給我親愛弟弟的一封信

給我親愛弟弟的一封信

2011年暑假期間，我在國內帶領的退修會《父母營》裏，特別邀請了我的父親和弟弟作為嘉賓參加。父子三人異地重聚，流下了不少的眼淚，神使用這個營會深深地醫治和更新了我們彼此的關係，我的弟弟還決誌信主（父親十幾年前就接受了耶穌為他個人的救主和生命的主）。倦鳥歸巢，迷羊知返，浪子回家，我歡呼雀躍，相信天使們也跟我一起慶賀！感謝弟弟放下農活，陪著年邁的父親從湖南的鄉下輾轉到西安來參加父母營，下麵是我在父母營裏當眾讀給弟弟的一封信。

親愛的弟弟：

想給你寫封信好好地表達一下我心中對你的感激已經有相當長的一段時間了，可是每次提筆，總是思潮翻滾，思緒萬千，不知道從何寫起，所以一直都沒有如願。感謝這次父母營的安排，這一天終於來臨。

時間過得真快，不知不覺自己已經人到中年。最近突然發現我特別喜歡回顧過去，而越回顧過去就越感到自己實在是一個非常蒙福的人——我出生並成長長在一個愛的家庭，我被愛包圍，我飽受家人的愛與關懷，其中，從你來的那一份特別厚重，沉甸甸的，叫我一輩子都沒法忘懷，幾輩子也沒有辦法還清。

謝謝你，我親愛的弟弟，謝謝你犧牲自己的前途，犧牲自己的夢想，犧牲自己的學業，全力地支持我念完高中，念完大學。弟弟，也許你不知道，我本科畢業在一個教育單位工作兩年之後又跑去北大攻讀碩士和博士學位，其實有一個非常樸素的動機：殺出一條血路，盼望有朝一日，我能把你和其他家人帶到城裏，不再過麵朝黃土背朝天的生活，隻是至到如今願望仍然沒有達成。

謝謝你，我親愛的弟弟，謝謝你這麽多年獨自承擔照顧父親的責任。為了照顧他老人家，十幾年了，你放棄外出打工的機會，呆在那個交通不便、經濟落後的小山村裏。村裏絕大部分的青壯年都走出去了，賺了不少錢，回家蓋了大房子，日子越過越紅火，你卻依舊住在那個越來越老舊的土坯房裏。

弟弟，我沒有忘記，也永遠不會忘記你為我的犧牲，事實上，我一直嚐試著做一些力所能及的回饋，隻可惜常常事與願違，多次的嚐試，大都以失敗告終：包括93年初把你介紹到湘潭，包括93年十月把你從海南弄到北京，包括幾年前我和愛人買了一個房子送給你，回憶起來，幾乎沒有一次幫到實處，叫你真正受用。

就說把你從海南弄到北京的事吧，那是九三年的秋天，我接到你寄自海南的信，你在信中告訴我，你新婚不久就辭別妻子，去海南一個建築工地打工，主要想掙些錢，盡快把操辦婚禮時借朋友的錢還了。可是，活兒實在太苦，一天要幹十五六個小時，工資又很低，而你偏偏又生病了。我不假思索，勸你來北京，我答應給你在北京找一份工作。

你到北京的那天正好是中秋節，那晚的月亮很圓，可是我根本沒有時間和心情好好欣賞，因為當晚我要趕著去北京火車站接你。中秋的北京，夜晚已經有相當的涼意，我是穿著毛衣去接你的。見到你的時候，卻發現你隻穿了一件短袖上衣，背了一個很小很小的包，瑟瑟縮縮的，心裏的憐恤油然而生。坐了二十多個小時的火車，終於到達終點站了，馬上就要見到自己的兄弟，那份期盼與興奮是可想而知的，但你的眼睛不大好，從車站跑出來又跑得太急，很不幸，穿涼鞋的腳磕在一個鐵欄杆上，把右腳大拇趾的趾甲整個給揭了下來，血流如注，簡單的處理之後，你忍著劇痛跟我回到北大。弟弟你知道嗎？傷在你的腳上，卻痛在我的心裏；血流在你的腳上，更是流在我的心裏。就在那一刻，我開始明白，什麽叫血肉相連，什麽叫血濃於水，什麽叫骨肉同胞，什麽叫十指連心！

