旋飛潛智
光影流轉，育教綿綿，拈花微笑，潛智蔓延。
（原創：靈隱士）
康拉德的憂傷我的憂傷（7）——那憂傷的崇拜
（I did not envy him his devotion to Kurtz, though. He had not meditated over it. It came to him, and he accepted it with a sort of eager fatalism. I must say that to me it appeared about the most dangerous thing in every way he had come upon so far.
They had come together unavoidably, like two ships becalmed near each other, and lay rubbing sides at last. I suppose Kurtz wanted an audience, because on a certain occasion, when encamped in the forest, they had talked all night, or more probably Kurtz had talked.）
這個“他”來自俄羅斯，為了實現自己的夢想在黑暗中單幹，一個人拚死覓活地打拚，不過為了多搞幾根象牙而已。一麵情緣讓他見識了庫爾茨：“聽君一席話，勝讀十年書。”於是追隨著成了庫爾茨的信徒。
翻譯如下：
“他（俄羅斯人）對庫爾茨如此的虔誠，可是我卻一點兒也不羨慕。因為他並不是認真思考之後才做出了決定。他不過隻是無意識之下撞上了，於是就接受了，他對庫爾茨的渴望是那般的強烈，如同冥冥之中注定的一世宿命。我必須要說，在我看來，這是截止目前他所遇到的最危險的事情，不管從哪個角度去看。
他們倆走到了一起，一切終究不可避免。就像浮在水麵上的兩艘船兒，相互之間不停靠近著，你蹭我一下我蹭你一下，最後兩個並排著躺好，一切平靜了下來。我想是因為庫爾茨需要一位聽眾，這樣在一些特殊的境況下，比如在樹林子搭帳篷宿營，無聊的時候，倆人就有機會通宵聊天，不過呢我猜很可能主要是庫爾茨在講。”
（'We talked of everything,' he said, quite transported at the recollection. 'I forgot there was such a thing as sleep. The night did not seem to last an hour. Everything! Everything! . . . Of love too.' 'Ah, he talked to you of love!' I said, much amused. 'It isn't what you think,' he cried, almost passionately. 'It was in general. He made me see things--things.' 'To speak plainly, he raided the country,' I said. He nodded. 'Not alone, surely!' He muttered something about the villages round that lake. 'Kurtz got the tribe to follow him, did he?' I suggested. He fidgeted a little. 'They adored him,' he said. The tone of these words was so extraordinary that I looked at him searchingly. It was curious to see his mingled eagerness and reluctance to speak of Kurtz. The man filled his life, occupied his thoughts, swayed his emotions. 'What can you expect?' he burst out; 'he came to them with thunder and lightning, you know--and they had never seen anything like it--and very terrible. He could be very terrible. You can't judge Mr. Kurtz as you would an ordinary man. No, no, no!）
“他”，這名俄羅斯人完全被庫爾茨的理念，做法所征服。他理解，他支持，他願意站在庫爾茨的立場為庫爾茨講話，心甘情願。後來因為“象牙是誰的”這個問題被庫爾茨趕走了，並且對他警告：“要是讓我再發現你藏一根象牙，我就要了你的命！即使到了這個份上，他依然跟隨著庫爾茨，暗中偷偷的，不離不棄——因為他實在太“愛”庫爾茨了，一旦沒有了對方生活就沒了方向。“你們不能侮辱庫爾茨，侮辱他就是在侮辱我，甚至比侮辱我更加讓我難以忍受。”或許這就是他的心裏話。
翻譯如下：
““我倆什麽都聊，”他考慮了好一陣子功夫，才開了口。“甚至讓我忘記了還要睡覺這件事。一整夜時間當時感覺甚至不到一個小時。每件事都聊！所有事都聊！。。。。。。包括什麽才是愛。”“啊哈，他跟你探討愛情啊！”我覺得這挺逗的。“不是你想的那樣啦，”他叫了出來，熱情開始上了頭。“隻是泛泛而談罷了。他確實讓我明白了一些事情——很重要的事，很多的事。”“但是我要說，直白點好了，他（庫爾茨）其實是在洗劫這塊土地。”我表達了自己的看法。他點了點頭。“並不是隻有他一個人這樣幹，我敢跟你打賭！”他嘴巴輕輕咕噥著，說起了湖畔周邊那些村莊所發生的事情。“庫爾茨控製了整個村莊跟著他一起幹，對不對？”我嚐試著讓他打開話匣子。看上去他似乎有點兒亂了神。“那有什麽辦法！那些人崇拜他啊，”他說了下去。不過語調之中似乎有點不大對勁，於是我一邊看著一邊心裏揣摩著。奇怪，一說起庫爾茨，他呢就很急切地要表達，可是呢又不願多說，這讓我挺好奇。看來那個男人填滿了他的生命，占據了他的思想，左右著他的感情。“你還能指望些別的啥東西呢？”他突然一下子就爆發了；“他來的時候就像帶著雷聲和閃電一般，走到那些人麵前，你明白吧——那些人可是打生下來就沒有見過這種陣仗——被震撼得那是不要不要的。他這個人作事能把人震撼到死，到死的啊。所以其實你不能這樣去看待庫爾茨先生，不能把他當成一個普通人那樣去評價，這樣不可以，不可以的，絕對不可以。””
