105 老五爵爺小傳（The bachelor who is always cool）

老五爵爺小傳（The bachelor who is always cool）

爵爺賦

捐得春心不了情
好了瘡疤忘了疼
讀書原來不作用
老五裏麵算英雄

我頭回在一姐們那兒認識爵爺，就讓他臊了一個大紅臉。那會子，我那姐們給家裏的窗棱子捯飭得跟戲園子裏的布景兒似的，爵爺就恁麽著頂一腦袋黃毛，腆個大頭個兒，貓窗戶底下，一上來就掄著幾句半吊子中文來跟我這兒套磁兒：

逆痕瓢量（你很漂亮）
逆痕克癌（你很可愛）
 ……
握向慶泥妻換（我想請你吃飯）
……
逆跟握解糞拔（你跟我結婚吧）

爵爺是我那姐們的美國監護人。姐們早就告訴（音song輕聲）過我，爵爺就是倍兒逗一主兒。可我他媽耳根子軟，愣是不覺得爵爺是拿我開涮呢。那陣兒我老琢磨著哪天接天上能掉下一大餡餅來，準能砸我腦瓜子上。這（音zen三聲）麽說吧，我覺（音jiao三聲）著我自個好像是在一電影兒裏頭像的。再有就是，爵爺這人也挺能忽悠的。

姐們後來快畢業了。她充好人把大帥哥爵爺順給我當了監護人。靠，我那姐們可跟我不一樣，她是有主兒的，可我是年輕又甩著單兒。

後來我回過味兒來了，敢情爵爺那會兒就會喀哧那幾句中文。就那幾句兒，還是標（音biao四聲）著我那姐們的唾沫星子學（音xiao二聲）了三年才學（音xiao二聲）出來的。

跟爵爺我（音Mm三聲）們立馬兒成了鐵杆兒。爵爺這監護人可真他媽嘚（音dei三聲），月兒月兒都領我下館子去撮一回兩回的，還倍兒有耐心聽我東西南北的挑眼子。

爵爺的生活跟我根本不搭嘎。要說有串場兒的地兒，也就是偶爾一塊兒下個館子、瞧個電影兒，不（音bu輕聲）介就打個迷你高爾夫。他跟我的嗑倒是越嘮越深，一出溜兒就嘚（音de一聲）啵（音be輕聲）到他自個的男女關係上來了。

爵爺那陣子算得上一情場兒上的大拿。幾年前跟一老相好的掰了。據說原因就他媽是爵爺自個不肯要孩子，一個都不肯要。後來，跟第二個又好了很長時間，他從人那兒又顛兒了，還是一樣的事兒。再後來這位，爵爺麵軟了，同意要個孩子，可是壞菜的是人家相好的想結婚的時候，爵爺自個不開麵，又放了一回鷹給人。這回，輪上人跟他撒丫子了。

爵爺相好的裏頭，有一個是芝城這塊兒的新聞女主播。爵爺冷不丁兒的跟我抖摟過跟那女主播約過幾次會之類的事兒。

後來認識爵爺有陣子了吧，爵爺讓東家給支到洛城去打理一個剛收進來的分號。不過爵爺這人夠義氣，還時不常回來看我。他那時候已經又開始跟洛城一個中國女孩悶得兒密了。爵爺自個跟我說，跟那中國女孩一家子一塊兒下館子的時候，“抹不丟的四周圍一掃看，就我一白人小臉兒”。

爵爺倆年以後又折（音zhe 一聲）回了芝城。所以跟洛城那中國美女也拜拜了您那。大概齊就在這股節，爵爺開始有點抓瞎了，打卦著自個到底還能不能找到一相好的。

爵爺老嘟囔，“知道嗎，從前老有老娘（音nia二聲）們給我打電話。現如今沒什麽人再打電話給我了。”

我就跟著瞎忽捋，“那你且得一陣子才能在芝城再起場子泡妞了。我要看到有好的就告訴（音song輕聲）你。”

這節骨眼兒上，爵爺的差事也出了不少簍子。還有就是店裏的另一個夥計老給爵爺使楔子。後來爵爺被擠兌（音de輕聲）得從10多年的東家掃地出（音chu二聲）門。走的時候，爵爺訂了一本兔子雜誌，每月寄給那個使楔子的夥計來寒磣丫的。

爵爺那陣子喜歡給外國學生當監護人的原因，大概齊是因為他自個在學習上從來就是一棒錘。說真格的，他是恨上學恨得牙癢癢的。所以，爵爺能看見一堆從各個國家來的人進進出出的玩兒命學習，就覺著特熱鬧特解悶。我估摸著還有一檔子原因，就是爵爺一直覺（音jiao三聲）著在我們這些個學生麵前扮超人角色挺拔份兒，肯定倍兒爽來著。