弟弟，你在北京的時候，住在我的宿舍，我就到處打遊擊。我托人給你找工作，人托人，找到一個看起來不錯的工作，可是需要等很久，你等不及，就回家了。

弟弟，讓你失望了，而且後來一次又一次地讓你失望，我很抱歉，真對不起！

即便如此，我還是要感謝上帝，因為通過這些事情祂讓我看到自己的有限；我感謝上帝，那些年間讓我遭遇了不少挫折，因著這些挫折，我的生命得以蛻變更新。事實上，就是在事業、愛情、家庭都不如意，左右碰壁，四麵楚歌，萬念俱灰的時候，我遇到了耶穌。是祂把我從救世主情結裏釋放了出來，是祂把我從物質的捆綁中釋放了出來，是祂指點迷津，是祂給我活下去的勇氣和信心。我可以毫不誇張地說，耶穌是我的救命恩人。如果沒有祂，我今天十有八九不在這個世界上了。

弟弟，我知道有相當長一段時間，我是你的驕傲，直到我作出選擇到美國念神學，然後作牧師。你聽人說，做牧師其實就是當洋和尚，也是六親不認，清心寡欲，不食人間煙火，這讓你一度十分失望和傷心，而你失望和傷心的時候我也非常難過和痛苦。時間過得很快，今年是第11年了，我知道自己在很多方麵看來沒有什麽成功，我還不是很有錢，和我大學同學甚至高中、初中同學相比，好像並不怎麽樣，沒有給家裏帶來什麽實惠。但我想讓你知道，也請你放心，我走的是一條正路，我的工作也是一個正當的工作。作為教會的牧師，我們幫助軟弱的人得剛強，絕望的人找到盼望，有苦毒的人能夠饒恕，關係有傷害的能得到醫治，簡單地說，就是幫助人跟自己和好，跟家人和好，跟周圍的人和好，跟傷害自己的人和好，跟自然和好；而這一切都根基於人跟神和好。當人跟神和好之後，才能找到生命的意義，才能在愛中生活，身心靈才健康。怎麽樣跟神和好呢？通過耶穌，而且隻能通過耶穌。這幾天，相信陪伴你的同工已經跟你解釋的很清楚了，恕我不在這裏贅述。

我非常喜歡我的工作，每次看到帶著各種重擔，心結、傷害、苦毒的問題人經過一段時日的陪伴，身心靈都健康起來，我很開心。我真的希望能夠得到你的理解和支持。

 我也很希望你認識我信的這位耶穌，祂是唯一的真神，最大的醫生，唯有祂是生命的主人，隻有通過祂人才能得到真正的生命。跟隨祂走這條人生的道路到現在，我沒有後悔過，在祂那裏有滿足的喜樂，有醫治，有更新，有自由，有愛，有真理，有恩典。

弟弟，我想告訴你的是，你為我、為這個家所作的一切犧牲，無所不知的上帝都看見了，祂必然厚厚地報答你。弟弟，你所遭遇的一切患難，都不是偶然的，如果沒有上帝的容許，絕不會臨到你身上，而既然發生了，必然有上帝的美意，雖然我們有限的頭腦暫時不明白，不了解。上帝有能力幫助我們脫離貧窮的轄製和咒詛，但祂選擇先處理我們的生命和人品，隻有生命對了，人品對了，我們才可以承受祂的祝福。我絕對地相信，因著認識耶穌，我們家要承受極大的祝福，不僅如此，我們還要成為上帝祝福的管道，成為很多很多人的祝福。

愛你的二哥：祖幸   6/25/2011

參考譯文by ChatGPT:

Dear younger brother,

I have been wanting to write you a letter to express my gratitude towards you for a long time now, but every time I try, my thoughts get jumbled up and I don't know where to begin. Thank God for the opportunity that this family camp has provided me to finally express my gratitude.

Time flies, and I have already reached middle age without realizing it. Lately, I have been fond of reminiscing about the past, and the more I look back, the more I feel how blessed I have been. I was born and raised in a loving family, surrounded by love and care from my family members. Among them, your love towards me has been especially significant and unforgettable.

Thank you, my dear brother, for sacrificing your own future, dreams, and education to support me in finishing high school and university. You might not know, but after graduating from university, I worked in a junior college for two years before pursuing my master's and Ph.D. degrees at Peking University. I had a simple motive: to create a path for myself and one day bring you and our family to the city, away from the life of facing yellow soil and back to the sky. Sadly, that dream has yet to come true.

Thank you, my dear brother, for shouldering the responsibility of taking care of our father for many years. For over a decade, you have given up opportunities to work elsewhere to stay in that remote, economically deprived village, where it's difficult to commute. Most young adults in the village have left and earned a lot of money, building big houses, and living prosperous lives. However, you still live in the old adobe house that has only gotten older over time.

