正文
這次我真地笑不起來了，brokendream的留言讓我心痛，如今的婚姻真的就這麽脆弱？世間真的再無久長不在朝夕的真情？現今我們一生相托的另一半，隻能是廝守著的親密愛人，真的已無法承受一個信字？真的就有那麽一個100%？我把一大堆的疑問提出來？拋磚引玉，想聽大家的箴言。
附：
留守歲月（三）思念的愛
讀著“留守歲月一”的跟貼，俺笑了。這笑可不容易奧，要知道俺可是當事人，如果他們說的對，那俺可就是直接的受害人。
“回國創業="借口"（100%的失足率）”，肯定很多人聽過類似的話，也跟著傳講，於是講的人多了，便成了真理一般。先不講已經回國的男士是否含冤抱屈，就是正在想著回國發展的朋友們也無法苟同。有幾個人是想以“回國創業”為“借口”，撇了妻兒回去找快活自由的，捫心自問，恐怕也沒幾個男士稱是的。再說了，真是這種想法的老公，守在身邊就是幸福？
不能回避國內日前的現實和風尚，可真的也沒有“100%失足”那麽恐怖，俺信事在人為，盡管這“為”極其艱難，最終“為”成與否自是難料，可沒有這“信”字當頭，俺還能相信什麽？還能做什麽？誰讓俺就嫁了這樣一位“有夢想”、“有抱負”、不安分的老公呢？女人的夢想是不求大福大貴，隻求守著心愛的老公、孩子一家人安安穩穩的過日子，足矣。
從先生回國，這話俺也聽多了，而且每句這種斷言的後麵都跟著幾個生動鮮活的事例，誰的身邊都能舉出幾個先生回國工作，最終婚變的實例。
“把他拉回來，這等於放虎歸山……”；
“跟著回去，看住了……”；
“你就當這人已從家裏走了，哪天回來了， 再當浪子回頭，從頭來過……”；
“一個人帶著兩個孩子……那過的哪裏叫日子!”
一時間各種聲音出自朋友的關懷，出自過來人的教誨，讓俺好生迷茫。
那段日子真得很苦，沒有去體驗用酒精助眠（有朋友說她見過夜裏要靠酒醉到自己的姐妹），卻真正感受了一個人在一種無邊的黑暗中眼淚滂沱，脆弱得擔心自己會挺不過去的恐慌……
都過去了，總得過去，必須得過去。俺不願再給回國發展的群體中，再加一例：先生回國創業，妻子挺不過去，最後崩潰了……
漸漸地，俺回到自己的思路上來，“把他拉回來……”，俺做不到——讓一個人為了家庭放棄夢想；為了避免出現家庭危機的可能性，以斷送一個人的理想為代價，這顯然不是俺的思路。
“跟著回去，看住了……”，跟著回去，是為了一家人能在一起，如果是為了看住對方，真的是枉費心機，先不說國內不菲的離婚率，一起回去，最終還是勞燕單飛的例子也大有人在。可回去遠不象想的那麽簡單，這話當然因人而異，每家的具體情況本不同，總之，俺暑假回去，都已經給孩子聯係學校了，可最終還是回來了。
“你就當這人已從家裏走了，哪天回來了， 就當浪子回頭，從頭來過……”真得要如此悲觀的打算嗎？難道世間真情真如此之薄，十年、二十年相濡以沫，甘苦同擔，一段時空，一條大洋，一次分離，就會隨風而逝，那我們天天守著的就是這麽薄的一份情，我怎麽覺得守的幾分悲涼。所以俺願意相信俺現在擁有的是一份厚重的，能經受住考驗的情感，不是說她能避開任何衝擊，而是說她最終能經受住。就像俺今天的堅持，不是說沒有過苦，是最終要挺過去，既然一定要過去，俺何不把“一個人帶著兩個孩子”的日子也過的甜美安詳，更何況俺們一家人還成就著一個不大的理想——先生的事業(記得到www.eefocus.com看看呦)，還開采經營著一個無價的寶藏——一份跨越時空用思念和期待連結的愛。
附Brokendream的留言:
Don't know what to say. My hubby went to back to China for a few years. He told me that almost all his colleagues with wives still in US are either divorced or are having affairs behind wives backs. He told me that he is probably the only exception. I trusted him with all my heart and he told me often how much he loves me. We believe that we have the strongest love among our friends. I told him that if he ever did anything wrong, I would kill myself. But, finally the most heartbreaking thing happened: he is having a lover in China now. He told me that he still loves me very much but can't break up with the lover. I cried, cried and lost lots of weight in just a few days. I can't believe this can happen to me. Not