不多。這時，整條六樓的走廊裏就隻有我們兩個人。

我走到走廊的中間時，突然發現一個人翹著二郎腿坐在寢室的門口。他的腿伸出來很長，我不得不繞著走。那人對寢室裏的喊：“你快過來看！這就是那個 ‘八百年出不來一個’。” 當時，我認為這些人都是在職的研究生，都不認識，沒有來往。大部分時間，六樓的這些房間都是空的。

I stepped over his legs carefully, thinking: There aren't many people with eyes this big. At this time, we were the only two people in the entire corridor on the sixth floor.

When I walked to the middle of the corridor, I suddenly found a person sitting at the door of the dormitory with his legs crossed. His legs were stretched out very long, so I had to walk around him. The person shouted to the people in the dormitory: "Come and see! This is the ONLY PERSON FOR 800 YEARS (cf. v. 8.3-4)." At that time, I thought these people were all working graduate students, and I didn't know them, had no contact with them. Most of the time, these rooms on the sixth floor were empty.

 

過去七八米後，我忽然意識到他們是在說我呢！“八百年出不來一個” 是幾天前（參見8.3-4節），黃老師和我談話時，一個站在門口的人說的。一股衝動從我的下部身體向上湧，直衝天蓋骨。我失重了，撞到了走廊的牆上，聽見後麵有人說話，“他怎麽了？怎麽撞在牆上了？”另一個說，“讓咱們給嚇得，快，別看了！” 

After passing seven or eight meters, I suddenly realized they were talking about me! “THE ONLY PERSON FOR 800 YEARS (cf. v. 8.3-4), it was said by a man standing at the door when Teacher Huang and I were talking a few days ago. An impulse surged upward from my lower body, straight to my skull. I lost weight and hit the wall of the corridor, heard someone behind me talking, 'What's wrong with him? Why did he hit the wall?'  Another said, "He is scared by us, hurry up! stop looking!"

我感覺身體輕飄飄的，回到寢室後，把飯盒放在桌子上，就坐在床上，想平靜一下，可是我的頭腦發熱，心很亂，什麽也想不了。這時室友回來了，問：“你怎麽了！你猜出那幫人是幹什麽的了嗎？”

我回答：“我感覺是劉健君她爸生氣了，衝著我來的。”

他詫異了：“嗯？你咋那麽想呢！我再去問問！” 說著，他轉身又出去了。

I felt light-headed. After returning to the dormitory, I put the lunch box on the table and sat on the bed, trying to calm down. However, my mind was hot, and my heart was in a mess, so I couldn't think of anything. At this time, my roommate came back and asked, "What's wrong with you? Have you guessed what those people do?"

I replied: "I feel like Eve Liu's dad is angry and is coming toward me."

He was surprised: "Huh? Why do you think so? I'll go ask again!" Then he turned around and went out again.

 

8.4-3 他們在走廊裏爭吵 They Quarreled in the Corridor

過了幾分鍾，室友沒回來，我決定去水房洗洗臉，清醒一下，然後吃飯。

當我從水房回來時，黃老師的室友站在走廊裏看著我，對屋裏的黃老師喊，“這回套住了！XXX（國務院警察的名字）還在那屋說呢，‘可把盧岩嚇壞了！’ 快來看！盧岩那臉，五顏六色的！我才知道人害怕是這個樣子！”

After a few minutes, my roommate didn’t come back, so I decided to go to the bathroom to wash my face, sober up, and then eat.

When I came back from the bathroom, Huang’s roommate was standing in the corridor looking at me and shouted to Teacher Huang in the room, “This time we’ve trapped him! XXX (name of the State Council police) is still in the room saying, ‘Luyan is so scared!’ Come and see! Luyan’s face is full of colors! I just know that this is what it means to be scared!”

寢室裏的黃老師說：“啥套住了！我們在打獵呢！你給我進來！”

室友轉身對屋裏說：“那你說，這事兒不好笑麽！咱那些人天天站在那兒向他示威, 人家天天看熱鬧! 老頭子算得可真準，說今晚盧岩該害怕了！他是真害怕了!”

Teacher Huang in the dormitory said, "What trap? Are we hunting? Come in!" 

The roommate turned and said to the room, "Then tell me, isn't this funny? Our hundred people stand there every day to demonstrate to him, but he watches the fun every day! The old man (i.e., Troupe Leader Liu) was really accurate in predicting that Luyan would be scared tonight! He really is scared!"

 

8.4-4 大禍臨頭 Disaster is Coming

我進屋後，開始吃飯。室友回來了，說：“你還有心思吃飯！那些人都是你那個女朋友她爸派來的。” 說著，他走到窗邊，向外看。

我問：“我知道我們住的是六樓，那兒有人嗎？”

After I entered the room, I started to eat. My roommate came back and said, "You still have the mood to eat! Those people were sent by your girlfriend's father." Then he walked to the window and looked out.

I asked, "I know we live on the sixth floor. Is there anyone there?"

他回答：“還行！你還知道咱們住的是六樓。這兒沒人，不過我看人從這兒跳下去，摔不死，躺在醫院裏很疼啊！就再也不用擔心找對象的事了！”

我說：“別裝了！我是懵了，但是還沒懵到那種程度，不會開窗就跑。”

He replied: "It's OK! You know we live on the sixth floor. There's no one here, but I think if someone jumps from here, they won't die, but they'll be in pain in the hospital! Then you don't have to worry about finding a partner anymore!"

I said: "Don't pretend! I am confused, but not to the extent that I would open the window and run."

 

他轉回身坐在了床上，笑著問：“你有什麽想法和打算嗎？我還算是個警察，有警察的職業道德。什麽事你或許可以先跟我說說。你要報警，我陪你去。”

He turned around and sat on the bed, smiling and asked, "Do you have any ideas or plans? I am still a policeman, and I have the professional ethics of a policeman. You may want to tell me what's going on first. If you want to call the police, I'll go with you."

我說：“你別想太多。去年這個時候，我堂兄盧勳臥軌自殺了，就是因為一個女朋友老是纏著他，和我現在的情況類似。我去參加葬禮，叔叔和姑姑們都對著他的遺像罵他。我娶劉健君，現在也看不出吃虧。事情還沒發展到那一步，我可不想死後還挨罵；現在隻是老頭子生氣了。” 我抬頭看室友，他的臉色眼看著在變化，驚奇地問：“你怎麽了？自殺還有基因遺傳因素？”

I said, "Don't think too much. At this time last year, my cousin Lu Xun committed suicide by lying on the railway tracks because a girlfriend kept pestering him, which is like my current situation. I went to the funeral, and my uncles and aunts all cursed him in front of his portrait. I don't see any disadvantage in marrying Eve Liu now. Things haven't developed to that point yet, and I don't want to be scolded after I die; now it's just that the old man is angry." I looked up at my roommate, and his face’s color was changing. I asked in surprise, "What's wrong with you? Is there a genetic component to suicide?"

 

他沉默了一會兒，陰沉著臉說：“剛才我覺得好笑，還在想這事不能跟別人說，人家聽了會以為我瘋了。現在，我笑不出來了，這都是真的。自殺與遺傳是否相關，我不知道，但你堂兄的事與你相關。這我在上大學時學過。我明白你說的，挺好！這不是性命攸關的時刻，別衝動，別發生意外，有事好商量。要不，你先去打黃老師？出出氣！”

He was silent for a while, then said with a gloomy face, "Just now I felt funny, and was thinking that I couldn't tell anyone about this, because they would think I was crazy. Now, I can't laugh anymore, this is all true. I don't know whether suicide is related to genetics, but your cousin's case is related to you. I learned this when I was in college. I understand what you mean, it's good! This is not a life-threatening moment, don't be impulsive, don't let anything happen, we can talk it over if there is anything. Otherwise, why don't you go beat up Teacher Huang first? Let off your anger!"

我說：“你說啥呢！他們那麽多人，我還去招惹他們！我想跟你說，我是這麽準備挨打的。過一會兒，他們來了，我們吵起來了，你就在一邊看著，別往前湊合。他們要打我，一推，我就倒在地上或者床上，抱成一團。等他們打幾下之後，你就過來勸他們，別把人打死了。一群人打一個人，很容易就給打死了；結果誰也不知道是怎麽打死的。”

I said, "What are you talking about! There are so many of them, and I still want to provoke them! I want to tell you that this is how I prepare to be beaten. After a while, they will come, and we will start arguing. You just watch from the side and don't move forward. If they want to hit me, they will push me, and I will fall to the ground or bed and curl up in a ball. After they hit me a few strokes, you come over to persuade them not to beat me to death. It is easy for a group of people to beat one person to death; in the end, no one knows how the person was beaten to death."

 

他感歎地說：“哎呀！你這現場知識可比我強多了！是這麽回事。你放心，這工作我能做好。他們打你幾下後，我再過去勸說，‘行啦行啦，打幾下完成任務就行唄！你們老頭子可沒讓你們打死他。’ 這我確信！那老頭子沒想打死你。費了這麽大勁；人死了，不全白費了！那老頭子是絕對不會做虧本生意的。現在，活著才能解決問題，等過幾天你再去打那老頭子！’”

He sighed and said, "Oh! Your on-site knowledge is much better than mine! This is what happened. Don't worry, I can do the job well. After they hit you a few times, I went over to persuade them, 'Okay, okay, just hit him a few times to complete the task! Your old man didn't ask you to beat him to death.' I'm sure of this! The old man didn't want to beat you to death. He put in so much effort; if you die, it all be in vain! The old man will never do business at a loss. Now, only by staying alive can you solve the problem. Wait a few days before you go and beat the old man!'"

我回答：“我想過了，那老頭子家住在軍區大院兒裏，咱進不去。混進去了也打不了，衛兵有槍。再說了，她爸媽歲數都挺大了，我不能打老頭兒老太太！”

I replied, "I've thought about it. The old man lives in the military compound and we can't get in. Even if we get in, we can't beat him because the guards have guns. Besides, her parents are quite old, and I can't beat up an old man or an old woman!"

 

他說：“我現在感覺好多了。我去那屋看看。我不走遠了，就到隔壁那幾個屋。有人來了，我立刻回來。” 說著，他出去了。

He said, "I feel much better now. I'll go to that room and look. I won't go far, just to the next few rooms. If someone comes, I will come back immediately." After saying that, he went out.

晚上七點多鍾，黃老師找我談話，“那些人都是老頭子讓我安排的。前幾天，老頭子讓我跟你說的那個計劃（參見8.3節），你考慮得怎麽樣了？” 我剛要說話，他又說了：“不著急，你再考慮一晚上，明天早上給我答複。”

Around 7pm, Teacher Huang talked to me, "The old man asked me to arrange those people. A few days ago, the old man asked me to tell you about the plan (cf. v. 8.3). How have you thought about it?" I was about to speak, but he said, "Don't worry, think about it overnight and give me an answer tomorrow morning."

 

8.5 室友幫我分析 Roommate Helps Me Analyze

我對室友說：“你大學和研究生都是學警察的，又在國務院讀了五年警察的報告。你們那裏都是全國一流的案情分析專家。那在這方麵，你也是全國一流的專家？”

室友回答：“我就是這麽認為的。”

I said to my roommate, “You studied police in college and graduate school, spent five years reading police reports in State Counsel. You're all the nation's leading experts on case analysis there. So, you're a first-rate national expert in this area, too?”

