求助帖:請求幫助修改英文歌詞,謝謝謝謝!

來源: 閩姑於 2013-06-08 11:11:06 [檔案] [博客] [舊帖] [給我悄悄話] 閱讀數 : (8252 bytes)

本文內容已被 [ 閩姑 ] 在 2013-06-08 20:04:35 編輯過。如有問題，請報告版主或論壇管理刪除.

    不好意思,第一次在這裏發帖,想請美語壇的高手修改一歌詞,先謝謝你們!

    事情是這樣的: 我製作了汪峰的<你是我心愛的姑娘>的一個MV,有位網友在youtube上看了,發信讓我把他製作成添加中英歌詞對照的版本,好讓他的朋友能聽懂這首歌,還把翻譯好的歌詞送來給我.我想請美語世界的英文高手先幫我看看歌詞,哪些地方需要修改,更符合正規英文的表達和意境,而不是單純的直譯.我已征得原譯者的同意,也會在新的MV裏署上修改者的名字.同時我也在唱壇裏發了一帖,請求一合作者,翻唱男聲英文版<你是我心愛的姑娘>.所以要求有點高,不僅歌詞要翻譯好,還要能對上音樂,讓唱壇的翻唱者能唱得順口.請求幫助,圓了那位網友的心願,也期待與您的合作,鞠躬致謝!

    以下是那位網友的譯文版,但括號裏是我的修改.我的英文不好,可能改得更糟,請您多多指教!

你是我心愛的姑娘--汪峰 You are the girl I love -- Wang Feng
我從不會輕易許下任何諾言 I never easily to make promises (I never easily make promises.這個never有無別的表達?)
也從不會為一個人如此心碎 Neither never felt such heartbreak with anyone (Neither have I ever felt such heartbreak with someone)
而現在我可以敞開我的內心 But now I can show you my inner heart (But now I can open my heart to show you what's inside)
你是我唯一真心愛過的姑娘 You are the only one who I really loved (You are the only one whom I really loved)
可突然有一天你離開了這裏 Suddenly, you left here (One day, suddenly, you left and)
帶走了整個世界沒留一片雲 Took my whole world with (Took my whole world with you)
從此我就象抽麥芒的青稞 Since then, I alive as the barley removed head (Since then, I live like a barley without awn)
在那淒風苦雨中晃曳彷徨 Shake with feel lost & hesitated in the miserable wind & rain (shaking in the gusty winds?這整句不知如何翻譯)
但是希望你明白 But I hope you know that
我就在你身旁 I'm on your side
無論你在多遠的地方 No matter how far you are
即使你變了模樣 Even if you changed appearance (Even if your appearance changed.問一下even though和even if有何區別?)
即使你把我遺忘 Even if you forget me (Even if you forgot me)
你永遠都是我心愛的姑娘 You are always the girl who I love (You'll always be the girl I love)
願上蒼為你指引平坦的道路 May God guide you smooth life (May God guide you through a smooth life)
願命運讓你遇見善良的人們 Wish destiny bring kindness people on your way (Wish destiny brings kind people around you)
願遠方的陽光和璀璨的燈火 Wish the sunshine and bright lights
為你照亮每一片未來的天空 Lighting on your every part of future (Lights up every part of your future)
時光就象一條奔騰的河流 Time is a rushing river
將生命中的一切悄悄帶走 Take everything in life away quietly (takes everything in life away unnoticeably)
而我的心就象那翻湧的浪花 And my heart like the surgent crest of waves (這句不知表達更好)
永遠陪著你哪怕是海角天涯 Always be with you even the end of the world (I'll always follow you to the ends of the Earth)
從此希望你明白 Since then hope you know that (from now on, I hope you know that)
我就在你身旁 I'm on your side
無論你在多遠的地方 No matter how far you are
直到你變了模樣 Until you change the appearance (Until your appearance changes.)
直到你把我遺忘 Until you forget me
你依然會是我心愛的姑娘 You are still the girl who I love (You are still the girl whom I love)
真的希望你知道 Really hope you know that
我就在你身旁 I'm on your side
無論你在多遠的地方 No matter how far you are
直到我去了天堂 Until I gone (Until I'm gone)
直到你把我遺忘 Until you forget me
你依然會是我心愛的姑娘 You will still be the girl I love
你依然會是我心愛的姑娘 You will still be the girl I love

這是我去年製作的<你是我心愛的姑娘>, 有幾張圖片的像數小,會把它換掉.