真道的魅力
道成了肉身，豐豐滿滿地有恩典，有真理，魅力四射，令我折服
以下是訂婚前建議彼此詢問的64個問題：
1. 你是否已經重生？你的得救見證是什麽？
2. 你覺得自己已經發現人生的目的了嗎？如果是，你會怎樣描述？
3. 在信仰和觀念上，你更偏保守還是更偏進步？
4. 你想要幾個孩子？婚後多久希望開始要孩子？
5. 你會奉獻十分之一嗎？如果會，多長時間奉獻一次，金額是多少？（講員指出，不奉獻可能表明對神缺乏慷慨，這可能導致婚姻中的財務問題）
6. 你的五年或十年職業目標是什麽？你希望人生完成哪些成就？
7. 你的愛的語言是什麽？（如果對方不知道，可以解釋《愛的五種語言》這本書）
8. 當我們有分歧時，你喜歡怎麽處理？你需要空間冷靜，還是立刻溝通解決？（這很關鍵，因為衝突處理方式不同可能引發婚姻問題）
9. 你有多少債務，包括貸款、車貸和被催收的債務？（講員強調這很重要，因為婚後的債務將是雙方共同承擔）
10. 你的信用評分是多少？
11. 你每個月儲蓄多少？
12. 你的每月開銷是多少？
13. 你對共同賬戶或獨立賬戶怎麽看？你對夫妻預算的願景是什麽？（講員指出，很多夫妻婚前沒有討論這些財務問題）
14. 你如何處理壓力和緊張？
15. 你的興趣愛好是什麽？你閑暇時間怎麽度過？你喜歡電子遊戲、電影、高爾夫、運動、閱讀嗎？
16. 你一年希望旅行幾次？（這有助於了解一方是否是“旅行迷”，另一方是否討厭旅行）
17. 你認為哪些家務是你的責任？（建議也問問他們父母的分工情況，因為這會潛移默化地影響他們對婚姻角色的看法）
18. 你對在家養寵物（狗或貓）怎麽看？（對某些人來說，這可能是“分手點”）
19. 你的飲食習慣和偏好是什麽？比如你是純素食者嗎？你是否經常喜歡外出吃飯？
20. 你對性生活的態度和期待是什麽？你的性經曆情況（例如，你是處女/處男嗎？如果不是，有過多少伴侶？是否僅限異性）？（講員承認這是個難問的問題，但建議問清楚，並強調問完就“結案”，不要再提，以免帶來羞恥或內疚）
21. 你如何處理來自公婆或其他家人的幹擾？（講員指出，姻親問題是常見的“婚姻殺手”）
22. 你對婚姻的擔憂是什麽？你覺得婚姻中最難的部分會是什麽？
23. 你對育兒方式和價值觀的看法是什麽？（例如，體罰與“暫停反省”）
24. 在養育孩子時，有什麽是你會與父母做法不同的？有什麽是你會傳承給孩子的？
25. 如果我們有生育困難，你對試管嬰兒等輔助生殖或醫療幹預怎麽看？還是選擇等候神？
26. 如果我們沒有孩子，或者即使有孩子，你願意收養嗎？
27. 你認為我們應該如何照顧年邁的父母？你希望我們的角色是什麽？讓他們和我們住嗎？經濟上支持他們嗎？
28. 你對我們的退休生活有何願景？是放鬆、旅行，還是做其他事情？
29. 你目前有在為退休存錢嗎？
30. 你一周或一個月希望見朋友幾次？是每天、每周，還是很少？
31. 你對婚前協議（prenup）怎麽看？（講員個人認為婚前協議像是“離婚的預告”，但承認有必要了解對方的期待）
32. 除了未來的孩子，你希望把誰寫進我們的遺囑？你有沒有答應過某些人一定會把他們寫進遺囑？
33. 你對我的社交媒體內容有任何擔憂嗎？
34. 有沒有我關注或關注我的人會讓你感到不舒服或擔心的？
35. 你對彼此可以查看對方手機和私人信息的看法是什麽？
36. 你如何看待聖經中丈夫和妻子的角色？
37. 哪些基督徒作家或講員影響了你對婚姻的看法？
38. 你對在關係中保持性純潔的重視程度如何？我們的界限是什麽？
39. 你對夫妻共同的禱告生活有什麽設想？每天一起禱告、靈修，還是各自進行，偶爾分享神的帶領？
40. 你對屬靈生活中的透明和彼此督責怎麽看？比如我們是否要分享各自的掙紮（包括性誘惑）？如果一方陷入色情，會不會直接告訴對方，還是找別人尋求幫助？
41. 我們如何處理屬靈分歧？如果發生分歧，妻子是否要順服丈夫，還是彼此同意保留不同意見？
42. 你對夫妻一起參加小組或查經班的期望是什麽？你願意嗎？
43. 如果我們的孩子對信仰產生懷疑，你會怎麽做？
44. 我們如何支持彼此的屬靈成長？
45. 你對采納與當今文化相反的生活方式怎麽看？（例如在家教育，不參加萬聖節）
46. 你對“一次得救，永遠得救”的看法是什麽？你是否認為基督徒可以選擇離棄神而失去救恩？
47. 你認為基督徒會被鬼附、被鬼壓製或受鬼影響嗎？屬靈攻擊在你的生命中是什麽樣子的？你怎麽定義？
48. 你對方言的理解是什麽？你認為這恩賜今天還能並應當在公共敬拜和私人敬拜中使用嗎？你會說方言嗎？你相信聖靈的恩賜嗎？
49. 你對災前、災中、災後被提的時間觀點是什麽？
50. 你認為什麽算是出軌——調情、情感出軌，還是肉體性行為？
51. 你對各自和同性朋友單獨旅行怎麽看？
52. 你喜歡你父母婚姻中的哪些方麵，希望延續到我們的婚姻？有什麽你不喜歡並不想重演的？
53. 在關係中，哪些事是你認為的“不可接受”，一旦發生你會選擇分開的？
54. 你過去是否有尚未得到醫治的事情？
55. 你對住在城市還是郊區怎麽看？有沒有定居的理想地點？
56. 在我們的朋友圈或熟人中，有沒有人曾與你超越朋友關係，需要讓我知道的？
57. 你願意做全職在家的父/母嗎？還是希望雙方都工作？我們如何平衡？
58. 對於節日（聖誕、感恩節、生日等）你希望怎麽安排？分別和雙方家庭一起過，還是輪流？
59. 你對紋身怎麽看？
60. 你對飲酒怎麽看？