The roommate replied, “That's what I think.”

 

我問：“劉健君今年27歲，她爸有那麽著急嗎？”

室友回答：“這事因人而異，女孩子27歲是大齡了，有人著急，有人就不著急。她是個博士生，她的選擇麵就窄。她爸爸歲數大了，身體還不好，這又是個著急的因素，所以她爸爸可能是著急了。”

I asked, “Eve Liu is 27 years old, is her father that anxious?”

My roommate replied, “It varies from person to person, a girl is older at 27, some people are in a hurry, others are not. She's a PhD student, her options are narrow. Her dad is old and still not in good health, which is another factor for being in a hurry, so her dad is probably in a hurry.

 

8.5-2

我問：“他們怎麽就看上我了呢？要模樣沒模樣，要才華沒才華，普普通通，一點兒也不出奇。”

室友回答：“有沒有出眾的地方，我沒看出來。人家看重了你的什麽，我不知道。你啥都不太差，一般偏上。有些有錢有勢的人家選女婿，就選這樣的。像我這樣，人品出眾，才華橫溢的，他們不喜歡。”

I asked: "Why do they like me? I have no good looks, no talent, just an average person, nothing special."

My roommate replied: "I don't see whether you are outstanding or not. I don't know what they value about you. You are not bad in any aspect, just above average. Some wealthy and powerful families choose sons-in-law like this. They don't like people like me who have outstanding characters and talents."

這種說法，我感覺是聽說過，比如東床駙馬的案例（參見18.2.4-3《翠玉女哭了》），就我這樣老實厚道的人，特別招某些找女婿父母的青睞。

I feel like I have heard of this statement, such as the case of the “side-puller horse on east bed” (cf. v. 18.2.4-3 Chalchiuhtlicue Cried). People like me who are honest, and kind are especially favored by some parents who are looking for sons-in-law.

 

8.5-3 製造婚姻 Making Marriage

我問：“他這麽威脅我，可能我一害怕就同意了，也可能被激怒了就不同意了。這兩種的幾率各是多少？”

室友回答：“我不認為你說的那種幾率可以量化。你這事，從去年春開始到現在，我都知道。現在他們這麽多人折騰了三四天了，可不是小事。他們的目的確實是要促成你和劉健君的婚姻。我一直都在思索他們這麽做是如何促成你們婚姻的？我的知識麵不夠寬也不夠深；我什麽都沒想出來。不過，我可以從她爸爸的性格來說說。這老頭子是個絕人。”

我問：“什麽是絕人？”

I asked, “He threatened me like that, so maybe I agreed once I got scared, or maybe I got enraged and didn't agree. What are the odds of each of those two?”

Roommate replied, “I don't think the odds you're talking about can be quantified. I've known about this affair with you since last spring until now. Now that so many of them have been tossing it around for three or four days, it's no small affair. They do aim to facilitate your marriage to Eve Liu. I've been pondering how they did this to facilitate your marriage. My knowledge is neither broad nor deep enough; I have come up with nothing. However, I can speak from her father's personality. The old man is an absolute man.”

I asked, “What is an absolute man?”

 

室友說：“我舉例子來說，他做生意，沒有99%成功的把握，他不做。這老頭子，這種人做事失敗的可能性很小。不做沒把握的事，是他性格當中的一個特質。你這事是婚姻，和做生意不一樣。我舉例子來說，假如你一害怕，同意了。和劉健君結婚後，你想起這事就生氣；人都這樣兒。你生氣，她看了就不開心。你們的婚姻裏有毒，有障礙。那她爸爸不是害了自己女兒的婚姻嗎！促成婚姻，那要你自願地，由衷地愛她才算數。從那老頭子絕對的性格來說，這樣才算是製造婚姻。”

Roommate said, "Let me give you an example. If he doesn't have a 99% chance of success in business, he won't do it. This old man is a person who is very unlikely to fail. Not doing things he is not sure of is a trait in his personality. Your matter is marriage, which is different from business. Let me give you an example. If you were afraid and agreed to it, you would get angry when you think of it after you marry Eve Liu. People are like this. When you get angry, she will be unhappy when she sees it. There is poison and obstacles in your marriage. Then her father has ruined his daughter's marriage! To facilitate a marriage, it counts if you love her voluntarily and sincerely. Judging from the old man's absolute trait, this is considered making a marriage."

 

室友說：“黃老師他們那些人這幾天的作法確實是為了婚姻，我想不出原因。即便是婚姻，沒有95%成功的可能性，他不會做。這是從那老頭子的性格來說的。”

我叨咕：“95%的可能性，那他不是成功了嗎！”

Roommate said, "What Teacher Huang and his people have been doing these days is really for marriage. I can't figure out why. Even if it's marriage, he won't do it if there's no 95% chance of success. This is based on the old man's personality." 

I muttered, "95% chance, then he's successful, isn't he!"

室友說：“這是我個人的觀點，提供你參考。我認為那老頭子一定會成功，不然他不會做這事；這是由他的性格決定的。但是，這個結論不是來自就事論事，是從很長時間來考慮的，事情有待將來的發展。”

Roommate said, "This is my personal opinion, for your reference. I think the old man will succeed, otherwise he wouldn't do it; this is determined by his personality. However, this conclusion is not drawn from a single case, but from a long-term consideration, and affairs have to wait for future developments."

 

我說：“我也聽說過婚姻作法，沒人知道其中的原理。我真心地愛她；這愛是從哪兒來的？我怎麽感覺不到呢！我以前聽說這事的時候，就琢磨過多次，不明白。你認為，愛情能被製造出來嗎？”

I said, “I have also heard of the marriage making, and no one knows how it works. I love her with all my heart; where does this love come from? Why can't I feel it! I have wondered about it many times before when I heard about it, and I don't understand it. Do you think that love can be made?”

室友笑著說：“如何締結婚姻？我不懂！我自己還沒結婚呢！我的意思是，老頭子安排這麽多人的目的確實是為了你和劉健君的婚姻，但是他知道強擰的瓜不甜。依據老頭子的性格，他隻要熟透了的甜瓜，安排這些人的目的不是要強迫你接受他的計劃，你可以完全自主地決定。”

Roommate laughed and said, “How to make a marriage? I don't understand! I haven't gotten married myself! What I mean is that the old man's purpose of arranging so many people is indeed for your marriage with Eve Liu, but he knows that a strongly twisted off melon is not sweet. Based on the old man's personality, he only wants ripe melons, and the purpose of arranging these people is not to force you to accept his plan, you can decide on your own completely.”

 

8.5-4 老頭子瘋了嗎？Is the Old Man Crazy?

我叨咕：“老頭子在表明他是認真的，不是隨便說說，但他這舉動也太大了。他是在表明嚴正抗議！我找對象與他沒關係，他抗議幹什麽？”

室友說：“那老頭子喜歡你，以前三番兩次地調查你，這幾天又派這麽多人來。如果你這次不同意，肯定還有下次。我說了麽，這老頭子是個絕人，他辦事不成功的可能性很小。他已經開始做了，你將來就是他的女婿，沒改了！”

I asked: "The old man is showing that he is serious and not just talking casually, but his action is too big. He is expressing his solemn protest! My finding a partner has nothing to do with him, why is he protesting?"

Roommate said, "That old man likes you, has investigated you many times before, and he has sent so many people over these days. If you don't agree this time, there will be a next time. I told you, this old man is an Absolute Person, and it is very unlikely that he will fail. He has already started, so you will be his son-in-law in the future. This affair can’t be changed!"

我問室友：“他是不是盼女婿盼出病來了？”

室友回答：“我不懂他們做這事的道理，所以我不能辨別那老頭子瘋沒瘋。不過你這麽看，即便是那老頭子瘋了，黃老師和他的室友沒瘋，他們不會聽從瘋子的決定。所以現在這事，他們是以他們的道理和做事方式在做事；你應該從你自身的利益出發，自主決定；得不出結論就不要下結論，你就張果老騎驢看唱本，走著瞧。” 

I asked my roommate, “Is he sick from looking forward to his son-in-law?”

Roommate replied, “I don't understand the reasoning behind what they're doing, so I can't tell if the old man is crazy or not. But look at it this way, even if that old man is crazy, Teacher Huang and his roommate aren't crazy, they won't listen to a crazy person's decision. So now this, they are doing affairs with their reasoning and way of doing things; you should decide on your own from your own interests; don't jump to conclusions if you can't reach them. You'll just go along the affairs and overwatching the consequences.”

 

8.5-5 事情的發展 How the Affair Developed

晚上十點左右，我開始頭疼，感覺像感冒愈後似的。後半夜兩點左右時，我感覺全身像出疹子一樣難受，還是時不時地說話。

Around 10pm, I started to feel headache, like I was recovering from a cold. Around 2 am, I felt like I had a rash all over my body, but I was still talking from time to time.

室友忍不住了，坐了起來說：“我說你睡覺行不行！他們還能來把你綁走啊！把你帶走了，不帶我走，我就要說，‘他們搶親都搶到東北大學宿舍裏來了！’ 他們把我也帶走了，國務院的一個大活人沒了，能不找嗎，‘怎麽地，你們要造反呐！國務院的人都敢綁！’”

Roommate couldn’t help it, so he sat up and said, “Can you please sleep? They can still come and kidnap you! If they take you away but not me, I will say, ‘They came to the dormitory of Northeastern University to kidnap a bridegroom!’ They took me away too. A big person from State Council is gone. How can nobody look for him? ‘What? Are you guys going to rebel? How dare you kidnap someone from State Council!’”

 

我說：“對了！這件事你記在你的那個日誌沒？”

室友回答沒記。

我生氣地說：“你為什麽不記？你不是應該記錄身邊的事嗎！這件事這麽大，你都不記，那你還記什麽！”

I said, "By the way! Did you write this down in your diary?"

My roommate replied that he didn't.

I said angrily, "Why don't you record? Aren't you supposed to record affairs around you? This is such a big deal, if you don't record it, then what else are you supposed to record?"

室友說：“我那日記是有人審讀的，然後存檔。如果審讀的人看不明白，還要和我溝通，那可麻煩了。人家審讀的人也不高興啊，‘你那博士是不是讀得太安逸了，連個日記都寫不好了。’ 今天你這事，我可不好說明白，那讀的人肯定看不懂。不過，你今天的事特殊，我會記住一輩子。日後，這事引發了什麽爭議性的後果，你放心，我會如實說，如實作證。今天的事，我肯定一輩子不會忘。”

Roommate said, "My diary is reviewed by someone and then filed. If the reviewer doesn't understand it, must communicate with me, that's troublesome. The reviewer will also be unhappy, saying, 'Did you have such a comfortable doctorate that you can't even write a diary well?' It's hard for me to explain what happened to you today, and the reviewer will not understand it. However, your incident today is special, and I will remember it for the rest of my life. In the future, if this incident causes any controversial consequences, don't worry, I will tell the truth and testify truthfully. I will definitely never forget what happened today."