(She came abreast of the steamer, stood still, and faced us. Her long shadow fell to the water's edge. Her face had a tragic and fierce aspect of wild sorrow and of dumb pain mingled with the fear of some struggling, half-shaped resolve. She stood looking at us without a stir and like the wilderness itself, with an air of brooding over an inscrutable purpose. A whole minute passed, and then she made a step forward. There was a low jingle, a glint of yellow metal, a sway of fringed draperies, and she stopped as if her heart had failed her. The young fellow by my side growled. The pilgrims murmured at my back. She looked at us all as if her life had depended upon the unswerving steadiness of her glance. Suddenly she opened her bared arms and threw them up rigid above her head, as though in an uncontrollable desire to touch the sky, and at the same time the swift shadows darted out on the earth, swept around on the river, gathering the steamer into a shadowy embrace. A formidable silence hung over the scene.）
She turned away slowly, walked on, following the bank, and passed into the bushes to the left. Once only her eyes gleamed back at us in the dusk of the thickets before she disappeared.）
這是一名憂傷的女巫。她親自來給心目中的英雄庫爾茨送行。她曾經花了十四個日日夜夜跟他促膝長談，要他留下，求他留下。但是對方還是要走——於是她的心被摘走了。她崇拜他，她愛他，因為庫爾茨改變了她，改變了她的村莊，改變了她的世界。因為庫爾茨她才知道象牙的價值，象牙的魅力，自己才能穿金戴銀更有魅力。庫爾茨不是一個人，決不是一個凡人，而是她跟整個村落所有人的大救星。
翻譯如下：
“她（女巫）走了過來，臉朝著我們，和這條蒸汽船胸對胸，心連心，長長的影子落下鑽進了水麵的邊沿。她的臉上表情複雜極了，好像傷心到了發狂，又難過到了麻木，呈現出一半淒淒慘慘，一半窮凶極惡的神態，同時還摻雜著些許害怕——那種傾盡全力去抗爭，卻發現事情隻能搞定一半的害怕。她站在那裏看著我們，神色異常平靜，就像腳下這片荒野一般，注視眼前這令人費解的一切，陷入了沉思中。整整一分鍾過去了，她隻是向前邁了一步而已。輕輕的叮鈴聲傳過來，黃色金屬在一閃一閃，而衣衫上的流蘇隨風而飄，她站住了，看得出心裏麵並非心甘情願。我身邊的年輕人忍不住憤怒彪了幾句。後麵的那些追夢者們也在輕輕地說個不停。她就這樣望著我們所有的人，目光穩定，移也不移，好像這就是她生命的全部內容。忽然她張開了赤裸的雙臂，高高舉起來到達頭頂之上，動作看上去刻板、僵硬，似乎心裏有著難以抑製的欲望，所以盡力去觸摸高高在上的天空，與此同時，手臂的形成影子像箭一般射到地麵之上，動作迅疾無比，然後橫切著掃過河麵，集中到了蒸汽船身上，於是顯示出一個虛幻的，由陰影給出的擁抱。沒有人說話，整個場麵雅雀無聲，被寂靜完全地籠罩，讓人不由得心生畏懼。
她要走了，她緩慢地轉回身體，沿著河岸往回走，不斷向前穿行，最後隱入左側的樹林之中。在身形消失前一刹那，她再次回眸凝望，給了最後一眼，即使密林之中霧氣彌漫著，也遮擋不住那眼神之中所閃動的光芒，那光芒直入我們的眼瞼，刻印到我們的心坎之上。”
（'. . . Who was not his friend who had heard him speak once?' she was saying. 'He drew men towards him by what was best in them.' She looked at me with intensity. 'It is the gift of the great,' she went on, and the sound of her low voice seemed to have the accompaniment of all the other sounds, full of mystery, desolation, and sorrow, I had ever heard--the ripple of the river, the soughing of the trees swayed by the wind, the murmurs of wild crowds, the faint ring of incomprehensible words cried from afar, the whisper of a voice speaking from beyond the threshold of an eternal darkness. 'But you have heard him! You know!' she cried.）
