（上半文是在沒有中文軟件的電腦上寫的，而下半文則在有中文的電腦上寫的）
====== 上文======
A wife posted a question in the city and welcomes anyone’s opinion. (See the link: http://blog.wenxuecity.com/blogview.php?date=200712&postID=19631 under comments)
The question more or less sounds like this: “Should I Give My Husband the Permission to Meet Other Women?”
I believe we always face the dilemma in a situation like this.
We all know well that we have multiple needs that our “significant other” can no way possibly satisfy all. On one side, we want to love our spouse by letting him/her explore ways to fully meet him/her needs. On the other, we also have a need to keep our civil union by following certain rules and practices, written or unwritten. But by looking back at our history, those so-called rules have been evolving dramatically in the past two hundred years.
Here is an analogy. Our primary residence is like our marriage or spouse, while our secondary house(s), rented resort house, apartment or rooms are like our other social encounters. Both our need to live in our primary home and the need of getaways once in a while exist, and most of us have handled this very well. But why we cannot handle our personal social needs well enough in the same fashion?
For individuals, I do believe it takes mutual understanding, skills, training and practice to reach a fully satisfactory marriage: Full of love, freedom, fun, color and drama. Bill Clinton’s scandal made his marriage look bad, but it may turn out to be better than average marriage (if not most) in America.
Do not forget the purpose of our marriage is to satisfy our needs more, not less. If we can satisfy your spouse’s needs eighty percent or more, that’s great. But what if we can’t, for whatever reasons, temporarily or permanently?
My opinion is give the rights back to him/her, if you had taken it away already. Trust and let him/her make his/her own judgment and decision. The more room you give, the stronger bond between you two might eventually develop. It is without a risk, but as someone said, if he/she can EASILY run away from your marriage, then probably he/she doesn’t belong to you in the first place.
Again, the key is to treat each other with equal fairness and mutual respect, as in “Treat others the way you would like to be treated”.
Here is a case I heard from a wife, who claimed she gave more room to her husband than I could ever think of. She said she didn’t mind he meets other women, but she could not accept that whenever he had a good time with another girl he treated her (his wife) badly. So she gave her husband the bottom line: Keep it good or drop it (marriage). As husband we better not trash our wives, if we want to keep them.
====== 下文======
大家都熟悉的一句老口號是：“生命誠可貴，愛情價更高。若為自由故，兩者皆可拋。”我想用這句話來形容男人是再確切不過了。一個能夠充分地給與自己先生自由的太太在他先生的眼裏一定會是非常值得尊重的，因為這是所有男人願意從自己太太那兒最想得到的東西。
反過來太太想從自己先生那兒得到是什麽呢？很可能是她在他心中的分量，而這一點可以通過每一件小事由先生對太太的是否尊重來體現。做家長的為什麽會那麽地放心讓自己的孩子和鄰家的孩子玩呢？因為家長認識那個鄰家的小孩，而自己的孩子很勤地匯報自己的去向和事先征得同意做什麽事。英美兩國關係密切卻不會限製對方和別國發展良好的關係，因為他們總會經常地相互通報各自的想法和情況的發展。緊密合作的倆家公司不會因對方和別家公司的合作而反感，如果雙方都很注意相互關照的話。任何合作關係都有相似的地方，那就是給與對方足夠的尊重。道理很簡單：你去和其他的女孩出去，即使有很正當的理由，而你顯得很曖昧，躲躲閃閃和神秘兮兮的，你的太太會感到舒服那才是真的怪了。
聽起來有點可笑，“難道我和別的女孩幽會還要事先通報老婆並征得她同意？”我想除非你真的心裏想和老婆分手，否則這樣做完全是行得的通的，甚至你會驚訝的發現其實你的太太是很同情達理的。你原來害怕她不會同意而不向她通報那是因為你一開始就假設她是個小肚量的女人，於是她的肚量就越變越小。但如果你一返常態，一開始就假設她與眾不同，淑女大方，並以此而待她，而她真的就越變越大方了。
十年前一女友來我們附近的城市出差，其中有一天正好我也有事可以路過該城市，於是就相約見上一麵。見麵時已近中午了，開始一起用餐。那時我還沒有手機，見她用手機接了個電話，就問我可不可以借用她的給太太打個電話。那時手機打長途收費挺貴的（有Roaming之類的），就簡單地告訴太太我開車一路平安，見到了朋友，現正準備一塊吃午飯。電話完後朋友表示很驚訝，說她可不敢事先告訴自己的LG將要去赴約的是個男生。其實我的這一個電話意義深遠。首先，向自己的太太報一下平安是最基本的禮節，表示對她的尊重，不要讓她擔憂。其次通過這樣的方式我等於從她那兒獲得了一路的綠燈，接下去陪女友玩了一整天，又一塊吃了一頓豐盛的晚餐。玩得輕鬆愉快，毫無內疚感。
以後我用的是同樣簡單的方法，和女友有事單獨外出相安無事。甚至太太也接到過女友來約我一塊打球或跳舞的電話。聽上去一個已婚男人和別的女人平凡交往或單獨外出顯得格外引人注目。其實不見得，這要看當事人怎麽做和怎麽想了。比如我和一女友常通電話，聊工作，也聊家庭和孩子（男人之間很少聊私事，聊公事直接了當。而女人即使聊公事也要先寒暄一下私事才行，否則她會覺得冒犯）。回到家會和太太簡單通報一下或提一下女友的近況（當然若有Flirting的細節就免提了；））。有機會見到女友LG時也會讓他得知我們時有交流。久而久之和我保持交往的女友最後也都成了我和太太共同的朋友。我的交友標準很簡單：合得來和圖方便。除了對種族，膚色，學曆等外，我對年齡和性別也非常地“色盲”。我常納悶：為什麽結了婚的男人和其他女人的交往要受到限製呢？本來這個世界上就知音難覓，這樣我們交友的選擇不就又少了一半了嗎？
其實要限製一個男人對其他的女人感興趣是件不可能的事。如果他隻身在外而要限製他與其他女人的交往那更是會弄巧成拙。與其為自己無能為力的事煩心，還不如把重心放在自己和他的關係上。隻要他對自己好，何必要讓他對別人的好壞來煩自己呢？記得結婚前太太跟我說，我以後如果有外遇可以，隻是最好不要告訴她以免得她會難受。心想能講這樣話的女孩還可真的不多見喔。。。
好了，還是再回到本文的話題，我的看法是做太太的應該給與自己先生充分自主和自由，但也要看她的先生值得不值得她這樣做。