 

我可能睡了兩個小時。早上頭不那麽痛了，感覺好多了。早晨七點鍾，黃老師來了，我告訴他說：“我感覺騙人不好。” 他的室友很生氣，黃老師對他說：“怎麽地？你還要打盧岩呐！我告訴你，我幫他不幫你。” 他又瞪著眼睛，惡狠狠地對我說：“我會把你的話如實向老頭子匯報。這些事都是他讓我幹的，與我個人無關。如果你有意見，找他去。你不愛找老頭子，你就去找劉健君。”

I probably slept for two hours. My head didn't hurt as much in the morning, and I felt much better. At seven o'clock in the morning, Teacher Huang came, and I told him, "I feel it's not good to lie to people." His roommate was very angry, and Teacher Huang said to him, "What? You still want to beat Luyan! I tell you; I will help him but not you." He glared at me again and said to me viciously, "I will report your words to the old man truthfully. He asked me to do these affairs, and it has nothing to do with me personally. If you have any opinions, go to him. If you don't like to go to the old man, go to Eve Liu."

我想，如果劉健君在沈陽，我肯定去找她。回寢室就睡覺了。中午，我醒來時發現六樓就隻有我一個人，感覺輕鬆多了。隨後幾周時間，我偶爾感到身體在轉好。

I thought, if Eve Liu is in Shenyang, I will go to see her. I went back to the dormitory and went to sleep. At noon, I woke up and found that I was the only one on the sixth floor. I felt much more relaxed. In the following weeks, I occasionally felt that my body was getting better.

 

8.6 免死金牌 Death-Free Amulet

緊隨著那個不眠之夜，我遺失了一段時間的記憶。不過我並沒有因為環境的變化感覺詫異，說明我那段時間還在現實生活中。或者可能是我的性格轉換了，我是個多重性格的人，前麵發生的事被淡化了。有記憶時，我忽然看到陽光照射在寢室的窗台上，感覺溫暖。我走過去，伸手到陽光裏，感覺到了陽光的溫度。春天來了，我向窗外望。

Immediately after that sleepless night, I lost my memory for a period. However, I was not surprised by the change of environment, which means that I was still in real life during that period. Or maybe my personality changed. I am a person with multiple personalities, and the affairs that happened before were diluted. When regained my memory, I suddenly saw the sun shining on the windowsill of the dormitory, and it felt warm. I walked over, stretched my hand into the sun, felt the temperature of the sun. Spring is coming, I look out the window.

室友回來了，歡喜地說：“我聽說你這床位的那個人要回來了，你會搬到一樓。將來，九月，你會隨著新生入學，住到三舍去。”

表姐王剛告訴過我，“就住在八舍，趕快寫論文畢業，別在學校浪費時間了，工作才是人生的主題。” 我回答：“我不知道，誰說的？”

My roommate came back and said happily, "I heard that the person who occupies your bed is coming back, and you will move to the first floor. In the future, in September, you will move to the third dormitory with the new students." 

My cousin Wang Gang told me, "Just live in the eighth dormitory, write your thesis and graduate quickly, don't waste time in school, work is the theme of life." I replied, "I don't know, who said that?"

 

室友說：“這不是明擺著的事麽！在黃老師那屋，我們討論你半天了；終於有了結論。你說什麽是好人？”

我想了又想，答不上來（注8.6-1）。

My roommate said, “Isn't it obvious! In Teacher Huang's room, we've been discussing you for half a day; we've finally concluded. What do you call a good man?”

I thought and thought but couldn't answer (Note 8.6-1).

注8.6-1，什麽是好人？2006年我在Davroc 測試實驗室有限公司工作。老板桫欏（Sal Fasullo，參見9.5 《桫欏給我改性格》 ）對人說，“我研究盧岩兩年了，發現他是 ‘好人’。這種人才少見呢，全世界也許能有60個，我不知道。我公司裏能有一個，我感到榮幸。”

Note 8.6-1, “What is a Goodman?” In 2006, I was working at Davroc Test Labs Ltd. My boss, Sal Fasullo, (cf. v. 9.5 Sal Changes my Personality), said to us, “I've been studying Adam Luyan for two years, and I've found he is a Goodman. This kind of person is rare, there may be 60 of them in the whole world, I don't know. I'm honored to have one in my company.”

 

他感歎地說：“這世界上好人可不多，也許能有五個。我感到榮幸，能和好人住一個屋住了一年多，就是你！”

我想了想，自己什麽壞事都想幹，就是沒膽量幹，回答：“我沒感覺到自己是好人；我認為自己和其他人一樣。什麽是你說的好人？”

He exclaimed, “There aren't many Goodman in this world, maybe five. I feel honored to have lived in a house with a Goodman for over a year, and it's you!”

I thought about all the bad things I wanted to do, but just didn't have the guts to do them, and replied, “I don't feel like a good man; I think I'm just like everyone else. What is it you call a good man?”

 

他沒回答我的問題，卻說：“我這種人，要是不親自告訴你，你一輩子也不會知道我能幹什麽！看在你曾經是好人的份上，我給你一塊免死金牌（義為死刑赦免令，如圖8.6），一輩子有效！但願你用不上喔！”

He didn't answer my question, but said, “A man like me, if I don't tell you myself, you'll never know what I can do for the rest of your life! Since you were once a Goodman, I give you a Death-Free Golden Amulet (i.e., a pardon for the death penalty, see figs. 8.6), valid for the rest of your life! I hope you won't use it!”

我訝異地問：“你給我一塊免死金牌？”

他說：“人都隨著環境的改變而改變，很難說五年十年後，你會成為什麽樣的人。你自己琢磨著，快被判死刑了，就打電話找我。當你的電話打進了國務院，無論我接不接電話，你應該知道，你的命保住了。這麽跟你說，我的大學和研究生同學都是幹我們這一行的。即便我將來不在國務院了，這事我也能辦成。”

I asked in surprise: "You're giving me a Death-Free Amulet?" 

He said: "People change as the environment changes. It's hard to say what kind of person you will become in five or ten years. Think about it yourself. If you are about to be sentenced to death, call me. When your call reaches the State Council, whether I answer the call or not, you should know that your life is saved. Let me tell you, my college and graduate school classmates are all in our industry. Even if I am not in the State Council in the future, I can still do this."

 

我懷疑地問：“你會這麽幫我？”

他說：“我們這行的人朋友少，因為怕被人求。我父母親戚都是農民，都沒什麽事。你的電話打進了我們的公司，接電話的人馬上就查你是什麽人，和我是什麽關係？事後，領導還會問我，盧岩那個事兒你是怎麽辦的？你給誰打電話了？怎麽說的？國務院可不允許隨隨便便向外打電話，都有記錄。如果我不幫忙，同事們會怎麽看我？研究生時的室友，他都不幫，是不是太沒人味兒了！”

I asked doubtfully, "Will you help me like this?" 

He said: "People in our industry have few friends because we are afraid of being asked for help. My parents and relatives are all farmers and have no incident. When your phone call came into our company, the person who answered the phone immediately checked who you were and what your relationship was with me. Afterwards, the leader would also ask me, what did you do about Luyan? Who did you call? What did you say? The State Council does not allow casual calls to be made, and all records are kept. If I don't help, how will my colleagues look at me? He didn't even help his roommate when he was a graduate student. Isn't he too inhumane!"

我相信了。他說：“將來，不論什麽時候，你要找我，就到東大校友錄裏去找我的聯係方式。”

室友還說，若我犯了死罪，他會用自己的判斷來判決我，給我一次重新做人的機會，隻要別忘了給他打電話就行。他還說，隻要我不做虧心事，這輩子就沒事（注8.6-2）。

I believed him. He said, "In the future, whenever you want to find me, just look for my contact information in the Northeastern University alumni directory."

My roommate also said that if I committed a capital crime, he would use his own judgment to sentence me and give me a chance to start a new life, if I didn't forget to call him. He also said that if I didn't do anything guilty, I would be fine in this life (Note 8.6-2).

 

注8.6-2，由此說法可以看出，他清楚地知道這件事的後果。隨後，現實生活中，我常作虧心事，就在2010年墮入了地獄（即患上了精神病）。劉團長留給我的活路是做個 “好人”，100%不做任何虧心事。

Note 8.6-2, from this statement, we can see that he clearly knew the consequences of this affair. Later, in real life, I often do affairs that are against my conscience, and in 2010 I fell into hell (i.e. suffered from mental illness). The way out that Troupe Leader Liu left for me is to be a GOODMAN, 100% not do anything that is against my conscience.

 

黃老師也高興地過來了，看見我有些尷尬。他是個老實人，什麽事都寫在臉上。他說如果將來我要找他，就找他們那個期刊的編委，他一輩子都會在那個編委裏。

我迷惑地叨咕：“怎麽你們都像是跟我告別似的呢！我隻是換個屋住。即便是三舍，那樓也就在旁邊！”

Teacher Huang also came over happily and was a little embarrassed to see me. He is an honest man; everything is written on his face. He said that if I wanted to look for him in the future, I should look for the editorial board of their journal, and that he would be on that board for the rest of his life.

I chattered in confusion, “Why do you all look like you're saying goodbye to me! I'm just changing a room. Even if it's the Third Dormitory, that building is right next to here!”

隨後，王剛表姐來了，幫我搬家到了一樓，我剛來這樓時，住過的那個朝北的房間。我奇怪地問表姐：“出什麽事了嗎？你告訴我房間號不就行了！”

王剛回答：“沒事兒，我就是閑著沒事，來看看你的房間。下次我要找你，不就已經知道你在這兒了。”

Later, my cousin Wang Gang came and helped me move to the first floor, the north-facing room I had lived in when I first came to this building. I asked my cousin curiously, "What happened? Can't you just tell me the room number?" 

Wang Gang replied, "Nothing, I just had nothing to do and came to see your room. Next time I want to look for you, I'll already know you're here."

 

8.6-2

大約一個月後的一天，我在一樓的走廊裏遇見了黃老師，他表情嚴肅，若有所查，眼睛放著凶惡的光。我笑著向他打招呼。他沒笑，也沒像往常一樣，站正了才說話，說：“沒事，就是過來看看。” 我回屋後，感覺奇怪，“是他覺著對不起我才對，怎麽反過來了，他那麽恨我，像是我做錯事了！”

About a month later, I met Teacher Huang in the corridor on the first floor. He had a serious expression, as if he was investigating something, and his eyes were gleaming with ferocity. I smiled and greeted him. He didn't smile, nor did he stand straight before speaking as usual. He said, "Nothing, I just came to see you." After I went back to my room, I felt strange, "He should feel sorry for me, how could it be the other way around? He hates me so much, as if I did something wrong!"

 

注8.6-3，現在想來，那時黃老師眼神的凶光是心理疾病的症狀。劉團長為此事病重了；黃老師像對父親一樣愛戴他，所以也病了，恨我。那我呢？也病得不輕，下一節就出現了多種精神病爆發的跡象。

Note 8.6-3, now I think about it, the fierce look in Teacher Huang's eyes was a symptom of mental illness. Troupe Leader Liu became seriously ill because of this incident; Teacher Huang loved him like a father, so he also became ill and hated me. What about me? I was also seriously ill; in the next section, there were signs of multiple mental illness outbreaks.

