To 太煩心：首先從自身下功夫然後是老公

你要先分析一下你自己：
1． 你是個心地善良不善言辭的女人，非常容易被人manipulate,自己有和別人不同想法的時候很難讓人hear you. 你的一貫做法是忍氣吞聲，好在一般地的小事說說即使不成也很快就過去了，但大事或屢次發生的事情就不那麽容易let go了。你老公姐姐的問題長期涉及相對大筆花銷和你們的精力時間，你心疼錢心疼老公自己也到了付出的極限，同時老公姐姐們對你的不尊重及老公對你感受的熟視無睹也讓你憤怒怨恨。

2． 當別人不能listen to you的時候，你即使沒完全被說服，因為沒有什麽reasonable and powerful point to argue back,你就默許了，不敢說真話了，其實你這樣做，對別人尤其對丈夫是不誠實的，可是沉默不能讓你平靜，所以這種沉默對你的婚姻沒有積極作用。我同意一些姐妹說的應該理解你老公的愛心和無條件的愛，可是我也知道有時愛也會扭曲，更何況他姐姐們可能心裏根本沒有愛。如果你確定他的愛不是健康的，甚至長此以往肯定影響你們之間的感情，那麽你即使決心要忍受了，結果可能很不幸――愛情不能一味要求一方作犧牲，何況這種犧牲不被你愛的人認為是犧牲。

3． 首先要問問你自己：你有沒有能力和信心改變你自己，至少改變你自己對這個問題的現狀？如果沒有，那麽還是看好你自己的家當，閉上眼睛，隻要他們不再麻煩你，就隨你老公自己瞎折騰吧，他總有老了病了的那天可能還有幹脆沒有照顧的一天…… 何況還有好人有好報，吃虧是福一說呢？

4． 如果你還是想有所改變，也有能力改變，再問問再想想你不能和你老公理論，不能get your points crossed, 你總是gave up, 你怕什麽呢？怕他姐姐？怕他？怕他不要你了？怕你理論不過他？如果這些都不是，那麽你唯一能做的就是你要下決心非常正式和你老公談一談。

既然你比較軟弱沒有定力表明自己的觀點，你要實現做充分的準備，把你的想法思路--包括你所有的曾在壇子裏抱怨姐妹們的建議等等—一一理理清楚，來來回回看，直到你認為能說服你自己為止。就我所能考古到的可疑看到你的煩惱主要是：

1． The sisters don’t respect or care about you (eg和你老公親近向你示威等)，take advantage of you（eg麵包等）

2． The sisters don’t respect or care about him and his feelings if they hold that attitude towards his wife, especially in front of him……regardless that kind of behavior—sitting on brother’s lap would be considered by anybody including psychiatrist an abnormal distorted intimacy between brothers and sisters….. the sisters take advantage of him instead of caring about him （eg錢，照顧，旅館等等）不要因為他一說姐姐是病人你就退縮，病人應該照顧，但應該照顧的是和病有關的基本生活和醫療，四十多歲的女人一輩子已經依賴國家和納稅人了，還要把家裏人的愛心耐心和錢財都故意rob 光才甘心就是侍病而嬌，為自己的不合理要求而找evil 的借口，是不肯負責任，從小家庭教育和錯誤“關心”的失敗，她既然能去旅遊能去賭博，就證明她有能力幹力所能及的工作，但她選擇了NO，她在刮國家和家人的血汗，為什麽你要讚同支持供養這樣的不負責任的生命？這和你的生活信條背道而馳吧？以姐姐有病作說服你的唯一條件是不夠的，她們本身做人的原則應該受到批評而不是助紂為虐。再說，那個健康姐姐比病人做得好嗎？是個誠實富有愛心無私的人嗎？如果他們不是，為什麽要求你做超人理解他們所有對你的不恭和不公？

3． Love should be based on mutual understanding and caring about each other, to be loved and love back, but the sisters are only taking and never giving (ask him what his sisters ever offer any form of love back etc）

4． You are putting up with his sisters and his behavior towards his sisters because you love him very much, not because you feel it's your responsibility or your duty to take care of two disrespectful unloving manipulative adults. You also respect his care and love for his sisters but he should also care about your feelings. The love and respect between you and him should be mutual and equal. If you respect his decision and actions taken for his sisters, he should also respect your feelings and sacrifices. But what he is doing now doesnot show any respect or love towards you. You feel hurt as your feelings and voices are not heard or even taken into any consideration whatsoever. This is not supposed to happen in any healthy and loving relationship.

5． Make him ask himself: why his other brothers who live closer to his sisters refuse to help? Are his brothers are jerks or unloving persons? If not, why don't they chip in anymore? Are they at fault or the sisters at fault? Why? He should really think carefully.

6． If he thinks you should be thinking and acting in his shoes, and you would have done the same as he does for your own brothers and sisters, then ask him whether he thinks in your shoes? Whether any other people’s adult brothers and sisters are so demanding and needy without even considering any inconvenience and trouble they cause in other people lives? Whether he expects the same from his sisters? If he needs any help, any help at all, would his sisters give a hand the same way at all costs? (你甚至可以建議作個考驗，比如要求他的姐姐們因莫種原因來你們這照顧幾天你們，而且自負吃住...)

7． ….

如果你準備好了，鄭重其事地告訴你老公你需要和他很談談他姐姐們的事，談的時候，請他不要打斷你。

因為你易受他人左右，所以如果他打斷你，記住不要受他的回答左右，他說什麽你聽著，但一定追回到你自己的思路上接著按你自己的想法說下去，不管他怎麽說，直到你把你想說的都說完為止。

如果他的反饋很好，congrats, 如果不好，他不同意你的想法而且做很多解釋，告訴他：I’ve been put myself in your shoes for a very long time. I’ve been putting up all the shit that I hate just because I love you so much. I would certainly hope you can do the same for me and I think that’s the least you can do. I ‘ve also been trying to convince myself that what you and your sisters did are normal, but reality and truth told me the other way. If you think what you do to me and what your sisters do to us are reasonable, I have mothering to say for now. I guess we need think more deeply about myself and you.

你的談話就leave it as that, 然後再次按以上步驟考慮對他的下次“答辯”。

最後，不要總說自己沒辦法，沒有自信的人才沒有辦法。相信自己，相信老公愛你，事情因該有個完滿的結局。