61. 什麽對你來說是尊重？
62. 什麽讓你感到被愛？
63. 婚後你對與異性保持密友關係怎麽看？需要設哪些界限？
64. 你對伴侶的外貌重視程度有多高？
Here are the 64 questions recommended to ask before engagement:
- Are you born again? What is your testimony of salvation?
- Do you feel like you've discovered your purpose in life yet? If so, how would you describe it?
- Are you more conservative or progressive in your beliefs?
- How many kids would you like to have, and how soon after marriage do you envision starting a family?
- Do you tithe? If so, how often and how much? (The speaker notes that not tithing can indicate a lack of generosity with God, which could lead to financial issues in marriage)
- What is your five-year or 10-year career goal? Like, what do you hope to accomplish in your life?
- What is your love language? (If the partner doesn't know, the "Five Love Languages" book can be explained)
- When we have a disagreement, how do you like to handle it? Do you need space, or do you prefer to talk it out right away? (This is crucial because different approaches to conflict resolution can cause issues in marriage)
- How much debt do you have, including loans, cars, and collections? (The speaker stresses this is important because a partner's debt will become yours)
- What is your credit score?
- How much do you save each month?
- How much are your monthly expenses?
- How do you feel about joint or separate bank accounts? What is your vision for budgeting as a couple? (The speaker notes that many couples fail to discuss these financial matters before marriage)
- How do you handle stress and pressure?
- What are your hobbies, and how do you spend your free time? Are you into video games, movies, golf, sports, reading? How do you spend your free time?
- How many times a year would you like to travel? (This helps identify if one partner is a "travel junkie" and the other dislikes traveling)
- Which household chores would be your responsibility? (It's also suggested to ask about their parents' division of labor as a "cue of where this person's idea, unconscious roles, they have concerning your relationship")
- How do you feel about pets in the house, dogs or cats? (This can be a "deal-breaker for some")
- What are your eating habits and dietary preferences? Like, are they vegan? Do they like to eat out all the time?