 

8.7 出故事的人 The Person Who Produces Stories

1997年5月，王玉山大舅和沈陽大學基建處的同事梅書華，給我介紹了另一個女朋友。她是沈陽醫科大學畢業的，在沈陽婦嬰醫院工作過兩年，那時她是中國醫科大學的研究生。

In May 1997, my uncle Yushan Wang and his colleague Shuhua Mei from the Infrastructure Department of Shenyang University introduced me to another girlfriend. She graduated from Shenyang Medical University and worked in Shenyang Women and Children's Hospital for two years. At that time, she was a postgraduate student at China Medical University.

一天，我在給她講我小時在她們醫大附屬醫院經曆過的事。一個軍官暈針，小護士被嚇著了。這時，護士長在用我做範例，教她打針，給她舒緩恐懼。

護士長說：“打針的時候，要把病人的眼睛蒙起來。這孩子沒事兒，我就不蒙了。”

One day, I was telling her about my experiences when I was a child in the affiliated hospital of their medical university. A military officer was fainting from the needle and the young nurse was terrified. At this point, the head nurse was using me as an example to teach her about needles and soothe her fears.

The head nurse said, “When you give an injection, blindfold the patient. This child is fine, so I won't blindfold him.”

 

小護士驚訝地說：“他還是孩子！？”

護士長說：“你看，你沒看病誌。他長得大，才十五歲；我們都認識他。前年他剛來咱醫院的時候，比這矮多了，那幾個人還研究他，說這兒看見他了，那兒也看見他了，他看啥啥新鮮，走到哪兒就研究哪兒。那幾個人商量後，就去向我報告：‘咱這兒來賊了’。我出來一看病誌，一個十三歲的農村孩子，自個兒來城裏探索新世界來了，不那樣啥樣啊！那幾個人誰也沒看病誌，不知道她們在研究個啥。你得看病誌，心中有數才行。”

The young nurse was surprised and said, “He's still a child!?”

The head nurse said, “Look, you didn't read the medical records. He's big for his age, only fifteen; we all know him. The year before last, when he first came to our hospital, he was much shorter than this, and those people even studied him, saying that they saw him here and there, and that he looked at everything fresh and studied everywhere he went. After discussing the matter, they went to report to me: 'We have a thief here'. I came out to look at the medical records, a thirteen-year-old rural child, came to the city to explore the new world, not that what kind of ah! None of them had read the medical records, so I didn't know what they were studying. You must read the medical records and know what's going on.”

 

前女友問我：“你認識她們？”

我回答：“她說她們認識我。我不認識她們，一個也不認識。那時候，我每年都有兩個月去你們醫科大學附屬醫院打針，兩星期一次。”

The ex-girlfriend asked me, “Do you know them?”

I replied, “She said they knew me. I didn't know them, not one of them. In those days, I went to your medical university affiliated hospital for injections two months out of the year, once every two weeks.”

前女友說：“我知道了，因為你的眼睛（注，肉眼通的原因，參見第3章），你的眼睛是那種小時候做出來的。”

我不明白，就問：“我的眼睛從小就有些毛病。怎麽做的？（注，參見3.1節）”

The ex-girlfriend said, “I know, because of your eyes (note, because of my Non-dazzling Eyes, see chapter 3), your eyes were kind of made when you were a kid.”

I didn't understand, so I asked, “I've had some problems with my eyes since I was a kid. How was it made? (Note, see Section 3.1)”

 

前女友說：“不是毛病。你也不知道！你沒有娃娃親？（注，我忘了，參見第一章）”

我回答：“沒聽我父母說過；沒人知道我的眼睛是怎麽回事。我的眼睛怎麽了？”

The ex-girlfriend said, "It's not a problem. You don't know! You didn't have a childhood marriage? (Note, I forgot, see chapter 1)" 

I replied, "I haven't heard my parents say it; no one knows what's wrong with my eyes. What's about my eyes?"

前女友說：“沒錯，我以前在一本書上讀到過，我當時看書的時候沒太注意，現在找不著那本書了。我也不知道是怎麽做的。你在人群中就引人注目，人人都能看見你，還有想法，所以那幾個人把你當成賊了。她們每次看見你，都注意到了你，所以她們都認識你。那書上說，你這種人有說道，出故事。一類主流傳說故事中的30%是出於你這種人。”

The ex-girlfriend said, “Yes, I read that in a book before, I wasn't paying much attention when I was reading it, and now I can't find the book. I don't know how it's done. You stand out in a crowd, everyone sees you, and has thoughts, so those nurses took you for a thief. Every time they saw you, they noticed you, so they all knew you. That book says that people like you have sayings and come up with stories. Thirty percent of a class of mainstream legendary stories are out of people like you.”

 

我問：“有啥說道？出啥故事？”

前女友說：“我也不明白，隻是在那書上看見了這種說法。你接著說，那個護士長人挺好；她還說什麽了？”

I asked, “What's the sayings? What's the stories?”

The ex-girlfriend said, “I don't understand it either, I just saw it in that book. You go on to say that the head nurse was quite nice; what else did she say?”

 

8.7-2 心病初發 Initial Onset of My Psychosis

我說：“護士長說，‘還有，任何情況下，你都不能讓病人照顧病人。你害怕了，人家也害怕呀！這孩子看起來沒事。前年，咱這兒發生了和這次類似的事，那孩子比他現在小點兒。人家父母就不願意了，告咱們，說他們那孩子回家後半夜驚夢，朝咱們要三十萬。現在那案子還在法庭上放著呢！’”

I said: "The head nurse said, 'Also, under no circumstances should you let patients take care of patients. If you are afraid, so are they! The child looks fine. Two years ago, a similar incident happened here, but the child was a little younger than he is now. The parents were not happy about it and sued us, saying that their child woke up in the middle of the night after returning home and asked us for 300,000 yuan. The case is still in court now!'"

我接著說：“我是個見錢眼開的人，回家就把這事告訴我爸了：這回咱訛詐她們醫科大學附屬醫院三十萬。”

前女友問：“你爸說啥？”

I continued, "I am a money-grubber. I told my dad about this when I got home: This time we extorted 300,000 yuan from the affiliated hospital of China Medical University."

The ex-girlfriend asked, "What did your dad say?"

 

我說：“我爸說，這種官司難打。為了得到那三十萬，你得請律師，精神科專家，賄賂醫大醫院的院長、校長、法官，等幾個人。賄賂的錢先給人家15萬。錢給人家了，過些日子，他們還要，你不給就拿不到那三十萬，賠了15萬。你給，官司贏了你也得虧五萬；輸了你就淨賠。結果，錢都跑醫大校長腰包裏去了。這事，正常人一看就知道是在騙錢呢！為啥你盧岩能看出賺三十萬呢？就因為你的眼睛裏沒壞人（注，這就是上文那個國務院警察室友說我是好人的原因）！奸人遇到你，要是不拿你的倒挺，他是對天犯罪。我發過誓要告訴你這話100遍吧！這是多少遍了！？’”

I said, "My dad said that this kind of lawsuit is difficult to win. To get the 300,000 yuan, you must hire a lawyer, a psychiatrist, and bribe the dean, president, judge, and other people of the Medical University Hospital. Give them 150,000 yuan as bribes first. After giving them the money, they will ask for more after a few days. If you don't give it, you won't get the 300,000 yuan, and you will lose 150,000 yuan. If you give it, you will lose 50,000 yuan even if you win the lawsuit; if you lose, you will lose all. In the end, all the money went into the pocket of the president of the Medical University. In this matter, any normal person can see that it is a scam! Why can you, Luyan, see that you can make 300,000 yuan? It's because there are no bad people in your eyes (note, this is why the roommate of the State Council police said that I am a Goodman)! If a villain meets you and doesn't take advantage of you, he is committing a crime against God. I swear to tell you this 100 times! How many times is this!?'"

 

前女友沒在聽我講，她若有所思地叨咕：“你不傻！”

我當時就興奮了，質問：“怎麽說出這話來了呢？”

The ex-girlfriend wasn't listening to me as she chattered thoughtfully, “You're not dumb!”

I was turned on and questioned, “How did you say that?”

前女友不好意思地說：“啊！她們告訴我，你看上去有點兒傻，讓我注意觀察觀察你。”

在這時，我的聲音變成了不同人（不同頻率）的聲音，語速特別快，思維極其敏捷。她的話還沒說完，我就問：“誰們？誰說我傻？”

Embarrassed, the ex-girlfriend said, “Ah! They told me you looked a little silly and told me to keep an eye on you and watch you.”

At this point in the conversation, my voice became that of a different person (of a different frequency), speaking extraordinarily fast and thinking extremely fast. Before she could finish her sentence, I asked, “Who guys? Who called me a dumb?”

 

前女友說：“咱第一次見麵時，我媽和梅姨說，‘你看起來像似有點傻’。”

幾句話後，她的臉色變了，站起來走到了窗邊。

The ex-girlfriend said, “When we first met, my mom and Aunt Mei said, ‘You look like you might be a little silly.’”

A few sentences later, her face changed, she stood up and walked to the window.

過了一會兒，我感覺很疲倦（注，我個人的觀點，這是性格的突然轉換引起的）。若是她不在，我可能就睡了，但我仍然堅持著坐在那裏，不說話了。她板著臉，在寢室裏來回走個不停，忽然問我：“你是不是累了？”

After a while, I felt tired (note, my opinion, this was caused by the sudden change of personality). If she wasn't there, I might have gone to sleep, but I still insisted on sitting there without speaking. With a stern face, she walked back and forth in the dormitory and suddenly asked me, “Are you tired?”

 

我回答：“我感覺有點兒困倦，你能不能別走來走去的了，怎麽又生氣了呢！我不是在逗你玩呢麽！”

前女友問：“你沒發覺剛才有異樣嗎？”

我回答：“發現了，我發現剛才忽然變得聰明了。我還是第一次發現我有個聰明的特質；怎麽才能開發出來呢？”

I replied, “I'm feeling a little sleepy, can you stop walking around, why are you angry again! I'm teasing you!”

The ex-girlfriend asks, “Didn't you notice anything different just now?”

I replied, “I've discovered that I've suddenly become intelligent just now. It's the first time I've realized I have a smart trait; how can I develop it?”

前女友說：“你那是精神病發作啦！應該說是比發作輕，比發作跡象重。不過，是有人受了刺激後變得聰明了。”

我生氣地說：“你才瘋了呢！你們醫學院的怎麽都總想送人去醫院呢！”

The ex-girlfriend said, “You're having a psychotic episode! It should be said that it is milder than the seizure and heavier than the seizure signs. However, some people became smarter after being stimulated.”

I got angry and said, “You're the one who's crazy! Why do all of you in medical school always want to send people to the hospital!”

 

過了一會兒，我相信了一些她說的話。她詳細地詢問了我的個人曆史，得出結論，是在劉健君那兒受到了刺激。

前女友說：“我確信，就是劉健君給刺激的。她們那個班的人特別刺激人，就因為談戀愛的事，我們聽說從他們那兒受到刺激的人可不是一個兩個了。就這麽巧合，剛才咱們的話題環境和語言都是直接刺激。那你現在想想劉健君，感覺怎麽樣？”

After a while, I believed some of what she said. She asked about my personal history in detail and concluded that I was stimulated by Eve Liu.