even his family and friends believe this can happen. But it happened. I feel I am dying inside. I realized now that overconfidence is disaster waiting to happen. I never imagined I could possibly forgive him if he ever had an affair. But when divorce becomes a real possibility, I totally lost it. I realized how painful it is to ignore 17 years of loving marriage and start new again. I realized how much I still love him. He cried a lot too and even wants to kill himself because he feels sorry to both me and his lover. His lover knows that he is married and wouldn’t divorce, but still wants to be with him. Believe me, it is the most painful thing that can happen to you and you will not be as cool as you are now once you are in it. I just feel really stupid right now to leave him alone in China for so long despite all the warnings from other people. I wanted to go with him to China, but my kid didn't. So, going back to China was just kind of in holding pattern until this happened. Regardless of his relationship with his lover, I have decided to go back China very soon. I want to give my last try to save my marriage. I don't believe divorce is in the best interest for either of us. I deeply believe he still loves me. It is just that fresh love passion blinds him now. Telling you all this because I don’t want to see another person going through what I am going through now. Believe me: no body is immune to temptation. I don’t want to see another overconfident wife to realize that her loving husband can be part of that 100% too. Deep down, all people and families are similar.
附：
留守歲月（三）思念的愛
讀著“留守歲月一”的跟貼，俺笑了。這笑可不容易奧，要知道俺可是當事人，如果他們說的對，那俺可就是直接的受害人。
“回國創業="借口"（100%的失足率）”，肯定很多人聽過類似的話，也跟著傳講，於是講的人多了，便成了真理一般。先不講已經回國的男士是否含冤抱屈，就是正在想著回國發展的朋友們也無法苟同。有幾個人是想以“回國創業”為“借口”，撇了妻兒回去找快活自由的，捫心自問，恐怕也沒幾個男士稱是的。再說了，真是這種想法的老公，守在身邊就是幸福？
不能回避國內日前的現實和風尚，可真的也沒有“100%失足”那麽恐怖，俺信事在人為，盡管這“為”極其艱難，最終“為”成與否自是難料，可沒有這“信”字當頭，俺還能相信什麽？還能做什麽？誰讓俺就嫁了這樣一位“有夢想”、“有抱負”、不安分的老公呢？女人的夢想是不求大福大貴，隻求守著心愛的老公、孩子一家人安安穩穩的過日子，足矣。
從先生回國，這話俺也聽多了，而且每句這種斷言的後麵都跟著幾個生動鮮活的事例，誰的身邊都能舉出幾個先生回國工作，最終婚變的實例。
“把他拉回來，這等於放虎歸山……”；
“跟著回去，看住了……”；
“你就當這人已從家裏走了，哪天回來了， 再當浪子回頭，從頭來過……”；
“一個人帶著兩個孩子……那過的哪裏叫日子!”
