I'll see what I can do. Here is my input:

Here is a revised version for your consideration:

A fawn to a deer

 

Last summer

she was a helpless lonely fawn,

hiding in the sunlight-dappled bushes,

with white spots covering her body

for camouflage.

Time flies. One and a half years later,

Winter is here.

She becomes a brave deer, 

dancing with her slender legs

to the tune of Jingle Bells in the background.

All the white spots on her back

are flying off as snowflakes in the joyful air.

 

 

 

 

所有跟帖： 

• 改得好極啦！非常非常感謝！：） -妖妖靈- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/17/2022 postreply 20:36:12

• Thanks! You did strike the right chord with readers like me. -renqiulan- ♂ (0 bytes) () 12/17/2022 postreply 20:44:26

• Pls check my input again.By all means make it right for you. -renqiulan- ♂ (0 bytes) () 12/17/2022 postreply 20:49:55

• I put your revised version in my main post! 也讓大家參考學習！非常感謝！！ -妖妖靈- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/17/2022 postreply 20:51:52

• I think I have a typo in my input.. -renqiulan- ♂ (95 bytes) () 12/17/2022 postreply 21:00:48

• 好文章是改出來的！學到很多！第一步先寫，然後一遍一遍去改！才能進步！你太厲害啦！ -妖妖靈- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/17/2022 postreply 20:53:15

• It is your idea. It is your creation. I am your reader. -renqiulan- ♂ (0 bytes) () 12/17/2022 postreply 20:56:46

• 我為了記住你的改寫，專門寫的，反複對照幾遍，終於把你的改寫都寫下來了：） -妖妖靈- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/17/2022 postreply 20:59:47

• I think I have a typo in my input: -renqiulan- ♂ (95 bytes) () 12/17/2022 postreply 21:02:26

• 謝謝！改了：） -妖妖靈- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/17/2022 postreply 21:04:41

• Right on! -renqiulan- ♂ (0 bytes) () 12/17/2022 postreply 21:52:06