The ex-girlfriend said, "I'm sure it was Eve Liu who stimulated them. The people in their class are particularly stimulating. We heard that more than one or two people were stimulated by them because of their love affairs. It's just a coincidence that our topic environment and language just now were directly stimulating. Now think about Eve Liu, how do you feel?"

我回答：“我一想她，就像似忘記了呼吸，上不來氣兒（注2），就懶得動了。這與受刺激有關嗎？”

前女友說：“當然相關，都刺激到自主神經了。我就想不出來，怎麽刺激得這麽深！是不是她故意整你？”

I answered: "When I think of her, it's like I forget to breathe, I can't catch my breath (note 2), and I'm too lazy to move. Is this related to the stimulation?"

The ex-girlfriend said: "Of course it is related, it stimulates the autonomic nerves. I can't figure out why it is so deeply stimulated! Did she deliberately do it to you?"

 

 

注8.7-2，這是被玉女劉建君（女神）創傷後患有呼吸障礙的症狀。插圖8.7.2-1是古埃及的浮雕。夏娃（即玉女）的頭頂顯示，他用蜣螂（亦作腐屍蟲）擊垮了獅子。獅子代表亞當。蜣螂代表亞當被夏娃創傷後，患了胃腸潰瘍。圖中獅子被裝進了代表瓶子的密封容器表示亞當被夏娃創傷後，患有呼吸障礙。

Note 8.7-2, which is a symptom of being traumatized by the Jade Girl Eve Liu (Goddess) and suffering from a respiratory disorder. Illustration 8.7.2-1 is a relief from ancient Egypt. The top of Eve's (i.e., Jade Girl’s) head is shown as she crushes the lion with a dung beetle (also known as a carrion beetle). The lion represents Adam. The dung beetle represents the gastrointestinal ulcer that Adam developed after being traumatized by Eve. The lion is shown in a sealed container representing a bottle indicating that Adam suffered from a breathing disorder after being traumatized by Eve.

插圖8.7.2-2和3是古墨西哥被翠玉女創傷後的特拉洛克。圖2中用一隻手捂住了他的鼻子表示他患有呼吸障礙。圖3中古墨西哥人用繃帶纏繞特拉洛克的鼻子和鼻子上有帶棱角的碎片來表示他患有呼吸障礙。

Illustrations 8.7.2-2 and 3 show Tlaloc in ancient Mexico after being traumatized by Chalchiuhtlicue (Jade Girl, Eve). In Figure 2, a hand is covering his nose to indicate that he has a breathing disorder. In Figure 3, the bandages wrapped around Tlaloc's nose by the ancient Mexicans and the angular fragments on his nose indicate that he has a breathing disorder.

插圖4和5是安拉造的亞當（須彌顱）和夏娃（苦芭芭），表示金童須彌顱被玉女苦芭芭創傷後患有呼吸障礙，最終屈服於苦芭芭。圖5中獅子代表亞當（須彌顱）。

Illustrations 4 and 5 show Adam (Sumeru) and Eve (Kubaba) created by Allah, indicating that the golden boy Sumeru suffered from respiratory problems after being traumatized by the jade girl Kubaba, and finally succumbed to Kubaba. The lion in Figure 5 represents Adam (Sumeru).

 

8.7-3 心病的治療 Treatment of Psychosis

我回答：“不可能吧！以前我不認識她，就見三、四次，她整我幹嘛！”

前女友說：“咱倆是一樣的人，她可不是。她算計一會兒得出的結論，咱們幾個人一起算計三天都未必能算計出來。她們那個班的人，那才厲害呢！不過我也認為，你說的有道理。現在最好的辦法就是你和她重新成為朋友。婚姻不成不是問題。即便你再喜歡她，她對你沒什麽感覺，不得病。問題是你們倆的事還沒完。你得主動聯係她，能保持朋友關係你就沒事。什麽時候見麵了，聊聊；日子久了，敘敘舊；什麽時候，你的這個心結就化了。”

I replied, “No way! I didn't know her before, I only saw her three or four times, why would she fix me!”

The ex-girlfriend said, “We are the same person, she is not. What she can figure out in a few moments, a few of us can't even figure out in three days. The people in her class are the best! But I also think you have a point. The best affair to do now is for you and her to become friends again. Marriage not being a problem. Even if you like her very much, but she doesn't feel anything for you, you wouldn’t be sick. The problem is that it's not over between the two of you. You need to reach out to her, and you'll be fine if you can stay friends. Whenever you see each other, talk; when the days are long, catch up; eventually, this knot in your heart melts away.”

我回答：“我和她沒關係了，沒話說。”

前女友說：“那我聯係她，我把我看到的如實告訴她。我們學醫的和你們工科的人不一樣；在這方麵，我們都能理解，而且都有醫德。她能懂得如何做。然後，你聯係她，保持朋友關係。”

我回答：“我不是那樣兒的人，用不著你幫忙。”

I replied, “I have nothing to say to her anymore.”

My ex-girlfriend said, “Then I'll contact her, and I'll tell her truthfully what I saw. We medical students are not like you guys in engineering, we can all understand and have medical ethics in this regard. She can know what to do. Then, you contact her and stay friends.”

I replied, “I am not like that, I don't need your help.”

 

這個女友在離開前說：“有幾句話我想讓你知道，看以後忘了。精神病跟別的病不同，能引發許多疾病。那些病哪個也治不好，活著沒幸福，想活也不會長壽。假如將來，五年、十年後，你的精神病發育成熟了，爆發了，你要注意兩點，一，別到醫院看醫生，如果你信了他們的話，你就死定了。”

我問：“這怎麽是第一條？醫院的醫生都不懂精神病嗎？”

This girlfriend said before she left, “There are a few things I want you to know, see to it that you forget them later. Mental illness is different from other illnesses, it can cause many diseases. None of those diseases can be cured. There is no happiness in living, and you won't live long even if you want to. If in the future, five or ten years from now, your mental illness develops and breaks out, you must pay attention to two things, one, don't go to the hospital to see a doctor, if you believe what they say, you'll be dead.”

I asked, “How is that number one? Don't hospital doctors know anything about psychosis?”

前女友說：“因為如果你信了醫生的話，第二條再好也沒用了。醫院精神科的醫生，90%不懂精神病。因為不懂才去看醫生，你分別不出誰說的對，誰說得不對。而且，即便是你遇到了懂精神病的醫生，他也不會告訴你正確的治療方法，因為他們是少數派，說真話會被告上法庭，送進監獄的。我是個精神病的愛好者，就因為這個，我沒辦法當精神科的醫生。自古以來，精神病行業就是地獄。第二條就是你誰的話也別聽，自己買書看。我說的這點兒道理，一般的心理學書如果提到了精神病，就講這個。到那時候，你讀十本世界著名專家的書，得出一個結論：就是我剛才給你說過的。先找引起精神病的創傷，剛才已經找到了。你的創傷就是和劉健君有矛盾。解決辦法就是找她好好談，相互諒解，和解。到那時候，方法還是這個；她讓你跪下，你就給她跪下。你可別忘了劉健君，忘了就沒救了。”

The ex-girlfriend said, “Because if you believe the doctor, the second one can't be any better. 90% of psychiatrists in hospitals don't understand mental illness. If you go to a doctor because you don't understand, you can't tell who's right and who's wrong. And, even if you meet a doctor who understands psychiatry, he won't tell you the right treatment because they are in the minority and telling the truth will get sued and sent to jail. I'm a fan of psychiatry, and because of that, there's no way I can be a psychiatrist. The psychiatric profession has been hell since the beginning of time. The second rule is that you don't listen to anyone and buy your own books. The point I'm making, the average psychology book if it mentions psychosis, it talks about it. At that point, you read ten books by world-renowned experts and come to one conclusion: it's what I just told you. First look for the trauma that causes psychosis, and we have just found it. Your trauma is having a conflict with Eve Liu. The solution is to find her and have a good talk, mutual understanding and reconciliation. At that point, the method is still the same; if she tells you to kneel, you kneel for her. You mustn't forget about Eve Liu; if you do, you're hopeless.”

 

8.8 鬧鬼了 It’s Haunted

1997年9月，我隨著1997年新研究生的入學，住進了東北大學第三宿舍。五個室友，李國輝是應屆本科上來的，是研究生學生會的主席，其他人都是工作了幾年後回來讀研究生的。我在忙著作畢業論文，沒注意到其他人在議論和戒備我。

In September 1997, I moved into the third dormitory of Northeastern University along with the new graduate students of 1997. Among my five roommates, Guohui Li was a freshman and the president of the Graduate Student Union. The others were all returning to graduate school after working for a few years. I was busy writing my graduation thesis and didn't notice that others were talking about me and were wary of me.

一天晚上在宿舍裏，我叨咕：“我發現你們對我很照顧，弄得我很不自在。你們幹嘛對我這麽客氣？我又不是小孩兒，用不著！” 

李文華小聲叨咕：“你發現啦！那你怎麽還不知道呢！我給你提個醒，那個大姐（注1）。”

One night in the dormitory, I muttered: "I found that you took good care of me, which made me feel uncomfortable. Why are you so polite to me? I'm not a child, so I don't need to be polite!" 

Wenhua Li muttered in a low voice: "You found out! Then why didn't you know it? Let me remind you, that big sister (Note 1)."

 

注8.8-1，他說的大姐是指7.9節中的畢姐。本節談的是前文劉團長三次調查我，和我的不眩眼所產生的後果。不眩眼，亦作觸目，在佛教中被稱作肉眼通（參見第3章）。

Note 8.8-1, the big sister he mentioned is Sister Bi in Section 7.9. This section discusses the consequences of the three investigations of me by Troupe Leader Liu in the previous articles and my Non-Dazzling Eyes. The “non-dazzling eyes” are also called “Touching Eyes”, which is called “Flesh Eye Through” in Buddhism (see Chapter 3).

 

我愣住了，“大姐！” 瞪著眼睛看著他，問：“什麽大姐？你說什麽呢？”

他笑嘻嘻地說：“哎呀！你看我這嘴！該打！” 說著，他打自己的臉。

I was stunned, "Big sister!" I stared at him and asked, "What big sister? What are you talking about?" 

He smiled and said, "Oh! Look at my mouth! I deserve a beating!" Then he hit himself in the face.

我看著他打自己，糊塗了，問：“你幹嘛呢！”

他本來停住了，聽見我說話後，開始一邊說：“你看我這嘴，該打！” 一邊更用力地打自己的臉。

I watched him beat himself, confused, and asked, “What are you doing!”

He had stopped and when he heard me, he started to say while saying, “Look at my mouth, I deserve to be hit!” While hitting himself harder in the face.

 

我趕忙跑過去，抓住了他的手，問：“你怎麽啦？” 

住我對麵床的季倩倩對他說：“李文華！你這個玩笑可開大啦！你不是在準備去洗頭發嗎！”

李文華慌忙地說：“開玩笑呢，不好意思！這個玩笑可開大了！我去洗頭發了！” 他出去了。

I rushed over, grabbed his hand, and asked, "What's wrong with you?"