在遙遠的大不列顛，有一個傷感的戀人——庫爾茨的戀人。她生活在窗明幾亮的房間內，看著窗外的鮮花，思念著遠在大洋彼岸，非洲叢林中的那個聖鬥士——“總有一天我會回來，我會身穿黃金聖衣，腳踩五色祥雲前來迎娶你。”那是她的蓋世英雄，她傾慕著，崇拜著。愛得朝朝又暮暮，銷魂又蝕骨，隻有鬱鬱寡歡。天若有情天亦老，青春小鳥飛走了，她的青春小鳥再也沒有飛回。凝目對鏡貼花黃，可憐紅顏皺紋生。就這麽一個人地活著，突然有一天有人告訴她蓋世英雄死了。
翻譯如下：
““。。。。。。哪一個跟他（庫爾茨）說過話的人最後不都是變成了他的朋友？”她（庫爾茨的戀人）不停地傾訴著。“他吸引著每個人去靠近他，因為這個人哪，他有能力讓每個人都展示出自己最棒那一麵。”她看著我，眼神中情緒又強又烈。“這就是偉人才具備的與眾不同的天賦，”她繼續著，聲音壓得低低的，我看著她，感覺似乎除此以外有很多種不同聲音同時在響，相互交織在一起，充滿神秘、淒涼、傷痛的感覺，我甚至聽到了——比如河水流動，漩渦乍起的嘩嘩，比如風起搖晃著樹枝，葉子發出的颯颯，比如許多狂野之人個個都在低聲私語，還有比如遠方傳來的撕喊，就像環繞立體聲一般在播放，有氣無力的，讓人一個字兒都聽不明白，以及傳出一種衰減後的音調，從永遠黑暗的門檻之內所發出，而原本是清晰無比，抑揚頓挫的語言。“不是嗎？你可是親耳聽過他說的話！你一定知道的！”她叫了起來。”
（'What a loss to me--to us!'--she corrected herself with beautiful generosity; then added in a murmur, 'To the world.' By the last gleams of twilight I could see the glitter of her eyes, full of tears--of tears that would not fall.
'I have been very happy--very fortunate--very proud,' she went on. 'Too fortunate. Too happy for a little while. And now I am unhappy for--for life.'）
一切盡在不言中——她（戀人）對庫爾茨的崇敬以及發自真心的難過。
翻譯如下：
““這對我造成了多大的損失啊——我的意思是對咱們倆！”她補充糾正了一下自己，這句話補充得挺大方，聽起來真夠美的；接著低下聲來又補了一句，“對這整個世界。”借著暮色最後的一亮微光，我看到她的眼睛光彩流溢，滿滿的都是淚水，強忍著不願滾滾落下。
“曾經我是多麽的幸福啊——多麽的好運——多麽的自豪，”她繼續著。“太過好運了。太過幸福了，所以隻能給那麽一點兒時間。現在我呢就不得不傷心難過，難過下去一直到——一直老到死為止。””
（She stood up; her fair hair seemed to catch all the remaining light in a glimmer of gold. I rose too.
'And of all this,' she went on, mournfully, 'of all his promise, and of all his greatness, of his generous mind, of his noble heart, nothing remains--nothing but a memory. You and I--
'We shall always remember him,' I said, hastily.）
直接翻譯如下：
“她站了起來；在金色、微微的光芒之下，她的秀發似乎捕獲了最後所剩下的一切光明，看上去如此美麗。我也站起身來。
“所有這些，”她依然在講，哀痛不已，“所有他的承諾，所有他的偉大，他那大度的胸懷，他那高尚的心靈，一丁點也沒有留下，一切都沒有了——往事隻可讓人追憶而已。隻有你跟我，我們兩個——”
“我們應該永遠記住他，”我開口了，連忙打住她。”
（'No!' she cried. 'It is impossible that all this should be lost--that such a life should be sacrificed to leave nothing--but sorrow. You know what vast plans he had. I knew of them too--I could not perhaps understand,--but others knew of them. Something must remain. His words, at least, have not died.'
'His words will remain,' I said.
'And his example,' she whispered to herself. 'Men looked up to him,--his goodness shone in every act.）
她五體投地拜神一般，仰視著，崇拜著庫爾茨。她愛他，可是呢，她的蓋世英雄，她的愛人到底過著什麽樣的日子呢？她明不明？——這種感情不過隻是寄托在虛假之上的錯覺而已，其實呢，她離真實的那個戀人太遠，不是因為距離太遠，而是因為她的崇拜。
翻譯如下：
““我不要！”她喊了出來。“所有這些不應該流逝而去，不可以的——不應該犧牲掉這麽出類拔萃的一個生命，卻不給人留下些好的東西——反而隻留下傷痛。你是知道他的那些計劃多麽宏大。我也是知道的——也許我理解不了——但是又有什麽關係，其他那麽多的人，大家都知道這些。一定要留下些什麽，那些要緊的東西。對了，他的話，他說過的那些話，至少還沒有死掉。”
“他說的話是會保存下來的，”我附和了一下。
“還有他的形象事跡，”她像是在自言自語。“人人都會抬頭仰視著他，——他的美好，如此神聖，一行一為都那麽光輝萬丈。””