爵爺的差事上特拌蒜時候，一拍腦殼子，也要再給自個混一名校的文憑不可。這回，他五迷三道的搗鼓上了心理學。 爵爺入學的時候我早就從芝城撤了。

後來我又折（音zhe 一聲）回芝城一年，趁他在校的時候去貓過他一眼。他那套原來特抹膩特新潮的公寓裏，那陣兒就甭提亂七八糟的多抽抽了。

我真他媽為爵爺不值啊。他跟我扯了些從前沒扯過的話。他說自個的情緒問題挺硌應，還他媽的越鬧越沒譜兒了。

我挺掛著爵爺的，時不常的跟他聯係聯係。

他那心理學的學位最後也就又成一擺設兒了。爵爺後來又回去幹起跟原來類似的差事了。

最後一次我跟爵爺通電話的時候，他說自個現在的生活挺過癮的，每年去中國兩次，美得屁顛兒屁顛兒的！

我隻能替爵爺燒高香了。怎麽說，爵爺都是在我那些個巨冷又膩味芝城的冬天，對我特慈悲的人。下回我再來芝城，肯定請你撮一頓好嗎，我的老夥計，爵爺？

+++++ 英文原文 +++++
The bachelor who is always cool 來源: 安貝兒

Jerry made me blush when I first met him. He sat under the very dramatic window treatment of my roommate, perfectly blonde, tall, and handsome and started talking in Chinese to me:

You are very pretty.
You are very lovely.
.....
Would you like to go for dinner with me?
.....
Will you marry me?

He is foster family of my Chinese house mate Quan. Although Quan has warned me ahead of time, Jerry is a very funny guy, I still couldn't bring myself back to the senses that he was just joking with me. I was ready for a fairy to show up and touch my head with her magic wand and say, Cinderella! Or, more precisely, I thought I was on a set of making movies. Cause, Jerry is very dramatic.

Quan was graduating; she was kind enough to 'transfer' her very handsome looking foster family Jerry to me. The difference is, Quan was married and I was single and much younger.

It turned out those few sentences he spoke to me were the only Chinese he knew at the time --- after about 3 years of learning them word by word from Quan.

We quickly became good friends. The role of a foster family, at least the one that Jerry plays is to bring the foster 'kid' to restaurant monthly and listen to any concerns the foster kid might bring up.

Jerry and I lived parallel lives. Our cross over points were those times we hang out for dinner, movie, or sometime, mini-golf. Our conversation quickly turned from the usual small talks to guess what, relationships.

Jerry was high in the dating game when I met him. He broke up with a first long time relationship a few years back. The only reason was he doesn't want to have kids, not even one. He broke up with his second long term relationship for more or less the same reasons. This time, he gave in on having one kid, but he wasn't ready to propose at the time when the woman thought they dated long enough.

On Jerry's dating list was the news anchor woman in Chicago at the time. He casually mentioned they went out a few times etc.

After I met Jerry for a period of time, his company sent him to LA to integrate the business of a newly acquired LA company. He still made the effort to meet me whenever he is back in town. He started dating this really amazing looking Asian (Chinese) girl in LA. According to him, he would go to these restaurants with her family in LA, when, "looking around, I would be the only white guy!".

Jerry came back to Chicago after about 2 years in LA. And there ended his relationship with the Chinese beauty. It is about this time, when he started to have doubts about finding the right woman.

He would say, "You know, women used to call me all the time. I don't get that many calls these days any more."

I would tell him:" it will take you sometime to have your social life here in Chicago picked up again. If I see anyone who might fit you, I will send her your way."

It is also about this time when Jerry started to have all sorts of problems at work. One of his coworker was clearly giving him a really hard time. Jerry eventually left the company he worked for more than 10 years, not forgetting to subscribe a magazine specializing in gay man and had it delivered monthly to that co-worker as his way of revenge.

One of the reasons I believe Jerry chose to become a foster family is he was a never really good students himself. As matter of fact, he hated school. So it was fascinating for him to see all these people from another country going through advanced education. Another reason is because that, guess what, Jerry's personal hero is super man.

At the low point of his career, Jerry decided to go back to school and get an advanced degree from a prestigious school himself, this time, majoring in psychology.

I already left Chicago when he got into the program. I was back in Chicago one year and visited while he was still in school. His contemporary loft in downtown Chicago used to be so neat and full of good vibe, it was depressing and messy.

I felt sorry for Jerry. We started to touch some issues that he never talked about before. He admitted he has an anger problem. And it is increasing getting out of control.

I was concerned about Jerry and tried to be in touch.

His psychology education turned out to be just another education he got.He went back to his old profession.

Last time I called him, he said he is very happy with his life right now. He goes to China about twice a year and according to him, having a great time.

I could only wish the best for him. After all, he was this great super man who brought all these sun shine to a young woman's life in those awfully cold and soulless Chicago winter months. Next time I am in town, Jerry, my dear friend, how about I treat you for dinner?

[gingergirl]

Good review of Beijing dialects, with certain Tianjin things. If it was audio version, it would be fantastic.