Qianqian Ji, who lived in the bed opposite me, said to him, "Wenhua Li! You're joking too big! Aren't you going to wash your hair?"

Wenhua Li said hurriedly, "I was just joking. Sorry! This is too big a joke! I'm going to wash my hair!" He went out.

我對季倩倩說：“他怎麽了？我怎麽感覺害怕呢！我得去看看他！”

季倩倩對我大喊：“你不能去！”

I said to Qianqian Ji, “What's wrong with him? Why do I feel scared! I must go see him!”

Ji Qianqian yelled at me, “You can't go!”

 

我出去後回來了，走向他，問：“我怎麽不能去？” 季倩倩站了起來，滿臉通紅地走向我（要打我）。

我上鋪的馬鋼突然大喊：“住手！” 他從床上蹦了下來；又對我說：“他受過刺激！”

I went out and came back, walked towards him and asked, “Why can't I go?” Qianqian Ji stood up and walked towards me with a red face (to hit me).

Ma Gang, who was on my bunk, suddenly yelled, “Stop!” He jumped off the bed; and said to me again, “He's been stimulated!”

我明白了：“哎呀！” 問：“這可怎麽辦？那剛才，他怎麽受刺激了呢？”

馬鋼說：“他剛才先是開玩笑來著。你過去，把他給嚇著了。”

我說：“我也不知道哇！這可怎麽辦？”

I realized, “Oops!” Asked, “What can we do? Then just now, how did he get stimulated?”

Ma Gang said, “He was joking first just now. You went over and scared him.”

I said, “I don't know! What can we do?”

 

馬鋼說：“他是你介紹來的，你還不知道！他一來，我們就發現了。沒事，他不嚴重！你去水房看看他吧，別靠近他，站在走廊裏說話。”

我出去後想起剛才發生的事，又回來了。馬鋼正對季倩倩說：“盧岩什麽都不知道；他的眼睛不一樣。”

Ma Gang said, “He was introduced by you, you don't know it yet!? We found out as soon as he arrived. It's all right, he's not serious! Why don't you go to the water room and check on him, don't go near him, stand in the corridor and talk.”

I went out and came back in remembering what had just happened. Ma Gang was telling Qianqian Ji, “Luyan doesn't know anything; his eyes are different.”

我說：“剛才，我聽見你喊‘住手’；好像季倩倩要打我！什麽我不知道？”

馬鋼說：“誰要打你來著！別瞎說了！我們說的事，你確實不知道！你還是去看他吧！”

I said, “Just now, I heard you yell ‘stop’; as if Qianqian Ji was going to hit me! What don’t I know?”

Ma Gang said, “Who's going to hit you! Don't talk nonsense! You really don't know what we're talking about! You'd better go and see him!”

 

我站在走廊裏和李文華說話。他說：“我沒事！你進來吧！這次，我可丟人了！不好意思！” 我陪他嘮了一會兒，回到寢室。

I was standing in the hallway talking to Wenhua Li. He said, “I'm fine! You come in! This time, I'm humiliated! Sorry!” I chatted with him for a while and returned to the dormitory.

李國輝和他們倆滿臉嚴肅地討論著，看我回來了，說：“我們研究決定了：咱們都剛認識，彼此不了解，都不要過問別人的事；有什麽事，等以後互相熟悉了再說。”

我覺得奇怪。

Guohui Li and the two of them were full of serious discussion, see I came back, said: “We have studied and decided: we have just met, do not understand each other, do not ask about other people's business; what is the matter, wait until later familiar with each other.”

I felt strange.

 

8.8-2

兩周後的一天，他們告訴我，寢室裏的警報解除了，要開慶祝會。我回答：“我才想起來，一個多月了，你們幾個一起對付我，整地我像似活見鬼了似的！到底是為了什麽？”

李文華笑著對他們說：“他還活見鬼了！” 李國輝說：“沒事，我們跟你解釋什麽！誰能把沒事解釋清楚。”

One day, two weeks later, they told me that the alarm in the dormitory had been lifted and that they were going to have a celebration. I replied, “I just remembered, it's been over a month, and you guys have been working together against me, and the whole thing seems like I'm seeing living ghosts! What the hell is it about?”

Wenhua Li laughed at them and said, “He's seeing ghosts!” Guohui Li said, “It's alright, we have nothing to explain to you! Who can explain nothing clearly.”

季倩倩對我說：“實際也真是咱這屋鬧鬼了！”

室友們後來告訴我的。李國輝對室友們說了，我被太原街的大姐看上了，是來東北大學避難的。他們想：沒聽說過黑社會的老大還有女的，不過男女都一樣。他們觀察我，當然被我的不眩眼（參見第3章）反射了回去，證實了他們的觀察，被嚇壞了。

隨後，我發現並認為這些謠言是前文黃老師故意製造的，被氣得發暈。

Qianqian Ji said to me: "In fact, our room was really haunted!"

The roommates told me later. Guohui Li told my roommates that I was spotted by a big sister from Taiyuan Street and came to Northeastern University to seek refuge. They thought they have never heard of a female gang leader, but it is the same for men and women. They observed me, and of course my non-dazzling eyes (cf. Chapter 3) reflected, confirming their observations, and they were scared.

Later, I found out and thought that these rumors were deliberately created by Teacher Huang in the previous articles, I was so angry that I fainted.

 

8.9 給色狼戴上墨鏡 Putting Sunglasses on the Lusty Wolf

幾周後的一天，寢室的人都在，忽然李國輝走到寢室中央，大聲說：“大家注意了，啊！今天主席有個提議！我發現一隻色狼混進咱們寢室了，老是對我圖謀不軌。以前，他看我，我害怕，因為他是黑社會的。現在，他看我一眼，我全身就麻秫秫的一次；看我一眼，我就麻秫秫的一次。我是個男的，他就這樣！這要是誰帶女朋友來咱寢室，讓他看一眼，那！那女生是什麽感覺呀！我真想像不出來，所以我提議，咱們寢室，盧岩除外，其他人，每人都交錢來買一副墨鏡。咱再定一個室規：誰帶女朋友來，進屋之前，先告訴他戴上墨鏡。”

A few weeks later, when everyone in the dormitory was there, Guohui Li suddenly walked to the center of the dormitory and said loudly, "Everyone, pay attention! Today, the chairman has a suggestion! I found a lusty wolf who sneaked into our dormitory and always plotted against me. In the past, I was afraid when he looked at me because he was a gangster. Now, every time he looks at me, my whole body goes numb. Every time he looks at me, I go numb. I'm a man, and he is like this! If someone brings a girlfriend to our dormitory and lets him look, then! How will the girl feel! I really can't imagine it, so I suggest that everyone in our dormitory, except Luyan, pay to buy a pair of sunglasses. Let's set a room rule: Whoever brings a girlfriend, tell him to put on sunglasses before entering the room."

 

 

注8.9-1，本小節談的是不同情況下，不同的人看見肉眼通的眼睛（又名不眩眼，如圖8.9-2，觸目如圖3，參見第3章）的反應。

Note 8.9-1, this section discusses the reactions of different people to the flesh eye through (also known as non-dazzling eyes, as shown in Figure 8.9-2, and Touching Eyes as shown in Figure 3, see Chapter 3) under different circumstances.

 

季倩倩立刻反駁說：“我不同意！人家盧岩，每天從早到晚，總是對我含情脈脈，暗送秋波，我心裏感覺可舒服了！要是咱們一起給他買付墨鏡，那他還不美起來了！一天到晚，總戴著！那我上哪兒還有這感覺去了！”

我聽了感覺不舒服，反駁道：“我都沒注意到我看了你；你是不是太自作多情了！”

季倩倩說：“哎呀呀! 這我們早就琢磨明白了！”

Qianqian Ji immediately retorted: “I do not agree! People Luyan, every day from morning to night, always to me imploring, secret glances, I feel very comfortable and enjoyed in my heart! If we buy him a pair of sunglasses together, then he would become arrogant! Wears them all day long! Where else would I feel this way again!?”

I felt uncomfortable and retorted, “I didn't even notice that I was looking at you; you're too self-centered, aren't you?”

Qianqian Ji said: "Oh my! We have already figured this out!"

李國輝憤憤地說：“主席說話你也敢不聽！等你女朋友來了，讓他看了也是這感覺，就跟你黃！那時候你就該不舒服了！盧岩比你長得好看，你自己還不知道啊！”

Guohui Li said angrily: "How dare you disobey the Chairman! When your girlfriend comes, she will feel the same way when she is looked by him, and she will break up with you! You wouldn’t be comfortable anymore then! Luyan is better look than you, don't you know it yourself!"

我上鋪的馬鋼坐起來了，說：“我才知道，上個月的事，我受害最大！我都在做噩夢了！有兩次盧岩不在的時候，我去翻了他的床，找刀。我真害怕，他半夜睡睡地就發狂了，拔出刀來就向上紮我！”

Ma Gang, who was on the upper bunk, sat up and said, "I just realized that I was the biggest victim of last month's incident! I had been having nightmares! Twice when Luyan was not around, I turned over his bed to look for a knife. I was so scared that he might go crazy in the middle of the night and pull out a knife to stab me!"

 

8.9-2 備用女婿 Reserved Son-in-Law

同學們沒結婚的，都開始談戀愛了。一天，我對季倩倩說：“你們就沒有多餘的女朋友？也給我介紹一個，讓我在周末也有點兒事幹！” 

他笑著回答：“這事兒是你師母的工作。咱們在東大人生地不熟的，誰了解誰呀！你導師要是不跟人說，別人沒人敢介紹。”

我覺著他說的有道理。

Classmates who were not married started dating. One day, I said to Qianqian Ji: "Don't you have any extra girlfriends? Introduce one to me, so that I can have something to do on weekends!"

He smiled and replied: "This is the job of your Teacher Mother (i.e., my adviser’s wife). We are all strangers in Northeastern University, people do not know each other! If your adviser doesn't tell others, no one will dare to introduce you."

I think what he said makes sense.

 

一天晚上我遇見我的導師了，請他給我介紹女朋友。他一聽就說：“這可邪了！你居然沒有女朋友。” 我和他坐在路邊聊了起來。他說：“你師母看見你就喜歡上你了，六、七個月前，讓我跟你說給你介紹女朋友。我不同意。就因為這事，我們倆半年沒怎麽說話了。今天她又跟我找茬，我就躲出來了，遇見了你，你又跟我說這個。”

One evening I met my adviser and asked him to introduce me to a girlfriend. He said, "This is weird! You don't have a girlfriend." We sat on the side of the road and started chatting. He said, "Your teacher mother likes you when she saw you six or seven months ago. She asked me to introduce you to a girlfriend. I disagreed. Because of this, we haven't talked much for half a year. Today she picked a fight with me again, I hid away, so I met you, you told me this again."

我說：“你都這麽大歲數了，還因為這點兒事吵個沒完！”

他立刻發火了：“我這麽大歲數也有個臉呐！我輸誰也不能輸給她。”

I said, "You are so old, and you are still quarreling over such a small matter!" 

