The most hilarious court times,辦公室慎入

來源: 移花接木 2021-07-29 07:22:03 [] [博客] [舊帖] [給我悄悄話] 本文已被閱讀: 次 (5164 bytes)


#1

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


#2

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.


#3

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?


#4

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.


#5

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.


#6

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.


#7

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.


#8

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?


#9

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid


#10

LAWYER: What happened then?
WITNESS: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
LAWYER: Did he kill you?
WITNESS: No.


#11

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!


#12

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


#13

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


#14

LAWYER: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?


#15

LAWYER: Were you acquainted with the deceased?
WITNESS: Yes sir.
LAWYER: Before or after he died?


#16

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?


#17

LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true?


#18
LAWYER: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: What was he doing with the dog's ears?
WITNESS: Picking them up in the air.
LAWYER: Where was the dog at this time?
WITNESS: Attached to the ears


#19

LAWYER: Have you lived in this town all your life?
WITNESS: Not yet.


#20

LAWYER: Were you alone or by yourself?


#21

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.


#22

LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing?
WITNESS: I could see his head.
LAWYER: And where was his head?
WITNESS: Just above his shoulders.


#23

LAWYER: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?


#24

LAWYER: Did you blow your horn or anything?
WITNESS: After the accident?
LAWYER: Before the accident.
WITNESS: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

 

所有跟帖: 

哈哈,都蠻好笑的,出自律師的口,這IQ,有點信口開河!完全沒過腦! -天山晨- 給 天山晨 發送悄悄話 天山晨 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 07:50:56

哈哈哈哈哈哈。第一個醫生律師對話很好玩:)第18個不太容易讀準,你用google translate試試?電腦上試試就可以:) -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 beautifulwind 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 09:00:33

啊? year 與ear 沒區別, 與air還是區別很大, 何況還有單複數區別 -移花接木- 給 移花接木 發送悄悄話 移花接木 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 09:06:14

我想看你的發音有多準?:)我回頭試試:) -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 beautifulwind 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 09:18:54

year和ear當然有區別啊?你讀得對嗎?用wechat的語音試試? -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 beautifulwind 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 14:43:21

第一個:沒了腦子還可以到這裏來practice law -移花接木- 給 移花接木 發送悄悄話 移花接木 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 10:01:42

LOL。編笑話的和律師有仇:) -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 beautifulwind 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 16:13:30

這些據說是真實的匯總,不是編得 -移花接木- 給 移花接木 發送悄悄話 移花接木 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 17:18:07

真的嗎?哈哈哈,太有智慧太好玩了,很喜歡,多多益善:) -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 beautifulwind 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 23:02:46

第二個: The live ones put up too much of a fight.打架太多?這個笑話什麽意思呀? -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 beautifulwind 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 09:03:18

問:有多少驗屍在死人身上? 答:所有的,活人掙紮太厲害 -移花接木- 給 移花接木 發送悄悄話 移花接木 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 09:09:05

哈哈哈哈,這個太搞笑了 -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 beautifulwind 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 09:18:15

恭喜花董。首頁進來,謝謝網管,The most hilarious court times,辦公室慎入 推薦成功 -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 beautifulwind 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 14:58:44

LOL忒搞笑,笑暈了:) -忒忒綠- 給 忒忒綠 發送悄悄話 忒忒綠 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 16:11:00

就這樣開涮哈。嗬嗬 -盈盈一笑間- 給 盈盈一笑間 發送悄悄話 盈盈一笑間 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 17:42:09

The "lawfin" might be attempting to undermine -LYJiang- 給 LYJiang 發送悄悄話 LYJiang 的博客首頁 (78 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 20:44:14

哈哈,道高一尺,魔高一丈。 -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 beautifulwind 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 21:05:41

lawfin,跟著小江長知識 -移花接木- 給 移花接木 發送悄悄話 移花接木 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/30/2021 postreply 06:28:20

歡迎點讚的穿高跟鞋的貓來美壇玩!歡迎參加美壇的每周三的聽歌練聽力,每周五一句話翻譯,還有每月一日公布的每月主題活動,大家輪流主持 -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 beautifulwind 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 07/29/2021 postreply 21:35:56

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