一時間各種聲音出自朋友的關懷，出自過來人的教誨，讓俺好生迷茫。
那段日子真得很苦，沒有去體驗用酒精助眠（有朋友說她見過夜裏要靠酒醉到自己的姐妹），卻真正感受了一個人在一種無邊的黑暗中眼淚滂沱，脆弱得擔心自己會挺不過去的恐慌……
都過去了，總得過去，必須得過去。俺不願再給回國發展的群體中，再加一例：先生回國創業，妻子挺不過去，最後崩潰了……
漸漸地，俺回到自己的思路上來，“把他拉回來……”，俺做不到——讓一個人為了家庭放棄夢想；為了避免出現家庭危機的可能性，以斷送一個人的理想為代價，這顯然不是俺的思路。
“跟著回去，看住了……”，跟著回去，是為了一家人能在一起，如果是為了看住對方，真的是枉費心機，先不說國內不菲的離婚率，一起回去，最終還是勞燕單飛的例子也大有人在。可回去遠不象想的那麽簡單，這話當然因人而異，每家的具體情況本不同，總之，俺暑假回去，都已經給孩子聯係學校了，可最終還是回來了。
“你就當這人已從家裏走了，哪天回來了， 就當浪子回頭，從頭來過……”真得要如此悲觀的打算嗎？難道世間真情真如此之薄，十年、二十年相濡以沫，甘苦同擔，一段時空，一條大洋，一次分離，就會隨風而逝，那我們天天守著的就是這麽薄的一份情，我怎麽覺得守的幾分悲涼。所以俺願意相信俺現在擁有的是一份厚重的，能經受住考驗的情感，不是說她能避開任何衝擊，而是說她最終能經受住。就像俺今天的堅持，不是說沒有過苦，是最終要挺過去，既然一定要過去，俺何不把“一個人帶著兩個孩子”的日子也過的甜美安詳，更何況俺們一家人還成就著一個不大的理想——先生的事業(記得到www.eefocus.com看看呦)，還開采經營著一個無價的寶藏——一份跨越時空用思念和期待連結的愛。
附Brokendream的留言:
Don't know what to say. My hubby went to back to China for a few years. He told me that almost all his colleagues with wives still in US are either divorced or are having affairs behind wives backs. He told me that he is probably the only exception. I trusted him with all my heart and he told me often how much he loves me. We believe that we have the strongest love among our friends. I told him that if he ever did anything wrong, I would kill myself. But, finally the most heartbreaking thing happened: he is having a lover in China now. He told me that he still loves me very much but can't break up with the lover. I cried, cried and lost lots of weight in just a few days. I can't believe this can happen to me. Not even his family and friends believe this can happen. But it happened. I feel I am dying inside. I realized now that overconfidence is disaster waiting to happen. I never imagined I could possibly forgive him if he ever had an affair. But when divorce becomes a real possibility, I totally lost it. I realized how painful it is to ignore 17 years of loving marriage and start new again. I realized how much I still love him. He cried a lot too and even wants to kill himself because he feels sorry to both me and his lover. His lover knows that he is married and wouldn’t divorce, but still wants to be with him. Believe me, it is the most painful thing that can happen to you and you will not be as cool as you are now once you are in it. I just feel really stupid right now to leave him alone in China for so long despite all the warnings from other people. I wanted to go with him to China, but my kid didn't. So, going back to China was just kind of in holding pattern until this happened. Regardless of his relationship with his lover, I have decided to go back China very soon. I want to give my last try to save my marriage. I don't believe divorce is in the best interest for either of us. I deeply believe he still loves me. It is just that fresh love passion blinds him now. Telling you all this because I don’t want to see another person going through what I am going through now. Believe me: no body is immune to temptation. I don’t want to see another overconfident wife to realize that her loving husband can be part of that 100% too. Deep down, all people and families are similar.
知道這件事後，我的第一感覺就是痛苦和麻木，不敢相信這樣的事會發生在我的身上，還有就是覺得自己輸得很慘，也不知道輸到哪裏。所有的症狀都和brokendream 一樣。他也很後悔，說自己並不想怎末樣 雲雲。可是，又有什末意義呢，彼此之間失去信任的婚姻，又能夠維持多久呢。我常常安慰自己，願賭服輸吧。不是你的，終究不是你的，無論你們在一起有多久。女人常常把自己全部的精力都放在先生和孩子身上而忽略了自己，所以，當頭頂上的那片天不在為你遮風擋雨的時候，就覺著什末都沒有了。 其實，想明白了，自己做自己頭上的那片天又有什末不好，最起碼，不會受到傷害。
我的姐妹們，善待自己是最重要的。