He immediately got angry: "I have dignity at my age! I can lose to anyone but not to her."

 

我說：“賭這個氣，可真沒必要。那你為什麽不同意給我介紹呢？”

他問：“你那個什麽大姐是怎麽回事！”

我聽不懂，問：“什麽大姐? 我不明白你說什麽呢！”

I said, “There's really no point in betting on that. Then why didn't you agree to introduce me?”

He asked, “What's with that big sister of yours!”

I couldn't understand and asked, “What big sister? I don't understand what you're saying!”

他說：“我也不明白。我這人不愛聽閑話。可這一年多了，到處都在議論你（注，如前文所說，黃老師調查了我三次）。我沒聽明白是怎麽回事，但我聽說了就不能裝作沒聽見。要是別人通過我給你介紹個女朋友，事後人家姑娘被嚇著了，那我可有責任。我這麽大歲數了，能不明白這個麽。這可不是小事！這是大事！”

He said, “I don't understand it either. I'm a person who doesn't like to listen to gossip. But it's been more than a year now, and you've been talked about everywhere (Note, as mentioned earlier, Teacher Huang investigated me three times). I don't understand what's going on, but I can't pretend I didn't hear it after I heard it. If someone introduces you to a girlfriend through me, and the girl is frightened afterwards, I'll be responsible. I'm too old not to understand this. This is not a small matter! It's a big deal!”

 

我聽了覺得有道理。最後他說：“你這事在東北大學是不行了。不過你別著急，你的條件不錯，畢業到了新地方就沒人知道了，機會多的是！”

It made sense to me. Finally, he said, “This is not going to work for you at Northeastern University. But don't worry, you're in good shape, no one will know when you graduate to a new place, there are plenty of opportunities!”

隨後，我想明白了，這是劉團長和黃老師（我和劉健君的介紹人）在故意壞我，把我為劉健君作為備用女婿保存起來了，被氣得發暈。我去找了黃老師兩次，沒找到。我放棄了，認為和他吵架並不解決什麽問題，我的名譽在東北大學是沒辦法改變了。

Subsequently, I figured out that it was Troupe Leader Liu and Teacher Huang (the matchmaker of Eve Liu and I) who were deliberately badgering me, saving me for Eve Liu as a spare son-in-law, and was furious and fuming. I went to look for Teacher Huang twice and couldn't find him. I gave up, figuring that arguing with him wasn't going to solve anything, and that there was no way to change my reputation at Northeastern University.

 

這件是對我的影響很大，在和平房產局和東北大學，少有人給我介紹女朋友，都是因為所謂的黑社會。我害怕將來到了新的工作單位，還會有類似的現象，害怕再落入劉團長的圈套，把我為劉健君保存起來，就不願意找國家企事業單位的工作。那時我認為私人企業的人不會被劉團長操縱，就隻在民營和外國企業中找工作。

This incident had a great impact on me. At the Heping Housekeeping Bureau and Northeastern University, few people introduced me to girlfriends because of the so-called Black Society. I was afraid that similar phenomena would happen again when I went to a new workplace in the future. I was afraid that I would fall into the trap of Troupe Leader Liu and be saved for Eve Liu. So, I was unwilling to look for a job in a state-owned enterprise or institution. At that time, I thought that people in private enterprises would not be manipulated by Troupe Leader Liu, so I only looked for jobs in private and foreign enterprises.

 

8.10 科學家的特質 Traits of a Scientist

一九九八年春，在我的論文答辯會上，評委們吵起來了，還有一個教過我的女教授哭了。接著他們討論我的論文是不是抄來的。幾個教過我的說，沒見過。院長說：“這還得問導師！” 

我的導師黃本和說：“他原來的底稿有一寸多厚，一百來個新公式。我告訴他，挑有把握的說，簡練些，用不著寫那麽多。他挑了十來個公式，論文就變成這樣了。”

In the spring of 1998, at my dissertation defense, the judges got into a fight and a female professor who had taught me cried. Then they discussed whether my thesis had been copied. Several of those who had taught me said they had never seen it. The dean said: "The thing, we have to ask his advisor!”

My advisor Benhe Huang said: "His original draft was over an inch thick, with a hundred or so new formulas. I told him to pick the ones he was sure of, to be concise, not to write so many. He picked about ten formulas, and the paper turned out like this."

院長說：“啊！你幫著改的。”

我導師轉過身了：“我幹那個幹嘛！我就改了些錯別字。”

院長笑咧咧地說：“還有錯別字！”

The dean said: "Ah! You helped change it."

My advisor turned around: "What did I do that for! I just corrected some typos."

The dean grinned and said: "And typos!"

 

我導師和院長吵起來了，砸桌子後，走了。一個老師告訴我，快去拽他回來！答辯會，導師不能缺席。我出去拽他，他說，他們太欺負人了。我說，你就再坐會兒，若不然，我的答辯不就得等下次了。他對我說，“哪兒有不通過的！” 說著，他蹦起來朝屋裏喊，“他的博士生啥樣啊！” 就離開了。

My advisor and the dean got into an argument, slammed the desk, and left. A teacher told me to go drag him back! The advisor can't be absent at a defense meeting. I went out to drag him, but he said, "They're being bullies. I said, "Just sit down for a little while longer, or else my defense will have to wait until next time. He said to me, "There's no such thing as not passing!" With that, he jumped up and yelled into the room, "What about PhD students theirs!" And he left.

我回到答辯會，評委還有幾個人提問。一個教過我的教授對我說：“你說得夠多了！其它的問題你就回答：沒考慮過。”

院長說：“算了，這個就先放下吧！照這樣超時諍論下去，咱這答辯工作兩個星期也搞不完。叫下一個上台！”

I came back to the defense meeting and there were a few more questions from the judges. One of the professors who had taught me said to me, "You've said enough! For the rest of the questions, you just answer haven't thought about it."

The dean said: "Forget it, let's drop this one! If we go on like this, we won't be able to finish the defense in two weeks. Call the next one to the stage!"

 

8.10-2 無不知而舍 No Unknown is Abandoned

一天，導師黃本和找我談話，說他可以推薦我去一個煤碳研究所，說那兒沒什麽出息，但一輩子穩定。隨後他說：“他們評你的論文為A，你沒什麽感覺，但這A在許多研究生中爭得厲害。咱院這屆的畢業生中出來了幾個好的。可能你也聽說了，有幾個人的碩士論文中有多篇在國內外的期刊發表了。評委給了你個A，卻給他們B，你知道為什麽嗎？”

One day, my advisor Huang came to talk to me and said that he could recommend me to go to a coal research institute. He said that there was no future there, but that it would be stable for the rest of my life. Then he said: "They rated your paper as an A. You don't feel much about it, but this A is very competitive among many graduate students. There are several good graduates in our school this year. Maybe you have heard of it, there are several people whose master's thesis has been published in domestic and foreign journals. The judges gave you an A, but they gave them a B. Do you know why?"

我表示不知道，沒想過。

導師說：“這我知道！並不是你的論文有多好，這是他們想招你讀他們的博士。”

我回答：“我是分院專科畢業的，各方麵的基礎真的很差。”

I stated that I didn't know and hadn't thought about it.

My advisor said: "I know this! It's not that your dissertation is so good, it's that they want to recruit you for their PhD."

I replied: "I'm a college graduate and have a really poor foundation in all areas."

 

導師說：“這，他們都知道，已經考慮了你的背景。他們給你A，是開會舉手表決，一致通過的，都對你有信心。這裏麵有個原因：科研人員出成果與否，與性格有關。他們認為你有搞科研的性格特質（注2）。你有這性格，如果肯努力用功，你成功的幾率比他們那些好學生高兩、三倍。”

My advisor said: "That, they all know it and have considered your background. They gave you an A. It was a vote by show of hands at a meeting, and it was unanimous, and they all have confidence in you. There's a reason for this: whether a researcher produces results or not is related to personality. They think you have the traits (note 2) to do research. You have this trait, if you are willing to work hard, your chances of success are two or three times higher than their good students."

 

 

注8.10-2，這個適合搞科學研究的特質是什麽？2014年我在寫回憶錄時注意到了這個問題，認為是圖像思維模式，神經質特質，和誠實的綜合體現。這個特質在佛教中被稱作“無不知而舍，無知而不舍”，是神佛十八不共法（參見15.1.3）之一。這個特質被列為了神佛的不共法的原因，作者我認為是神或佛的個人生活經曆使他們的這個特質特別強烈而且名副其實。例如插圖8.10-1至22是墨西哥（亦作雨神，特拉洛克，約活躍在公元1285-1345年，參見第18章）畫的生命之樹（亦作三千大千世界）。畫生命之樹是他的大學和研究生時期的研究課題（參見18.2.4節）。插圖35是流亡國外的墨西哥，圖中的三根權杖表示他還在尋找生命之樹的樹幹。圖37是約40歲的墨西哥，他仍在改進生命之樹樹幹的設計。圖37中，若把半月臉（代表墨西哥，特拉洛克）放在四禪天（即插圖5），腐屍蟲（代表胃腸潰瘍）會叮他，即會引起他的妻子翠玉女不高興，會加劇他的胃腸潰瘍。他手中的大茶壺表示他患有胃腸潰瘍，需要不斷地喝水來衝淡有刺激性的胃腸分泌。

Note 8.10-2, what is this trait that makes one suitable for scientific research? I noticed this question when I was writing my memoir in 2014, and I think it is a combination of image thinking mode, neuroticism, and honesty. This quality is called "no unknown is abandoned; no having-known is not abandoned" in Buddhism and is one of the Eighteen God Buddha Uncommon Laws (cf. v. 15.1.3). The reason why this characteristic is listed as a unique law is that the personal life experiences of gods or Buddhas make this trait particularly strong and worthy of their name. For example, illustrations 8.10-1 to 22 are the paintings of the Tree of Life (aka. Three-Grand Great-Grand Worlds) by Mexico (aka. the Rain God, Tlaloc, active around 1285-1345 CE, see Chapter 18). Painting the Tree of Life was his research topic during his college and graduate school years (cf. v. 18.2.4). Illustration 35 is Mexico in exile, and the three scepters in the picture indicate that he is still looking for the trunk of the Tree of Life. Illustration 37 is Mexico at about 40 years old, and he is still improving the design of the trunk of the Tree of Life. In Illustration 37, if the crescent face (representing Mexico, Tlaloc) is placed in the fourth meditation sky (i.e. illustration 5), the carrion beetle (representing gastrointestinal ulcer) will bite him, which means that it will make his wife, Chalchiuhtlicue, unhappy and aggravate his gastrointestinal ulcer. The large teapot in his hand indicates that he suffers from gastrointestinal ulcers and needs to drink water constantly to dilute the irritating gastrointestinal secretions.

 

我問：“我的性格有什麽特別的？”

導師說：“我也不太明白，說不好；不過，這一點你不用懷疑。你知道，咱院博士的名聲還可以，拿得出手。”

我回答：“我聽說了。他們是中國唯一的岩石力學博士後流動站，從五十年代就是世界一流的了。據說，咱院的博士在全世界都受歡迎。就因為他們，漢語已經成為了這個行業的第二語言。”

I asked: "What's so special about my personality?"

