《來時的路》(中英文混合版） 3.7 Messy cute

3.7      Messy cute

“Hey Yitian, you don't look quite yourself. Everything  alright?”剛出門，就碰到隔壁掏鑰匙開門的尹伯文。

“No, I don't think so.”程弈田努力忍住眼中的淚水，搖搖頭。

“You wanna drink some？”尹伯文伸手扶住弈田的肩，彎下腰，想要看清楚低著頭的弈田的表情。“Come on, come on in. Go get yourself stuffed; I guess you haven't had anything this evening yet.”說著接下程弈田的背包，拍拍他的肩請她進門。

“I just sent Maggie out to her apartment. She had some ruby crusty pie. She refused to try the stewed chestnut and pheasant - she said the pheasant’s eyes were staring at her, and she was really uncomfortable about it. It actually tastes well though, I had some, it's all yours now, let me know how can make this dish better！”尹伯文試著談一些他猜程弈田喜歡的話題。見弈田還是呆坐著，尹伯文拿起餐桌一邊原先就鋪好絲毫沒動的刀叉給弈田：“Hmm~, smell it. You can imagine you are in the woods.”尹伯文叉了一塊野雞胸脯肉在弈田鼻子前晃了晃，“hmm~, taste it. It's soft, flavorful and melting in your mouth!”尹伯文貓著腰，張大嘴，裝作要把那雞塊放進嘴裏嚼。見弈田似乎有點要破涕為笑的樣子，他索性一屁股坐在地上，把叉子塞給弈田，然後裝哭，“Mummy, mummy, the pretty little girl stole my pheasant, and she is going to steal my chestnuts too. Mummy, mummy, help!”

“討厭！”程弈田一口吞掉那雞塊，轉向餐桌，拿起叉子就著盛栗子雞的白瓷大碗開始大快朵頤起來。

“啊呀呀，Look at you, it's all yours, slowly.”坐在一邊的尹伯文汲了口紅酒，“Hey, you don't have good table manner, do you?”好似一個說學逗唱的滑稽戲演員，尹伯文低下頭，像是要往桌上吐骨頭的樣子，“Don't you do the same thing like other Chinese, spit out the bone on the table?”

“誰像你啊，那麽沒水準。”生氣的時候，程弈田也忘了跟這個國際友人說英語。“你的野雞燉得骨頭都酥了，還用吐嗎?”望著尹伯文困惑的樣子，弈田搖搖頭：“真笨，有個中國媽還聽不懂中國話！Well, I was saying the pheasant was perfect and the bones were so soft, and I swallowed it all!”

“笨，你笨！”懂，還是不懂，程弈田犯難了，他好像是個複雜電路上的二極管燈，弈田不知道什麽樣的輸入會讓這個燈亮，還是滅。

失戀的女人的胃是個無底洞。一會兒功夫，那大半碗雞塊就灰飛煙滅了，這會兒，程弈田已經轉而進攻紅芹菜餅。看程弈田心情開始有點平複，尹伯文問“So, what happened? I thought Tao was extremely nice to you！”

“You are gossipy!”一張嘴，一片紅芹菜從弈田滿是酥酥的油餅沫的嘴裏掉出來，

“You are so messy! I wouldn't be able to tell that!”一伯文連忙撿起掉在地毯上的紅芹菜，捏在手裏，嘴裏發出嘖嘖的聲音。“You look cute.”尹伯文忍不住冒出一句。

“You actually mean I look miserable.”

“No, I mean cute cute, not miserable cute.”

程弈田擺擺手，眼眶裏的淚水都隨雞塊菜餅下了肚，原本那個活潑有點小壞的程弈田在食物的boost下，又恢複了神氣：“Yeah, I look messy cute!”說完，拿來最後一塊餅，趁他不注意塞進尹伯文嘴裏，“You look messy messy！”這突如其來的襲擊，尹伯文欣然接受，張開嘴，“I look messy hungry!”

尹伯文抹了抹剛咽下那塊餅的嘴巴，眼神認真起來，“Ok, yitian, I want all my friends to be happy. Tell me, what happened? Is there anything that I can help too?“

“It's about dream and reality.”原本望著尹伯文的程弈田盯著手中的那個已經被她用吸管攪得分不清顏色辯不明味道的drink of the day，說：“I want to graduate with a Master’s Degree and move to California and start working, but he wants to go back to China right after his PhD .”

