當人是強者，強到可以麵對和表現真實的自己，就可能有Synergy了。The more authentic you become, the more genuine in your expression, particularly regarding personal experiences and even self-doubts, the more people can relate to your expression and the safer it makes them feel to express themselves. That expression in turn feeds back on the other person's spirit, and genuine creative empathy takes place, producing new insights and learning and a sense of excitement and adventure that keeps the process going.
然後，最幸福的交流是：People then begin to interact with each other almost in half sentences, sometimes incoherent, but they get each other's meanings very rapidly. Then whole new worlds of insights, new perspectives, new paradigms that insure options, new alternatives are opened up and thought about.
科維版的‘我有一個夢想’，讀來很感慨，尤其是眼下這個時候！‘We obviously value the physical differences between men and women, husbands and wives. But what about the social, mental, and emotional differences? Could these differences not also be sources of creating new, exciting forms of life--creating an environment that is truly fulfilling for each person, that nurtures the self-esteem and self-worth of each, that creates opportunities for each to mature into independence and then gradually into interdependence? Could synergy not create a new script for the next generation--one that is more geared to service and contribution, and is less protective, less adversarial, less selfish; one that is more open, more trusting, more giving, and is less defensive, protective and political; one that is more loving, more caring, and is less possessive and judgmental?’
這個科維夢想，是站在全人類整體利益的高度的。如果我們能朝這個方向進化多好！昨天，聽Sir Brian Heap 講能源危機和全球變暖及人類該如何應對。他的主要觀點是為群體利益適當犧牲國家個人個體利益，否則，tipping point 一過就來不及了。可是，國家民族個人的個體利益也很重要，更局部卻更緊迫清晰，因為那就是你的 ‘true self’之核。於是我們都各有立場，急了都defensive, protective,於是judgemental.
這兩天在新西蘭和澳大利亞是ANZAC日。是紀念差不多一百多年前的一場戰爭叫做‘Gallipoli’的。奧克蘭博物館在搞活動。仰望他們的‘戰爭英雄紀念碑’和紀念牌。上麵寫著紀念那些為了他們的國家捐軀的人們。每個文化和民族都有這個。就像螞蟻和蜜蜂為了種群繁衍而做的分工：Queen專門繁殖，工蜂工蟻為了族類貢獻體力和生命，當戰爭是必要的時候。
戰爭是人類交流Synergy無能的的時候一種Lose/Lose 方案。我知道。但是如果我被選擔當工蜂工蟻，我也會為了自己的族群生存而犧牲生命，即使象一戰時死在疆場的千萬青年一樣, 他們中有不少還是virgins.
尋求Synergy的要求並不高：Listen empathically and seek first to understand and then to be understood. Plus, 雙方有一定水平的Emotional Bank Account 存著信任與互利，加上Win/Win mentality. 就會尋求 'the middle way'. Middle in this sense does not mean compromise; it means higher, like the apex of the triangle.
The person who is truly effective has the humanity and reverence to recognize his own perceptual limitations and to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other human beings. That person values the differences because those differences add to his knowledge, to his understanding of reality. When we're left to our own experiences, we constantly suffer from a shortage of data. 想到了我自己的CAS模型，不同世角，提供的是不同的components.
科維說： ‘Although you cannot control the paradigms of others in an interdependent interaction or the synergistic process itself, a great deal of synergy is within your Circle of Influence.’ 我的研究也一直這樣對科技創業者說。他的說法比俺的好。從此後引用他的了。（p. 283, Simon&Schuster Ltd 1992版 The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Restoring the Character Ethic)
另外，一些具體的對教學和學術交流有益的觀點如下：
p. 263: The creative process is also the most terrifying part because you don't know exactly what's going to happen or where it is going to lead. You don't know what new dangers and challenges you'll find. It takes an enormous amount of internal security to begin with the spirit of adventure, the spirit of discovery, the spirit of creativity. Without doubt, you have to leave the comfort zone of base camp and confront an entirely new and unknown wilderness. You become a trailblazer, a pathfinder. You open new possibilities, new territories, new continents, so that others can follow.'
p. 264: Most all creative endeavors are somewhat unpredictable. They often seem ambiguous, hit-or-miss, trial and error. And unless people have a high tolerance for ambiguity and get their security from integrity to principles and inner values they find it unnerving and unpleasant to be involved in highly creative enterprises. Their need for structure, certainty, and predictability is too high.
p. 268: Past meetings had been generally respectful exchanges, occasionally deteriorating into defensive Win/Lose ego battles. They were usually predictable, uncreative, and boring. ... They were to come to the meeting prepared to listen rather than to present, prepared to create and synergize rather than to defend and protect.
A good attitude academics should all take, on page 270：
'If a person of your intelligence and competence and commitment disagrees with me, then there must be something to your disagreement that I don't understand, and I need to understand it. You have a perspective, a frame of reference I need to look at.' --plus, I haven't made mine clear enough for you to understand, so I will work on it too, meanwhile.
交流三境界： p. 270 圖
1. low cooperation + low trust: Defensive --> W/L.protectiveness,legalistic language
2. medium level of both: Respectful compromise (1+1=1.5, mature, independent, not open to new possibilities )
3. high level of trust and high level of cooperation: Synergistic (Win/Win) 1+1=8, 16, 1600.
It's a pity I can't structure my E&I course as 'Win/Win or No Deal'. But I can remind the groups of students:
How much negative energy is typically expended when people try to solve problems or make decisions in an interdependent reality? How much time is spent in confessing other people's sins, politicking, rivalry, interpersonal conflict, protecting one's backside, masterminding, and second guessing? It's like trying to drive down the road with one foot on the gas and the other foot on the brake!
And instead of getting a foot off the brake, most people give it more gas. They try to apply more pressure, more eloquence, and more logical information to strengthen their position.
The problem is that highly dependent people are trying to succeed in an interdependent reality. They are either dependent on borrowing strength from position power (me: 'like some parents do, for example') and they go for Win/Lose, or they're dependent on being popular with others and they go for Lose/Win. They may talk Win/Win technique, but they don't really want to listen; they want to manipulate. And synergy can't thrive in that environment.
Insecure people think that reality should be amenable to their paradigms. They have a high need to clone others, to mold them over into their own thinking. They don't realize that the very strength of the relationship is in having another point of view. Sameness is not oneness; uniformity is not unity. Unity, or oneness, is complementariness, not sameness. Sameness is uncreative...and boring. The essence of synergy is to value the differences. (p. 274)
嗯，懂了。
您說的是‘道生之，德蓄之’！
道,先道路來說,起著聯結與信息傳導的作用,是必需的.讓不同的事物得以交流.同樣關鍵的是德,能將不同的事物與部分達到一種large than the sum of parts的德.