Brother, I have not forgotten, nor will I ever forget your sacrifices for me. In fact, I have always tried to do what I can to repay you, but unfortunately, my efforts have often fallen short. From introducing you to a job in Xiangtan in early 1993, to bringing you from Hainan to Beijing in October of the same year, to buying a house for you and my loved ones a few years ago, almost every attempt has failed to truly benefit you.

Allow me to recount the time when I brought you from Hainan to Beijing. It was the autumn of 1993, and I received a letter from you, who had recently gotten married, telling me that you had left your wife to work at a construction site in Hainan, primarily to earn money to pay back the loan you had borrowed from a friend for the wedding. However, the work was too arduous, and you had fallen ill, with long working hours and low wages. Without hesitation, I advised you to come to Beijing, and promised to help you find a job here.

Dear brother, the day you arrived in Beijing happened to be the Mid-Autumn Festival. The moon was very round that night, but I had no time or mood to appreciate it because I had to rush to the Beijing railway station to pick you up. It was already quite chilly in Beijing during the Mid-Autumn Festival night, and I wore a sweater to pick you up. When I saw you, I realized that you were only wearing a short-sleeved shirt and carrying a very small bag. You were shivering, and I felt a great deal of sympathy for you. After sitting on the train for more than twenty hours, you finally arrived at the destination. You were about to see your brother, and the anticipation and excitement were beyond words. However, your eyes were not very good, and you ran out of the station too quickly. Unfortunately, you bumped your foot on an iron railing while wearing sandals, and the toenail of your right big toe was completely torn off, causing blood to flow out. After a simple treatment, you endured the severe pain and returned with me to Peking University. Little brother, do you know that the injury was on your foot, but the pain was in my heart? The blood flowed on your foot, but it flowed even more in my heart. It was at that moment that I began to understand what blood ties mean, what kinship means, and what it means to be connected at the heart.

Little brother, when you were in Beijing, you stayed in my dormitory while I went around playing guerrilla games. I asked someone to help you find a job. They found what seemed to be a good job, but it required waiting for a long time. You couldn't wait and went home.

I'm sorry to have disappointed you and let you down many times later. Nonetheless, I must thank God because through these things, He allowed me to see my limitations. I thank God for the setbacks I experienced during those years because they transformed and renewed my life. In fact, it was during the time when my career, love life, and family were all unfavorable and I faced obstacles from all sides that I met Jesus. He released me from the Messiah complex, freed me from material bondage, guided me through confusion, and gave me the courage and confidence to live on. I can say without exaggeration that Jesus is my savior. Without Him, I would most likely not be in this world today.

Little brother, I know that for a considerable period of time, I was your pride until I made the decision to study theology in the United States and become a pastor. You heard people say that being a pastor was essentially being a western monk, that we disowned our relatives, that we lived a life of purity and simplicity, and that we did not indulge in the worldly pleasures. This made you very disappointed and sad, and when you were disappointed and sad, I was also very unhappy and painful. Time passes quickly, and this year marks the 11th year. I know that in many ways, I may not seem very successful. I'm not very wealthy, and compared to my university classmates and even my high school and junior high school classmates, I may not seem to have achieved much or brought any practical benefits to my family. However, I want you to know and please rest assured that I am on the right path, and my job is also a legitimate one. As a pastor of the church, our job is to help the weak become strong, the hopeless find hope, the bitter forgive, and the wounded find healing in their relationships. In simple terms, we help people reconcile with themselves, their families, their communities, those who have hurt them, and with nature. And all of this is based on reconciling with God. When we reconcile with God, we find meaning in life, we can live in love, and our physical and mental health is improved. How do we reconcile with God? Through Jesus, and only through Jesus. I believe that my colleagues have explained this to you clearly over the past few days, so I won't repeat it here.

I really enjoy my job. It brings me happiness to see people who have been burdened with various problems, emotional baggage, hurt, and bitterness become healthy in body, mind, and spirit after spending some time with us. I sincerely hope that you can understand and support me in this work.

I also hope that you can get to know the Jesus I believe in. He is the only true God, the greatest physician, the owner of life, and only through Him can we obtain true life. I have followed Him on this journey of life until now and I have no regrets. In Him, I find satisfaction, healing, renewal, freedom, love, truth, and grace.

Brother, I want to tell you that God has seen all the sacrifices you have made for me and our family. He will surely reward you generously. The difficulties you have experienced are not random, and if God did not allow them to happen, they would not have come upon you. However, since they have happened, there must be God's good intentions, even though our limited minds may not understand or comprehend it yet. God has the ability to help us break free from poverty and curses, but He chooses to work on our character and life first. Only when our life and character are aligned can we receive His blessings. I firmly believe that, through knowing Jesus, our family will receive great blessings and become a channel of blessings for many, many people.