“That was it? I thought it was about Maggie. I know her; she is just a drama queen. You don't have to take her seriously.”確定了不是因為另一個女生；或者是其他更基本的要求，比如像他的前女友，一而再，再而三地催他去賺錢，如果去不了華爾街去個Mckinsey或者BCG什麽的都可以賺個每小時500塊錢，尹伯文反而覺得事情好辦了：“This is not a fundamental difference between you two, you and Tao can continue talking about it and get through. I am sure you can reach an agreement and live happily ever after soon.”

程弈田能夠感覺到眼前這個男生簡單善良的內心，可是他不了解奚濤，也不了解弈田。程弈田一再追問奚濤對自己的愛有多少，可是就在剛才奚濤無情地跟弈田說明原委的一瞬間，她也開始懷疑自己對奚濤的了解和對他的愛。

剛才尹伯文做滑稽戲逗自己破涕為笑的場景，程弈田一遍又一遍地在這7年的記憶裏搜尋，沒有，一點也沒有！奚濤雖然總不自覺地左右著程弈田的喜怒哀樂，但是弈田竟回想不起哪怕一次奚濤為了弈田做個笨笨的動作，逗她笑；即便是一個鬼臉都沒有！奚濤，小溪裏沒有波濤，他注定是波瀾不驚的。程弈田，習慣了在平靜如水的生活裏觀看自導自演的小心動，現在連這種平靜也漸行漸遠。程弈田累了，累得忘了是為什麽喜歡他。

16歲到23歲，也是7年的時間。高三的春天，程弈田收到清華錄取通知書的同時，爸爸也遞給她一個已經開封的賀年卡，笑著說，這小子沒什麽出息啊，名字都不敢署。教導主任爸爸應該已經對了筆跡。程弈田開心地親親爸爸，獎勵這個還算開明的老子，“噓，千萬不能讓媽媽知道。”曾經，雙雙遠渡重洋，程弈田無限憧憬著相濡以沫的生活；終究，他們的關係也都沒有比收到賀年卡有更實質性的進步。7年，這7年算什麽？肌膚相親的愛情還沒有開始，就真的已經升華成了親情？或者，連親情也沒有。

程弈田不得不思考自己內心真正所求。這個思考的過程也許會像3年前決定是否去日本一樣短暫，抑或，會像沒有GPS開車在一彎連著一彎的山路上走，不知道什麽時候是個頭，什麽時候能夠走出這層巒疊嶂。

尹伯文看時間不早了，開始圍著餐桌收拾起來。注意到他忙碌地進出廚房，程弈田有些不好意思，連忙要求來幫忙。“It's ok, you are the guest, it's my pleasure that you are here.”尹伯文很自然地推辭了，讓她好好休息，人不愉快的時候身體自然也不會舒服。程弈田沒有推辭，在沙發上坐下來，發著呆。

尹伯文忽然想起了什麽，收起洗碗時戴的橡膠手套，從冰箱取來一盤切成塊狀泥土顏色的東西。“Try this, I even forgot to introduce this to you.”看程弈田要發問，尹伯文又咧開了嘴，“No, no, I won't tell you what this is, you tell me!”他又走向靠在窗邊的電腦桌，“Let me play you some music, while you are enjoying this delicacy, I am doing the dishes. ”望著屏幕，他似乎在自然自語，又似乎在問程弈田“Shoot, I did not know I lost most of my albums, stupid crash. ”蹲下在抽屜裏翻了一下，“Good, I still have this CD! Michael learns to rock, you like it? I can't believe I still have this one, it's so old .”看見程弈田在點頭，尹伯文滿意的將CD放進player,“I like paint my love”一個“enjoy”之後，尹伯文又戴上手套拐進廚房。

“From my youngest years,”隨著平緩得跟Michael learns to rock的樂隊名字非常不相稱的歌詞，程弈田的眼睛模糊了，她不敢眨眼睛，不想讓那些不爭氣的鹹水滴滾下弄髒了人家的沙發。用紙巾吸幹眼角的淚，撿了一塊那黑黃黑黃的東西放進嘴，程弈田試著躺下放鬆，想暫時把湧進腦海裏關於7年的青春的疑問放一放。

尹伯文的牆非常幹淨，沒有任何掛圖，任何修飾，一概雪白，唯一略顯不同的是程弈田躺著的這個雙人沙發。布製的沙發套上是一片片新英格蘭野外隨處可見的蘭花草。早春時候，這種蘭花草會抽出穗，很快，一串串白色的鈴鐺會出現在穗的周圍。程弈田頭下枕著的靠枕套上印著放大了的蘭鈴，靠枕散落在哪裏，那花兒就開在了那裏。清晨的霧靄中，羞澀的蘭鈴會嬌滴滴地沐浴著露水；一陣風吹過，仔細聽，那是露珠伴隨著白鈴的擺動繽紛落下的聲音。