Adviser said: "I don't quite understand, I can't say; however, you don't have to doubt this. You know, the reputation of the PhD of our school is not bad to take."

I replied: "I've heard about it. They are the only post-doctoral mobile station for rock mechanics in China and have been world-class since the 1950s. It is said that the doctors from our institute are popular all over the world. Just because of them, Chinese has become the second language of this profession."

導師說：“哪有那麽好！就是還行。另外，博士還是某些人觀念中一輩子的榮譽。”

我回答：“博士是好聽。如果我讀博士，都得從頭開始學，人家讀兩、三年，我得讀五、六年。”

Adviser said: "It's not that good! It's just okay. Besides, a PhD is still a lifetime honor in some people's conception."

I replied: "A PhD is nice to hear. If I were to do a PhD, I'd have to learn it all from scratch; people do it for two or three years, I'd have to do it for five or six."

 

導師說：“你還這麽想！不過，五、六年拿個博士也挺好！值得！”

我說：“能成功當然好。如果我失敗了呢！我聽說了，他們搞的那套理論，全世界就三百多個人懂。如果我整不明白，這輩子就毀了。”

Adviser said: "You still think so! But it's good to get a PhD in five or six years! It's worth it!"

I said: "Of course it's good to succeed. What if I fail! I've heard that the theory they're working on is understood by only 300 people in the world. If I don't understand it, my life will be ruined."

導師說：“沒你想的那麽難！如果整不明白，你那碩士論文改改，就能博士畢業了；然後，到哪個學校當個老師，跟我一樣。他們那東西，我就不懂。”

Adviser said: "It's not as hard as you think! If you don't understand it, you can just change your master's thesis and graduate with a doctorate; then, you can become a teacher in any school, just like me. I don't understand their stuff."

 

我說：“黃老師你可能不知道，學習中，如果我搞不懂，感覺難受，總是放不下，吃不好，睡不著。如果我整不明白，那我這輩子就毀了。讀博士風險太大了，我不讀。”

I said: "Teacher Huang, you may not know, in the study, if I can not understand, I feel difficult, always can not let go, can not eat well, can not sleep. If I can't understand, my life will be ruined. Studying a doctorate is too risky, I do not want to."

導師說：“我說了，你可以考慮混個博士。你要混，對於你來說，博士不難！”

我說：“我琢磨過這事，也想過為什麽我做事總是那麽難？我發現，我什麽問題都放不下，混，我是學不會了，就隻能找個不用腦的行業。我混了個碩士，是為了不讓別人瞧不起我；如果我再混個博士，連我自己都瞧不起我自己了。”

Adviser said: "I said, you can consider playingly get a doctorate. For you, deceitfully getting a PhD is not hard!"

I said: "I've mulled over this and wondered why it's always so hard for me to do things. I realized that I can't let go of any problems! Fooling around is a hard thing for me to learn. So, I'll just find an industry that doesn't use much brain. I deceivingly get a master's degree, so that I wouldn't let others look down on me. If I fool around again to get PhD, even I myself would look down on myself."

 

導師感歎道：“真他媽地！”

我驚訝地問：“怎麽了？”

Adviser exclaimed: "Holy shit!"

Surprised, I asked: "What's wrong?"

導師說：“他們就是跟我這麽說的，如果你同意讀博士，就不會混。我就不信！”

我驚訝了，問：“混的人多了！他們以前都沒見過我，就在答辯會上看見我一次，他們都看出來了！”

Adviser said: "That's what they told me, that if you agree to do a PhD, you won't be fooling around, I just didn't believe it!"

I was surprised and asked: "There are a lot of people who are fooling around! They've never even seen me before, saw me just once at the defense meeting, said they that I am not a fooling around person!?”

 

導師說：“對！他們大部分人就隻在答辯會上看見了你那一次，就看出來了，說你就是不會混的性格。看來我是真不行，我都認識你五、六年了，什麽也沒看出來！”

Adviser said: "Right! Most of them just saw you that one time at the defense meeting, and they saw it and said you just don't have the personality to fool. It seems I'm no good, I've known you for five or six years and I didn't see anything!"

 

8.10-3 為浪蕩公子平反 Vindication of the Playboy

一天，李國輝站到了寢室的中央，頗有感慨地說：“我要講講什麽是一俊遮百醜。我師母親自給盧岩平反，讓我向咱院的各個寢室傳達。” 他師母是我們院長夫人，資源土木工程學院的秘書，負責管理我們研究生。

他說：“昨天，在咱院的組織工作會上，我師母鄭重宣布：‘以前，我老說盧岩是咱院的浪蕩公子。結果，人家的論文在咱院的論文評定委員會上，三十三位評委意見一至，全都給評優。人家是下了真功夫的，這肯定假不了。我號招咱全院的學生，以盧岩為楷模，端正態度，努力地真心做學問。以後，誰也不許再叫他浪蕩公子了。’”

One day, Guohui Li stood up in the center of the dormitory and said rather emotionally: "Today, I'm going to talk about what is “one handsomeness covers up a hundred uglies”. My teacher mother personally vindicated Luyan and asked me to convey it to all the dormitories in our institution." His teacher's mother is our dean's wife, the secretary of the institute of Resource Civil Engineering, responsible for managing our graduate students.

Li said: "Yesterday, at the organization meeting of our institute, my teacher mother solemnly announced: 'In the past, I always said that Luyan was the prodigal son of our institute. As a result, his thesis was evaluated by the thesis evaluation committee of our academy, and all the thirty-three evaluators were unanimous in their opinions, and all of them gave him an excellent grade. He has put in real effort, it's not fake. I call on all the students at this institute to take Luyan as a model, to correct your attitude, to work hard and sincerely on your studies. From now on, no one should call him a prodigal son anymore.'"

 

8.10-4 賜福 Blessing

一天，我在食堂遇見了住八舍時的室友，那個來自國務院的警察，他向我道喜。我問他我有什麽喜事？連他都知道了。他說：“我都聽說了，你的畢業論文寫得不錯，受到了讚賞。” 

我沒感覺，回答：“這點兒事算什麽！”

One day, I met my roommate from the eighth dormitory, the policeman from State Council, in the cafeteria. He congratulated me. I asked him what good news I had, even he knew about it. He said, "I heard that your graduation thesis was well written and was praised."

I didn't feel anything and replied, "It's nothing!"

他說：“怎麽是這點兒事呢！研究生不就是這麽回事嗎！得到了那幫人的讚賞，一輩子想起來都是高興的事。人家賜福給你了。”

我愣住了，明白之後說：“有道理，要不是聽你說了，我沒注意到。”

他說：“你在和平房產局幹得挺好；在東北大學，你又提前一年畢業，還整成這樣！你確實有與眾不同之處，我就是瞪著眼睛看不見你是咋整的（注4）？”

He said, "Why is it just this little thing? Aren’t that what graduate students being like? You will be happy to think about the praise of those people for the rest of your life. They have blessed you."

I was stunned, and then I said, "That makes sense. If I hadn't heard you say it, I wouldn't have noticed it."

He said, "You did a great job at the Heping Real Estate Bureau. You graduated a year early at Northeastern University, and you looked like this! You are indeed different. I just can't see how you did it (4) even with my eyes wide open."

 

注8.10-4，2014年，我寫完回憶錄後才明白，這是劉團長指使他（來自國務院的警察）和黃老師等人支持我的成果。

Note 8.10-4, It was not until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014 that I realized that this was the result of Troupe Leader Liu instructing him (the policeman from State Council) and Teacher Huang and others to support me.

 

我迷惑地回答：“我也不知道，我真的什麽都不知道！你怎麽樣？什麽時候答辯？”

他回答：“我還比你早來幾個月呢！到現在，他們還不讓我準備博士論文。答辯，還沒日程。”

I replied in confusion: "I don't know either, I really don't know anything! How are you? When will you defend your thesis?"

He replied: "I came here a few months earlier than you! Until now, they still won't let me prepare my doctoral thesis. There is no schedule for the defense yet."

 

8.10-5 命運 Fate

一天晚上，我在機電管遇到了黃老師（我和劉健君的介紹人）。他鄭重地對我說：在我和劉健君婚姻的事情上，他失敗了，但還是很感謝我；以後我有事去求他，他一定會盡力幫助。隨後，我茫然地想了幾次 “他們對我做了什麽？他怎麽失敗了呢？”此後的很多年，我都偶爾會想起國務院警察說過的 “劉團長一定會成功”，什麽事一定會成功？我都沒想明白直到2014年寫完我的回憶錄。

One evening, I met Mr. Huang (the person who introduced Eve Liu to me) at the Electromechanical Building. He told me solemnly that he had failed in my marriage to Liu Jianjun, but he was still very grateful to me; if I asked him for help in the future, he would do his best to help. Afterwards, I thought about it several times in confusion, "What did they do to me? How did he fail?" For many years afterwards, I would occasionally think of what the State Council police said, "Captain Liu will definitely succeed." What will succeed? I didn't figure it out until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014.

 

注8.10-5，什麽事？劉團長一定會成功。答：我和劉健君一定會成為夫妻。本書的第一章述說了劉團長為我和他的女兒劉建君定了娃娃親，並為我做了肉眼通，遺留下了精神病潛伏症。7.3節述說了我和劉建君相親，被她創傷了，激活了我的精神病潛伏症。本章的8.1至8.7節述說了劉團長設計，讓我受到了驚嚇，以至於有了精神病發作的跡象。精神病是生命之樹上的異熟果（參見11.6.1節），此後五年、十年，或什麽時候，精神病的異熟果成熟了，我就會墮入地獄。插圖35是墨西哥畫的他自己，那時他正從納瓦特國逃離到國外，可是無論他逃到哪裏，成熟後的精神病異熟果都會落在他的筐裏，他就會墮入地獄。當然，整瘋我盧岩不是劉團長的最終目的，治療我的瘋病的唯一方法是和劉建君結婚，劉團長的最終目的是讓我們倆把這件事寫成書，利樂眾生。

Note 8.10-5, what is it? Troupe Leader Liu will succeed. Answer: Eve Liu and I will become wife and husband. The first chapter of this book tells that Troupe Leader Liu arranged a marriage for me and his daughter Eve Liu, and made “Flesh Eye Through” on me, which left me with latent psychosis. Section 7.3 tells that I went on a blind date with Eve Liu, was traumatized by her, and activated my latent mental illness. Sections 8.1 to 8.7 of this chapter tell that Troupe Leader Liu scared me on purpose, so that I showed signs of psychosis. Mental illness is a mutant fruit (cf. v. 11.6.1) of the tree of life. Five years, ten years, or whenever, the fruit of mental illness will mature, and I will fall into hell. Illustration 35 is a Mexican painting of himself. At that time, he was fleeing away from the country of Nahuatl. However, no matter where he fled, the ripe fruit of mental illness would fall into his basket, and he would fall into hell. Of course, driving me, Luyan, crazy is not Troupe Leader Liu's goal. The only way to cure my madness is to marry Eve Liu. Troupe Leader Liu's goal is for the two of us to write this affair into a book to benefit all sentient beings.

 

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