告別耶魯總是很難-中美文化之不同

我不僅進了Branford學院，還闖進了隔壁的另一個學院，從那裏拍攝鍾塔的角度真是絕了，所以我在手機沒電後，犧牲二十分鍾的時間充電再取景也很值。我以前曾經進去過，但是記不住名字了，便問了在那裏拍照的一家中國人，才回憶起這住宿學院為Saybrook。他們為耶魯的非本科生家庭，也是被這裏的風景吸引來拍照的，耶魯住宿學院的建築、庭院和格局使你舉手就有取景的衝動，太漂亮了。

從人文方麵看問題，我幾乎能從是否願意與我交談，判斷出這家中國人是從美國其他州來的，還是來自中國大陸。大陸來的通常不願意與我這陌生人深談，點到為止，充滿戒備的樣子。這種情形我在挪威也見到過，當時有位中國老人在挪威景區排隊買東西，在他的前後都是白人，唯獨輪到他卻因語言不通被挪威人訓斥，完全就是種族歧視。我在旁邊實在看不下去，主動去幫那大陸來的老人並與挪威人幹仗，可是那老人卻以質疑的眼光打量我，似乎我有什麽其他企圖似的。在耶魯參觀的這家中國人對耶魯並不熟悉，與我交談，我會介紹給他們很多關於耶魯的知識，最現實的是哪裏為取景的最佳位置，但是那媽媽的臉部語言幾乎是在對我說：“我們在這裏關你什麽事？”。這樣我也就不說話了，我何苦自找沒趣呢？

反觀那美國芝加哥男孩，不出幾句就把他的名字、來源和耶魯畢業班等信息全部告訴我了，我也向他展示ID。我手機沒電時，裝篷子的美國工人馬上借我充電線和插座，他們則去忙著幹活，對我充滿信任。這是我觀察出的中美文化的差異，當然我不怪這些從大陸剛來西方世界的同胞，如果我是來自一個人整人，人防人的社會，一個隨時存在告密的環境，我也會選擇不隨便相信生人的。比較遺憾的是，據說這種勢頭在故土近期有所回潮，現代大數據時代更加有利於監控個人的一切。我們在美國撫養大的孩子，都顯得特別地傻，就像傻的美國佬，但是我那天見到的美國公司主管們可是聰明得很囉。

另一層麵的分析，我想把這些行為的不同歸於東西方文化的差異。我們是內斂的文化，到美國後也成為所謂從不抱怨的模範的少數民族。可是西方人從古就是奔放的，直率的，初次見麵他們就把手伸過去與客人握手，而我們古代不是，我們是雙手握成團狀相互結拜和祝福。也就是說，西方人相互握手，我們的古人是握自己的手。我們不去與對方的軀體接觸，就是孩子長大與父母擁抱的機會都很少。在談判桌上，中國人也是令西方人摸不清Yes與No, 當然英文裏的否定式反問句也令中國人頭痛。西方人很難讀懂中國人臉上神秘的微笑，這次貿易談判至少美國人認為天朝要求推倒重來。丹麥人還告訴我，每次與中國人談生意都是見到的中國女性，使他狠話都不敢說，西方基本上是男人說了算。但是我想告訴美國華裔家長的是，應該把小中男培養成頂天立地的男子漢，他們在西方社會是拿主意的人。

[兵團農工]

很好。

[nightrider]

@rty:

Do not tell me girls do not enjoy being and expect to be looked at. Anyone denying that is either a hypocrite or lying.

[nightrider]

@rty:

The mainland Chinese press too physically close to others when conversing because they are used to not having personal space, with the authorities free to rummage through their personal affairs. The Westerners keep certain distance since they respect individual personal space. This respect is reflected in the foundations of free market capitalism, the sanctity of private properties and contractual agreement. That is precisely why the Chinese have never learnt to practice the free market capitalism, but rather the evil perversion of it, the state capitalism, with a special disdain for both private properties and contracts. This distain has precipitated over so many decades and has turned American hospitality into fury.

As for construction workers staring at pretty women, it is only human. Only the hypocritical left socialists try to stifle free expression and turn all men into sexless eunuchs. 窈窕淑女，君子好逑。The Chinese (men) are so emasculated since childhood to suppress their true emotions and desires that when they grow up into men, they have lost their sexual instinct and are at a loss at how to chase and seduce women.

[rty]

I was working in Temple medical center for a few years and Fidelity building before that. That is, I was not a student so my opinion and viewpoint is very different from you. But I also worked with a few Yale professors and their PhD students.

You see workers helping you charging battery, I see workers fantasized passing pretty girls , yep, they stopped working and looked at the girl for a very long time. You see the suspicious Chinese visitors, I see the eager Chinese visitors asking for help. Interesting, right?

[rty]

Ha, a German girl said the opposite. She got this impression because when Asian people talk to you, they are very near you. When western people talk to you, they kept distance because they are afraid you might stab them. This habit stems from ancient times when keeping distance is a necessity to survive.

[雅美之途]

回複 'nightrider' 的評論 : You are welcome and thank you for your forceful comments!

[nightrider]

The sights of the splendid archways give me shivers of deja vu. Thank you for your gorgeous photos.

[nightrider]

@MoatCity:

The blogger is friendly and talks to everyone, the Chicago boy, the laborers, not just the Chinese. That is precisely the source of his comparison and his conclusion. You, on the other hand, fits precisely the mode of Chinese the blogger is depicting: suspicious, nervous, paranoid and with a chip on his shoulder, states of psychosis all rooted in the deeply seated insecurity.

[MoatCity]

你也許在國外太孤獨了，見了和你長的相近的人就上去套近乎交朋友?