正文
在大公司呆久了，我也知道多數情況下， internal job posting 通常是聾子的耳朵--擺設， 但這麽明顯的重複職位而不跟現任位子的人打招呼的情況， 我還是第一次聽說。
前一陣我覺得工作太鬱悶，想換。 但又留戀這裏的待遇和方便， 一直猶豫不決。 本來覺得隨著這次自上而下的大換血， 很多工作上的瓶頸可以因此而疏通， 我也可以做些更主動有效率的事情， 在方便照顧家庭的前提下， 繼續在這位子作個一兩年不失為兩全的辦法。 但這個新職位的設立， 等於把那些比較有意思的工作內容放到新人身上， 我的鋪墊工作就是為人做嫁了。
並沒有take it personally, 但如果我的預見是事實， 那麽很明顯我將成為這次re-org的犧牲品， 沒人願意當犧牲品， 多少感覺不爽的。 以前我每次遇到不爽的情形都是選擇（內部）走人的， 但後來發現， 經常自己離開後， 那個部門就出現了轉機， 那些忍者神龜通常都有出頭之日。 而我每換一次， 都要走一段迂回的路， 加起來這樣的zig zag 也是代價的說。 不過實在呆不下去， 也不能勉強自己。
晚上， 看著孩子熟睡的臉， I can't help but wonder: how did I end up in this situation?
Could I have done a better job trying to impress him in the last 2 months? Definitely. But would that make a difference in his decision? Probably not.
Why didn't I try harder to impress him? First off, I didn't care enough. It's politically incorrect to stay it, but there is a lot of truth in a new mother's lack of ambition in going above and beyond. 1 minute I was still holding a baby in my arms, feeding and cooing with her, her sweet little face was my whole universe; next minute I had to jump on a conference call trying to sound all smart and razor sharp, I just couldn't make that mental switch very easily, so to some degree I lost my usual quickness.
Secondly, maybe more importantly, the whole management culture is shifting, what mattered in the past 5, even 10 years, may not matter anymore; what used to be considered valuable and could earn a pat on the back, may now become a thing of the past and is received with cold indifference. Yet the management didn't communicate the new vision down the hierarchy, instead they kept telling us to run things as usual until told otherwise. I knew something was cooking, but I wasn't in the inner circle (the cool kids' club) to know exactly what or how, nor did I care enough to read between lines or to go out of my ways to find out. I wasn't actively seeking a promotion within the organization, so I was kind of laid back and passively waiting for the new strategy to be unveiled: big mistake (on my part). Huge.
I have to set my priorities right, it's impossible to have it both ways. Yes, some women may be able to have it all, maybe they're made with something different and we can't change who we are. And there is certain amount luck involved.
I've been asking myself some hard questions but still can't find answers: Am I tired and pissed off? Of course. But I need a job, let's not pretend that I can live with half of the household income and still be happy. So quitting is not an option. How about taking a step back and "fly under the radar"? Only if I still learn valuable skills and have a reasonably rewarding experience, otherwise it's increasingly painful to leave my kids in the morning and to work only for paycheck. So I'm still debating....
前一陣我覺得工作太鬱悶，想換。 但又留戀這裏的待遇和方便， 一直猶豫不決。 本來覺得隨著這次自上而下的大換血， 很多工作上的瓶頸可以因此而疏通， 我也可以做些更主動有效率的事情， 在方便照顧家庭的前提下， 繼續在這位子作個一兩年不失為兩全的辦法。 但這個新職位的設立， 等於把那些比較有意思的工作內容放到新人身上， 我的鋪墊工作就是為人做嫁了。
並沒有take it personally, 但如果我的預見是事實， 那麽很明顯我將成為這次re-org的犧牲品， 沒人願意當犧牲品， 多少感覺不爽的。 以前我每次遇到不爽的情形都是選擇（內部）走人的， 但後來發現， 經常自己離開後， 那個部門就出現了轉機， 那些忍者神龜通常都有出頭之日。 而我每換一次， 都要走一段迂回的路， 加起來這樣的zig zag 也是代價的說。 不過實在呆不下去， 也不能勉強自己。
晚上， 看著孩子熟睡的臉， I can't help but wonder: how did I end up in this situation?
Could I have done a better job trying to impress him in the last 2 months? Definitely. But would that make a difference in his decision? Probably not.
Why didn't I try harder to impress him? First off, I didn't care enough. It's politically incorrect to stay it, but there is a lot of truth in a new mother's lack of ambition in going above and beyond. 1 minute I was still holding a baby in my arms, feeding and cooing with her, her sweet little face was my whole universe; next minute I had to jump on a conference call trying to sound all smart and razor sharp, I just couldn't make that mental switch very easily, so to some degree I lost my usual quickness.
Secondly, maybe more importantly, the whole management culture is shifting, what mattered in the past 5, even 10 years, may not matter anymore; what used to be considered valuable and could earn a pat on the back, may now become a thing of the past and is received with cold indifference. Yet the management didn't communicate the new vision down the hierarchy, instead they kept telling us to run things as usual until told otherwise. I knew something was cooking, but I wasn't in the inner circle (the cool kids' club) to know exactly what or how, nor did I care enough to read between lines or to go out of my ways to find out. I wasn't actively seeking a promotion within the organization, so I was kind of laid back and passively waiting for the new strategy to be unveiled: big mistake (on my part). Huge.
I have to set my priorities right, it's impossible to have it both ways. Yes, some women may be able to have it all, maybe they're made with something different and we can't change who we are. And there is certain amount luck involved.
I've been asking myself some hard questions but still can't find answers: Am I tired and pissed off? Of course. But I need a job, let's not pretend that I can live with half of the household income and still be happy. So quitting is not an option. How about taking a step back and "fly under the radar"? Only if I still learn valuable skills and have a reasonably rewarding experience, otherwise it's increasingly painful to leave my kids in the morning and to work only for paycheck. So I'm still debating....
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