溫哥華失眠夜
嬉笑怒罵皆成文章
單身篇
單身漢有選擇的自由而選擇了自由。可是，自由是有代價的。
A bachelor is a man who is free to choose and chooses to be free.
單身漢是一個特別群體，沒有個人責任，沒有社會責任，也沒有一雙成對的襪子。
Bachelors are a select group, without personal obligation, social encumbrance, or any socks that match. （每天回到家形影相吊，滿地髒衣服，桌子是參羹剩飯，這種自由的滋味不甚好受）
比薩餅當早餐，是單身漢自由的一個範例。（這比薩餅肯定是昨晚剩下的。）
Pizza for breakfast is one of the great examples of bachelor freedom.
單身漢進餐須知：
吃東西不會令人發胖。婚姻才會。比比你周圍的已婚人士和未婚人士的腰圍，就可證明。不過，酸奶充當刮胡霜也不錯。（能將就便將就。每天吃飯不定時，肯定胖不了。）
Bachelor’s Dining Tip:
Eating doesn’t make you fat. Marriage does. Compare waistlines of married and single friends for proof. But yogurt does make good shaving cream.
單身漢相信，離婚的最佳時機就在結婚之前。（還沒結婚就想好要離婚，這種人能嫁嗎？）
A bachelor is a man who believes the proper time for divorce is before the wedding.
單身漢是唯一對結婚蛋糕過敏的男人。（難道含有三聚氰胺？）
A bachelor is the only man who is allergic to wedding cake.
單身漢可以隨便從哪一邊上床的人。（自由的代價就是孤獨。）
A bachelor is someone who can go to bed from either side.
現如今，已婚男人活得象王老五。王老五則活得象已婚男人。（已婚女人也活得小姑娘，而小姑娘則比婚婦人還經驗老道.）
Nowadays, all the married men live like a bachelor, and all the bachelors live like married men.
女人對丈夫的期許是有掙錢的能力。不幸的是，女人對單身漢的期許也是一樣的。怪不得鑽石王老五那麽吃香。
The quality women most desire in a husband is the ability to make money. Unfortunately, the quality women most desire in a bachelor seems to be the same thing.
女孩子從出生到18歲需要有好父母。從18歲到35歲要有好容貌。從35歲到55歲要有好人品。從55歲打後，她需要大把的鈔票。（有錢不僅能使鬼推磨，還能使年輕帥哥為你推摩！）
From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty five she needs a good personality, and from fifty five on she needs cash.
女孩子結了婚， 就是把“三千寵愛在一身”換成“難得周郎顧”。
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one.
為什麽要結婚讓一個男人不好過？保持單身讓成千上百男人不好過不是更好嗎? （在讓成千上百的男人不好過的過程中，可能自己更不好過！）
Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
與陌生男人睡覺，就象先讀了推理小說的結局一樣。（下床後再來了解他的來龍去脈，已經毫無懸念了。）
Sleeping with a man you hardly know is like reading the end of a murder mystery first.
與陌生男人睡覺，就象舔完瑪格麗塔酒杯邊上的鹽，而忘了喝杯裏的酒。剩下的就是滿嘴巴的苦澀。
Sleeping with a man you hardly know is like licking the salty rim of the glass but forgetting to drink the margarita.