- How do you approach sexual intimacy and expectations? What is your body count, meaning, are you a virgin, and if you're not, did you sleep with people? How many people? Is it just the opposite sex? (The speaker acknowledges this is a hard question but suggests it's good to know, advising to "close that case" afterward and not bring it up to avoid shame or guilt)
- How do you handle interference from in-laws or other family members? (In-laws are noted as a common problem that "could destroy that marriage")
- What are your fears about marriage, or what do you think will be the hardest part about being married?
- What are your views on parenting styles and values? (e.g., spanking versus timeouts)
- When it comes to parenting, what's something you would do differently from your parents, and what would you want to carry on for our kids?
- If we struggle with fertility, what are your views on reproductive medicine like IVF or seeking medical intervention, or do we just wait on God?
- If we don't have children, or even if we do have children, are you open to adoption?
- How do you think we should handle caring for elderly family members, like Mom and Dad, and what will be our role that you want us to have? Do we let them live with us? Do we financially support them?
- What is your vision for our retirement? Do you picture us relaxing, traveling, or doing something entirely different?
- Are you currently saving for retirement?
- How many times a week or a month would you like to see your friends? Is this going to be a daily thing, a weekly thing, that you're going to go hang out with your friends, or you will never do it?
- What are your thoughts on getting a prenup agreement? (The speaker personally views prenups as "an introduction to divorce" but acknowledges it's important to know the partner's expectations)
- Apart from future children, who would you like to include in our will? Are there promises you made to people that they will be included in your will that I need to be aware of?
- Do you have any concerns about my social media profiles or the things that I post?
- Is there anyone I follow or who follows me that makes you feel uncomfortable, and it worries you?
- How do you feel about having access to each other's phones and personal messages?
- How do you view the role of a husband and a wife as described in the Bible?
- What Christian authors or speakers have influenced your view on marriage?
- What importance do you place on sexual purity within our relationship, and what are our boundaries?
- How do you envision our prayer life together as a couple? Are we going to be praying every day, doing devotions, or we going to do it separately, and every once in a while, we'll discuss what we feel the Lord is speaking to us?
- What are your views on transparency and accountability in our spiritual life? Like, do we tell each other everything, even what we struggle with, even if it's like sexual temptation? If one of us falls into pornography, do we share that? Do you want to know that, or do you just want me to go to somebody else, and share, and get help?
- How do we handle spiritual disagreements? If we're going to have disagreements, what we're going to do, is a wife going to submit to the husband, or they're both going to agree to disagree?
- What are your expectations about participating in small groups or Bible studies together? Are you okay, and open to us being in a small group?
- What would you do if our children question their faith?
- How do we support each other's spiritual growth?
- What are your thoughts on adopting a lifestyle that might be counter cultural in today's society? (e.g., homeschooling, not participating in Halloween)
- What are your views on "once saved, always saved"? Meaning, do you believe that a Christian can forfeit their salvation and turn away from God if they choose to?
- Do you believe that Christians can be demon-possessed or demon-oppressed or demonized? What does spiritual attack look like in your personal spiritual life? Like, how would you define that? Can Christians have demons, pretty much?
- What is your understanding of the gift of tongues? Do you believe this is a gift that can and should be practiced today, and should be used in corporate and private worship settings? Do you speak in tongues? Do you believe in the gifts of the Holy Spirit?
- What are your beliefs regarding the timing of the rapture in relation to tribulation?
- What do you consider cheating - flirting, emotional cheating, or a physical sexual encounter?
- What are your views on traveling with friends without each other? (Assuming male with male, girls with girls)
- What do you like about your parents' marriage that you would like to continue in ours, and what is something you don't like that you do not want to be repeated?
- What are things in a relationship you would consider as deal-breakers, and what are some things that would make you walk away if they happened?
- Is there anything in your past that you haven't been healed from?
- What do you think about living in the city versus the suburbs, or do you have a vision of where you want to settle down?
- Is there anyone in our acquaintance or current friend circle that you have had more than a friendship with that I should be aware of?
- Would you want to be a stay-at-home parent, or would you prefer both of us to work, and how would we handle that balance?
- How do you feel about spending holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthdays with both of our families, or how are we going to balance that?
- What are your views on tattoos?
- What are your views on drinking alcohol?
- What does respect look like to you?
- What makes you feel loved?
- How do you feel about having close friends of the opposite sex once we are married? What boundaries, if any, would you want to be set?
- How important is physical appearance to you in your partner?
