［Business Writing] Find problems in following writing

Please try to point out problems in following internal corporate communication. If you want, you can rewrite it.

Please find attached a copy of a news release entitled "ABC Plastic To Feature its Extrusion and Injection Molding Products at the NPE and ANTEC Shows." This news release highlights the output extruder screw, and it is my understanding that this extruder screw is no longer a viable end product and should no longer be promoted. This release, to date, has generated three letter inquiries to the Kansas City office and, if indeed we no longer offer this product, will cause difficulties with potential customers. Will you please advise me at your earliest convenience of the correct status of this product?

Sincerely,

Pat Jones, advertising manager

所有跟帖： 

• 不是我寫的。是一本書裏抄來的錯誤樣本。明天晚上公布書裏的答案。 -jennea- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 21:12:39

• 答案. 最好先想一想再看答案，這樣記得牢！～ -jennea- ♀ (1693 bytes) () 09/16/2011 postreply 00:37:11

• 確實很surprised -非文學青年- ♀ (237 bytes) () 09/16/2011 postreply 09:34:43

• 就是啊。不過tone是我覺得最難掌握的。 -jennea- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/16/2011 postreply 18:25:04

• Haha, looks better than I can write! :D -衝浪潛水員- ♂ (0 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 22:41:27

• Believe me, according to the author, you can do better! :) Give -jennea- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 23:05:02

• Surprised - Does the author know me??? -衝浪潛水員- ♂ (0 bytes) () 09/16/2011 postreply 01:18:19

• 不太確定對原文的邏輯理解是不是正確，試著按我的理解改寫： -非文學青年- ♀ (744 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 22:44:36

• 你改了以後，整體的flow已經和作者改過得很像了 -jennea- ♀ (199 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 23:03:17

• oh, interesting. 這個是寫給同事的嗎？ -非文學青年- ♀ (18729 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 23:20:57

• 是 internal communication -jennea- ♀ (100 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 23:34:23

• 先別著急公布，說不定明天有童鞋想try try呢。 -非文學青年- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 23:42:36

• 再等等吧。 -好學又好問- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/16/2011 postreply 19:33:32

• 回複：［Business Writing] Find problems in following writing -EnLearner- ♀ (725 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 23:17:50

• 不知道原作者的原意。 -EnLearner- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 23:24:52

• 對！ -非文學青年- ♀ (136 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 23:27:50

• 作者的原意就是想知道那個產品的status -jennea- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/15/2011 postreply 23:50:27

• 我還以為人家是給老板寫電郵的。 -EnLearner- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/16/2011 postreply 21:51:42

• 我也想試著改一下。 -事業爬坡- ♀ (693 bytes) () 09/17/2011 postreply 23:37:56