裏爾克詩譯：我在這個世界上太過孤獨- I am Much Too Alone in This World

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我在這個世界上太過孤獨

我在這個世界上太過孤獨，但是還沒有足夠孤獨

可以真正地奉獻出自己的每一分每一秒

我在這個世界上太過渺小，但是還沒有足夠渺小

可以像事物一樣呈現在你麵前隱秘又精明

我想要我的自由意誌想讓它陪伴我

走過那條引領行動的生命之路

我希望在疑難叢生之際

困惑頓起之時

知道什麽將會發生

否則我將隻會是孤單一人

我想要把你的形象反映到極致

永遠不會盲目或者衰老

能夠撐起你那厚重的飄忽不定的映像

我想要把自己打開

我不希望自己有任何的折疊和扭曲

因為那樣我將不誠實不真實

我希望我的認知在你的麵前是真實的

我希望這樣描述自己就像描述一幅畫

長時間地近距離地觀察著的一幅畫：

像終於理解並且接受的一句話

像每天用著的水杯

像母親的臉

像是一艘前進的船安全地承載著我

通過那最致命的風暴

～～～～～～～

譯者語：

和裏爾克的很多詩作一樣，這首也不是一首好理解很直接的詩歌。好在這首比較出名，我在網上找到了幾個版本的英文譯文和英文的詩歌解析。解析文章的作者大都認為這是在講述作者自己和愛人之間的關係，說的是靠近愛人和保持自我之間的矛盾。我不這麽看。我不認為詩中的 “你” 是指戀人，做戀人解有些地方不通（比如說事物），這裏的“你”我認為是指 “造物主”，生物宇宙的主宰。博友EuphoriaF在一篇博文中說 “詩人裏爾克旅行的時候，聖經是他隨身帶的兩本書之一”，這讓人以為裏爾克是基督教徒，可是裏爾克說過他自己絕對不是一個基督教徒。我覺得我可以理解這一點，因為他心中的“主”不是耶穌，那是超越耶穌基督的大全世界的主宰，是 "天地萬物運行的力量”（《我找到了你，主啊，在萬物之中》 https://blog.wenxuecity.com/myblog/68411/202111/30189.html）。這首詩，寫的是一個人作為大全世界的一個部分（非獨立個體），順命從運，和一個人作為獨立個體的自由意誌之間的矛盾。這首詩跟他的另一首詩《蓮》（https://blog.wenxuecity.com/myblog/68411/201706/32141.html）有異曲同工之妙：

“你的整個生命是你自己的但正是說這話之人
會把我從我生命的無窮盡剝離 ”

“我無欲無求我隨波而動

在隨波逐流之中我充盈完善著自己的王國”。

～～～～～～～～～

I am Much Too Alone in this World

I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone

enough

to truly consecrate the hour.

I am much too small in this world, yet not small

enough

to be to you just object and thing,

dark and smart.

I want my free will and want it accompanying

the path which leads to action;

and want during times that beg questions,

where something is up,

to be among those in the know,

or else be alone.

I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection,

never be blind or too old

to uphold your weighty wavering reflection.

I want to unfold.

Nowhere I wish to stay crooked, bent;

for there I would be dishonest, untrue.

I want my conscience to be

true before you;

want to describe myself like a picture I observed

for a long time, one close up,

like a new word I learned and embraced,

like the everyday jug,

like my mother's face,

like a ship that carried me along

through the deadliest storm.

--- Rainer Maria Rilke (trans. by Annemarie S. Kidder)

I am Much too Alone in This World

I am too alone in the world, and not alone enough
to make every minute holy.
I am too tiny in this world, and not tiny enough
just to lie before you like a thing,
shrewd and secretive.
I want my own will, and I want simply to be with my will,
as it goes toward action,
and in the silent, sometimes hardly moving times
when something is coming near,
I want to be with those who know secret things
or else alone.
I want to be a mirror for your whole body,
and I never want to be blind, or to be too old
to hold up your heavy and swaying picture.
I want to unfold.
I don’t want to stay folded anywhere,
because where I am folded, there I am a lie.
And I want my grasp of things
true before you. I want to describe myself
like a painting that I looked at
closely for a long time,
like a saying that I finally understood,
like the pitcher I use every day,
like the face of my mother,
like a ship
that took me safely
through the wildest storm of all.